


At 2 in the morning

by Florivea



Series: Times we met [1]
Category: Monsta X
Genre: Angst, Coffee, Drama, Fluff, Friendship, Fun, Gang, Harassment, Implied Sexual Content, Love, M/M, OCs - Freeform, Sickness, Wonki, from happy to sad to maybe happy, i seriously love drama, i'm not good with tags, its going to be long, kiho, lots of ups and downs, showhyuk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2018-09-21 08:48:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 97,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9540395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Florivea/pseuds/Florivea
Summary: Kihyuns life hasn't been the epitome of boring from the beginning and Hoseok stumbling into it doesn't help at allorKihyun has diabetes and Hoseok has a past.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be long. So much longer than I thought it would be ~~~ this is my first time writing about Monsta X and I'm really excited about it. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing everything~

Yoo Kihyun is not amused.

Not at all.

He feels a twitching sensation in his left eyebrow as he stares at the water drops falling onto his freshly - VERY FRESHLY - cleaned floor.

" The shop is closed." he deadpans and manages not to beat the wet bunch in front of him with the broom in his hands.

Barely.

" Yes, I know, I'm sorry.", the blonde under the hood hastily apologizes and still finds the audacity and pushes the guy next to him over to Kihyun. " Just please let him stay here for a moment. I'll pick him up soon."

" We're cl--"

" Here."

Seemingly more or less close to a mental breakdown he pulls a bill out of his pocket and shoves it into Kihyuns hand. " Make him whatever he wants. I'll be back soon."

He sends a stern gaze at the guy who gained his balance back after the more than harsh shove.

" You stay here. Got it?"

The other nods reluctantly and with that Kihyun and him are left on their own.

For a moment, the ticking of the clock above the counter is the only sound that can be heard in the awkward silence. Kihyuns looks at the 50.000 won bill in his hands. Then he gazes at the damp bundle of misery next to him. When you forget about the murderous glint in his eyes he could be described as quite adorable.

Eyes back to the bill in his hands and then to the door.

" Sorry for that.", the stranger says with a surprisingly deep and nice voice.  " He wasn't thinking. And listening on top of that."

" Thought so."

" Don't mind this. I'll just wait outside until he is back. We don't have to tell him."

As much as Kihyun wants to kick him out to go back cleaning the floor once again, his motherly instincts Minhyuk always makes fun of kick in. He feels his heart swell for the poor younger in front of him who tries to hide the shivering of his body from him.

Futile.

Nothing escapes Kihyuns eyes.

" Come on. Take a seat.", he leans the broom against the wall and points over to a table close to the counter. " What do you want to drink?"

" I said it's fine."

" Well... your friend already gave me more than enough money and told you to stay here. So you better get your wet as over there.

He doesn't move and Kihyun takes the opportunity to flick his head.

" Ouch!"

" Get going and sit down. Now."

The strictness in his voice seems to work. The stranger still keeps mumbling about the pain but slowly makes his way over to the table where he falls down on one of the chairs with a deep sigh.

" Rough day?", Kihyun asks as he walks behind the counter and turns the coffee machine back on.  " What do you want to drink?"

" Nothing."

" Caramel coffee it is."

He takes one of the huge white cups out of the shelve and puts it on a saucer.

" What's your name?"

" Changkyun."

" Hmm." Kihyun hums as an answer and soon feels a piercing gaze on him. He lifts his head.

" What?"

" It is common courtesy to tell your name after asking someone else about his."

" Did your friend tell you to be a moody bitch?"

" Nah. This is all my doing. Hyung is way nicer than me."

" I see.", Kihyun turns to him and points at his name tag. " Yoo Kihyun. Not Kiyeon. Ki- Hyun."

" I got it the first time."

" Just making sure you remember the great barista that is making his infamous caramel coffee for you."

Changkyun scoffs but finally there is something like a smile around his lips and Kihyun feels relieved. He doesn't know what is going on and he frankly doesn't want to because it most probably isn't legal and dangerous and nothing he wants to get into. But that boy in front of him ( yes, that boy, Kihyun can notice that he is younger than himself behind the facade he is pulling off), he wants him to feel relaxed and safe in this foreign environment.

" Want to tell me why you're brought here at 2 in the morning?"

" No. Not really."

" Okay, I guess I have to accept that.", Kihyun fills the coffee into the cup and puts his special caramel mix into it. " Do you want a pretty cacao cat on top of it?"

" I'm a guy."

" Guys can drink cacao cats as well."

" I don't care."

" A cacao cat it is then."

Changkyun mumbles something under his breath and Kihyun can't help but to smile brightly. Late night shifts haven't been this interesting for a while, he has to admit.

" You have eye dimples." Changkyun says.

" I know. I'm still not sure if I should be happy about it or not.", Kihyun carefully carries the cup over to Changkyun. " I have this one friend and he totally thinks I'm cute. Which is okay, because cute can get you a lot of stuff. But it doesn't work out if you want to be hardcore."

" You're in no way hardcore."

" How old are you?"

" 21."

Kihyun flicks his forehead again. " Good. I'm older. Show some respect."

He turns back to the counter and his eyes light up when he sees the left over cake he hasn't yet thrown away.

" It is your lucky day today. I have chocolate cake left.", he throws a side glance at Changkyun. " Or is that also too girly?"

One look into the younger's face is enough. He cuts off a big piece and puts it in front of Changkyun before he finally also takes a seat. The younger hesitates for a moment but then finally digs in. Kihyun watches him, satisfied when the other gives off appreciating noises.

" It's good?"

" Hm.", Changkyun answer with full cheeks and swallows before he keeps talking. " I haven't eaten cake for a while."

" Why?"

He shrugs. " No reason."

" That hyung of yours should make sure you get your weekly cake dosis. My friend says healthy food is important but since sugar bombs are healthy for your psyche you should get it from time to time."

" Your friend sounds like a wise man."

" Well...", Kihyun breaks out into another smile. " I don't believe that is the first thing popping to your mind when you see him the first time. People tend to think he doesn't have the highest IQ. Must be the blonde hair. Or his mouth that never shuts."

"Hyung is the same."

" The one that brought you here?

" Yes. People look at him and only take in his outer appearance. So they either way want to fuck him or think he is stupid."

" Language, boy."

" Sorry.", he says sheepishly. " They would like to take him out for dinner or think he is less smart. He is actually pretty caring and intelligent."

" Sounds nice."

Changkyun nods, cream on his lips. " He's great."

Kihyun scoffs and takes a tissue before he leans over and wipes the cream away. " Messy eater."

There is a slight blush on Changkyuns cheeks and Kihyun chuckles. " No need to get embarrassed."

" I'm not a child."

" You're a cute baby."

His cheeks become a darker shade of red and Kihyun can't help but to break out into loud laughter.

" I'm so sorry to destroy your ego but you really are a cutie pie." he manages to say after a moment while he wipes over his eyes.

Changkyun turns his gaze to his caramel coffee.

" No one ever said... I'm cute."

Kihyun leans over the table and pats his hair. " You are. Do I need to kick your hyungs ass?"

" No one can kick hyungs ass."

Kihyun smiles smugly. " Let me try once."

 

 

 

OOO

 

 

Hoseok is back half an hour later.

He brings more water into the coffee shop, pisses off Kihyun once again and earns himself a smack on his head, but secretly Kihyun is relieved. He doesn't know what is going on but Changkyuns gaze started to wander outside into the night more than necessary the past minutes and even though he didn't say anything Kihyun could feel his rising nervousness.

He is glad when the strange blonde comes into the shop and when Changkyuns features finally light up.

He keeps the 50.000 won though, like the good business man he is.

When he wakes up the next morning and meets Minhyuk in their shared kitchen he immediately tells his friend about his encounter last night. Minhyuk is more than thrilled about the story, but can't help to be worried.

He leans against the counter, a cup of coffee in his hands. " I never liked it when you take the night shift alone, you know, the occasional perverted guests. But this is on a whole new level."  

" It is alright. They were nice people."

" They came to the shop at 2 in the morning and one was left behind by the other who went to God knows where. What do you think they were up to?"

Kihyun shrugs. He opens the rice cooker and puts some rice into his bowl.  " I don't really care. What I don't know won't hurt me. Changkyun was nice though. And I couldn't send him away. He was cold and needed something warm to drink. I even got a plus of 40.000 won. Nothing happened and I'm alright. So all in all it was a successful night."

" Thankfully."

Kihyun softly hits Minhyuks forehead with his spoon. " Stop worrying so much. It is fine. And it's not like they're going to show up again... like ever."

 

 

 

OOO

 

 

 

Ever again happens around one week later.

Kihyun just turns the sign at the door to 'closed' and already has his broom at the ready when his tired eyes see a figure standing in front of the huge glass front. It takes him only a few seconds to make out Changkyuns face under the hood.

For a moment he contemplates his life choices, his oh so big heart and his bad luck, but then his kindness kicks in and he walks over to the door, broom in his arms, one eyebrow already lifted.

Changkyun silently looks to the ground when Kihyun opens the door.

" You do understand the concept of closing hours?"

" Convenience stores don't have it."

" Over there is one. Bother them and bye."

" Hyung!"

Shit.

There it is, his weakness. The stupid thing not so much younger Minhyuk always uses to get what he wants.

His Achilles Heel.

Hyung.

Stupid instincts.

Sighing deeply, he turns back to the younger. He leans his tired body against the door frame.

" What is it?"

The younger shuffles his feet.  

" Did your hyung drop you off somewhere again?"

" Not exactly."

" You need to take a piss?"

" Not really."

" You got another comprehension of closing hours and I'm just too dumb to understand it?"

Changkyun shakes his head and Kihyun feels the rising ache behind his temples.

" You need to tell me what's wrong if you want me to help you."

" I just thought...", the younger mumbles hardly audible and shoves his hands further into his pockets. " I thought maybe I could stay here with you for a while. Hoseok and Hyunwoo...They left for business a while ago. Normally Jooheon and Hyungwon stay with me but they had to be somewhere urgently and left. So... I was all alone and didn't know where to go."

The nervousness in his words is so obvious that Kihyun decides after only a second, that, no, his Plan A of just closing the door in front of his face is not achievable and Plan B ( hitting him in the balls with his broom so he won't remember anything out of pain and won't come back on top of that) wouldn't be sensitive enough.

Not sensitive at all.

So, after a few more moments of thinking and fighting a small battle with his common voice he takes a step aside and motions inside the coffee shop. " Speaking honestly, there were a whole lot of names I already can't remember and I sounds suspicious as fuck but it's late, you look lonely and I wouldn't want that for myself or my friends so just come in."

Changkyun doesn't move and Kihyun grabs him by the wrist without further ado to pull him inside the warmth.

" I need to kick those friend of yours. Seriously.", he nags when he feels how moist Changkyuns clothes already are. " Allowing something like that. You'll catch a cold in the end."

" I'm  not a child."

" You're not a child, you're a baby. Walking around at night without anyone. Do you know how dangerous it is outside nowadays? Get out of that jacket."

" I don--"

Resistance is futile.

Kihyun doesn't look like the strongest and on top of that he isn't the tallest in the area - in lots of areas-  but in a matter of seconds he pulls Changkyun out of his wet jacket and throws it over a nearby chair.

" I have another shirt in the back. Wait a second while I get it for you."

When he comes back with the white long sleeve, Changkyun hasn't moved an inch. He looks so lost in between the chairs and tables, so awkward and uncomfortable that Kihyun almost breaks out into coos and giggles because who can resist such cute puppies.

" Here. You can change behind the wall over there. I'll make you something hot to drink meanwhile."

" Thanks... hyung..." Changkyun mumbles, but Kihyun just waves it aside.

" Wear it and make sure you don't catch a cold."

He makes his way over to the counter and starts the coffee machine he already turned off for hot water.

" Fruits or herbs?"

Changkyun manages to push his head through the shirts opening, his hair a huge mess afterwards. " Fruits."

" Coming."

Kihyun pulls a cup out of the shelve and puts it on a tray, next to a small cookie and a bit of sugar.

" Sit down." he calls over to Changkyun when the younger stops indecisively in the middle of the room.

" I... feel really sorry for showing up here...  again."

" I told you it's fine. I wouldn't have let you in if it wasn't so don't feel bad."

" It is already the second time that I bother you and you don't even know me."

Kihyun smiles warmly  and fills the hot water into the cup. " You're someone that feels lonely and hasn't tried to rob me yet. What more do I need to know?"

There is a blush on Changkyuns cheeks.

" Seriously. Changkyun. This situations seems really odd even to me. But this coffee shop here-", Kihyun spreads his arms to emphasize his words. "- I'm not the owner of this shop and between us, my boss is very much a money addicted asshole, but it is my personal support system. During my shift, I want people to feel comfortable. Be it a stressed out college student or an office worker that doesn't want to go home to his nagging wife. And if you don't feel comfort wherever you live and think you can find it here, then please come over and I will try my best to make you forget about whatever made you feel upset."

He puts a tea bag into the hot water and makes his way around  the counter.

" Hopefully it won't be at 2 in the morning all the time, but I'll try my best not to kick you in the balls for that." The last part, he supports with a wink and he happily notices how Changkyuns stiff shoulders relax the slightest.

" Now sit down and drink your tea. And then you can help me out with cleaning the shop. Free worker sounds nice, doesn't it?"

" It does."

 Changkyun takes a seat while Kihyun leans against the counter. He stirs the water with  his spoon.

" Do you want to talk about it?"

" About what?"

Kihyun motions at him and the store with his spoom and that is enough for Changkyun to understand.

He shrugs. " There isn't a lot to talk about. Everyone is out and I'm scared alone."

" You're scared alone at home and still get out into the night to come over here?"

Changkyun averts his gaze. " Last time... was really nice. I felt... good. The atmosphere."

That is enough explanation for Kihyun.

 " Why don't you tell anyone back home about that?"

" I'm already the youngest. They will think of me as a baby a lot more than they already do."

" Being babied doesn't always mean it is out of bad intentions. Maybe a lot of people are just worried about you."

" I'm more worried about them...", Changkyun trails off and then heavily shakes his head as if he needs to get his thoughts back into place. " I just... can't."

Kihyun is quiet the curious person but he knows better then to pry into things he shouldn't stick his nose in. Those boys gave off a strange vibe the first moment he met them. Not a dangerous one... at least not for him. But those guys are definitely involved in things he doesn't want to know about.

" Then I will respect that and won't ask more.", he smiles at Changkyun and finally sees the shadow of a smile on the youngers lips. " Is the tea okay?"

" Tasty."

" Good to know. Minhyuk buys it for the store. Manager is too busy to hook up with girls."

" He really sounds like an asshole."

" Well.... they never stay long. He is a tiny bit on the ugly side and as soon as they find someone with more money they're gone. Seems like appearance is still more important in the end. I'm not going to judge them."

" Hoseok, you remember my hyung?"

"How couldn't I? I almost beat him up with a broom."

" Yeah, that one. He says his good looks are giving him a bonus wherever he goes."

" Is that so?" Kihyun smiles slightly when he sees how the topic change helps the younger to come out of his shell.

" Yes. I have never seen someone more attractive than him... at least I think so. The others of course are also good looking but in a different way. But Hoseok... he's top. Don't you think?"

Kihyun tries to remember the face of the stranger he met once but his mind only comes up with blonde wet hair and a bit of a nervous expression.

" I'm sure you're right.", his fingers come in contact with a tissue and he starts twirling it in his hands, an old habit. " If I ever see him again I will take a closer look and then tell you. I hope I will not destroy his ego by that but it seems to be big enough."

" I already know the answer." Changkyun puts a bit more sugar into the tea and Kihyun is tempted to ask him if he has enough water in his sugar.

" There we got the prime example of hyung infatuation."

" I'm not infatuated. I just-"

" - am totally his biggest fan"

Changkyuns cheeks blush again and Kihyun can't help but to giggle. He pushes himself of the counter and takes the broom he earlier leaned against a nearby table. " Drink everything as long as it is hot. You can help me out afterwards. And then I'll bring you home."

It is quiet the nice time that follows.

Yes, Kihyun has to answer three calls from a frantic Minhyuk who just won't believe him about the maintenance he has to do before he can go home. Kihyun will eat his broom before he tells his friend that the same guy from last week showed up in his shop again. He doesn't want to trigger Minkalypse.

Like... seriously not.

But well, Kihyun and his luck. Instead of Minhyuk, another wave of wrath is crashing down on him.

Or more on Changkyun.

" Oh shit..."

Kihyun looks up when he hears Changkyuns silent curse.

He gets up from his crouched position behind the counter and looks over to the younger. He doesn't even have the time to ask anymore because a moment later someone storms into the store.

" Im Changkyun! What the fuck do you think you're doing?!"

Yes, Changkyun was right. Taking a closer look, the guy is pretty much the most attractive person Kihyun has every layed his eyes on. Way better than anyone he has ever met before.

Not that it excuses storming into his shop like that.

Not at all.

Kihyun takes the wet cloth out of the bucket and throws it.

Right into the intruders face.

Silence.

" Holy shit, hyung. What a shot."

The redhead who comes inside next looks at the scene with eyes bigger than sausages before he breaks out into loud laughter.

One glare from Kihyun and he is standing at attention.

" You think I love cleaning that much?! I do but it's half past 2 in the fucking morning and we just finished cleaning and then you decide to storm in like a fucking rhino and bring all the dirt inside!"

The blonde slowly pulls the wet cloth from his face.

Kihyun points an accusing finger at him. " Yes! I'm talking to you!"

The redhead audibly tries to smother a laughter and the second cloth hits him straight into the face. " You too! Look at your feet! There's a shoe wiper in front of the door!! It is not there to look pretty!"

More silence.

Now, that he starts thinking for a few seconds and the first anger vanishes Kihyun really takes in the blonde in front if him.

Tattoos.

One or two peek out from under his shirt.

Muscles.

And are those piercings in his ears?

A cold shiver runs down his back.

Great.

He couldn't keep it down and now he ends in the gully in the backyard by the hand of a street thug.

I'm sorry, Minhyuk, my mouth was working too fast for my brain once again

"Another round of cleaning won't kill me of course." He coughs slightly and pulls his finger back, trying not to have any eye contact with anyone.

It is silent for only another second before a quiet chuckle can be heard. It might be because he feels not in immediate danger anymore of being shoved into his bucket or because it really is just a nice sound, but Kihyun feels relieved.

A lot.

And there is something else bubbling in his stomach.

The blonde smiles brightly at him, maybe a tiny bit embarrassed as he rubs the back of his neck with a hand.

" I'm really sorry for this. I didn't think before coming in. Please no more cloth. You've got quiet the good aim. I'm really sorry." he bows slightly and Kihyun might have felt a tiny bit of bad for a second.

" It's fine… I'm sorry for throwing things at you."

"You don't have to applogize."

Kihyun can't help but to stare at him, and deep down, in his stomach, the strange feeling grows worse.

" But this one here-", the blonde, Kihyun assumes it is Hoseok, continues and turns his attention back to Changkyun who noticeable shrinks in the corner. " Do you know how worried we were when we came home and you weren't there?"

In shame, Changkyun looks at his shoes.

" I know I told you to keep your phone turned off! But leaving like that? At least write a note! Hyunwoo and Hyungwon are outside right now, still looking for you and I find you here? You think this is funny?!"

He was more collected in the beginning, but slowly his voice grows louder. It is fairly easy for Kihyun to judge people and here, the worry the blonde felt is so out in the clear he could be the broom in the corner and still notice it.

" You got nothing to say?!"

"I…"

Kihyun steps closer to the blonde and in one of his less intelligent moments stops his speech with a hand on his shoulder.

"Can we-", he motions behind him with his head. " - talk over there for a moment?"

Hoseok seems to be more than confused for a second but then gives in and follows Kihyun a few steps into the corner.

Kihyun ignores the surprised gasp from behind and waves Hoseok a tiny bit closer before he starts talking.

" I'm sorry for butting in cause this is clearly not my business.", he whispers. " But I just wanted to give you the small hint that maybe one person inside this room is a bit scared of being alone during the night and maybe did something horribly idiotic today to escape that fear. Of course I'm not using Changkyuns name. Never. He's a big boy."

" Why are you telling me this?" Hoseok whispers back and in all his nervousness Kihyun misses the ghost of a smile on his lips.

"Because I met the boy only two times and I already think of him as my little brother."

"Your little brother?"

"Yes. My little brother. So you would do me a huge favour if you talked to him about it. And maybe you could talk to him like he is an adult. I think he has quite the complex because he is the youngest."

Hoseok leans a bit closer in, probably to understand him better, his warm breath ghosting over Kihyuns cheek, giving him an odd sensation in the corner of his stomach.

He coughs slightly, cheeks blushing the slightest. "Anyways. I know that might haven't been his greatest decision but he is young and has to act dumb from time to time. Please consider my thoughts.", he gives him a pat on the shoulder and turns back to Changkyun and redhead. " All done, boys."

"Woah. You're seriously the best. Stopping hyung just like that." The redhead shows him a dimples smile and waves cutely. " I'm Jooheon and I like you."

"Jooheon. Don't be a creep." Hoseok says from behind Kihyun.

" He's the creep. He took Changkyun in."

"Jooheon…" Hoseok warns.

Kihyun uses the moment and moves over to Changkyun. On his way he takes the now dry jacket of the younger and pushes it into his hands. " You know it was stupid to act like that?"

"I know." he admits quietly.

" So be a man and listen well to what he is going to tell you, okay?"

Changkyun nods slowly.

" The offer is still on, you know."

"The offer?"

"When you need a place to go, just come over.", Kihyun pats the pocket of Changkyuns jacket. " I put my number in. If there is something going on you can call me. Anytime."

" Changkyun. Let's go." Hoseok calls over.

" Yes."

It could be imagination, but Kihyun feels like Hoseoks gaze lingers a bit too long on him before he says bye with smile and leaves the shop after the other two.  

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

"Kihyun… Kihyun… hey."

A gentle touch on his shoulder pulls Kihyun out of his slumber. He blinks into the bright neon lights above him.

"Hyun. Time to wake up. It's your turn."

"Already?"

" Yeah.", Minhyuk ruffles through the others dishevelled hair. " Let's meet the doctor."

Kihyun nods slowly and hauls himself out of the chair he sat in for the past hour or so.

Hospital visits are as normal for Kihyun as brushing his teeth.

During a normal month he spends a few afternoons here..

Kihyun has diabetes.

Diagnosed when he was around twelve years old, he spent almost half of his life with insulin shots and checking his blood sugar. Something many people live with and Kihyun doesn't want to whine about it. His bigger problem: his body decided diabetes wasn't enough to deal with. His condition worsened over the years, and soon doctors found out that his kidneys got affected and are slowly stopping to work the way they should. Nephropathy sounds awesome but it is a huge pain in his ass, since he can never be sure if his kidneys will keep working forever.  It is not the most horrible fate in the world, but still, the feeling of having a ticking time bomb in his body has brought him more sleepless nights that he would like to admit and dialysis, what awaits him if he gets a lot worse,  isn't something he has written down on his bucket list.

" Hey Doc!", Minhyuk beams as he enters the office. " How are you doing?"

" Great, now that my Minhyuk is here."

Kihyun makes a gagging sound as he closes the door. " Should I leave you two alone?"

" A ray of sunshine, like always." Doctor Kim offers them the two chairs and both of them take a seat.

" How are you feeling lately?"

Kihyun shrugs. " Tired from time to time, as always."

" Pain?"

" Nope."

She pulls out his file and Kihyun groans.

" What?" Minhyuk asks confused.

" Look at her face.", Kihyun nods at her. " She's got bad news."

" She looks normal to me though."

" I've known her for quite a while now.", Kihyun supports his elbows on his knees. " Spit it out, doc. It got worse, right?"

She looks at him in sympathy. " That seems to be the case. I don't like the results of your latest tests."

Kihyun sighs deeply. " Dialysis?"

" It's not to that extent. But we need to adjust your therapy to avoid it. You know the procedure already."

Kihyun nods slowly, gaze on a tree in front of the window. " Yes... I do."

 

  
  
                                                                                                                                                            OOO

 

 

"Thank God we're out!"' Kihyun spreads his arms as they leave the hospital.

He feels Minhyuks gaze on him.

"What?"

"You're okay?"

For a moment he pauses.

Is he okay?

Being desperate would be an exaggeration.

Perfectly fine, too.

But okay...

Yes, okay he is.

" Of course I would have been happier with other news and I feel a bit nervous but I knew from the beginning that it's possible for my body to get worse. We're going to adjust the therapy and things will be fine."

Minhyuk grimaces and Kihyun flicks his shoulder.

" It is not the end of the world. Let's get going. Our fridge is a graveyard and I really need meat."

"You need healthy snacks!"

"Broccoli again?"

" Yes. A whole bunch of it."

Kihyun groans.

Minhyuk with his never ending energy pulls him down the street to the next supermarket.

Kihyun feels a bit tired. Not enough to fall asleep while walking but enough to feel a bit uncomfortable. He rarely tells Minhyuk. The blonde wouldn't let him leave the house anymore and this is just what his sickness brings with it.

They walk into the warmth of the store and already two steps later Kihyun has to stop Minhyuk from buying the latest (Quote: Oh so cute) Pokemon merchandise.

"You have a whole bunch of those useless Pokemon toys already.", Kihyun lectures him as he gets them a cart. " And I need to clean after you. I don't care if they're cute."

Minhyuk follows him, a pout on his lip. " Just because you have a cutie in real life doesn't mean you can stop me from getting one myself."

Kihyun stops in his track and gapes at him. " What cutie do I have in real life?"

"Remember two nights ago.", Minhyuk catches up with him and puts an arm around his neck. " Oh Minhyuk! He has such strong arms and he is so attractive I could die."

"When did I say that?! When did my voice change into that of a castrated Bugs Bunny??"

Why again did he bring Minhyuk into the loop?

" Oh, don't try to get yourself out of it. I noticed your little crush on Mr. Stranger."

"I don't have a crush on anybody!"

"Of course I need to fully check him first."

"Minhyuk!"

" Time to shop!"

A few carrots fly at him and Kihyun barely manages to dodge them into the car.

" Why do I like you again?" he presses our between clenched teeth.

Minhyuk beams at him. " You don't like me. You love me."

" I wonder why."

"Oh come on.", Minhyuk playfully leans his head on Kihyuns shoulder. " There's nothing wrong with liking someone."

"I told you I don't like anyone."

"You're attracted to him."

" Well… of course. Who isn't attracted to good looking people ? But I met this guy only two times, so don't interpret too much into it."

"We'll see." he winks.

"Minhyuk!"

They bicker their way down the aisle and it is close to the crisps section when Kihyun starts to feels the sensation of being watched.

He lets his gaze wander through the shop but there is nothing. With a shrug he tries to get rid of the feeling and it almost works, but after a minute or so it starts again. Another gaze over his shoulder, and there, his eyes catch someone in the back.

Tall.

Black clothes.

A lazy stare directed at him.

"Hey. Minhyuk.", he subtly elbows his friend into the side. " That guy over there is creeping me out."

"Who?" The blonde asks way too loud for Kihyuns liking.

"Can you keep quiet? He can hear you!" he hisses.

"Who can hear me? The one over there?" Minhyuk wonders, and has the nerves to point at the stranger.

Kihyun wants to throw himself into the potatoes.

He has been with this particulare potato for 15 years now.

15 years are definitely too long.

" Yes. The one over there who now knows that we are talking about him. Thanks."

"Over there is coming over."

"Over there is what?" Kihyun asks in confusion.

" He's coming here."

"Great." Kihyun sighs in desperation.

"Maybe he wants to hook up with me."

"Maybe he wants to sell tooth paste." Kihyun hopes.

"Maybe he just wants to buy detergent."

"In the chips aisle?"

"You're right, Kihyun. He must be a serial killer. Shame on his head and his cow for looking for detergent in the chips aisle."

"Minhyuk…can you just shut up for once."

"Kihyun?"

Kihyun can't contain the shriek but forever and ever he will deny that he jumped a little.

This he will take to his grave.

He slowly turns his head.

Blonde hair, almost black eyes and those rude lips.

Hoseok in all of his glory, definitely leaning too close with his terribly handsome face.

" I'm slowly starting to think you're doing that on purpose." Kihyun states and Hoseok dares to smile at him.

The temperature seems to rise the same instant.

" Well… it is almost like I keep looking for you."

" Kihyun?" Minhyuk says, a knowing smile on his face.

Kihyun screams internally. He won't survive the night with Minhyuk and his never ending curiosity.

" Care to introduce your friend to me?"

Yes, he cares a lot about it but Yoo Kihyun knows his manners.

" That's my flatmate Minhyuk. And this is Hoseok. You know, coffee shop Hoseok."

" I already have a special name?" Hoseok asks cannily.

Minhyuk beams at him. " He talked a lot about you."

"Can you just die in a hole?"

"After you."

It does sound inviting.

"Hyung. Who's that?"

Kihyun totally forgot about the creeping stranger that now stands next to Hoseok as if it is the most natural thing in the world. Hands in his pocket, he looks like he is ready to punch Kihyun with the eggplant in the bag hanging on his wrist.

" Is he the one Changkyun keeps talking about?"

"That's Kihyun.", Hoseok tilts his head. " You look kind of constipated, Hyungwon."

"Hyungwon?", Kihyun repeats and tries to smile at the slightly hostile younger." Changkyun talked about you."

The other scoffs and looks away.

Hoseok slightly hits him over the back of his head. " Be nice. He helped us out a lot and Changkyun likes him."

"Whatever."

Hoseok smiles apologetically.

He smiles a lot and Kihyun makes a mental note of that.

" Sorry for that. I have the feeling Hyungwon is bit jealous."

"Hyung!"

" What?", Hoseok shrugs nonchalantly. " You're acting like a brat, why can't I?"

" We need water." The younger mumbles and starts down the aisle. For a moment Minhyuks gaze wanders between them and Hyungwon. Then, he seems to decide on something, gives Kihyun a slightly too hard slap on the back and follows the younger.

" We also need water!" He calls over his shoulder, and then winks at Kihyun.

So subtly that maybe, just maybe an astronaut on the IS saw it. Once again, throwing himself into the potato shelf doesn't sound too bad to Kihyun.

"He's that kind of friend?" Hoesok asks.

"Yes. The prime example."

" He has good taste."

Kihyun chuckles when he pushes the cart down the aisle. " Big ego?"

Hoesok slowly follows him. " I just… think I'm not ugly."

" The all around package?"

The blonde leans a bit closer. " That is for you to decide."

Kihyun almost runs into Pepsi pyramid and Hoseok breaks out into his gummy smile, barely stuffing a loud laughter.

" I See, I see.", Kihyun coughs slightly and manages to keep his posture. " The populare one who gets to hear that a lot. Not a bad thing. You must be able to easily hook up."

Hoseok furrows his brow. " This is not what I wanted to impl--

"Tuna."

"What?"

"What what?"

Kihyun looks at him with big eyes and for a moment Hoseok just stares back. Then, the terrible attractive lower lip moves. Tattoo Prince is pouting in the supermarket and Kihyun is not sure about the reason.

"Nothing." Hoseok mumbles.

"Then tuna it is."

They stop in front of the shelf, both looking up to the canned goods.

" I'm terribly sorry. I'd love to be cool and help you out but I'm not that much taller than you."

Kihyun exes him from head to toe. "  But you have muscles so you don't look as tiny as me. You must train a lot."

"Sometimes…"

It almost looks like Hoseok just blushed but Kihyun likes to think it was only his imagination.

"So. You and Minhyuk, you're close?"

Kihyun lifts his eyebrow at the random question. " I don't know how this is going to help us with the tuna."

A shattering sound behind them.

When they turn around they see two heads disappearing behind the next shelf, one suspiciously looking like Minhyuks blonde shock of hair.

" What was that?"

"I think we're being spied on."

"We were just… checking out the prices. It's important to compare them. You know…Saving money." Minhyuk appears and pulls Hyungwon over to them by the wrist.

" You became friends pretty fast." Kihyun states.

Minhyuk pulls the taller one closer. " We had a nice chat. Right?"

"Yes…"

"And I showed him some great things, right?"

The younger nods.

Kihyun, in his relief that the hostility partly vanished, misses the gaze the three share.  
  
                            

                                                                                                                                                           

 

 

   OOO

 

 

 

" Which way do you live?" Hoseok asks when they leave the supermarket together, loaded with bags.

Kihyun points down the street. " Over there. Around 10 minutes to walk."

"Opposite of us." Hoseok answers… a bit disappointed? Kihyun is not sure. A tiny part of him is hoping for it, like you always do when someone looks attractive to you and is comfortable to be around and you think that maybe there could be something. But he doesn't like to hope. It takes your ability to think rationally. And that is something Kihyun doesn't like at all.

" How about joining them for a bit of the way?", Hoseoks looks expectantly at Hyungwon. " Didn't you say earlier you wanted to take a walk before going home?"

Hyungwon takes a moment to give him the look and then nods. " Sure, hyung."

" Great." Hoseok beams.

Kihyun remembers something and takes a look at his watch.

" Shit…" he mumbles under his breath. He already missed his usual insulin time.

" Minhyuk. I forgot… you know…"

" Again!" he flares up and Kihyun closes his eyes in expectation of a soft slap, but only receives a soft pat on the head. " Over there is a bench. Sit down for a moment. We got time."

"I can do it at home though…"

"Kihyun. You're already late."

"But…" he subtly motions at the two bystanders. He doesn't know why he is so embarrassed about it. For years he has to take shots now and still… if somebody doesn't know about it the task makes him feel uncomfortable… almost bad.

Syringes and blood. That means sickness. Who wants to have sick people around?

Would Hoseok want that…

If he is disgusted by that he is a dick, his inner voice says but he frankly doesn't want to find out.

Great thing that he has Minhyuk by his side.

" Kihyun has diabetes. He needs to check his blood sugar on time and needs an insulin shot. So that is why I will force him over there so he can take it now."

Kihyun internally facepalms.

" Is it okay for us to stay?" Hoseok asks the next moment.

Kihyun is surprised.

No… more like, lost for words… because… yes, why? Why does he feel a slight happiness all of sudden?

" I just never saw it and since we're all getting to know each other and this is important to you…", he rubs the back of his neck. " Sorry."

Behind his tattoos, he can be quite shy.

" Sure."

Kihyun hears himself say and a too happy Minhyuk beams over his whole face.

They follow him over to the bench.

" It really isn't that exciting." he says when he takes a seat there. Curiosity is written all over Hoseoks face as he simply crouches before him.

Kihyun gets his glucometer out of his bag.

" Do you have a bit of water?"

Minhyuk already has a bottle out and empties a bit of water over Kihyuns hand. He dries it with a tissue.

" I need to pierce my finger.", he explains. " You might want to look away. Some people find it... disgusting."

" I'm fine."

Hoseok leans a bit closer closer and Kihyun relaxes more since he seems to be genuinely interested and alright with the procedure.

He got used to the piercing already and so brings it over fast.

" And now that small thing will tell you how high your blood sugar is?" Hoseok asks and looks at the display.

" Yes. And then I jot the number down somewhere."

Minhyuk leans over his shoulder. " Looks good."

" Hmm..." Kihyun writes the number down in the small book he carries around. 

It really does.

Hoseok beams at him. " That's great, right?"

Kihyun can't help but to smile back. " It is."

The knowing gaze Hyungwon and Minhyuk share escapes him again. He takes his syringe out of his bag.

" This is my insulin. I decide myself what amount I inject."

Hoseok peeks at it. " So you need to be careful not to take too much?"

" Yes. But I have done it for the past 12 years sp--"

" 12 years already?" Hoseoks gasps and Kihyun can't help but to laugh at his flabbergasted expression.

" It isn't that bad."

Hoseok only stares at him, his lips slightly parted. Kihyun grows insecure, awkwardly runs his fingers through his hair. This time, he doesn't miss Minhyuks elbow in Hyungwons side. He tries not to blush too heavily at it.

" So...", he coughs slightly. " I need to inject it into my stomach. Anyone who doesn't want to look...now it is the time."

Hoseok seems to find back from somewhere farer away. He lightly shakes his head. " Go on. I don't mind."

Hyungwon turns his head when Kihyun takes the injection.

It is done in a short matter of time.

" Doesn't it hurt?"

" It is more about overcoming the fear of needles."

Kihyun puts his medicine away and Minhyuk claps his hands with a big smile.

" All done.", he turns towards them. " You still want to join us on our way home?"

" Minhyuk...", Kihyun opposes. " They already waited for me to take my insulin."

"Ha.", Minhyuk dramatically slumps together. " And there I was hoping you could help us carry our bags home."

" We do it ourselves all the time." Kihyun deadpans.

Minyhuk pats his shoulder. " Poor Kihyunnie is so weak after his injection."

" I'm not."

" We don't have to hurry home." Hoseok says.

Minhyuk beams at him. " Great."

Kihyun knows pretty well what Minhyuk is trying to do. Not that he minds that much, he strangely notices. Especially when Hoseok looks too happy to be able to take Kihyuns bags.

Still, he can't use the guy like that.

" It is really nice of you to offer but really not necessary." Kihyun keeps one of the bags straps in his hands.

Hoseok pulls at the other. " I would be really glad to be able to help you out."

" I'd feel horrible if you had to carry it."

" I'd feel horrible to let you carry it."

" But--"

Hoseok loosens Kihyuns grip and takes the bag. " Let's go."

He already walked a few steps until Kihyun reaches him.

" Did you talk to Changkyun?"

Hoseok hums as an answer. " Yepp. I was quiet surprised he is that scared of being alone at night."

" He indeed doesn't look like it."

" Not at all."

They cross the street and Kihyun guides Hoseok left. For a moment he remembers that there were two others  with them but... yes. Hoseok. He seems to have that effect on him.

" I'm actually fucking scared of needles."

Hoseok eyes him from the side. " That seems to be... counter productive in your situation."

" It is.", Kihyun chuckles when the memory comes up. " I cried so much after finding out about my diabetes. Minhyuk had to bribe me out from under the playground slide."

" You've known each other for such a long time?"

" Yes. He has been my best friend since the beginning of elementary school I think. Don't ask me how I endured him until today. I just did."

" Best friend..." Hoseok repeats, almost mutters it, nods and looks awfully satisfied with it. Kihyun can barely save him from running against a street lamp.

Hoseok blinks, then looks at Kihyun who still holds him by his arm.

" Careful."

Hoseoks gaze wanders to Kihyuns hand that touches him.

There.

Another sudden blushing.

He takes a step to the side, coughs loudly and bypasses the light. " Sorry. Sometimes I'm an airhead."

With damn fine upper arms, Kihyun thinks to himself and follows him slowly, once again not noticing that Hyungwon and Minhyuk got a lot to talk in the back.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

 

It is late at night when Kihyun decides that, no, he won't be able to fall asleep that soon. All the tossing and turning he did the past hours for nothing. So he curtly gets up and shuffles over to Minhyuks room in his oversized shirt and too big sweatpants.

" Minhyuk?"

He peeks into the dark room. Minhyuk mumbles something inaudible and turns to the wall, away from the light that is falling into the room through the door crack.

Kihyun takes the obvious rejection as an invitation, like he does way too often for Minhyuks liking and scurries over to the bed where he crawls under the warm blanket beside his still sleeping friend.

" Minhyuk?"

"Hmm..."

Kihyun pokes his side. " Wake up."

" No..."

" Wake *poke* up *poke*."

He barely dodges the pillow Minhyuk throws at him.

" Hyuk... I need to talk..."

Minhyuk groans in deep distress and rubs his eyes before he blinks into the darkness of the room.

" What do you want?", for a moment he takes a look at the screen of his mobile and cries in agony when the light is too bright. " It is half past 2."

" I need to talk to you now."

" Can't you confess your undying love for me in the morning?"

Kihyun turns sideways so he can rest his forehead against Minhyuks bare upper arm.

" I was thinking."

" About what?"

" Things..."

He takes the following silence as an invitation to explain more about it.

" First, I was worried about my kidneys."

Minhyuk finally manages to open his eyes at least halfway.

" Lift your head." he says and Kihyun does as he is told. Minhyuk stretches his arm out and Kihyun rests his head on it, like he has done a hundred times when he once again fled himself into Minhyuks bed.

" So you got scared?"

" No.", Kihyun states and snuggles closer into the warmth Minhyuk provides. " I decided it is no use to worry about it and tried to sleep. But you know how it is. Your brain starts to think when you seriously can't have it. And all of sudden someone else came up in my mind and I was done for good."

" Sweety Hoseok teleported himself into your sleepless brain?"

" Kind of.", Kihyun mumbles, feeling just a tiny bit embarrassed. " You can't laugh at me when I tell you about it."

" Tell me about what?"

" That I might be interested in him."

" That is something you need to confess to me? I believe even the Pope knows by now."

" Minhyuk..." Kihyun whines.

Minhyuk laughs out loud and turns to face Kihyun, only to pull his best friend into a tight hug. " I love you, Kihyunnie."

" What was that for?"

" Because you're so cute and easily embarrassed and because it feels great to know you come to me at three in the morning just to talk about your love life. I feel important."

Kihyun can't confess his feelings as easily as Minhyuk does all the time, but he hopes his friend hears his whispered _cause you are important to me._ By the way the blonde tightens his embrace before he allows Kihyun to breath again, he did.

Without Minhyuk by his side, everything would be a whole lot harder to endure.

" Do you think it is a good idea to get to know him better?" Kihyun asks.

" Why? You're worried he's going to reject you?"

" Who doesn't worry about such things?"

Minhyuk affectionately ruffles his hair. " That guy already has such an obvious crush on you it is ridiculous."

Kihyun pricks up his ears. " You think so?"

" Please, Kihyun... he was all clingy and smiley around you and he obviously tried to figure out if there is something going on between us and almost has a stroke every time you smile at him."

" He does?"

" You would have noticed if you weren't such a blockhead."

" I'm not.", Kihyun pouts and goes back to playing with the hem of his shirt. " Still... even if I knew 100 percent that he was interested in me... I'm not sure if I should go for it."

" Want to share your '100 points why I shouldn't approach the cutie' list you surely already made up? I'll try to be totally rational about it even though he is hot as fuck, a gentleman and deserves all my support ."

" Minhyuk!" Kihyun playfully hits his arm. He then turns on his back and stares at the ceiling.

" First of all, I don't even know anything about him."

" You're the first human ever who has to get to know their love interest."

" You were the one worried about me when I told you about my first meeting with him and Changkyun."

Minhyuk nods. " Of course I was. It is still strange. But after meeting him, he seems to be a nice guy. There could be an easy explanation to everything. And even if not... it still doesn't have to mean he is the zodiac killer."

Kihyun mulls over the argument for a moment.

Minhyuk doesn't sound too wrong.

" You might be right. But even if you were, I still won't be able to reach him if I wanted to."

" Doesn't Changkyun have your number?"

" He does. But waiting for someone else to call me..."

" As I already mentioned, he is fucking gone too far already so it will be just a matter of time until he gets your number or shows up at the shop again."

" What if it was just a phase and I'm not into guys anymore? I have been single for a while..."

" Now you're starting to make things up."

" What if I should be with you instead?"

" Yeah, of course. I'm the love of your life."

" What--"

Minhyuk rolls his eyes. " Kihyun, stop it."

"  What...", Kihyun himself notices in surprise how hollow his own voice sounds. " What... if my kidneys soon get much worse?"

For a moment, both of them don't talk. Kihyun feels Minhyuks gaze on him and the sudden knot in his stomach that has accompanied him for a long time now.

" Kihyun...", Minhyuk says softly. " We talked about it."

" I know. I just..." he stops midsentence, not even sure how to put his feelings into words.

" What are you scared of?"

Kihyun needs a few attempts to be finally able to speak. " You know what getting worse means. Dialysis, a whole fucking lot of that, and in the end the only way might be a new kidney. Who wants to go through that with me?"

" You keep talking about what if's."

" What if... those what if's come true?"

Minhyuks hand finds his under the blanket, something that has kept Kihyun always safe in the rising panic he feels.

" You know I have always been with you through thick and thin."

" I know."

" And there will be other people who will  stay by your side just like me, okay?"

Kihyun feels his hands dampen and tries to fight against the rising panic.

" Kihyun." Minhyuk says with emphasis. " There is no need for you to be scared. This is just your mind making things up."

" Okay."

" Breath in deeply. Can you do that for me?"

" I will try."

He does not only try.

No.

After a few minutes he manages to calm down his breath. His heartbeat grows slower, and soon his hand isn't almost crushing Minhyuks anymore.

" Well done.", Minhyuk caresses his hair. " You were worried all day long, weren't you?"

" No... it started when I went to bed."

" Good thing you're in my bed now."

Minhyuk pulls him closer and lazily pats his head.

" You will be fine, Yoo Kihyun. You will live a happy life and find a nice guy who will carry you on his hands. Not all the time of course. Since you're a really emancipated prince."

Kihyun quietly chuckles. Minhyuk always knows how to brighten the mood.

" And to find that guy, you won't miss any opportunity."

" That means?"

" We're not ignoring cutie pie Hoseok because of a stupid kidney. Okay?" Minhyuk says meaningfully.

" But we're not running after him. Never. That's not our style." Kihyun adds.

" We can't run after him even if we wanted to. We don't have his number. But of course, we wouldn't run after him. We're not that desperate."

" Okay...but if he runs after us, we might consider talking to him."

" That's my not desperate boy."

And a while later, maybe because Minhyuk keeps running his finger through his hair, or maybe because the knot in his stomach is gone for tonight, Kihyun is able to fall asleep.

 

 

 

OOO

 

 

In the morning Kihyun curses his body for not letting him sleep well the night before. He sits at their small table in the kitchen, eyes barely open, his head close to crashing into the table. Minhyuk, his usual self with too much energy even at 8 in the morning, rushes around and makes Kihyun a small breakfast.

" You sure about going to work today?"

Kihyun nods, still too drowsy to verbally answer.

" How about only the shift at the bookstore? I can take over for you tonight at the coffee shop."

"It's fine."

Kihyun manages to take his spoon and a small bite of rice wanders into his mouth.

He chews slowly.

On top of working his shifts on the coffee shop, Kihyun has a second part time job in a bookstore downtown. Medical bills, rent and other necessities are expensive and while Minhyuk only works a few shifts at the coffee shop while studying at college full time, Kihyun didn't have the chance to attend one and tries to reach his goals with his high school degree. Not that he has big goals at the moment, apart of staying as healthy as he can. He is content with the way things are at the moment, even though it can get tiring and that is the most important thing to him.

" I need to leave. Classes start soon." Minhyuk ruffles through his hair. " Don't forget your shot."

"Don't want to die on my way to work."

" That's my boy. See you later."

                                                                                                                                                             

 

OOO

 

 

 

" Good morning sunshine."

Kihyun sends a glare at the guy behind the counter of the convenience store and makes his way over to the drink section.

" Can you not?"

" I'm trying to get into your pants since 2010. Why would I stop on such a lovely day?"

Kihyun wonders why he still goes into the same shop every time. It's just too convenient on his way to work.

" This is the last time I'm coming here." he says as he puts the water bottle on the counter. The worker grins at him. Kihyun and Minhyuk attended the same high school as Chihwan back in the old days and first they pretty much didn't have any contact. But one day he dared to throw Kihyuns freshly washed white shirt into the bucket ( just because it was fun and they were boys he said) and Kihyun kicked his balls into oblivion. Since that day he has tried to get Kihyun to go on a date with him, but he is frankly said not interested.

Kihyun can handle him, but he is still a pain in his ass.

" Ahh, come on, sweetheart. You'd miss me."

" Let's find out."

Chiwhan rings the cashier and blows a kiss at him. " You love me."

" Fuck you."

He takes the water bottle and stomps over to the door.

"See you~"

By the time Kihyun arrives in the book store his mood has reached a new minimum and he prays to any higher power for the day to be over soon. One gaze at the time and with a deep sigh he remembers it is only 9 in the morning.

It can't be helped.

So he has a short chat with his boss and then starts his daily tasks, consisting of standing at the cashier, helping people out and arranging the books on the shelves.

It goes well.

After a while in the shop, between all the beautiful books and the smell of them, he starts to feel better and soon he even jokes around with his boss and co-workers. So it is no wonder, that even though the night before he was absolutely against it and would have run away happened everything a bit earlier, he now feels so happy when he walks around a corner, hands full of books, and sees no other that Hoseok in the other corner, checking out some book titles.

He stops in his tracks but the blonde already noticed something in the corner of his eyes and looks up. It only takes a second for him to start beaming at him. So brightly that Kihyun feels shitty for not having put more effort into his appearance this morning.

" Kihyun!" Hoseok calls over a bit too loudly and now he really has the attention of the whole shop on him.

Which he already had.

Let's face it... the pink goodie he is wearing which makes him a whole lot more gorgeous than he already is doesn't work the other way around.

"Hey…" Kihyun says when the blonde walks over to him, all of sudden so self conscious. He runs his finger through his hair trying to smooth out a non-existing sticking out strand.

" What are you doing here?"

Kihyun slightly lifts the books in his hands. " My second job."

"What? Two jobs? Amazing." Hoseok says in real astonishment.

Kihyun bashfully waves the praise aside. " It's nothing."

"It's a lot. And they keep bringing us together. Is there a third one so I will run into you another time?" he chuckles.

 _You can come to see me without a reason, no third job needed_ , Kihyun answers.

Almost answers.

An internal slap on the back of his head and his mouth keeps quiet. It is embarrassing enough that he is smiling like an idiot.

" Do you mind walking down the aisle with me? My boss is pretty alright but he doesn't like me standing around too much."

Hoseok nods eagerly and slowly follows him down. At a few spots they stop in order for Kihyun to put one of the books into the shelf.

"What are you doing for a living?" he asks Hoseok when there are only two books left.

" I work at a small company in town. Marketing stuff."

"Sounds nice. Can you hold those for a moment.", Kihyun gives the books into Hoseoks arms and climbs onto a small ladder to reach the higher shelves. " Even though at the first glance you aren't one for marketing. But I bet people tell you that a lot."

Hoseok hands him one of the books. " They do. What did you guess the first time?"

"Hmm… well, the first time I saw you serial killer was on top of my list."

"You're joking."

"Sadly I'm not."

Hoseok turns away in played shock. " Me? The cutie wearing pink?"

Kihyun chuckles as he climbs down the ladder. " You showed up pretty late and left your friend in my shop. And you got a whole lot of tattoos."

Hoseok checks his surroundings with two glances and leans closer to Kihyun. A shiver runs down Kihyuns spine when his lips almost touch his ear. " I got too drunk when I was younger and ended up with a tattoo on my ass which I'm still embarrassed about. think we can cross out the serial killer."

This terrible sexy voice . Kihyun looks the other way in hope of getting rid of his red cheeks before he has to turn back to him.

" Then of course we have to cross out the dangerous stuff."

He manages to look back at Hoseok and for a moment is startled to meet the others gaze. So warm and loving that it goes right through him.

"I'm not dangerous, Kihyun. Never was and never will be, okay?"

And Kihyun believes him on the spot because what else could he do when he is frozen at the spot, engulfed in the gaze out of those honest eyes.

 " Hyung. There are like one million books about diabetes. How the hell should I know which one to take?"

A whiny voice pulls Kihyun out of his trance and it seems like the other wasn't much better than him.

" Did I disturb something?"

The redhead Kihyun remembers as Jooheon joins them.

" Hey",  he breaks out into his dimple smile and jogs over to them the last metres. " Nice meeting you here! What are you doing?"

"Working."

"That's great. Then you can help me out. Hyung told me do find some books about diabet-"

"Jooheon!" Hoseok yells a bit too loudly and pulls the other into a headlock.

" Hyung! Too tight!"

" Didn't you look for some romance novel?" Hosoek presses out through gritted teeth. Kihyun is worried about the redheads oxygen need.

" Me? I didn't even want to come her. You forc--"

"Woah!"", Hoseok exclaims, pointing to nowhere. " I saw some over there! Give us a second, Kihyun."

"Sure…" Kihyun looks after them in slight confusion.

Should he tell them it is the pregnancy section?

No.

They seem to be in an important discussion, Hoseok seemingly talking like 100 words a second and Jooheon diligently nodding.

Kihyun walks a few metres down and puts the last book away. For a moment, he stays there, looking at the shelf, lost in his thoughts. Why would Hoseok look for a book about diabetes?

It couldn't be…

Kihyun subtly looks at the still talking men in the corner. Hoseok wouldn't do that because of him, would he?

It can't be that easy.

He feels how his cheeks get hot again and he has to turn away.

Could it be possible that Minhyuk was right and Hoseok is interested in him for real?

He doesn't even dare to hope. People like Hoseok, social, nice, gorgeous and attractive tend to be misunderstood a lot of times. Maybe he is just being nice and Kihyun is acting like a total moron. Maybe he really is only thankful because Kihyun looked after Changkyun. And Minhyuk once again was just too hyper to think rationally…

Oh… what to do…

" Kihyun… you shouldn't hit your forehead against the shelf."

"Hh?"

Kihyun opens his eyes and only then noticed the sudden warmth on his forehead. Hoseok is by his side, shielding his forehead with his hand and keeping it from meeting the bookshelf once again.

"Thinking?" he asks with a smile, his eyes too big and pretty for Kihyuns blood pressure to stay calm.

"Yeah, sorry. Bad habit."

" Don't hurt yourself." Hoseok softly pats his forehead, and Kihyun wants more of that, oh, how much more he wants of gentle Hoseok.

" We need to leave now. Jooheon has classes and I promised to drive him over." Hoseok doesn't sound too happy and Kihyun also can't help but to be a tiny bit disappointed. He feels Jooheons gaze on him and was that an evil, knowing grin he saw there, just for second?

" Let's meet again." he says, the grin gone and replaced by purest innocence.

"Sure."

"Bye, Kihyun." Hoseok says and doesn't move.

Kihyun slightly waves. " Bye."

Neither does Kihyun move.

Jooheons gaze wanders between them before he circles an arm around Hoseoks waste and pulls him away.

"Jooheon…" Hoseok whines.

" Bye hyung!" Jooheon smiles at him over his shoulder and Kihyun looks at their leaving figures until they are out of his sight.

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

" And then Jooheon came over, you know, the redhead with the dimples."

"Not the creepy guy from the supermarket?"

"No no. That's Hyungwon. Your memory is swiss cheese. Where was I… yes. And then Jooheon came over and said he couldn't find the diabetes book Hoseok was looking for."

"No!" Minhyuk gasps.

"Yes. And all of sudden Hoseok got totally awkward. He pulled Jooheon away, talking about romance novels he saw in the pregnancy area."

Kihyun stirs around in his coffee, pouting slightly as he remembers the happenings of the morning he can't quiet sort out yet.

It's already late, around 11 in the night, and today Minhyuk and him share their shift. The shop is almost empty and they just took a seat behind the counter for a small coffee break.

" I'm really not sure why he was looking for that. It couldn't be because of me, could it?"

Minhyuk brandishes his spoon through the air and a bit of cream almost ends up on Kihyuns face.

"That guy is totally into you! Even you need to realise now!"

"You think so?"

"He's buying books to check out about you!"

Kihyun stares into his cup. " It could be because of another reason."

" If you come up with another reason please tell me. On top of buying that book he totally freaked out when dimple man brought it up in your presence."

Kihyun nods slowly. " That was really strange."

Minhyuk glares at him. " What is strange about that? He was clearly embarrassed in front of you.", he tips his spoon against his lips." He doesn't look like it but he must be on the shy side."

" That sounds way too easy."

"Kihyun… things don't always have to be complicated. You've watched too many movies. That's the problem. Sometimes people meet and instantly feel drawn to each other. And then they end up together. Without drama."

Kihyun can't help but to smile at Minhyuks words. His friends grins devilishly at pokes his side.

" Someone seems to like the thought of it. Are you a tiny bit in love?"

Kihyun holds his cup in both hands, enjoying the warmth. " I feel… comfortable around him. And awkward all the time because he makes me blush and my stomach is a mix of… everything. I want to spend more time with him to see where things go."

"So cute.", Minhyuk cooes." Next time you see him invite him to a date."

Kihyuns eyes widen. " No!"

"Why not?"

"What if he says no."

"In what parallel universe would this guy say no to the cutie who is my best friend?"

" Just because you're smitten by me doesn't mean everyone is."

Minhyuk lifts an accusing eyebrow. " Please.  I might be the most rational one around when it comes to you.  I saw you at your worst. Remember the stomach flu two years ago?"

"Don't bring it up." Kihyun says, a shiver running down his spine at the dark memory of the toilet he held on to for dear life.

Minhyuk pinches his cheek.

" No need to worry. He is so awkward around you, he definitely likes you."

" If you say so..."

Kihyuns phone goes off in his jacket hanging next to the staff rooms door.

He gets up to answer the call.

"Hello?"

"It's me, Changkyun. You gave me your number, remember?"

"Hey.", Kihyun happily answers. " Of course. How are you?"

He hasn't talked to the other since the last time they met in the shop.

"I'm good. But, what about you? Hyungwon told me something about you having diabetes. Is it bad?"

Kihyun slightly chuckles when he hears the worry in the youngers voice.

Really, such a cutie.

"I'm fine, Changkyun. I've been dealing with this for years and others do, too. No need to worry."

" If you say so… I will still keep an eye on you though."

"That means you'll come visit me again?"

"Of course." Changkyun answers with so much determination that Kihyun feels like he has offended the younger with that simple question.

" Hyung. I was wondering if you wanted to visit us some time. We can eat together, play some game, watch a movie, whatever you would like."

Kihyun is taken aback for a second. Visiting them would mean also seeing Hoseok.

" Of course you can also bring your roommate over." Changkyun adds when the silence grows too long.

"Just a second, Changkyun."

Kihyun covers the device with his hand.

" Changkyun asks if we want to hang out with them some time." He mouths over to his friend and Minhyuk almost falls over his own feet when he jumps up too fast.

" We're coming!"

Kihyun facepalms. If Minhyuks favourite example the Pope didn't hear that it would be a miracle.

"As you might have heard already, we're coming over."

He almost sees Changkyuns bright smile through the phone.

" Great. When do you have time?"

"Hmm…", Kihyun thinks for a second. " How does tomorrow evening sound?"

"Perfect. Around half past 6?"

"Well be there."

"Okay! I'll text you the address later."

With that he hangs up and Kihyun stays in the same position for a second, trying to figure out how he ended up like this.

Minhyuk jumps up and down. "We're really going?"

"Seems like it."  
  
  
                                                                                                                                               

 

OOO

 

 

 

The next evening comes a bit too early for Kihyuns liking. He left the bookshop on time, only to find himself in front of his wardrobe, in deep desperation trying to find something decent to wear. He decides he doesn't own anything.

"Minhyuk!"

He throws himself into his best friends arms when he comes home around 5.

"Who died?"

"I have nothing to wear."

"That is a whole lot worse than someone dying.", Minhyuk pulls off his jacket. " We're just going over to their home. Wear something casual."

"I want to look good."

"You will look good in everything. Come on.", he takes Kihyun by the hand and guides him back to his bedroom. " I can't believe you're whining about clothes."

"It's important..." Kihyun mumbles and takes the shirt Minhyuk gives him. It is plain white and he didn't even think about pulling it out from the depths of his wardrobe.

" Get your black trouser and the jeans shirt over it and you're good to go."

"You're a genius, Minhyukkie."

" A genius that needs a shower."

He ruffles through Kihyuns hair and leaves him alone to change into his clothes.  
  
                                                                                                                                               

                                                                                                                                                     

 

OOO

 

 

 

Saying that he isn't nervous would be a lie.

Of course he is. Enough that his hands are a bit clammy and his heart might beat a bit faster from time to time. But it is okay because between all the nervousness there is excitement. He is happy to meet everyone again. He wants to get to know Changkyun and Jooheon a bit better and maybe he can finally have a nicer conversation with Hyungwon.

But most of all he wants to see Hoseok. Really really badly, he has to admit and it makes him walk down the road to their destination a bit too fast.

" Kihyun…" Minhyuk yells from behind.

" What is it?"

"Why are we sprinting down the road since we've left the subway?"

Kihyun stops in his tracks and waits until Minhyuk reaches him. " We're not sprinting."

"Come here, nervous princess.", Minhyuk links their arms. " I know you want to see him but can you not look that desperate."

"I'm not running because of him!"

One of Minhyuks glares and he is quiet.

They bicker their way down the street and soon arrive in front of the apartment building Changkyun described in an earlier message.

Minhyuk nods at Kihyun. " Let's go."

Kihyun rings at the door and soon a voice answers through the intercom.

" Yes?"

"Ehm… it's Kihyun and Minhyuk."

No answer.

Only the door slides open to let them in. They awkwardly make their way inside and over to the elevator.

"Which floor did he say?"

"7th."

Minhyuk pushes the button and the elevator starts moving.

" Now I'm getting a tiny bit nervous as well." Minhyuk says around the 4th floor.

"You can't. You need to be my strength today."

"I will never reach your level of nervousness so it is fine."

With a small ding the elevator arrives at their destination and they leave it.

" It must be down there.", Kihyun points to their left. " Number 716."

"It's nice here. Looks quiet expensive." Minhyuk states as they make their way down the hallway.

" Ask me again later. I'm a nervous wreck."

Finally, they stand in front of the right door and Kihyun rings the doorbell.

First, there is nothing and for a second Kihyun is worried that they got the wrong door but then foot steps grow closer and someone opens the door.

Someone Kihyun definitely doesn't know.

He has a short staring contest with the quiet muscular dark haired man the opened the door for them.

" Ehm… hello?"

"Hello." He answers with a deep soft voice and keeps looking back at them.

"Ehm… is this where Changkyun lives?"

"Yes."

Still he his not moving.

Kihyun loosens his collar, not knowing how to act.

"Hey!"

He almost utters a short prayer when he hears Jooheons voice in the background. Soon, the redhead appears in the doorframe, softly patting the quiet ones upper arm.

" Sorry. Hyunwoo hyung isn't the biggest talker."

"Come in." So called Hyunwoo politely says ando makes way for them.

"Come in, come in. Is this Minhyuk? I'm Jooheon. Nice to meet you. Did you dye your hair yourself?"

" I wanted to ask the same. How did you manage to get it red like that?"

" Lots of beforehand bleaching at the hair salon."

" I feel you, bro."

Kihyun thinks that they might haven't looked for but still found each other.

They leave their shoes at the entrance and follow Jooheon into what looks like a spacious living room.

" Welcome to our home." he says, his arms proudly spread. " We live here with 5 people. Hyunwoo and Hoseok, and then there is Hyungwon, Changkyun and me."

Kihyun doesn't listen to him anymore.

His eyebrow might be switching again.

But there a boxer shorts on the ground. And a few socks. And is that a plate of left over noodles on the table in front of the TV?

" Kihyun.", Minhyuk just knows him too well. " Can I get to know them before you embarrass me too much?"

"Go ahead."

Jooheon follows Kihyuns gaze and breaks out into laughter. " I'm sorry. We already know you have some mania for cleaning and we really wanted to tidy things up but then Hyungwon took a nap and this new game came out last night and Hyunwoo hyung honesty doesn't care as long as he can walk into the kitchen and back to the living room. Hoseok hyung normally forces us to tidy things up but he has been working all day long and hasn't come back yet. He's going to kill us when he finds out we invited you and on top of that didn't clean up."

"Wait…", Kihyun slowly says. " Hoseok doesn't know we're here?"

Jooheon smiles only brighter and his eyes disappear. " Of course not."

Kihyun is frankly too lost for words. " Why wouldn't you…"

Minhyuk snorts as if he knows more than Kihyun. " I love them."

"Changkyun! Hyungwon!", Jooheon walks to a door and peeks into another room. " Save the game and come out. They're here."

Something hits the ground and someone hurries over to them. A breathless Changkyun runs out of the door and almost falls over one of the socks on the ground.

" Calm down." Kihyun smiles at him.

"Hyung! You're too early! We haven't cleaned yet!"

"It is half past 6 though."  Kihyun objects. Changkyuns eyes widen and he throws a quick glance at the clock above the door.

" Why didn't anyone tell me!?"

"You didn't ask." A sleepy looking Hyungwon pushes himself through the door frame. Kihyun carefully looks at him. He remembers how hostile he has been towards him in the beginning and even though the younger has been a bit friendlier in the end Kihyun is still careful. But he doesn't have to worry. Hyungwons gaze meets his and a small but earnest smile plays on his full lips. " Hello. It is nice you came over."

"Hey, Hyungwon."

It takes a load off his mind.

" Do you want a cookie?"

Hyunwoo is back from the immersion  he hid himself in and offers the package to Kihyun and Minhyuk.

Kihyun finds him cute. Like really really cute even though he has a lot of muscles and looks like he could kill people.

"Woah. Thanks. I'm so hungry I could die. You like chocolate?" Minhyuk grabs a cookie.

Hyunwoo takes long gaze at the cookie package.

"Yes."

"Ah. Me too. Good choice, good choice." Minhyuk rumbles with his mouth full.

Kihyun declines when he offers him. " Sorry. I can't."

He almost laughs out loud when Changkyun looks like he wants to cry and Jooheon sighs deeply, contemplating all his life choices. "Guys. It is fine. No need to act like that."

"But cookies…"

"There are diabetic friendly cookies. Everything is good. But...", his gaze wanders to the ground." Since I can't eat those cookies...You would do me a favour if you'd let me... you know..."

Minhyuk swallows his last piece of cookie and takes another one. " You really want to clean this mess up, don't you?"

Kihyun nods eagerly. " I'd love to."

                                                                                                                                

 

 

 

  OOO

 

 

 

It is shortly after 7 when someone puts in the code and opens the front door.

With a loud thud it closes.

Kihyun is just busying himself with taking the socks from the ground and he is quite happy that they are washed and still wonders why they were lying there to begin with.

" I hate my life." Hoseok whines while Kihyun needs to keep it together because did he really miss his voice that much?

Jooheon and Minhyuk exchange gazes and can barely contain their laughter.

"You think anybody minds when I stick my boss into a trash can and throw him into the next lake?"

His whining comes closer and soon Hoseok in all of his glory walks into the living room, a deep frown on his face. He is wearing a black suit ( yes, a black suit, Kihyun might get a heart attack) and loosens his black tie as he walks inside.

" Why do I even ask? I would get a decoration. A promotion. Become the ruler of the world." He throws his suit jacket on the ground and falls face first into the comfortable couch, still not aware of anything or anyone in the room.

He slams his face into the pillow a few times before he finally lifts his head and gazes into the room with a big pout.

" Someone make me ramy--"

He stops midesentence.

Slowly his eyes widen and he stares at Kihyun who sits two metres away,  one sock in each hand.

" Kihyun?"

"Hello."

"Why are you collecting socks in my living room?"

"Because I couldn't deal with them lying around and I was allowed to"

"Ahh." Hoseok nods slowly, absentmindedly  blinking and looking as if he just tries to figure out the meaning of life

The next second he is back on his feet.

" Jooheon! I'm going to kill you!"

The addressed flinches. " Why me?!"

"Who else would come up with such an idea??"

"Aren't you happy they came over?" Changkyun innocently asks from the corner.

" Of course I'm happy that Kihy-- that they came over!! But--- oh----", he turns around in a circle.." Why didn't you tell me? The apartment looks like shit… I look like… why didn't you clean?? Why is he cleaning?!"

It might be this moment where Kihyun realises that he will fall deeply in love with this guy if he keeps hanging around him. He feels warmth for him, incredible warmth, and his heart seems to spill with affection for the boy that can't seem to calm down.

"Who came up with this idea?? Hyunwoo?? Why didn't you stop them?!"

Hyunwoo bites into another cookie and keeps silent.

" Hoseok."

" I'm so sorry you had to witness this, Kihyun. Do you know how many times I've told Hyungwon to put away his boxer shorts?"

"Hoseok…"

"It goes out as fast as it gets in!"

"Hey…"

"How could they keep this from me?!"

He doesn't know why and how and he won't survive until tomorrow because he won't be able to explain to Minhyuk but it doesn't matter because his hand already reached out and grabbed Hoseoks, keeping him from turning in circles further.

Hoseok stops in his moving.

He looks down at Kihyun, his features inscrutable.

" It's fine. Really.", Kihyun smiles so brightly he almost feels his dimples. " Everything is perfectly okay. So you can calm down."

And so Hoseok does.

While Minhyuk and Jooheon high five in the background.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

 

 _Kihyun doesn't know how he ended in this position._  
_His position you ask yourself?_  
_On a bench._  
_Somewhere outside._  
_Head comfortably resting in Hoseoks lap._  
_Not that he hates that detail at all._

  
"You ready?"

Hoseok awaits him next to the door.

Kihyun is not ready, not at all. Never was and now that he takes Hoseok in in all of his casual glory and can't decide if this or the suit look is better, he is a dead loss.

"Let's go." he nevertheless says with as much courage as he can muster and follows Hoseok out to the elevator.

Minhyuk and Kihyun were invited to hang out with them but none of the younger ones thought about filling their almost empty fridge with food which led to Hoseok having another mental breakdown, Kihyun trying to assure him that it is fine and Minhyuk and Jooheon telling them that they both should just go and buy groceries together. Kihyun thinks they might have done this on purpose.

"I'm still sorry for this, you know." Hoseok starts after he pressed the button for the elevator.

Kihyun stops him with a wave of his hand. "It's fun. You can stop."

Hoseok smiles at him. "You sure?"

"Totally."

"That's good to know. Because I'm actually happy you coming over."

The 'Me, too' almost slips out.

Almost.

But there is no need yet to make more of a fool out of himself than he already is.

In all his nervousness, it is more than comfortable to talk to Hoseok. Even though they are alone in the most awkward situation two can end up - alone in an elevator without the obligatory music playing- it is fine.

He feels hot, his hands clammy, but it is fine.

Because earlier, when he realised how easy it would be to love the other, something fell into place for Kihyun.

Either way, they will end up together and he will be happy, or he will get rejected and will be sad for quite the while.

But still, it is easy.

Not complicated, just as Minhyuk said.

As easy as talking to Hoseok.

As easy as falling in love with him.

" Your dimples. They're cute." Hoseok says.

He leans against the wall and Kihyun only then realises that for the past five floors he has been deeply lost in his thoughts.

He touches the spot Hoseok mentioned.

"I got used to them."

"You didn't like them before?"

" Who always likes the most prominent part of oneself?"

Hoseok purses his lips and looks a him, so long that Kihyun starts to feel uneasy in his skin. He awkwardly loosens his  collar . "There is something on my face?"

"What?"

"You're staring at me."

"I… what...oh. Sorry. I didn't notice. "

They arrive on the first floor and Hoseok hurries out of the elevator.

" I easily get lost in my thoughts." he explains to Kihyun as they leave the building and walk down the street to the supermarket.

" Me, too. And then everyone things I'm a creeper."

"I feel your pain. Once I was in a club and I was wondering about how long it takes to get alcohol out of your system. The thing you learn in driving classes. And I just stood there and stared into nothing but then this girl took it as if I was so into her, she didn't leave me alone for the whole night."

Kihyun thinks it is funny.

He also hates the story a whole lot.

Something clicks in Hoseoks head and he frantically shakes his head. " Not that I would have been interested in her either…way…", his voice turns quiet in the end and he starts to fan air to his face. " Is it me or is it hot out here?"

Kihyun tilts his head. "It must be you. The weather is getting colder lately."

An affectionate smile forms on his lips. It almost feels like Hoseok is as nervous as him.

Misery loves company.

" It's nice." Hoseok says.

"What?"

"That smile of yours.", they stop at a street, waiting for the traffic light to turn green. "Makes me feel like calming down."

"You need to calm down?"

"Maybe."

"Why?"

They share a gaze and when the light turns green Kihyun wants to cross the street but a hand on his upper arm stops him. He didn't notice the taxi that missed their green light.

"Thanks…" he mumbles, feeling only the hand on his arm.

Hoseok is the first one to break the following silence, his cheeks turning obviously red.

"You--", he starts and ruffles his blonde hair, accompanied by a deep groan. " This is ridiculous."

"You okay?"

"I wished I was…"

"Can I do something for you?"

"You could. You definitely could."

" What is it?"

"Kihyun." Hoseok all of sudden says with a stern voice and Kihyun notices how close he is. Close enough to hug him or…

Retreat, Kihyun!

" I really tried to be cool but it is even difficult to go to the supermarket like this and since my friends are oh so subtle I think even an idiot would have realised by now."

"Pardon?"

Hoseok swallow heavily. "So, before I keep acting like an idiot and can finally be a bit more relaxed around you I was wondering…"

Kihyun waits for him to finish his sentence, but nothing comes out.

"Hoseok?"

"I was wondering…"

"I got that."

"I was wondering. If… if you might want to go on a date with me!" The last word comes put almost too fast to understand but Kihyun gets the important part and his heart literally skips a beat.

Hoseok stares to the ground, head ducked, heavily breathing, his hands in shaking fists.

Kihyun wants to laugh out loud.

Not at Hoseok.

Of course not.

This embarrassed, adorable human being in front of him… how could he?

That question, it made him happy, gave him a happiness he hasn't felt to that extent for a long time.

Minhyuk was right. Sometimes things aren't complicated. They are so easy and he is not even surprised how easily he can give him an answer.

" I'd love to. Tell me where and when and I'll be there. "

Hoseok lifts his head with a start. " What?"

"You asked me out on a date and I said yes."

" Yes but… what?!"

"Yes."

"You're sure?"

Kihyun chuckles and he really wished he would know what is the best to do but the only thing coming out are his chuckles.

" I'm so sorry, Hoseok. I actually don't know what to do but I'm happy so I'm smiling at you like a maniac and… yes."

Hoseok looks at him in disbelief and Kihyun starts to sweat, because he is scared that his awkwardness destroyed everything but it takes only a second for Hoseok to break out into the gummy smile that Kihyun grew to love in only a few days.

" Be a maniac as much as you want as long as you don't take your yes back."

"I don't plan to."

"Promise." Hoseok holds his pinky out and Kihyun links it with his.

They hold their fingers like this for a moment too long but it is okay because both have a dumb smile on their faces and both are happy so it doesn't matter that people are staring at them strangely and that the traffic light turned green for the second time and they are still not moving.

 

 

OOO

 

 

They slowly walk to the apartment building, both of them not in a hurry to get back to the others.

  
Hoseok forced Kihyun to put a whole lot of vegetables into the cart and Kihyun internally shakes at the thought that Hoseok will be a second Minhyuk that controls his every step when it comes to his diabetes.

Hoseok hums lightly, happily swinging the bag he carries. While it was a bit awkward in the beginning everything feels so much better now that Hoseok finally spoke out what both where thinking about.

Kihyun smiles at his profile. " You look happy."

"I am."

"I'm glad we saved your mood. You didn't sound too well when you came back home earlier."

Hoseok grimaces. "Don't remind me of it. I really hate my boss. I wished I had never started to work there."

" That bad?"

Hoseok shrugs. " It can't be helped."

"You seem to earn a lot of money though."

"Does it seem like it?"

Kihyun points at the apartment complex that slowly comes into view. " Your apartment speaks volumes."

" That's not thanks to my job."

"Rich parents?"

Hoseok winks at him. " Leave some questions for our real date."

Kihyuns face explodes into 1000 tomatoes and he fastens his step.

"Wait!", Hoseok hurries up to reach him, unsuccessfully trying to shut down this laughter. " I'm sorry."

" You seem to love embarrassing me?"

"A lot actually."

" Can you go back to being the stuttering mess?"

" Not that soon."

Hoseok softly bumps his shoulder into Kihyuns and the latter just can't be mad at him.

It is close to the building when he feels the weakness in his knees for the first time and it takes only a moment for it to grow worse. Since his kidneys started to get affected by diabetes his blood pressure easily goes crazy. He curses under his breath when he feels his pockets and doesn't find his pills next to his insulin. He must have left it in Minhyuks bag.

He shakes his head when he starts to feel dizzy and grows slower before his stops.

Hoseok notices a few steps later. He looks back at him. "You're okay?"

So annoying.

So embarrassing.

" I'm sorry. I need to sit down for a moment.", with shaky fingers Kihyun points to a close by bench. " I feel dizzy."

" You look pale." Hoseok leaves the bag on the ground and is next to Kihyun a second later. Kihyun almost sighs in relieve when he feels his hands on his shoulder. The support keeps him from sinking on the ground.

"Can we sit?"

"Of course."

"I'm sorry…"

"Kihyun, no need to be sorry. Come.", Hoseok says and helps him over to the bench, the worry written all over his face. " Do you need the insulin?"

He helps Kihyun to slowly sit down and crouches in front of him, hands on Kihyuns knees.

Kihyun shakes his head, feeling so weak all of sudden .

"The diabetes influences my blood pressure."

Just a small lie.

Diabetes or kidneys, whatever is doing this to him, it doesn't matter. All he knows is that his body is fucking with him.

" Sometimes my blood pressure gets too high or too low really fast. I have pills but I forgot them in the building."

"You need them?"

"It's okay. I can just sit here for a moment. You can go in first."

"I'm not leaving you out here, Kihyun.", Hoseok says and Kihyun feels his warm hand on his cold cheeks. " You feel really cold."

Unconscious of his act, he leans into Hoseoks hand and it feels like it is the only support he needs.

" Can you please not close your eyes, Kihyun? I feel like you're dying on me and that frankly freaks me out a whole lot."

" I'm not dying on you.", Kihyun mumbles. " I just feel really really tired."

"Yes… that didn't make it better. I'll call someone."

Kihyun would have protested any other moment but he is tired and dizzy and has to use all of his energy to fight the sleepiness because he doesn't want to worry Hoseok more.

Hoseok sits down next to him, his arm around Kihyuns shoulder so he can lean into him comfortably.

"Changkyun. Give me Minhyuk.…........yes....................just give him to me….............. no............... yes…. ................Minhyuk. Just Minhyuk."

If he had more energy Kihyun might have started to cry because of course he has to fuck up things again.

Way to go.

"Minhyuk. Can you come down?… ..............No….......... No….................... He all of sudden told me he feels dizzy... ................No. He said he forgot......................... Yes… .....................We're sitting here. You should see us when you leave the building……. Yes…….......... Lay him down……. Okay………"

Hoseok hangs up. He gently straightens Kihyun and moves from his spot to the far end of the bench. " Lay your head on my lap, Kihyun."

"What?"

"Minhyuk said it is best for you to lay down. Come on."

Soft hands help him to get his head into the right position on his thighs. Kihyun doesn't know when he rested that comfortable for the last time.

" That's comfy."

He blinks and Hoseok smiles down at him. " It better be."

He slowly runs his finger through Kihyuns hair while they wait.

"I'm bit worried now." Kihyun says. He slightly mumbles because he really is tired.

"Why?"

"I'm worried you will blow off the date because my body is a bitch."

For a moment the finger movement stops before it continues.

"Have a bit more faith in me, Kihyun. Nothing will stop me from going on this date with you."

" Seems like you want to go as badly as I do."

"Maybe a tiny bit more."

"No way."

" You're so talkative all of sudden."

Hoseok smiles down at him and Kihyun wonders if he looks at others the same. Because those dark eyes seem to engulf him with so much affection and he prays that he doesn't get the emotions behind it wrong.

"I told you I'm going to tattoo it to your forehead if you forget once again!" Minhyuks voice echoes through the street and Kihyun groans when he remembers the threat.

"Hyung! Are you alright?"

Hoseoks hand stops moving and instead of it warmly rests on Kihyuns head.

"He can still call his body a bitch so I don't think he is close to dying."

"Seriously, Kihyun. Don't forget those.", Minhyuks shadow falls onto them. " You know it happens in the worst situations."

He crouches down next to the bench and climbers with a bottle of pills. Kihyun reaches out for it and with Hoseoks help manages to lift his body enough to take one.

"Give me five minutes."

"Are you really okay?" Changkyun asks from behind the bench.

Kihyun lifts his thumb. " It's only my blood pressure. This idiot here just forgot his pills."

Hoseok takes his lifted hand in his.

" You're still cold."

And if it is the most normal thing in the world, he doesn't let go of the hand anymore. Between half closed lids Kihyun sees the meaningful gazes Minhyuk and Changkyun share and Hoseoks response almost sends Kihyun into another blood pressure induced rollercoaster.

" Just to inform you, I asked him out on a date and he said yes."

Kihyun closes his eyes in deep distress when Changkyun and Minhyuk coo in delight.

"Thanks for taking things into your hands, Hoseok. My Kihyun over here wouldn't have done it in 10 years. Don't know what I did wrong with this kid."

"Minhyuk…", Kihyun whines. " You're embarrassing me."

He feels Minhyuks soft pat on his forehead. " That's my job, my dearest friend."

Hoseok chuckles and squeezes Kihyuns hand.

" You okay?"

"I think the pill is slowly working."

" Sure?"

"Yes. I think I can sit up."

"Careful there."

Hoseok helps him to lift his upper body and soon he sits straight. For a moment he keeps his eyes closed, fully aware of Hoseoks hand that keeps resting on his back. When he opens his lids he can see everything clear again.

"It's fine."

Minhyuk eyes him from head to toe. " You sure?"

"I can walk."

"We can carry y-"

Kihyun frantically shakes his head before Changkyun can even end his sentence.  "Please. My pride is already hurt too deeply. Let me walk inside."

They let him after a short discussion he is not allowed to take part in. Minhyuk takes the bag he earlier carried while Changkyun takes the one Hoseok left on the ground. Hoseok stays close by his side, his hand not leaving Kihyuns back as they slowly follow the others over to the building.

" I'm really sorry for all of this, Hoseok."

"I told you it's okay. You can't help it."

"I shouldn't have forgotten my pills."

Hoseok winks at him as they walk inside. " I take it my presence put you off your stride."

Hell.

How right he is.

                                                                                                                                                     

 

OOO

 

 

 

Kihyun gets seated on the comfy couch, Hyunwoo on his left and Hyungwon on his right. He feels well enough to help them with cooking but he gets yelled at as soon as he even tries to lift a finger and so he has to sit there and needs to endure how Jooheon almost boils vinegar in the pan and Minhyuk nearly stabs Changkyun when all he had to do was cutting tomatoes. Hoseok comes over here and there, filling up Kihyuns cup once more, asking him if he is alright or just to give him something to taste.

His nervousness vanished completely.

Kihyun still can't believe that he himself has been the reason for his earlier stuttering, the red cheeks and stumbling.

" So… hyung asked you out on a date?" Hyungwon asks when Hoseok left them alone once again to go back to the eggs in the pan.

Kihyun is a bit startled. Have Minhyuk or Changkyun even talked to the younger since coming back?

Hyungwon seems to read his thoughts. "Changkyun texted me from outside."

Kihyun once again feels too embarrassed to answer and rubs the back of his neck.

" It is good though.", Hyungwon continues, his gaze on the television. " Hyung was getting annoying."

"Annoying?"

" He was whining a lot these days."

Kihyun almost forgot about Hyunwoo next to him and is startled by his sudden words.

"Whining a lot?"

Hyungwon nods, and finally there is a smile on his always so stoic face. " The worst day was when he found out Changkyun has your number. He couldn't quit bitching about it."

"Oh…" Kihyun mumbles and looks down.

He smiles to the ground.

Cute.

" You and hyung seem to match well. I like you."

" You didn't seem to like me in the beginning though..." Kihyun notes.

Hyunwoo eats another cookie and Kihyun wants to tell him to stop because of dinner.

" Hyungwon thought you liked Changkyun and was jealous because he is his best friend." he says after swallowing the cookie.

"Hyung!"

"It's true."

It's good to know that even hostile looking Hyungwon is just jealous from time to time.

"Changkyun is like…. My baby. I need to look out for him." Kihyun explains.

"Yeah… he thinks he is cool but actually he needs to be pampered a lot."

Kihyun and Hyungwon share a knowing look.

An instant bond.

" The tomatoes are burning!"

Okay.

That's it.

Kihyun is on his feet and hurries over to the open kitchen.

"Go away!" Minhyuk threatens him with a spoon.

" Tomatoes are burning! What are you even doing?! How can they burn?"

"It's fine.", Jooheon smiles his dimple smiles and tries to hide the flames behind his back. "Everything is under control."

"The eggs!" Changkyun screeches.

"What could possibly go wrong with eggs?!"

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

 

"Give me your phone."

It is late already when everyone decides to call it a day. They bring Minhyuk and Kihyun to the door.

Hoseok reaches out for Kihyuns phone when the latter puts on his shoes.

"Here."

With a smile, Hoseok takes it. "I'm going to put in my number and call me so I have yours."

"I want hyungs number." Jooheon whines.

"Nope. Only I get it." Hoseok answers nonchalantly and calls himself.

Changkyun smiles mischievously. " I already have it."

Hoseok glares at him. " I'm going to delete it later."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Don't test me."

"Guys guys.", Minhyuk says with arms wide spread. " Since Hoseok already called dips on my Kihyunnie, you can all have my number. We'll make a kakaotalk group and won't invite them."

"Hyung~~~" Jooheon beams at him and everyone, except Kihyun and Hoseok build a circle around him to exchange numbers.

Kihyun chuckles and shakes his head in disbelief. when he looks at them.

Hoseok moves closer to him.

" Maybe I shouldn't have told them about the date."

"Maybe."

Kihyun takes his phone back.

"I'll text you.", Hoseok says, hands in his pockets. "Make sure to answer me."

"Of course I will."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Okay…"

"Oh my God, it is time to go.", Minhyuk makes a gagging sound in the background and pushes Kihyun out of the door. " Bye guys. See you soon."

Kihyun waves over his shoulder and wants to see Hoseok once more but Minhyuk forces him over to the elevator too fast. Minhyuk waits until they are outside in the cool night air before he links their arms and winks at him.

" Successful day, isn't it?"

"Yeah…" Kihyun can't contain the stupid grin on his face and as soon as they are around the next corner they take each others hands and jump up and down in crazy glee.

" I'm so excited for you, Hyun!"

"I'm so happy I could die! He asked me out on a date!"

"He asked you out on a date!"

"What should I do?!"

They jump for a bit more until the first people start to stare at them and then continue their way home, out of breath but happy.

"How did he ask?" Minhyuk asks eagerly.

" Well… all of sudden he said something about the situation being ridiculous and then he asked. My heart literally skipped a beat."

"He must have been so nervous."

"I was nervous." Kihyun emphasises.

"Did you decide on a day already?"

"Not yet."

Minhyuk puts an arm around his shoulder and gives his friend a squeeze. " I'm so happy for you. Really."

"The date didn't happen yet though. It could go terrible." Kihyun shudders at the thought.

"Doesn't matter. I'm just happy you found a nice caring, exorbitantly good looking guy to go on a date with. Such a great thing. No matter how it goes, today we'll be happy."

Kihyun breaths in deeply. " Yes… I guess for today it is alright."

" It is. Trust me. That is so terribly great.", he hugs him once more before he pulls Kihyun further down the road. " And now let's get our asses home. It's cold and I want to watch one more episode of my show before I go to bed."

Soon they arrive in the next subway station and Minhyuk leaves Kihyun next to the  entrance to recharge his subway card at the close automat. Kihyuns mobile vibrates in his pocket and he pulls it out a bit too fast to be cool. But who cares anymore when Hoseok is texting.

Kihyun smiles stupidly when he opens the message.

 

 

  
From: Hoseok  
You're home yet?~ ~  
  
To: Hoseok  
We're at the subway station. Minhyuk has to reload his card.  
  
From: Hoseok  
You're feeling okay now?  
  
To: Hoseok  
Perfectly fine ^-^/  
  
From: Hoseok.  
Still hurry up and get home~~ it's cold outside. You can't get sick. You have to go on a date with me ~~  
  
To: Hoseok  
You will keep reminding me of it? ㅋㅋ  
  
From: Hoseok  
Until I see you again~~

 

 

"Who is Hoseok?"

Kihyun winces when someone peeks over his shoulder.

"Chihwan!" he yells and almost hits the guy in the face.

"Who is Hoseok?" the other guy asks once again, a slight pout on his lips.

Kihyun pulls his mobile to his chest, taking a step back. " No one you need to know."

"Are you cheating on me?"

Kihyun rolls his eyes. " There is nothing to cheat on because we aren't even close to being a couple. And now please excuse me. I have to go."

He spins on his heel and walks over to the automat where Minhyuk is still waiting for his turn.

"Kihyun!"

"What?!"

" I thought we could talk for a bit." Chihwan catches up and adjusts his pace.

Kihyun stops abruptly, turning over to face him. " Chihwan. Once and for all. Stop doing this to yourself. I know you find it funny and it gives you some kind of creepy satisfaction to make me angry but stop it. I don't like you that way. And right now I frankly don't even want to be in the same room with you. So leave me alone, okay? Please."

Chihwan shuffles his feet, gaze averted to the ground." I was just trying to act nice."

"You were acting like a creeper. Don't read people's messages without their consent."

"Hey Chihwan, still trying to get into pants that aren't meant for you?" Minhyuk appears next to Kihyun.

Kihyun isn't sure if he is glad about the support or should be worried because Minhyuk and Chihwan never liked each other to the extent that fist were flying when they were younger.

" Minhyuk. Great to see you."

Oh, sweet sarcasm.

"Why didn't you tell me he is still bothering you, Kihyun?"

" He's just talking to me."

"See. He's fine with it." Chihwan beams at them and Kihyun glares. " No I'm not. So please stop from now on. Let's go Minhyuk."

" Keep away, Chihwan." Minhyuk threatens.

"What if I don't?"

Kihyun pinches the bridge of his nose in annoyance when they get closer to each other.

Boys will be boys?

When will the day come they won't be?

" Want to see what happens if you don't?"

"Bring it on!"

"Minhyuk. We're leaving. Now!"

Without further ado he takes Minhyuk by the hand and pulls him away.

" Can you stop being in each others face as soon as you see each other?"

" Can he stop being a creeper?", Minhyuk throws back as they make their way down the stairs to the trains. " Why didn't you tell me he is still bothering you?"

" As I said, he is just talking crap."

"That he does for sure.", Minhyuk huffs. " Woah. So annoying."

"Calm down, Minhyuk. Let's go home and forget about him."

 

 

 

OOO

 

 

 

  
Ten minutes after they arrive home someone calls Kihyun and he is surprised when he sees it is Hoseok.

" Hello? Is something the matter?"

"Kihyun…", Hoseok says lowly. " Why do you have a stalker called Chihwan?"

What the...

"One moment please." Kihyun says and covers the mobile with his hand.

"Lee Minhyuk!"  his voice booms through the house. " How the hell does Hoseok know about Chihwan?!"

Minhyuk appears in the doorway of his room, a half eaten carrot in his hands. " I texted the others in our new chatroom that they should never ever tell Hoseok about the psychopathic stalker that keeps following you around."

"Minhyuk…", Kihyun cries, his forehead against the cool metal of the fridge. " What is wrong with you?"

Minhyuk shrugs. " Why are you mad at me? I told them not to tell him. It is clearly not my fault."

"Run or I'm shoving a frying pan up your ass."

With a shriek Minhyuk claps the door shut.

"Hoseok.", with a deep sigh Kihyun is back on the phone. " Please don't take this too serious. I don't know what Minhyuk wanted to achieve by this but he was clearly exaggerating."

"There is no psycho following you around?"

"Well… he is not a psycho…"

Hoseok gasps. " So there is someone following you around?"

"Yes and no… but… Hoseok. Why are we having this conversation?"

For a moment he only hears Hoseoks breathing in the back.

" Because I got worried." he mumbles then.

And Kihyuns heart successfully spills once more.

" I'm sorry for worrying you a lot today."

" You really did...but nothing has been your fault so you are forgiven."

"Thanks."

"Back to the stalker. I might don't look like it but I can kick his ass to Siberia if you want me to."

"You definitely look like it."

"I do?"

"Yes. But on the inside you're a cinnamon roll."

"Hmm.", some noise Kihyun can't make out on the other side. " I can deal with cinnamon roll. But I'm not sure if I can deal with this guy. You promise me he is not dangerous?"

"Dangerously stupid but I can handle it."

"You tell me if something is wrong?"

"Okay."

"Promise."

"I promise."

"Good.", Kihyun almost sees Hoseoks bright smile in front of him and he can't help but to beam at the wall.

" Do you have time to meet on next Wednesday? Around 6?"

Kihyun thinks for a moment. "Sounds good. Where?"

"That I don't know yet. I need to think of a great place to go."

"I'm good with everything. We don't have to do something special."

"You're cute, Kihyun."

Hoseoks mouth becomes more and more dangerous for Kihyun and his blood pressure.

"I need to hang up now." Hoseoks says. There is a voice in the background Kihyun can't really place because it is too quiet.

" I need to tell Changkyun that you're fine and nothing happened.", he scoffs. " That boy is totally fixated on you. How did you do this?"

"Caramel coffee."

"Make it for me once."

"I will."

 

 

OOO

 

 

 

"Insulin?"

"Yes."

"Blood pressure pills?"

"Yes."

"Mobile?"

"Yes."

"Charger?"

"Yes."

Minhyuk nods in approval.

" I think you're good to go.", he pulls Kihyuns scarf a bit tighter around the others head. " It's warm enough?"

"Minhyuk… I'm going out with Hoseok. This is not the first ascent of the Kilimanjaro."

"You going on a date does feel like something world shaking though."

"I believe I should be offended by that, shouldn't I?"

Minhyuk turns him to the door and gives him a small pat on his backside. " Go. Hoseok must be waiting for you already."

" He texted me five minutes ago."

Minhyuk waves at him from the door. "Have fun Kihyunie. Don't do anything I wouldn't do… wait...there isn't a lot...just...Don't do anything I would do on a first date you hear me!?"

"Yes, Mom!" He waves one last time at Minhyuk before he hurries down to the first floor, taking two stairs at once.

Outside he looks around and soon spots Hoseok under the light of a street lamp close by.

"Hoseok!" He hurries over, almost stumbles over the trash can along the way in all of his excitement.

Hoseok brightly smiles at him. " That happy to see me?"

"I…" Kihyun averts his gaze, all of sudden aware of how crazy he acts.

Hoseoks chuckles.

" Hello, Kihyun."

For a short moment his hugs him. Kihyun wants to stay a bit longer in the embrace but far too early Hoseok releases him.

" You have everything? Insulin? Blood pressure pills?"

"What I have is a sudden déjà vu."

" Minhyuk already made sure you bring everything with you?"

"More than once."

Hoseok laughs and nods down the street. " Let's go then."

"Where to?" Kihyun asks when he follows him, hands on the stripes of his bag.

" I thought about going to the light festival at Cheonggyecheon . I have never been there before. How does it sound?" he asks and Kihyun notices the slight nervousness in his eyes.

" Sounds great." he beams and hopes that Hoseok doesn't feel too nervous because frankly, he is tense enough for two.

They make their way over to the next subway station and soon sit in the warmth of one of the trains. Or better, Kihyun is sitting on the last free seat while Hoseok stands in front of him, seemingly super content with it. Kihyun didn't want to sit but Hoseok forced him in the end. He can be so persistent from time to time.

"How was your day?" Kihyun asks.

Hoseok sways his head. " It was… a blur."

"A blur?"

"Yes. Boss was a dick and did everything wrong and in the end I had to save his ass again but today I didn't care because my thoughts where somewhere else." His trademark wink and Kihyun slides further down in his seat to hide his blush.

But Hoseok notices.

Of course he does.

Because his eyes are on Kihyun and nothing else. Kihyun notices when Hoseok always knows what he needs, be it a tissue or a hand to help him out of somewhere as if he had never done anything else.  
Hoseok knows when he is too cold and pulls him into a coffee shop, sees when he is lost and guides him with a gentle hand on his back, looks back at him when he almost gets lost in the huge crowd at the light festival. His hand reaching out for Kihyun so he can easily take it, his smile when Kihyun once again is mesmerized by his beautiful face.

Hoseok is there.

With all the warmth and affection he can come up with and Kihyun knows pretty early that after this evening he is done for good.

If he hadn't been already.

But who wouldn't be happy about being done for such a beautiful human being? And as handsome as Hoseok is,  Kihyun can't remember ever having met a person whose inside have been this beautiful to him.

" Do you like it?"

Hoseok takes another bite of the ramyun he ordered and nods intensely. " It's so good."

They became hungry and Kihyun suggested a small ramyun restaurant close to his apartment in which he occasionally eats with Minhyuk.

Who would have known ramyun is Hoseoks religion?

Hoseok takes another bite and beams in glee. " So good!"

Kihyun chuckles. " So we went to the right restaurant?"

Hoseok shows his thumb, totally engrossed in his food.

" Are you from Seoul?" Kihyun asks while he takes his chopsticks and starts to eat himself.

" Around Seoul. I came here together with Hyunwoo after High School. We met in our second year and became friends."

" So how did you end up living with Changkyun, Jooheon and Hyungwon?"

Hoseok makes a sudden mess, as if Kihyun just said something totally unexpected. He wipes away the stain with a tissue.

" I know Jooheons older brother. He asked me to look after Jooheon. At that time he was already friends with Changkyun and Hyungwon and because those two didn't have a place to go we took them in."

" I see." Kihyun says slowly.

He had hoped that after listening to Hoseoks answer, all of his questions would have been answered but he still didn't get the information he was so curious about.

" Is something the matter?" Hoseok asks with big eyes when he feels Kihyuns gaze on him.

" I was wondering about something."

" And that would be?"

" The night... we first met. What was the reason for you to act the way you did? You seemed... nervous that night. Almost fearful."

Something changes in Hoseoks stance. From one second to another his adorable beam disappears, replaced by a serious expression. He puts his chopsticks away.

" I guess I'd be curious, too, if I was you."

" You don't have to answer me though." Kihyun says in a hurry, having noticed the change in his behaviour.

Hoseok shakes his head. " I want to see you again."

" What... does that have to do with it?"

" I want to be honest with you from the beginning. Hiding important things from the very start... it never ends well."

Kihyun can't remember having ever looked into such sincere eyes.

Almost... hypnotising.

" I just worry." Hoseok continues.

" Why?"

Hoseok takes a sip of his coke, only slowly sets it back on the table. " I'm worried you will turn away from me. I'm scared your thoughts of me will change."

" Why don't you try first?"

Hoseok studies Kihyun for a second, seems to come to a decision then and runs his hand trough his blonde hair.

He leans back into his chair.

" What would you say if I told you I.... or better... we were involved in illegal business until a while ago?"

" I would ask you what kind of illegal business."

" That's a good question."

The ramyun are long forgotten.

" You see.", Hoseok support his elbows on the table. " When Hyunwoo and I came to Seoul, things were pretty harsh for us. We didn't have money and we pretty easily ended up in bad circles. We started to do some delivery business. You know, the bigger ones in the business don't like to get their hands dirty. We kind of... did well. Some guy - you don't need to know his name- he took us in and we took care of his delivery businesses. To put it briefly, he gave us the goods and we brought it to the recipient. I'm not even sure what it was that was inside all the time. Weapons, drugs, the usual stuff you can think about, I guess...", he stops, eyes wide all of sudden. " We never did drugs though, of course! " he adds hastily.

Kihyun is surprised about the amount of worry in his dark eyes.

Is he that scared of being rejected by Kihyun?

" You said it was until a while ago?" Kihyun asks further.

Hoseok nods. " Yes. You see, we did that a few years, earned a lot of money. That is how we could buy that apartment. Then the boys came to us. Jooheon is actually the younger brother of a gang leader. That's how we ended up working together, just like with Changkyun and Hyungwon. But you see, even though we just delivered  goods and didn't take part in anything else, things sometimes got pretty dangerous. Of course, we got lots of money out of it but one day that didn't seem to be important anymore. The boys... I really love them from the bottom of my heart and I wanted them away from it. That night, when we first met. Some things went wrong. Wrong as fuck and that it didn't end in a disaster is still a miracle to me. After that we decided together to quit things and do normal stuff. Getting  back on track. I actually really learned about marketing, that wasn't a lie. I got a job in a small company. Yeah... that's it I guess."

He ends his talk, clasps his hands together and restlessly plays with his thumps while his gaze wanders from Kihyun back down to the table.

" Why do you seem to worried all of sudden?"

" Do I seem like it?", Hoseok chuckles awkwardly. " Then I'm sorry... I just feel, so vulnerable all at once."

" Because of what I am going to say?"

" Actually...", Hoseok hangs his head. " Yes..."

Kihyuns heart only softens the more.

"Do you…", Hoseok looks at his folded hands, voice almost a mumble. "Do you by any chance feel different about me now?"

" How do you expect me to feel?"

Hoseok looks so helpless all of sudden. " I'm not sure. Scared? Disappointed? It is not one of my greatest achievements in life. "

Does he feel like that?

There is something inside of him that makes him feel uncomfortable. He doesn't like the feeling at all but as he ponders about it further it becomes clear to him that nothing about his view on Hoseok changed. Sure. He would have loved to have heard another story. Puppies, kids, not drugs. But people have their stories, and Kihyun himself is by far no angel. If Hoseok knew what kind of people he knew back in the days and what he did on his worse days...

No.

It really didn't change anything

He feels drawn to Hoseok like he did before.

" No. There is nothing like that.", Kihyun says slowly, when he made up his mind. "I'm only worried."

"I told you that you never have to worry about me an--"

"Hoseok." Kihyun stops his rant. For a moment he looks at Hoseoks hand on the table, contemplating about being brave or not. Then, slowly he reaches over the table and takes Hoseoks warm hand in his.

" You could never scare me. You just… don't have it in you. I'm worried because I don't want you to be in danger, not because of what you do."

" I promise you, Kihyun. We quit. For good."

" Thanks for telling me all of this. And I believe you. " Kihyun squeezes his hand a bit tighter. .

Hoseok stares at their hands as if he is hypnotised , his lips slightly ajar as if he wants to say more. For a moment, Kihyun is worried that he will repel him, whatever reason it may be.

His fear was unreasonable. Hoseoks finger tighten their grip around his hand, showing Kihyun that he won't let go that soon.

" You're amazing, Kihyun."

" I tend to think differently."

" No. Seriously.", the corner of his lips curl slightly. " So many other people would have left by now. But you're just sitting there as if I just told you about my basic studies."

" It is not like I'm too happy about it, too be honest. But who am I to judge you. If you promise me you've never done something worse to anyone."

" I didn't! I swear!"

" I believe you.", Kihyun can't help but to chuckle when Hoseoks face turns pale.  " I really do believe you, Hoseok. And this changes nothing."

 

 

 

 

OOO

 

 

It is late and they are on the way back to Kihyuns apartment.

Kihyun didn't want Hoseok to bring him back home because it is a detour for him but Hoseok acted like he couldn't hear him at all and here they are.

They are still holding hands, slightly swinging them as they walk down the street. Both of them still haven't talk about what it is by now, their relationship. Kihyun thinks the question has time to be answered and right now he doesn't want to destroy the comfortable silence between them, or worse, let go Hoseoks hand.

" Did you have fun today?" Hoseok asks when Kihyuns home comes into their view.

" I did. You?"

Hoseok smiles brightly and squeezes his hand.

That is enough answer for Kihyun.

" Favourite anime?"

They have played the question game for quite a while now.

Hoseok puckers his lips and ponders about it. " Definitely _Kiss him, not me._ "

Kihyun snorts. " Shoujo it is?"

" With my whole being."

" To each his own."

" My turn.", Hoseoks rubs his neck as he comes up with another question. " Cornflakes and then milk, or milk and then the cornflakes?"

Kihyun gasps in fake agony. " Of course cornflakes and then the milk. If you do it the other way around we need to part ways this instant."

" Who do you take me for, Yoo Kihyun?"

" Did you ever have a blackout after drinking too much?" Kihyun continues.

Hoseok nods. " New years eve 2015 and I'm completely sure it was Jooheons plum brandy."

" Jooheon seems dangerous."

" He is. Don't be fooled by his dimples."

They stop at the traffic lights. It is late and no car can be seen but both of them are in no hurry to part ways so every delay is welcomed.

" Where are your parents?" Hoseok asks next.

The light turns green and they start to cross the street.

" Abroad. For a few years now. I'm not necessarily close to them so the occasional video call on my birthday is enough for me. How about yours?"

Hoseok smiles sadly, his thumb running over Kihyuns back of his hand. " I've never met my Dad and Mom died when I was 18."

" Oh… I'm sorry…"

Hoseok brought up the parents but Kihyun nevertheless feels like the worst idiot around.

Hoseoks seems to notice his distress and reaches out to even out a strand of hair that sticks out on Kihyuns head.

 " I can deal with it by now. She had cancer for a long time so it was almost a relief when she could finally go."

A cold shiver runs down Kihyuns spine.

"A relief for her and for me."

He feels sick all of sudden.

Hoseoks mother died after a long time of sickness?

Hoseok had to witness… he already went down this way, staying by the side of someone sick  and he himself… Kihyun....can never promise him that he won't end up the same way?

"Kihyun?"

How could he ever expect that of him?

"Kihyun, hey …."

How could he… now that he knows….

"Kihyun!"

With a start Kihyun snaps out of his thoughts.

"What's wrong?", Hoseok cups his face with one hand. "You're so pale all of sudden."

" I'm sorry… I…"

"Kihyun. What's wrong?", Hoseok chuckles, but it is far from happy, streaked by a sudden uneasiness. " Is it something I said?"

Kihyun shakes his head to get back into reality.

He manages a smile. " I'm sorry...I was lost in my thoughts I guess."

Hoseok doesn't look too convinced.

" You can tell me."

" Tell you what?"

" You can tell me if you don't want to meet anymore..", he takes a deep breath. " Wow... saying that was harder than I thought."

"No no!", Kihyun denies as fast as he can. " It was great, really. I enjoyed every minute of today. I just… thought about something I shouldn't have."

" Do you want to share that thought?"

" Another time, okay?"

Hoseok studies his features for a moment and the agrees. " Alright. This worries me a lot but I don't want to pressure you."

Kihyun takes both of his hands in his. He himself is surprised about his sudden boldness.

" Thanks for today."

" So…", Hoseok starts. " Could you…"

"Yes?"

"After today… could you imagine…us...?"

" You... want to... be with me?"

Hoseok seems to be taken aback by the questions.

"Am I that great in hiding it?"

"Hiding what?"

" Now I get what Minhyuk meant with oblivious. Come here."

Hoseok pulls him closer by his hands until Kihyun finds himself in his warm embrace. Hoseok sighs in content, even goes as far as nuzzling his face into Kihyuns neck. " I really really really want to be with you, Kihyun. I thought I made that clear all this time."

Kihyun only slowly responds to the embrace.

First he turned into a pillar of salt, that close to Hoseok, not knowing how to handle the sudden proximity because Hoseok already manages to take his breath with smaller gestures and this... this is so much more. His body is acting on his own when he places a soft kiss on Hoeoks cheek, his lips lingering a bit too long on the soft skin. He is not sure where he got all that courage from, he who blushes all the time around Hoseok and is more of a nervous mess than anything else.

Maybe because he hates the uncertainty in Hoseoks voice.

Maybe because he wants the other to go home with the thought that he cares about him a lot.

He takes in Hoseoks smell, already addicted to it.

Still, the nagging voice in the back of his head won't disappear.

" It was great. You were great. Still, we should think about it and don't rush anything."

Hoseok holds him a tiny bit closer. " I don't want to. And I don't need to. Don't say those things after kissing me."

"Hoseok."

"No.", the other whines. " Don't bring up cons. I don't want to hear it. I want you."

Oh, how happy this makes Kihyun.

But the voice  won't leave, telling him to let the man run, run far away from him so he won't have to suffer when Kihyun will.

_`Don't live in what if's all the time'_

Minhyuks voice joins the other, and Kihyun knows deep down, that his best friend is right but he is in too much uproar to decide on anything.

" You know, I'm sick." Kihyun softly pushes Hoseok away so he can look into his eyes.

" I know. I don't care. I have a bad past. You don't care."

"Still. Promise me to think about it."

"How long?"

"How long do you need?"

"I don't need to think about it. You're the one telling me to." Hoseok slightly pouts. Kihyun reaches out for him but stops the last second and pulls his hands back.

"I just want you to be sure, Hoseok."

"Kihyun.", Hoseok bends towards him, studying his features. " Something is bothering you. I can see. But I will trust your promise that it has nothing to do with me."

"Thanks."

"Sleep over it. And then tell me. Okay?"

Kihyun nods.

Hoseok reaches for his hand again. " It is not because of my past?"

Kihyun shakes his head. " It's not."

" Okay..."

Once again Kihyun finds himself in his embrace.

" Sleep well, Kihyun. And talk to me soon."

" I will. Good night.

And they part ways.

 

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

 

Minhyuk leans against the fridge, he smacks his lips as he eats the last piece of pizza.

He has Jooheon on the phone.

For the third time that day.

"Any update over there?"

Jooheon snacks on a few chips. " He managed to get dressed."

"Really?"

"We were as surprised as you. But an hour ago he fell face first onto the sofa and since then hasn't moved. Sometimes he makes a few noises. Sounds like pain and agony to me. Changkyun thinks he is praying to Satan for salvation."

"Ouch."

" He's so much into your Kihyun it is getting ridiculous."

"I'm sorry to hear my boy is causing so much chaos. Even though I'm a bit proud.", Minhyuk slowly nibbles on his pizza and keeps and eye on Kihyun at their sofa in the living room. " But you don't have to worry. I can understand now why he is acting the way he is. Tell Hoseok Kihyun will break soon and that he'll happily date from today onwards."

"You sure?"

"I know when my baby is in love. It's just--", he pushes the last bit of pizza into his mouth and licks a bit of tomato sauce of his finger. "-- a bit complicated for him. That's all."

"I want to know later. Make sure you tell me."

"I'll explain to you after Kihyun explains to Hoseok."

"You're sure he will?"

" If not I'll make him."

And with that Minhyuk hangs up.  


 

 

 

OOO

 

 

 

Kihyun couldn't sleep well last night and he still feels so exhausted even though he managed to crawl over to the sofa a nap for a while.

"Ki-hyun-ie."

Minhyuk sings and pushes himself between the lying Kihyun and the backrest of the couch.

" What are you doing?"

"Internally screaming at myself because I'm an idiot."

"That we know already.", Minhyuk leans over him and fishes his mobile from the coffee table. " We can easily make you feel better by calling Hoseok."

Kihyuns eyes follow the swinging mobile in front of his face but he doesn't intend to take it.

"By now he is done with me either way. I'm pretty sure he took my advice for real and thought about everything and decided I'm not worth it."

Minhyuk pokes his shoulder. " My source told me he is a nervous wreck on the couch waiting for your call. Or a message. Or anything. I think by now he would be okay with smoke signs."

Kihyun groans and hides his face behind his hands. " I'm so stupid."

"Kihyun…", Minhyuk starts. " After what you told me about last night, I understand why you're acting like that. And I'm actually really proud because you're doing a lot better already. I remember your last date. You never contacted the guy again because you're too scared of the future. But now you keep going. Even if I'd prefer it happening in a literal way and out of the door."

"That guy was different."

" What was different?"

"That was just some guy.", Kihyun mutters behind his hands. " But this….is Hoseok we're talking about."

Minhyuk can't help but to smile brightly at his friend. He circles his arms around Kihyuns waist.

" You really do like him, don't you?"

For a moment, it is quiet but then Kihyun nods, his face still hidden behind his hands.

" A whole lot."

" Stop living in what if's, Kihyun.", Minhyuk says gently. " What if I get sick, what if it hurts him, what if it's too much. You can't predict that."

"I feel like I can."

"No. That's just--", Minhyuk pokes his temple. "-- your head making up things. Your sickness scared you a lot the past years, I know. But don't be scared of things that might never happen. What if you date him and soon it is over and you'll never get the far?"

Kihyun peeks at Minhyuk through his fingers. "The mere thought hurts a lot."

"What if you stay with him forever and your body works fine?"

" I know, Minhyuk. I know all of this. My brain just doesn't want to realize."

" I think Hoseok can help you out with that."

Kihyun grimaces. " What if I tell him and he doesn't want me anymore?"

"Then you clearly don't need that man. But come on.", Minhyuk pinches his cheek. " Hoseok is totally smitten by you. Everyone can see."

"He is?" Kihyun asks carefully.

Minhyuk chuckles. " Jooheon says Hoseok woke them all up in the middle of the night to discuss about what he did wrong for you not to like him. He said something about the usage of a white board and statistics. Hoseok a good guy who likes you."

"He was perfect last night…"

"I just want to make you realize that he is a great guy that this early already cares deeply about you.", he nonchalantly looks at his fingers. " I guess many people notice he is a good catch."

Kihyun freezes next to him.

" You think… he is popular?"

"Kihyun. Please.", Minhyuk rolls his eyes. " You have eyes of your own."

"Oh god…", Kihyun sits up with a start. " Someone will steal him away…"

" That could possibly happen."

" No!"

Kihyun is gone from the couch and hurries over to his room.

Satisfied with the world and himself, Minhyuk leans back and turns on the TV.

" That was easy.", he pats his own shoulder. " You still got it in you."

  


 

 

OOO  


 

 

 

Kihyun feels a whole new determination as he leaves the subway station close to Hoseoks apartment.

Yes.

He will go there and he will tell him. And if Hoseok still wants him after the starting problems he will gladly stay with him.

Yes.

Yes…

His steps are getting slower and soon he stops altogether, the apartment building already in his view.

He swallows deeply.

All of sudden he is a nervous mess.

He is sure that he wants to go there and tell Hoseok and be with him… but how can he confess now? What can he say? Should he just kiss him? When was the last time he confessed to anyone…will the others listen? And what is he even wearing?

It is official.

Yoo Kihyun has a mental breakdown.

For a moment, he sits down on the pavement and plays with the mobile in his hands, letting his thoughts go wild.  Then, on the spur of the moment, he calls Changkyun.

" Hyung?" The other answers after only a few seconds.

" You're home?"

"Yes. Why are you calling?"

" I wanted to talk to Hoseok but before th--"

"Oh my God ! Thank God! He'll talk!"

Kihyun has to hold the mobile a bit away from his ear. The sudden screams on the other end of the line are just too loud.

" Hyung! Why so late?!"

That must have been Jooheon.

"Ehm…"

"Tell Hoseok hyung to pull his head out of the oven!" Jooheon again.

"You are kidding, aren't you?" Kihyun slowly asks, not sure if he wants to know the answer.

" Hyung! Stop it! You're scaring him!" Changkyun yells over the noise. Kihyun massages his temple. He really didn't want this to be for everyone to see and now the whole household seems to be on the plan.

"Changkyun? Can I talk to Hoseok for a moment?"

"Sure! Wait a second--"

But Kihyun doesn't have to wait that long because right that instant the other is on the phone.

" Hey."

Kihyun closes his eyes for a second, the edges of his lips slightly curling when he hears his pleasant voice. Hoseoks voice that is like medicine to him because he feels so much calmer already.

Why didn't he call him earlier?

Right… he was having a mental breakdown over that matter.

" Hey.", he quietly says. " I'm sorry for calling this late."

"No! It's fine." Hoseok gasps out.  

Kihyun notices the strain in his voice he tries to hide.

" You sound as nervous as I feel."

"Well…", Hoseoks responds slowly. " After what you said last night. I really wanted to stay calm but patience isn't my strong point so…" he stops, awkwardly laughing at the end. Kihyun hears the closing of a door. He must have left for his room.

" There is no need to be nervous."

"Of course there is…", Hoseoks words are almost a mutter. " What if you decided against me? I was worrying all day long about what I did wrong last night. You said you were okay with the things I confessed but after I left... I wasn't sure anymore."

"You did nothing wrong. It was me."

"You?"

"Yes."

Kihyun is getting cold on the ground but he doesn't want to get up.

" I knew what I wanted from the beginning but then I just freaked out and tried…", he swallows deeply, a sensation of insecurity and fear in his chest because he is talking about his feelings so openly. "… and tried to push you away even though…"

He runs his hand over his face, sure about nothing anymore.

" I'll call you back."

"Ki--"

And he hangs up.

For a moment he just looks at the phone in his hands, head as empty as Minhyuks piggy bank. Then he starts to hit it against his head, cursing at himself in the process.

"Okay. Kihyun. That was stupid. You need to call back."

He takes in a deep breath, typing in Changkyuns number again.

Only a second later, Hoseok answers the call.

" Are you okay?" he asks quick like a shot.

Kihyun grimaces.  "Sorry. My finger acted faster than my brain."

"So you are okay?"

"Yes... if you ignore that I'm an idiot. Like... Seriously." He tries to laugh it off but the laughter soon gets stuck in his throat.

" What did you want to say?"

"  I have to tell you about some things."

"Then how about just telling me?" Hoseok offers and Kihyun thinks that he is so wrong and actually has the patience of a saint.

His mouth feels dry, his heart beating far too fast.

" What do you want to tell me, Kihyun?" Hoseok asks once again, and there is something in his voice, a hidden knowing, a small hope that he already knows what will be revealed now.

" I…"

"Yes?"

" I called you to say… well, actually I came out to tell you."

"You came here?"

Kihyun wants to answer but nothing comes out. He cannot just tell it on the phone. He came over especially for that. He needs to tell Hoseok in person.

He feels the rising fear.

So Kihyun does the only right thing and hangs up again.

"Ahhhhhh! You fucking idiot!"

He buries his face in his hands about to throw is mobile on the street in hope the next car drives over it.

He gets back on his feet, walking up and down in a hurry and people start to stare at the strange man having a monologue in the middle of town.

Kihyun kicks a pebble stone out of his way.

It is not rocket science…

It is a totally normal thing he did before.

I.

  
Like.

  
You.

I want to get to know you even more. I feel good when I'm with you, if you still want me after what I'm going to tell you now, I'll be happy to be your boyfriend.

But this feels so different.

Hoseok makes everything feel different because he already is so important to Kihyun. He can't mess up.

Kihyun scoffs at nothing.

Who is he trying to kid? Even if he didn't fuck things up before he clearly did now.

His mobile vibrates and he almost let's it fall when he checks the caller ID too fast.

It's Minhyuk.

"He-" Kihyun wants to greet him but Minhyuk cuts him off.

" I swear to God Kihyun stop driving the poor boy crazy! Why is he calling me telling that you keep hanging up! For fucks sake get your balls back or out or whatever, get your ass over to this cutie and tell him you like him back! The poor boy really doesn't deserve his current mental breakdown! Don't you dare coming back home without having told him! Bye!"

"Min-"

But his friend already hang up.

Kihyun sniffs.

The night air is a bit cold and Minhyuks words let a shiver run down his back. The thought of coming home to an angry Minhyuk...

Nothing he wants to see until the end.  


 

OOO  


 

Jooheon eyes him from head to toe and Kihyun nervously trips from one feet to the other in front of the door.

" We were so happy we got Hyung to leave the couch."

"Sorry?"

"Now he's lying under the table."

Kihyun feels like the worst person ever.

Jooheon pats his shoulder. " It's fine. Hyung has always been too emotional for his own good. Come in."

He softly pushes him in.

Kihyun leaves his shoes next to the door and slowly makes his way over to the living room. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Jooheon motioning for the others to follow him into his room. Changkyun touches his shoulder for a short moment as he passes by, just like Hyungwon does.

Quietly they close the door and it is quiet around Kihyun.

Well, not that quiet.

"Oh god… kill me right here and now…" Hoseoks muffled voice reaches his ear.

There.

Two legs peek out from under the table.

"Jooheon!"

Kihyun keeps quiet.

"Jooheonah! Make hyung ramyun!" he whines.

Kihyun crouches down where he is standing.

" Hoseok?"

A hitch catches Hoseok and... bang.

He cries out in pain.

"Are you okay?" Kihyun hurries over to the table where Hoseok slowly pushes himself out from under the table. He holds his forehead, but all of his attention is on Kihyun.

" You're here?"

"Yes."

"You hang up on me twice..."

"I know… I'm sorry.", Kihyun looks to the ground in shame. " I don't work well under pressure. I really feel terrible for it."

" It's okay. You came here." Hoseok objects. He still rubs his head that must hurt like hell. Kihyun, with his caring personality, wants to reach out for the aching spot but Hoseok only slightly shrinks back and hishand stops midway.

" Sorry…"

Hoseoks eyes widen, he sits up, his hands reaching for Kihyun but keeping some distance between them. " No! Don't think I don't want to… but...", he sinks back on his knees, his hands moving to undergird his words.  " If you're here to tell me well never end up together I prefer not being touched by you. Because.. I guess it would feel nice."

He smiles his half smile, a sadness in his eyes that hurts Kihyun. He doesn't want to see that in Hoseoks eyes.

He swallows heavily, averting his gaze to the ground.

" I'm not here… to do that though."

The words linger in the room between them and even Hoseok, who always talks when Kihyun can't, seems speechless for a second.

" I tried to push you away even though I clearly want the difference.", Kihyun continues, feeling how his face heats up. " I do like you a lot."

"Then why do you seem so nervous?" Hoseok questions quietly.

Kihyun looks at his clasped hands in his lap.

"I… got worried after… you told me about your Mom."

Hoseok pricks up his ears. " My mom? What does it have to do with us?"

" Her cancer… I…", Kihyun tries to find the right words. " I was worried, you would have to go through the same thing with me."

Hoseoks eyes widen only the slightest but Kihyun nevertheless notices.

" What do you mean?"

"It's not just diabetes."

" Not just diabetes?"

" I have something called nephropathy."

Is it him or does Hoseok slightly pale.

" That means?"

" My diabetes affected my kidneys and they're not working the way they should.", Kihyun doesn't want to confuse him with too much at once. " I'm not going too much into detail because it's complicated. The thing is that in the worst case my kidneys will fail in and I need to undergo dialyse. Or get a transplant, which altogether means hospital and medicine and...yes..."

"In the worst case?"

"Yeah… still it is not sure I'll get it. I'm close but it is not 100 percent sure. I…", Kihyun wants to look at anything, just not Hoseok. " Minhyuk always tells me I live too far in the future and in what if's and he is right like an awful lot of times. But… getting to know about your mother and that you suffered while staying by her side.… of course, I don't want to compare our situations because that was cancer and this is… just a kidney… but I've been scared of it for a long time. So… it is a big issue for me. And to think there is the possibility I could pull you into this… I just panicked."

He looks to the ground, feeling so ashamed all of sudden. Speaking openly about it made everything seem so small and unnecessary all of sudden. How could he make such a drama out if it?

" So… the worst case is a kidney failure? But it isn't even sure you'll reach that stage?"

"Yes.", Kihyun nods slowly. " I understand if you don't want to--"

" Kihyun…" Hoseok exhales.

First, Kihyun doesn't register what is happening then. His brain only starts working a bit later when he is already in Hoseoks embrace, warm, perfectly comfortable and feeling the safest he has in a long time.

" Don't do this to me.", Hoseok whines quietly, close to Kihyuns ear. " I thought you're dying on me like my mother did."

"I'm not…"

"How could I know when you talk like this?!", Hoseok gently pushes him away, his hands cupping his face. " I got so worried for a second! And this whole night I thought you were scared of me..."

Kihyun doesn't know what to say.

" I'm sorry…I'm not..."

He already apologised a lot today. One or two more don't matter.

" You idiot."

Hoseok pulls him back into his arms. Kihyun feels his fingers gently stroking his hair.

" That was the reason you told me to think it through?"

"Yes…"

"Nothing else?"

" No."

" It is not my past? It is not me?"

Kihyun shakes his head and slowly his body reacts. He responds to the embrace, slowly hugging Hoseok back.

It feels nicer than he imagined.

" Minhyuk was right. You stupid stupid idiot.", Hoseok gently rocks him back and forth. " Of course it is horrible and I feel so worried and sad and I don't want you to experience it… but just because my mother died doesn't mean something like that can keep me from you."

His words hit Kihyun right in the chest and he has to try hard not to break out into tears that moment.

Out of so much content.

Everything he imagined Hoseok could say… nothing could have been better.

" You… still want me after… today?"

Hoseok releases him and keeps Kihyuns hands in his.

" That's why you were so scared of talking to me?"

" I should have told you earlier."

"Kihyun… believe me when I say this changes nothing. Nothing at all. Come on, look at me.", Hoseok gently lifts his head, a loving smile on his face and his gaze finally meets Kihyuns.

" Nothing, nothing at all. So…"

"So?"

"So… if this was the only reason keeping you from me in your head.", he affectionately taps Kihyuns forehead with his fist. " Then I'd be really happy if you'd say yes to being my boyfriend."

The tears start to fall the moment the other door opens and Jooheon and Changkyun roll into the living room.

" You made him cry, hyung!" Changkyun yells and points accusingly at Hoseok.

He doesn't even notice because as soon as Kihyun starts crying he turns into a pillar of salt, his hands reaching out for Kihyun but not touching him.

" Why are you crying?!"

" I can't stop..." Kihyun brings out between two sobs and covers his eyes with his arms.

" Do something, hyung!" Jooheon yells, keeping a fair distance between himself and Kihyun because he honestly doesn't know how to handle crying people, boy or girl likewise.

" What do I do?!", Hoseoks head turns between them and Kihyun, his arms still midair.

" Kihyun… hey..."

" Of course, Hoseok…"

"What of course?! What Kihyun? Does something hurt?!"

"Of course I say yes."

"Ahhh… Kihyun…", without further ado Hoseok hugs him again, rocking him back and forth between helplessly laughing and not knowing what to do. " You'll be my end. Don't cry."

"I was so stressed all day…" Kihyun presses out between two sobs.

"Shh… I know…", he kisses Kihyuns temple and cheeks, still not managing to calm the other down. "It's okay.. sshh… just cry. It's fine."

Kihyun hides his face in Hoseoks neck and keeps sobbing for a little while longer.

Because he is so happy and finally the knot in his stomach disappears.

 

 

 

OOO

 

 

 

The soft rocking of the subway, the exhaustion, the crying and the relief slowly lull Kihyun into a deep slumber. His head lolls to the side and rests against Hoseoks shoulder. The blonde smiles down at him, his fingers softly stroking a few strands of hair away so he can see the others sleeping face.

Jooheon, sitting across from them in the almost empty subway rolls his eyes.

" I'm torn between being so jealous because both of you are cute as fuck and being annoyed because you already look at him as if he's the Mona Lisa."

Hoseok just beams at him, too happy to even care.

"You could have stayed home."

" You could have taken the car."

" I wanted to spend more time with him... who knew he'd fall asleep as soon as we got inside the train."

Jooheon shakes his head in disbelief, but there is understanding in his warm gaze.

" Anyways. It's too late and you still shouldn't go out alone at night.", he rests the back of his head against the window.  " We're going to give Kihyun a drawer in your wardrobe so he can sleep over next time."  
With that he closes his eyes and leaves Hoseok alone with his thoughts.

He carefully takes Kihyuns hand in his and smiles warmly down  at him. He looks at the contrast of their entangled fingers. Kihyuns are a bit shorter and his skin a bit darker than Hoseoks but that is fairly easy since everyone tells Hoseok he is paler than Hyungwons favourite vanilla cream.

His gaze wanders up until it reaches Kihyuns features again.

The narrow nose, rosy lips, eyelashes slightly longer than his.

The hardly noticeable shadows under his eyes he can only see that close, and he now understands where they come from.

So beautiful to Hoseok in all of his imperfection and he can't figure out how he deserves this happiness. He leans over and presses a soft kiss to Kihyuns head, taking in the feeling of the closeness, only getting more intensive in the silence of the subway.

" It's alright, hyung."

Hoseok looks over to him when Jooheon quietly speaks to him.

" It's okay.", the younger repeats. " We'll look out for you, so don't worry."

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

 

 

Kihyun doesn't know where he is when he wakes up what feels like hours later.

Since when is the subway moving so much…

He slowly opens his eyes, then realising that he is indeed not in the subway but on someone's back on the streets.

Hoseoks back to be exactly.

He is too tired to protest like he would normally do and just tightens his grip around Hoseoks neck, resting his chin on his shoulder.

" Hey.", Hoseok says softly when he feels the movement. " We're almost there."

"Not heavy?" Kihyun mumbles, his eyes already closing again halfway.

He feels a hand on his shoulder, Jooheons voice somewhere.

"Don't worry. Your boyfriend can carry Hyunwoo hyung as if he's a feather."

"Boyfriend…" Kihyun mutters, a content smile on his lips.

Jooheons 'Hyung, he is smiling like an idiot' already doesn't get through to him anymore when he falls asleep again.

The next thing he notices is the sound of a closing door and Minhyuks voice.

"Do I even want to know?" Minhyuk deadpans.

Hoseok bends his knees so Kihyun can easily climb off his back.

Minhyuk leans in until their noses almost touch. " It's not even 10.30 and he is out on his feet. Yah, Kihyun?", he waves his hand in front of Kihyuns face. "You okay?"

"Did you do the dishes while I was away?"

Minhyuk pats his shoulder. " There he is."

He turns to Jooheon and Hoseok. " Come in. You want something to drink? You have to. After carrying that potato sack over here."

"He's pretty light." Hoseoks disagrees as he supports Kihyun who tries to get rid of his shoes.

Minhyuk winks at him. " Even if he turns into an elephant once, you need to compliment him from now on, boyfriend.", Minhyuk gives him thumbs up. " You did well. I'm happy it finally worked out. Changkyun texted me. Said something about a teary matter."

" I was stressed out..." Kihyun mumbles, slowly getting his senses back.

Hoseok chuckles next to him, a hand on Kihyuns lower back. " Don't remind me of that."

" Hyung. I'm thirsty." Jooheon whines and all of them follow Minhyuk as he motions for them to come into the kitchen.

" It's nice." Hoseok looks around as he walks through the apartment.

" That's mostly Kihyuns works. I would have been fine with the bachelor's den style, but he couldn't live without the tablecloths and doormats."

Minhyuk grabs two sodas from the fridge, giving Jooheon and Hoseok each one. Kihyun, who takes a seat at the table gets water. Minhyuk ruffles through his hair. " I'm proud you managed to get your balls back, Kihyun. You really did it."

" It was that hard for him?" Hoseoks asks in disbelief from where he is leaning against the counter.

Minhyuk sighs dramatically. " Do you know how often I had him in my bed when once again couldn't sleep because of his love life?"

Hoseok chokes on his drink. " In your… bed?"

Minhyuk waves his words aside. " Yeah... the perks of being the best friend."

"You can't be jealous, hyung.", Jooheon interposes.  " Last night you slept in Hyungwons bed because you were so nervous."

It is Kihyuns turn to choke on his water.  " Hyungwon?"

He looks at Hoseok with big eyes, fully awake all of sudden. " Sleeping in Minhyuks bed is fine, because look at him, he's in no way a threat. But Hyungwon is more of a top model than human."

"Hey…" Minhyuk grumbles and hits the back of his head.

Hoseok pouts slightly. " I couldn't sleep though..."

" Me, too..."

"Guys… can we do that another day?"

Kihyun looks at Jooheon in indignation. " You started it!"

" Jooheon, I officially love you."

" Hyung~"

Minhyuk and Jooheon beam at each other and the discussion is over.

Hoseok found his way over to them.  He takes Kihyuns hand under the table and Kihyuns shyly intertwines their fingers. Minhyuk and Jooheon of course notice but this time keep quiet, because they know that Kihyun probably needs more time to get used to the situation. To Hoseok everything seems to be easier. He is an affectionate person that loves to touch people from the very start, so it comes natural to him to run his thumb over Kihyuns back of the hand or to start stroking his hair when his arm lays on the backrest of Kihyuns chair.

" I assume you know by now what Kihyuns problem was?" Minhyuk asks bit later into the evening.

" Yes. He told me."

"And we eavesdropped." Jooheon adds and shuts up when Hoseok glares at him.

Minhyuk takes a sip of the tea he made himself earlier.

" I see.", he starts beaming brightly. "More people in the Kihyun protection squad."

Kihyun groans in embarrassment. " I can look after myself."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever.", Minhyuk ignores his complaints and leans closer in to Jooheon and Hoseok. " Since his kidneys aren't working perfectly he gets tired pretty easily. You have already noticed since you had to carry him here."

Hoseok squeezes Kihyuns hand under the table and he is thankful for the gesture.

" He needs to drink a lot and shouldn't gain too much weight. Also, healthy food. The most important thing is his blood pressure. A too high blood pressure will damage his kidneys more so he needs to take his medicine on time."

"The one you took when you almost fainted?" Hoseok asks Kihyun.

"Yes. That.", Minhyuk answers for Kihyun, almost accusingly. " He likes to forget it."

" I don't…" Kihyun mutters.

" Sometimes side effects appear, so be prepared for the possibility of him feeling sick or dizzy all of sudden."

Kihyun wants to disappears into thin air.

" On top of that, we can't forget about his diabetes. So, it means avoiding sugar as much as possible and taking his insulin on time. But other than that-", Minhyuk claps his hand, happily smiling. " He is s good as new. You made a good purchase, Hoseok."

" I knew that already."

Kihyuns cheeks heat up like so often these past weeks. He slightly feared that Hoseok would let go of his hand after Minhyuks list, but instead of that, it feels like he is holding it even tighter.

" Can I ask about the cause?" Hoseok asks carefully, keeping an eye on Kihyun.

" He--"

" I was stupid when I was younger.", Kihyun interupts Minhyuk. " I knew about my diabetes but when I was in middle school I preferred drinking and smoking over keeping an eye on my body. I didn't realize for quite the while that my blood pressure and blood sugar where going crazy. Until it was too late."

Jooheon looks from Minhyuk to Kihyun. " And you can't cure it?"

Kihyun shakes his head. " The doctors found out too late. You can cure it in early stages.  In my stage you can try to ease the symptoms and stop the damage from getting worse."

Hoseok faces him. " They have it under control now?"

"I'm feeling fine at the moment, if that's what you want to know." Kihyun nods slowly to undermine his words. " Yes. Even the doctors say I'm doing well. So there is no need to worry as long as I keep things like

they are now."

"We go to the hospital twice every month." Minhyuk adds.

Hoseok stops running his finger over Kihyuns hand. " I will try to make time from now on to accompany you."

"You do--"

"I want to.", Hoseok interrupts him. " Of course I will go there with you and support you. I'm your boyfriend now."

Kihyun feels his stomach doing crazy things, while Minhyuk sniffs  in the corner and wipes away none existing tears. " Heaven must have sent you, Shin Hoseok."

Jooheon nods, purest admiration on his face.

"That was so cool, hyung."

Yes, it was all of that.

But most of all it was what Kihyun needed to hear.  


 

OOO  


 

 

It is late when Hoseok and Jooheon decide it is time to leave. Minhyuk and Jooheon disappear in Minhyuks room for a second to 'check out his manga collection' but Kihyun knows they are just doing it to give them a moment of their own.

" You need to work tomorrow?"

Hoseok nods. " You too?"

"Yes."

"Both jobs?"

"Yes. My shift in the coffee shop starts in the evening."

He looks at his feet. He wants to do so many things, but he is still insecure and awkward and too shy to even take Hoseoks hand.

Thank god, Hoseoks level of awkwardness is different. He tilts his head, smiles and without further ado hugs him where they stand close to the door.

" My poor shy Kihyun."

Kihyun already feels addicted to this. Hoseoks smell, his warmth, his mere presence.

" Go to bed soon, okay?" Hoseoks says when he releases him, only to lean his forehead against Kihyuns, his arms loosely on Kihyuns shoulders.

" I will. You, too."

"I don't think I can sleep." it doesn't seem to be a bad thing to him  though, because he smiles happily.

" I'll text you."

Kihyun is a big mush of feelings by that moment so he can only stare and nod.

" But before I go…"

Kihyun had tried to imagine kissing Hoseok before it actually happened.

Where it would happen, how, the feelings.

Before his mind shuts down a big 'Screw all of those ideas' wanders through his head and then there is nothing left but the feeling of Hoseoks soft lips and an explosion of  butterflies in his stomach.  
It is only a short kiss but Kihyuns legs already almost give in under him so parting is the only option.

Hoseok hugs him once again.

" I'm really happy, Kihyun. I really am. And I hope I can make you feel the same way."    


 

 

OOO

 

 

 

One month and some days later  
  
Kihyun looks out into the night through the coffee shop windows, a small pout on his lips. Once again Hoseok has to stay longer at work and he really doesn't like it out of the stupid reason that he really misses his boyfriend.

A whole lot.

" Kihyun. Even if you hypnotise the window he won't come here faster." Minhyuk calls over from the table where he is doing his homework between Changkyun and Hyungwon.

Kihyun glares at him as he walks back to the counter to serve a new customer.

A nice routine worked out.

Most of the times Hoseok comes over after work at times where Kihyun has to work in the coffee shop to spend some time with him and to sleep over at Kihyuns apartment when he isn't too busy. Kihyun comes over to their home on  days where he doesn't have to work until late.

Why the others decided his and Minhyuks workplace is a great meeting point still is a mystery to him. Jooheon comes over almost every day after his classes, Hyungwon and Changkyun show up in the evening and sometimes he even finds Hyunwoo at his counter, ordering chocolate cake.

Always chocolate cake.

Not that he minds. All of them already grew on him and a lot of times he finds himself eagerly waiting for their familiar faces coming into the shop.

He gives the woman the ordered coffee and waits until she took a seat somewhere in the half empty shop before he makes his way over to his friends table.

" Don't just do your homework and help me."

"Kihyun, my friend.", Minhyuk stops writing for a moment. " The world needs me to gather knowledge."

"The world needs you to bring out the trash. Your course got cancelled today. You had time all day long to do your homework."

"I was busy."

"You played Call of Duty with Jooheon. And take a saucer when you drink coffee.", Kihyun nags when he sees the coffee stain on the table. " I have to clean this afterwards."

"Yes, Mom."

He pinches Minhyuks cheek for that. Hyungwon looks up from his book, an amused smile on his face before he goes back to reading.

For a moment Kihyun takes a seat and slings an arm around Changkyuns shoulder.

"And you? What are you doing?"

Changkyun looks at the table and plays with his thumbs.

" I… actually was wondering about… something."

Kihyun pricks up his ears. " And that is?"

Changkyuns gaze wanders over to the books in front of Minhyuk.

"Hyung. Do you think I'd be able to attend college... like Minhyuk and Jooheon?"

A huge smiles spreads on Kihyuns face.

"That would be great! Why the sudden interest?"

Changkyun shrugs, getting more awkward when he feels Minhyuks and Hyungwons curious eyes on him.

" You know… after high school I was in.. other businesses…"

"Hoseoks transporter business."

"Minhyuk!", Kihyun kicks his shin under the table and turns back to Changkyun with a smile. "Go on."

"Well... now that we stopped I was thinking about getting a better education... I don't want to have part time jobs for the rest of my life. Hoseok has this job a the marketing company... and Hyunwoo works at the dance academy. Even Hyungwon got an offer from the newspaper. I also want to have something to show off...and for that I need to get a better education."

He looks shyly at Kihyun, awaiting an answer.

The latter pulls him into a half hug.

" I'm really proud of you for thinking like that."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Hyungwon inquires, a slight pout on his lips. Minhyuk elbows him. " Kihyun is the mom. Of course he'll ask him first."

"Why am I the mom?"

Minhyuk just lifts an eyebrow and spares Kihyun an answer.

"Anyways.", Kihyun turns his attention back to Changkyun. " I think it's a great idea."

"I'm just worried about the finances. Jooheon told me about it..."

"We can figure that out later. There are scholarships."

"I don't think I'm that intelligent though…"

"Ahh!", Kihyun pats his shoulder. " You are."

" You should try." Minhyuk adds and Hyungwon also nods.

" Let's talk more about it later. There is a new customer.", Kihyun gets up. " Minhyuk can give you a few more information since he is attending college and doesn't seem to have the will to work soon."

He makes his way over to the counter.

Yes.

Kihyun feels proud thinking about Changkyuns idea. Even though deep inside he is a bit embarrassed that he never attended college. He didn't have the opportunity, not enough money to just get in, too bad marks to get money from somewhere else. But when he finds himself in the staff room to check his mobile a while later he looks around and thinks, that he might be doing just the right thing. One day one of those stores might be his and he couldn't be more happy about the thought.

" Ki-hyun-nah"

Two arms sneak around his waist and he feels a cold nose tip on the back of his neck.

" I missed you." Hoseoks whines quietly, nuzzling his face into Kihyuns neck. The latter laughs because the blondes hair tickles him.

" You can't come inside of here. It's only for staff."

"My boyfriend is the staff.", he turns Kihyun around and pecks his lips. " You need to come to work with me and live in my desk. The day is far too long when I can't have you around."

Kihyun softly punches his shoulder. " You cheesy thing."

Hoseok smirks and leans in for another, a bit longer and far too deep kiss for their current not so private position.

" Shin Hoseok!", Kihyun pants when he is able to separate their lips. " This is my workplace!"

"Makes everything a tiny bit more exciting." Hoseok seductively mutters into Kihyuns ear with his goddamn sexy voice and Kihyun has to send a short prayer to the heavens that he will be able to keep his pants on because, hell, while being an adorable ray of sunshine Hoseok can be competition to every stripper around.

Kihyun does the only right thing.

He take two huge steps back and draws an imaginary line. "You stay there if you can't behave."

"But…" Hoseoks face falls and his pout turns him into a small puppy in the rain.

Stay strong.

A mantra in Kihyuns head.

" Can I hug you when I promise to behave?"

"Will you though?" Kihyun asks doubtfully and Hoseok nods frantically.

"Of course!"

"Like last time when Minhyuk walked in?"

" You were wearing your white shirt though... _that_ white shirt. And Minhyuk could have knocked.", Hoseok reaches out for him. " You're too cruel!"

Kihyun chuckles lightly, walks back into his boyfriends arms and kisses him.

" How was your day?" he asks while he runs his fingers through a really content looking Hoseoks hair.

" My boss wasn't a complete asshole these days. Yours?"

Hoseoks hands gently wander over his back. It kind of became a habit to him and Kihyun isn't too sure if he even notices but he tends to rest his hands around Kihyuns kidney area. Maybe it is coincidence, maybe he is doing it on purpose but to Kihyun, it makes him only the more perfect.

He leans in and softly kisses Hoseok.

"What was that for?"

"Just because."

"Kihyun! Come out! There are customers!" Minhyuk yells in from outside and destroys their moments together.

" We'll get to talk at home." Kihyun apologizes.

He kisses Hoseoks cheek once more and leaves for the counter.  


 

 

OOO  


 

 

Kihyun once again looks through the papers he spread on the ground in front of him.

As he already mentioned, like five times only to Changkyun last week, his boss is a good for nothing and Kihyun is actually handling everything he should be doing, even the employees pay off.

Someone mutters behind his back and he has to bite his cheeks not to burst out into loud laughter.

" Is something the matter, Hoseok?" he asks, acting as if his boyfriend hadn't bothered him the past 20 minutes to finally come to bed because in his opinion it is too cold without Kihyun and too late already and he even brought up the monster under the bed only Kihyun can fight off.

Kihyun still  hasn't moved from his spot.

"Yah!", Hoseok groans and a pillow lands next to Kihyun. " I want to sleep!"

" Feel free to."

"Together!"

"I need to finish this first…"

" You already did!"

The rustling of a blanket and the noise of Hoseok bare feet on the ground. Kihyun can not even say anything before Hoseok already lifts him up from the ground and carries him the few metres over to the bed where he gently lays him down, a satisfied smile on his face.

" A lot better."

Kihyun glares at him but stops pretty soon because well-toned Hoseok looks too adorable in his too big white goodie with the too long sleeves.

" Move over."

Kihyun does as he was told and Hoseok happily joins him under the blanket.

Kihyun shrieks when his cold feet touch his. " Jesus, you're an ice block."

"I told you."

Hoseok kisses him and lays back on the pillow, facing Kihyun and holding his hands in his own.

" Hoseok?"

"Hm?"

"Did Changkyun ever tell you that he is thinking about going to college?"

Hoseok shakes his head. " Never. He does?"

"Yes. He asked me about my opinion earlier."

Hoseok slightly chuckles and flicks his finger against Kihyun nose tip. " He really is fixated on you."

" Of course he is. I make him delicious soup when he is sick while all of you try to feed the poor boy pizza."

Kihyun crawls a bit more under the blanket. His shoulder got cold.

" So… what do you think about his idea?"

"Doesn't sound too bad. I will talk to him after work tomorrow."

"Do that."

They move closer to each other, Hoseok having on arm loosely around Kihyuns waist.

" When is your next doctor appointment?"

"Next week on Tuesday."

" I'll make sure to be there."

Kihyun thinks that it would be nice to have him around,  but his sense of duty kicks in.

" Don't. You would have to stay away from work."

Hoseok pokes the tip of his nose again. " You're not getting rid of me."

" I can--"

" This time, let me come with you.", Hoseok slings his arms around Kihyun and pulls him closer. " I want to learn about everything there is to know."

Kihyun nuzzles his face into Hoseoks neck. " Why did I deserve you again?"

Hoseok only chuckles quietly and they soon fall asleep.  
  


 

OOO

 

 

 

  
Kihyun isn't too fond of cold weather and when he walks through the cold streets, deeply buried in his thick scarf he prays that soon spring will come over.

He checks the time on his mobile.

He will arrive almost perfectly on time at the subway station where he will meet Hoseok.

He is torn.

On the one side, he is happy that Hoseok was able to get off work a few hours only to accompany him to his appointment at the hospital. On the other hand he feels slightly guilty because his boyfriend worked longer into the night the day before.

" Don't mention it." Hoseok had said, his usual bright smile on his face.

Kihyun decided to be okay with it.

He speeds up when the subway station is in view, still always missing Hoseok as soon as he can't talk to the other.

There, on the other side of the street he can see his blonde hair.

Kihyun waits at the traffic light until the red light turns green, not being able to hide his grin. In all of his excitement Kihyun doesn't notice a figure slowly coming closer to him from behind, until that someone slings an arm around his shoulders and pulls him closer.


	9. Chapter 9

 

 

Kihyun tries not to make a scene.

He tries not to yell obscenities because there are two small girls passing by, holding their mothers hand. He tries not to kick balls because it might traumatise the older couple a few metres away. He keeps his gaze straight on the traffic light, praying that any higher power has an understanding.

" Where are you going?"

Chihwan leans against the traffic light, hands in his pocket and not getting that Kihyun is trying with all of his mind not to kill him on the spot.

"Somewhere."

"Alone is boring. Let's go together."

" Who said I'm going alone?"

Chihwans gaze wanders over the area. "Minhyuk is here?"

" I wished he was."

Because he has less self control with you and would have destroyed your family planning by now.

" Why so serious, Kihyun?"

Kihyun glares at him sideways. " Are you sure about the question or are you really too stupid to get it?"

Chihwan shrugs and smiles brightly. " I missed you these days."

"Go die in a hole ~" Kihyun purrs.

" Kih--"

The traffic light turn green and Kihyun struts away, his head held high.

"What if I really do?!"

"Send a picture then!"

"Yoo Kihyu--"

"-can't hear you over the fucks he gives!"

Kihyun waves over his head and reaches the other  side of the road just as the lights turn red again.

Hoseok approaches him slowly. Kihyun reaches out for him and he takes his hand.

" Who's that guy?"

Hoseok nods over to Chihwan who still stands where Kihyun left him, taking in the couple.

Kihyun intertwines their fingers. " No one you need to care about."

He wants to leave, preferably fast, but Hoseok holds him back.

"Seriously. Who is that guy?"

Kihyun screws his nose as he eyes Chihwan in the distance. " Just the creeper Minhyuk talked about."

" He keeps bothering you?"

There is something in Hoseoks eyes.

Kihyun is taken aback for a moment, trying to remember if he ever saw it there but… no.

Noticing it, even if it was there for only a mere second makes him feel strange, almost anxious in far too many ways and he decides that he hates it, no matter if it was imagination or not.

" It's fine. He is just an idiot."

Hoseoks gaze doesn't leave Chihwans frame in the distance.

" Hoseok.", Kihyun cups his boyfriends cheek to get his attention. " I promise you I can handle it. He is annoying as fuck but that's it. Alright?"

Hoseok finally turns his gaze back to him. " You tell me when he gets too much."

"I will."

Hoseok rubs the back of his neck, apparently not too happy about the situation and how Kihyun handles it.

" This… annoys me to no end."

" Don't be annoyed." Kihyun straightens the wrinkle on his forehead with his finger.

" I can't help it.", Hoseok leans in and kisses Kihyun softly and maybe a bit too long to be appropriate. " You're too cute for your own good."

"Says Mister-people's-swooning-object-since-1993."

" It's not that bad…"

Kihyun chuckles and pulls Hoseok with him. " Try to tell yourself while I cry in the corner over my too popular boyfriend."

"There is nothing to cry over.", Hoseok seems to find his energy again and sneaks an arm around his waste only to pull him closer." You're the only for me."

Kihyuns skin burns hot under Hoseoks lips on his cheek.  


 

 

 

OOO  


 

 

 

"Kihyun! Look!"

For the nth time Kihyun leans over to see what it is now that caught Hoseok attention in the magazine he is currently reading.

"They transplanted a whole uterus!" Hoseok points at the article he just read and Kihyuns stomach is doing crazy thing because his boyfriend is too adorable for his own good. He presses a kiss to the corner of his lips and Hoseok beams at him.

Kihyun is feeling a bit tired today. The warmth in the waiting room isn't helping at all with that. He leans over until his head comfortably rests on Hoseoks shoulder, enjoying the closeness.

" Why are you reading the gynaecologist magazine?"

"I read all of the other interesting ones."

" Sorry we have to wait for so long."

" No problem.", Hoseok rest his cheek on Kihyuns head. "Tired?"

Kihyun nods and closes his eyes for a moment. " You're too comfortable to rest on."

"You can take a nap. I'll wake you when it's your turn."

" I can't always sleep here. The receptionist will start to think Minhyuk doesn't let me sleep at night." Kihyun mumbles. He still nuzzles more into Hoseoks side, just to be a tiny bit more comfortable than he already is.

Hoseok chuckles quietly and presses a kiss to Kihyuns head. " I like sleepy Kihyun."

"Why?"

"Sleepy Kihyun is a lot more touchy in public."

Kihyun smiles and his eyes close again and for a few great moments he ends up in dreamland before Hoseoks soft voice wakes him up.

" Kihyun…. It's your turn.", fingers run over his cheek. " You need to wake up."

" Five more minutes."

" I'll help you up."

" One minute."

" Come one."

Before his brain can realize it he is already standing and waddles over into the doctors office with Hoseoks help.

His doctor awaits him with a friendly smile.

"No Minhyuk today?"

She closes the door after them and walks back behind her desk as both of them take seat.

" That's my boyfriend, Hoseok."

"Oh, Kihyun. Such a handsome one."

Hoseok smiles bashfully and Kihyun playfully glares at her. " He's taken."

She lifts her finger and the ring shimmers in the light.

" It is good to know that he has people around him that are interested in his well being." she tells Hoseok.

The blonde nods. " I want to know as much as possible to help him out the best I can."

Kihyun takes his hand under the table and squeezes it thankfully.

" So, Kihyun." Doctor Kim says, back to a more serious tone as she goes through his file.

" How are you feeling lately?"

" Tired."

" More than usal?"

" No."

" How is your blood pressure?"

"I feel dizzy from time to time but not worse than normally."

" Okay.", she gets a glucometer out of her desk. " Then let's check that first."

He holds his finger out and contorts his face as the needle pierces through his skin. It is so scary when someone else is doing it.

It is quiet for a moment until the device gives out a noise. " Blood sugar looks good. You're eating healthily?"

"I have a few more babysitters now that look after me so yes, I do."

Hoseok looks a tiny bit proud and it kind of makes Kihyun happy.

" I'm really pleased with you."

" I'm trying to do well."

Kihyun runs his finger over the wooden armrest. He always had like the chairs his doctor is using. They are worn out already, but one hell of comfortable.

After putting in a few more data she closes his file and rests her elbows on the table.

Kihyun knows the look on her face all too well.

He grimaces once more.

"It is time again?"

" Yepp."

Hoseoks wanders from Kihyun to Doctor Kim and back to Kihyun as they have a small fight out.

"Don't act like that, Kihyun. You know it has to be done."

" Why again do I have to do this..."

" We can only determine the extent of--"

" That was rhetorical."

He groans when she puts the small plastic cup on the desk and grabs it as fast as he can.

She darts a glance at Hoseok.

" Urinating into a plastic cup isn't his favourite hobby."

"Doc!" Kihyun yells as Hoseok can't help but to explode with laughter.

" I hate both of you.", Kihyun pushes himself out of his chair and swaggers to the door with as much pride as he can muster. " You could have told me secretly!"

 

 

 

OOO

 

 

 

"Babe…"

Kihyun ignores Hoseoks poking and continues sulking back in the waiting room.

"Ki-hyun-nah.", Hoseok coos, placing on hand on his boyfriends knee. " I'm sorry. Don't be mad at me anymore."

" I'm not mad." Kihyun mutters, gaze averted to the wall.

"You are."

"A tiny bit.", Kihyun agrees eventually after he can't endure Hoseoks puppy eyes any longer. " But more than that I feel humiliated."

He finally faces Hoseok.

" She talked about peeing in plastic cups in front of you..."

Hoseok has to bite his lip.

Kihyuns eyes widen indignantly. " Are you still making fun of me?!"

"Ahh, no!", Hoseok keeps Kihyuns face in place with his hands, an amused smile playing at the corner of his lips. " It's just so cute how upset you get about peeing into a cup. If it is necessary you have to do it."

"Don't say it!", Kihyun cries out, falling face first into Hoseoks chest. "We didn't even reach the three month border, it's too early for the embarrassing stuff."

Hoseok pats his back. " It's just a cup, Kihyun."

"It is my pride... tainted... lost..."

"Okay… then it is your pride and we have to protect that at all costs."

"Yoo Kihyun?"

The nurse comes inside and Kihyun feels relieved because they already waited for more than 30 minutes and he worries that Hoseok will come back too late to work.

Hoseok pokes Kihyuns nose, something he loves to do. " Mental breakdown is over?"

" For now."

He pulls Hoseok back on his feet and they both walk back into the office where Doctor Kim is already waiting for them.

She smiles as the two as they enter her office.

" I'm really satisfied with your results, Kihyun."

He lifts his eyebrows. " I hear that once every leap year."

"The treatment seems to work well on you. Your kidneys activity hasn't declined, your urine--"

"Doc!"

"-- is  perfectly fine, you're good to go."

Hoseok grins like a Cheshire cat next to him and Kihyun also can't help but to break out into a bright smile, forgetting that he just lost his pride.

 

  
  
  
OOO  


 

 

Out of the office, Hoseok gently grabs Kihyun by the collar of his shirt and pulls him close for a chaste kiss.

" I'm glad you're fine."

" I'm surprised I'm fine."

They take their jackets and leave the hospital, not before getting Hoseok a sandwich and Kihyun a diabetic yoghurt.

They slowly walk down the road after their small meal, loosely swinging their intertwined hands between them.

" You'll be home when I finish work?"

Kihyun nods. " Today sleepover at yours, as promised."

He chuckles quietly when Hoseok pulls him closer with an arm around his neck only to kiss his temple.

" Makes me want to go home right this moment."

" I'll prepare dinner."

" What did you plan?"

They stop at a red light, Kihyun taking the opportunity to hug Hoseok and to rest his head on his shoulder. Because he can, and because he is happy and because today he didn't get bad news and because he really wants to.

" What about pizza?"

" You need to eat healthy food."

" Didn't you listen to my doctor? I'm doing great. I should become a fitness model with that body of mine."

"  No model, you're only for me to look at." Hoseok mutters into his ear and damn, why does his voice get so hot… and how?

Kihyun tries to fight the blush and looses miserably. He coughs slightly, regains his composure only slowly.  " What about healthy pizza?"

"Does healthy pizza exist?

The light turns green and Hoseok goes back to holding Kihyuns hand as they cross the street.

" I'm going to look it up." Kihyun suggests.

" I'm not sure if you will find something."

"I'm pretty sure something like broccoli pizza exists."

Hoseok wrinkles his nose. " I strongly disagree."

Kihyun chuckles and lightly elbows him as they reach the subway station where they have to part ways.

Hoseok pouts. " I wanted to spend more time with you."

"I'll be there when you come home."

Hoseok cracks a smile at him and leans in for a short kiss.

" I'm happy about the good news you received today. I really am.", he gently caresses his cheek. " And now get back home and please forget about the broccoli pizza."

" Please. I hate it as much as you do."

 

 

  
OOO  


 

 

Kihyun doesn't manage all the way to Hoseoks apartment in one go. After he conquers the staircase and left the subway station his legs grow shaky and he needs to sit down on the next bench he can find.  
He tries to breath slowly so the sickness in his stomach won't become worse and it works fairly well.

It is a few minutes into his break when someone takes a seat next to him.

" Do you have enough space?", he asks the girl with the pretty long hair. " I can move a bit further away."

" It is fine." she smiles.

Having been polite ,Kihyun now goes back to concentrating on his breathing until she addresses him. " You okay? You look quiet pale."

He waves her worry aside. " I'm a bit dizzy, that's all. It'll be better soon. But thanks for your concern."

She takes her fancy bag from next to her and starts rummaging through it. " I have a chocolate bar somewhere…", she mutters. " You can have it."

"That's nice of you but I shouldn't."

She lifts an eyebrow in confusion.

" Sugar." he adds as an explanation and she seems to be satisfied with it. Her cheeks grow a tiny bit red when hee stomach starts to rumble in that one second none of them talks.

Kihyun chuckles lightly. " Maybe you should eat it."

She awkwardly runs her fingers through her long black hair. " I didn't have the chance to eat today."

"You should have.", Kihyun checks the time. " It is past 4 already."

" I will."

Kihyun stays for a few more minutes, until he has the feeling it will be fine to get up again. He bows slightly to the girl after getting back on his feet. " Make sure to eat later. I need to go now."

"Thanks for the concern."

She waves and he makes his way down the street to the apartment building. He feels the relief wash over him when there are only a few more metres left. The cold and the shaky legs are the worst combination.

Just as he wants to ring the doorbell someone opens the door from inside.

"Hyung." Jooheon greets him, slightly taken aback.

Kihyun holds the door open. " Where are you going?"

"Convenience store. I ran out of chips."

"Make sure not too eat too much. I plan to cook dinner soon."

Jooheons dimples show up. " Got it, hyung."

They part ways and Kihyun takes the elevator to the apartment. He punches in the door code and with a silent beep the door opens.

" Hey." he calls ay he opens his jacket.

" What took you hours?!" Minhyuk yells over from the living room and Kihyun is not even surprised to meet him in the apartment anymore. He is over there more often than he is in his actual home and Kihyun almost expects it has something to do with Hyunwoo.

" And what are you doing here?"

He leaves his shoes next to the door and makes his way over to the living room. Minhyuk and Changkyun are sitting at the table together, paper over paper covers the surface.

" Why the mess?"

" Hyung is helping me looking over the university info brochure." Changkyun explains and Kihyun can't remember a lot of times where he saw the boy that happy.

He sits down on the ground next to them and takes one of the papers. " Nano Science?"

"He said he is interested in science specific things.", Minhyuk states. " I wanted to force him to choose law because just imagine such a cutie patootie fighting the judge, but there goes my hope."

"Hyung, look.", Changkyun shows Kihyun another paper. " I could try to get into life science."

Kihyun smiles fondly and ruffles through Changkyuns dark hair. " My boy is going places."

" They grow up so fast." Minhyuk sighs dramatically.

Changkyun grows awkward but Kihyun already noticed that he leaned into his touch. He makes a mental note to praise the boy a lot more often. He seems to grave it.

" Did you have a chat with Hyunwoo and Hoseok?" Kihyun motions for Minhyuk to give him one of the apple slices they have on the table.

" Say ahhh."

He leans over the table and Minhyuk slides the apple into his mouth.

" I talked to them. They said they're really proud of me for trying to educate myself. Of course the finances are a problem. But I will try to get a scholarship and I'll keep my part time job. They said they will still support me."

Kihyun feels slightly better as soon as he swallowed the apple.

" I will put a bit of money aside as well."

"But hyung-" Changkyun protests but Kihyun already took a pillow from the couch and makes himself comfortable on the ground. " No discussion."

" Your mom has spoken." Minhyuk informs Changkyun and the latter shuts up.

" I'll take him to the info event next week. We can check out more about courses and internships." Minhyuk tells Kihyun. The latter nods, his eyes already closing.

" Sorry guys. I need to take a short nap."

"Okay~." Minhyuk hums, already used to Kihyuns sudden tiredness.

"On the ground?" Changkyun doesn't sound too happy about it.

" Just for a bit. Wake me up around 6. I'll make dinner then."

"Okay."

Changkyun keeps quiet for a moment, but then he puts a blanket over Kihyuns frame.

" How was the appointment by the way?"

Kihyun tugs the blanket closer around him and sighs in comfort.

" My results were great...I'm the avenger of insulin. Captain Plastic cup… the dark…"

Within seconds he falls asleep, warm and secure under the blanket.

 

 

_" I do not care. You promised."_

_"-----ever promised anything li--"_

_" --cussion. It's done and you won---"_

_"I can't jus--"_

_"---- disappoin--"_


	10. Chapter 10

 

 

Voices wake Kihyun. Harsh sounding words, more whispered than spoken. He can't understand them well, his brain still too clouded from sleep. When he opens his eyes, his gaze first lands on the clock on the wall.

7:15pm.

He groans internally. They should have woken him up an hour ago. He presses his cheek back into the pillow and tiredly rubs his eyes.

A gentle hand runs through his hair. When he looks up, it is Hoseok that crouches next to his lying frame, lovingly smiling at him.

" You can sleep more if you want."

Kihyun shakes his head and slowly sits up, still trying to figure out what he just heard and if it was only a dream. His gaze falls on Jooheons figure on the couch, the face of the younger hidden behind his mobile.

" Did someone fight?" Kihyun asks, his voice slightly raspy.

The gaze Hoseok and Jooheon share goes unnoticed, Kihyuns mind still not fully awake.

Hoseok pokes his cheek. " Must have been a dream."

"I see…"

Kihyun peels himself out of the blanket.

" When did you come back?"

"Ten minutes ago."

Hoseok takes the blanket and folds it before putting it back on the couch.

" They should have woken me up an hour ago. What about dinner?"

He is not yet able to fully open his eyes but still wanders over to the kitchen, Hoseok following him closely. The smell of fried food reaches his nostrils. He is surprised to see Hyungwon, Changkyun and Minhyuk working in the kitchen and is only more amazed when nothing seems to have been burned or broken yet..

" Princess woke up."

Kihyun glares at Minhyuk and leans into the door frame.  " I told you to wake me up at six."

"We tried to. But you kept sleeping.", Minhyuk points at him with a spatula. " You even cursed at me without waking up."

"You didn't.", Hyungwon counters while cutting up tomatoes. " He threatened everyone who even got close to waking you up."

"Hyungwon! Everyone will think I have a soul!"

Kihyun smiles at them, feeling warm all over.

Yes, this is definitely nice.

Hoseok hugs him from behind, resting his chin on his shoulder.

" Let them work for you once."

"I'm worried the apartment will burn down."

"They are doing well so far."

Kihyun has to admit he is right. There are vegetables already prepared on the counter, Minhyuk is frying noodles and eggs in a pan and Changkyun tries to start the rice cooker.

Kihyun leans into Hoseoks chest and leaves them be.

Later when all of them gathered in the living room to eat, he tastes the food and nods in appreciation.

" It's good."

Changkyun and Minhyuk beam, and even Hyungwon looks a tiny bit proud.

" I'm not hungry."

Jooheon puts his still almost full plate away and leaves for his room without another word.

"But--"

Kihyun calls after him but Hoseok puts a piece of radish into his mouth and successfully shuts him up.

" Leave him alone to sulk."

Kihyun chews the radish and swallows. " But… why is he sulking?"

Hoseok and Hyunwoo definitely know what is going on, Kihyun can see it when they share a meaningful gaze. When it comes to Changkyun and Hyungwon, he isn't too sure. They seem to have an idea but he is sure that he wouldn't get an answer out of them. Minhyuk is as clueless as him.

" Why is everyone acting like they know something?" Minhyuk asks Hyunwoo who sits behind him on the couch but the older just shrugs and goes back to eating his rice.

" That boy needs to eat though."

Kihyun puts his plate aside and takes Jooheons abandoned one.

" Kihyun.", Hoseok holds him back by his leg. " Don't run after him when he is like that. He could have eaten but didn't want to. It's his own decision."

For a moment Kihyun looks at the plate in his hand and contemplating about Hoseoks words. His boyfriend is right, of course, and Jooheon is old enough to know. But Kihyuns motherly side kicks in and he just can't deal with a lonely - and possibly hungry- Jooheon in his room.

" I'll bring it to him and be back in no time."

"Kihyun…" Hoseok sighs but doesn't try to stop him anymore.

Kihyun walks down the short hallway and knocks on Jooheons door.

" Can I come in?"

No answer.

A yes in Kihyuns world.

He slowly opens the door and peeks inside. Jooheon lies in his bed, busy playing a game on his phone.

" Hey.", Kihyun says and walks inside the room. " You need to eat so I brought you your food."

"I said I'm not hungry." Jooheon responds shortly.

" Maybe later."

"No."

Kihyun slowly approaches him. " I'm just going to put it here and leav--"

"I said I don't want it!"

The plate smashes against the wall, shatters and the shards and the food spread all over the floor.

'Carpet', Kihyun realises in the small second he is not able to comprehend what just happened. 'Who is going to clean this?'

Then, after the initial shock is over he is doing the first thing that comes to his mind.

Going to the door, closing and locking it.

Just in time because only a moment after steps can be heard. Someone juggles the door knob.

" Hyung!"

Changkyun.

" What was that?"

Kihyun leans against the door, holding the knob. " I… was a bit clumsy and the plate fell down."

"Kihyun…" followed by a deep sigh.

Hoseok.

" Then why is the door closed?"

"Food allllll over the floor. Wouldn't want you to get in to make more of a mess."

"Kihyun.", Hoseoks voice grows more serious." Open the door."

" Let me clean first."

"You're going to be like that?"

"Just give me five minutes, okay?"

Silence.

"We'll be out in no time."

"Five minutes."

He waits for another moment but they leave the door alone.

Jooheon hasn't moved yet. He is frozen in the same position he was in when he slapped  the plate out of Kihyuns hand, taking in the mess with wide eyes.

If there is one thing Kihyun hates it is wasting food other people put much effort in to make. He stomps over to Jooheon, carefully so not to walk into a shard and hits the back of his head with full force.

" You're happy now? Your friends put a lot of effort into making that food for you! Now all of it is wasted!"

The slap pulls Jooheon out of his trance. His almost scared gaze meets Kihyuns.

" What?! Care to explain what's gotten into you?!"

" I'm sorry, hyung…", he looks back at the mess, helplessly trying to find the right words." I'm really sorry for this. I don't know--"

He seems so sincerely disturbed that Kihyuns anger disappears easily.

He eyes Jooheon, the earlier anger visible in his eyes for a moment longer and then ruffles through Jooheons short red hair.

"Oh boy. What the hell were you thinking..."

He decides that even if he is itching to clean the room right that instant it has time. He takes a seat next to Jooheon.

" I'm so sorry, hyung!" Jooheon found his words again. " I don't know what I was thinking!"

"It's fine."

"No! It's not!", he motions to the mess on the ground, tries to say something but a few attempts are needed until he gets his words you. " You must hate me now."

" Why would I hate you now?"

" I couldn't control myself."

" I told you it's fine."

" It's not."

The crouched posture, the ashamed expression, the worry in his features and how agitated Jooheon seems. For a moment, Kihyun seems himself in the younger.

He motions for him to come closer. " I'll tell you something not even Hoseok knows yet."

" What is it?"

" I have this anger management problem."

" You?"

" Yes... It got better actually and I haven't exploded for a long time but when I was younger, around sixteen or seventeen, the smallest thing made me freak out. I beat up people for the smallest reason because I saw red and only red and had this huge anger in me I couldn't control."

Jooheons eyes grow as big as sausages. " Hyung…"

"Yeah yeah, I'm still trying to make up for it and I'm in no way proud of my behaviour. And the last thing I want to do is to talk about it. Why I did…. Well...  For a moment I saw myself in you. And... we're human. We mess up. And that's bad. But… if we are sincerely sorry and apologise and try to make things better there is no reason not to forgive you."

" Beating people up, hyung? You"

" Don't remind me of it." Kihyun shudders at the memory.

" Thanks for telling me even though you hate talking about it."

By now, Jooheon sits cross legged on the bed, face towards Kihyun but gaze still on the blanket.

" You look like Hoseok when I found him snuggling my chocolate away." Kihyun remarks.

" I can't help but feel ashamed."

"Care to explain why you got angry like that?"

Jooheon shrugs.

Kihyun softly elbows him. "Come on. You can tell me.", he points at the door with his thumb. " I even locked the others out. They would have made a horrible fuss."

Jooheon smiles cheerlessly. " Hoseok hyung would have thrown me face first into the wall... with Changkyuns help."

"I wouldn't have let them.", Kihyun winks at him and shows him his biceps. " Didn't we establish that I'm strong?"

"You do look weak."

Kihyun snarls at him.

" Sorry…" Jooheon chuckles slightly, a bit of his usual self coming through again. With his finger, he draws invisible lines on the blanket.

" I had a discussion with Hyunwoo and Hoseok hyung earlier."

Kihyun remembers the voices he heard - or assumed he had heard - in the evening. " So I didn't dream about it?"

"No… it got a bit heated. Sorry for disturbing you."

"Nah, it's fine. But... What could you have possibly be fighting about?"

Jooheon utters a groan, his eyes almost disappearing as he grimaces. " It is stupid."

"I still want to know though."

Jooheon moves over until he leans against the wall next to Kihyun. " Hoseok  hyung saw me meeting someone from our… former businesses."

Kihyun sits straight with a start. " But Jooheon! It's dangerous that's why Hoseo-"

Jooheon lifts his hands in a calming manner. " Not that way hyung."

"In what way then?!"

" Calm down! Hoseok will chop my head off!", he eyes the door with worry. " I'm not doing business anymore. It's just an old friend that needs help."

Kihyun is not convinced. " I swear to you, Jooheon, if you're lying Hoseok is your smallest problem!"

" I'm not doing business anymore! Calm down, hyung!", he takes Kihyun by the shoulders and pushes him back against the wall. " It is nothing dangerous. I'm helping out a friend with food and other necessities."

" Then why would Hoseok and Hyunwoo freak out over it?"

" I guess they are just worried.", Jooheon hangs his head. " I… sometimes forget that they have a lot of responsibility on their shoulders. They promised to look after us and they always kept their promise. I never really noticed and appreciated how much they are doing for us. No until earlier."

Kihyun feels a pierce in his chest when he sees always smiley Jooheon serious and sad like this, his usual bubbly self hidden under a mask of shame and worry.

" Especially Hoseok hyung. He so emotional... You know him pretty well by now. But… how he always managed to hide all of his feelings behind as mask. You would have been shocked."

" He cares a lot about all of you."

" Hyung.", Jooheon reaches out for Kihyuns hand. " I think he got so mad at me because he is worried about you."

Kihyun is confused. " Why me?"

" Hyung cares so much about you. I believe he is scared I'll pull everyone into something terrible… he really wants to protect you from it."

Kihyuns hand automatically wanders to his chest. His stupid heart, doing all of those crazy things it has never done before.

Jooheon slightly bows his head. " I'm really sorry I messed up this evening."

"I'm glad you explained everything to me.", Kihyun says. " Still, I think you should talk once more about the situation in a civil manner. Explain your reasons to them but also listen to their worries and try to understand their point of view."

"I will."

" And please, Jooheon.", Kihyun can't help but to pull the younger into a short hug. " Don't do anything dangerous. I care about all of you a lot. I want you to be save."

"Can you please never ever leave Hoseok hyung?"

Kihyun chuckles. " I don't plan to. And now...", he pushes Jooheon away and the younger almost falls from the bed. "... you're going to clean this room. Alone and preferably fast. And if I find the slightest spot later, you're going to regret it."

"You look like an angel but you have the devil inside."

Kilmun shows him his tongue and makes his way out of the room.

He is a bit more shaken up than he showed Jooheon. Of course, fights happen in every family, but the reason over which the three of them were having an argument makes him feel sick in his stomach, horribly sick. He always knew that he cared deeply about them but the mere thought of something happening to them…That sheer idea makes him stop in his tracks when he reaches the living room.  
His gaze wanders over Changkyun and Hyungwon, fighting over the last bit of tomato, Minhyuk, sitting in front of Hyunwoo on the ground and trying to get info out of the teddy bear, said teddy bear who is oblivious to the fact that the blonde already called dibs on him and Hoseok slumped into the armchair. Adorable Hoseok in his too big hoodie, messy hair, deep in thoughts, a tiny pout on his lips.  
Kihyuns heart seems to swell over.

Has he ever been happy like this?

The times he can remember can be counted on the fingers of one hand.

They only notice him when he continues his way into the living room. Hoseok straightens himself in the armchair.

" What did you do?" he demands to know.

" We had a nice talk."

Kihyuns makes his way over to Hoseok and joins his boyfriend on the armchair, legs over his lap, face snuggled into his shoulder.

" Didn't sound like a nice talk." Minhyuk says from where he is sitting in front of the couch.

" Everything is good. He'll clean up some mess before joining us again.", he pokes his boyfriends arm. " Can I have a bit of your blanket?"

Hoseok covers both of them with the fluffy blanket and beneath it hugs Kihyun tightly.

" Want to tell me more about it later?" he whispers into Kihyuns ear and the other nods, too comfortable and content to speak.

It is not possible to get any closer to Hoseok. He really tries to but has to give up.

" Kihyun? You okay?" Hoseok mutters from above, having noticed Kihyuns failed tries to hug him closer.

Kihyun listens to his inner voice and decides that like this, at this moment, he is alright.

" Jooheon... what did he say?" Hoseok asks, after all, the curiosity written all over his face. Kihyun fights his sleepiness.

" That he met someone from your past and that you were furious because of that. He was angry but I think that by now... he has calmed down."

" I hope so."

Hoseok absently looks at the television that plays quietly in the background.

Kihyun pokes his chin. " Don't look like that."

" How do I look?"

" Angry."

Hoseok kisses his forehead and Kihyun is not satisfied at all with that answer.

" I don't know what is going o--"

" You shouldn't know."

" I don't know what is going on-", Kihyun repeats with more emphasis. "-- but I do know that you have to talk things out. So if Jooheon comes to you later please listen to him and try to understand things from his point of view and don't just see what you want to see, okay?"

Hoseok mutters something under his breath.

Kihyun pokes his chin once again. " Okay?"

" Okay. I will try."

Kihyun smiles and puckers his lips.

Hoseok kisses him and finally the anger is gone from his features.

 

 

 

 

OOO  


 

 

 

It is late at night.

The light of the moon falls into the room, makes everything just bright enough for Kihyun to see Hoseoks face in the dark.

He feels tired, but is still not sleepy enough to fall asleep.

Slowly, he runs his fingers over Hoseoks bare back, starting from his shoulder plates over his soft white skin down to his hip.

" I never thought I would have to worry about your past getting back to you." Kihyun says quietly.

Hoseok watches him in silence for a moment. " It didn't get back to me."

" Somehow it did. And I can't help but worry about it.", Kihyun stops his movement, turns on his back to stare at the ceiling. " The big unknown is scaring me."

" There is nothing to be scared of."

Hoseok sounds sincere and Kihyun wants to do nothing more than to believe him but it is difficult for him.

" Then why were you so angry at Jooheon?"

" Because he acted recklessly. We decided together to cut all ties."

" He wanted to help someone."

" I know.", Hoseok says as he takes Kihyuns hand in his. " That doesn't mean he should."

" So, you want him to stay away from that person?"

" I'm not sure.", Hoseok breaths deeply, uncertainty in his voice. " I'm not sure about a lot of things, to be honest. But I know that we left that place for a reason, and that I prefer the life I have right now over anything else. I will listen to what Jooheon has to say, though. I admit that I was to harsh earlier and I will try to understand his reasons."

" Thanks.", Kihyun turns to lie on his side, facing his boyfriend. " Will you tell me more about your past soon?"

" When I'm sure it won't affect you."

" When is that?"

Hoseoks shrugs under the blanket.  " Don't know... maybe when I don't feel anxious about it anymore."

" Take your time."

" I will. Thanks for understanding."

For a while, there is silence between them. Once more, Kihyun starts to run his fingers over Hoseoks skin.

" That feels nice." Hoseok mumbles with half closed lids.

Kihyun tenderly smiles at him and proceeds.

A shudder runs through Hoseoks body as he touches a specific point.

"That tickled."

" I'll remember that."

Hoseok approaches him until they share one pillow. He slightly purses his lips.

"Kiss."

Kihyun pecks his lips and Hoseok whines when it goes too fast for his liking.

"Once more."

Kihyun chuckles, amused over his whining and kisses him once again, this time barely touching his lips. Hoseok groans in frustration. " You're doing that on purpose!"

"Of course."

" You're the worst tease ever."

Kihyun forgot that most of the times Hoseok gets what he wants. And everything that has to do with Kihyun seems to be on top of his list.

"Hoseok…", Kihyun warns him when he sees the devilish smirk that forms around his lips. " No matter what you're thinking about don't d--"

His threat disappears into thin air when Hoseok starts kissing his neck.

" We already -"

"So?"

"Ho-"

He wants to tell him to stop but all that comes out is a moan because Hoseok, that little devil in disguise, has the audacity to run his fingers over his nipple, one of Kihyuns most sensitive areas. Hoseok must have felt the shudder going through his body. His kisses slowly wander over Kihyuns jaw line and up to his lips where he stops just a millimetre away.

" Kiss?" he asks once again, that damned smirk on his lips.

Kihyun groans in frustration when he doesn't close the distance between them and presses his mouth on Hoseoks.

" You started it, you finish it." he mutters against Hoseoks lips and his boyfriend more than happily agrees.

 

 

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

 

 

" I hate him."

Kihyun glares over at Changkyun and his new… friend… who took a seat at the table close to the window front of the coffee shop. He tries not to destroy another plastic cup while watching them, but it is hard.  
Hoseok sits at the counter,  supports his head on one hand and looks awfully exhausted after what felt like the 60th time he tried to calm Kihyun down.

" They're just friends, Kihyun. And he looks nice to me."

"He has tattoos!" Kihyun almost yells.

" Ehm… Kihyun.", Hoseok looks down his own body. " You do look at me when we're having sex, don't you?"

Kihyun shakes his head with determination. " Nope. You're tattoos are something totally different."

"Care to explain?"

"They're your tattoos. And you're Hoseok. You're adorable. You're nice. You're my one and only boyfriend. But that one…", his resolutions disappears and he crushes another plastic cup with his bare hands while  burning holes into the back of Changkyuns new friend. " He's trying to corrupt my baby. He gave off a strange feeling from the beginning."

It has been few weeks since Minhyuk and Changkyun attended the information event for the new college year. Changkyun came back pretty happy with lots of new info, motivation… and the spawn of satan.  
Kihyun talked to him exactly one time and since then has hated him with a burning passion he didn't know he had inside. Everyone thinks he is doing it without a reason, because while the guy is not really interesting, he seems to be normal and friendly enough and all of them are happy that Changkyun won't be alone in his first classes but Kihyuns stomach keeps telling him that something is fishy about that guy.

" Kanghyun.", he almost spits the name out. " Who the hell is called Kanghyun?"

"I think a lot of people in Korea are indeed called Kanghyun."

"Hhh…" Kihyun scoffs.

Hoseok sends him one of his crooked smiles. He leans over the counter and pulls Kihyun closer by his chin to peck his lips.

" Let the boy live, okay? He has done nothing wrong."

"But… our boy…"

" Our boy knows best who he wants to be friends with. You got customers by the way."

Kihyun walks over to the cashier, a pathetic side to look at. Hoseok can't help but to chuckle into his scarf. He earns himself a deadly glare.

Someone enters the coffee shop and brings cold air in with them.

"Minhyuk!", Kihyun throws a dirty tissue at his friend. " Your shift started an hour ago!"

" I'm sorry.", the blonde peels himself out of his jacket when he takes a seat next to Hoseok at the counter. " I helped out Hyungwon and Hyunwoo with shopping."

"Could you have at least made up a more important sounding excuse?"

Hyunwoo at least has the decency to look the tiniest bit ashamed when he sits down next to Minhyuk. Hyungwon just shrugs. " It was necessary. Hyunwoo hyung needed new shirts. There wasn't one left with all the buttons on it. He was half naked all the time."

"Not that anyone cares. I don't. " Minhyuk leans closer to Hyunwoo and smiles like the lightbulb he is but Hyunwoo seems clueless as ever.

Hoseok and Kihyun share a gaze. Poor teddy in the hands of black widow.

Hyungwon leans his back against the counter, gaze on the shops interior, clicking his tongue, clearly annoyed.

" That Kangbitch guy is over again?"

Hoseok flicks the back of his head. " Language, mister."

Kihyun shrugs. " Well… if you ask me--"

" I'm not going to ask you about this topic. You're clearly biased."

Kihyun sends him the most murderous glare he can muster, but Hoseok answers it with an air kiss and the glare disappears into nothing.

" He is always hanging out with that guy." Hyungwon complains and Kihyun nods as fast as he can in the background.

Minhyuk slowly shakes his head. " Isn't it just the second time today?"

"There we have it!", Kihyun bangs his hands on the counter. " Hyungwon! It is time to intervene!"

" I'm ready!"

"Guys…", always quiet Hyunwoo interrupts them. "You're overreacting."

" Where?!" They yell in unison and Hyunwoo ducks in a hurry.

Hoseok laughs into his coffee. " Poor Changkyun doesn't even know what will happen to him."

" When we find out Kangbitch is a serial killer you'll have to endure my 'I told you' for the rest of the year."

Hoseok pokes Kihyuns nose affectionately. " If that happens I will endure it like a man."

Kihyun can't help but to smile back at him.

Minhyuk makes a gagging sound. " When is the honey moon phase over? Disgusting..."

" They're cute though."

" You... like that?!"

Minhyuks soul right then seems to leave his body. He stares at Hyunwoo as if the other just lost a leg in front of him.

" Like... really?!"

Kihyun bites his cheek with all his might in order not to burst out into laughter right into Minhyuks face. He can't help but to be a bit gleeful about the fact that his friend is speechless for once in his lifetime.

" Minhyuk. Get your soul back into your body and take over the cashier. I need to bring out the trash."

The blonde doesn't react but Kihyun knows that he at least heard him.

Back in the staff room he takes the trash bags he earlier put there and carries them over to the door that leads to a back alley. He wanted to bring them out earlier but of course he forgot and now he can almost not carry them anymore because of the weight. He pulls them over the ground the last metres and tows them to the others close to the street for the garbage truck to get them in the morning.

Kihyun doesn't go back in right away. He regrets not wearing a jacket over his black shirt. The days already grow warmer and it doesn't get too cold anymore but the nights are still a bit fresh.

He takes his mobile out of his pocket and checks the few messages he received over the last few hours. He chuckles when he sees the picture Minhyuk sent him earlier. Hyunwoo coming out of the fitting room in a way too revealing shirt.

Yes…

The older really doesn't know what he got himself in. Minhyuk can be… quite persuasive when he wants to have something.

" Kihyun."

Kihyun almost shrieks when someone calls his name in the dark.

His heart beats faster under the hand he presses to his chest.

" Fuck! Chihwan! You want to give me a heart attack?!" he yells into the dark where he sees the silhouette of one of his least favourite people.

" Sorry…", the other hiccups and comes closer. " Didn't mean to."

Kihyun scrunches his nose when the smell of alcohol reaches his nostrils. " You stink."

Chihwan takes a moment to take in his smell. " I don't smell anything."

"Because your are the stink bomb who emits it."

Kihyun decides he is not going to waste anymore breath on the guy. He has told him enough times by now and he is quiet frankly done with him.

" Kihyun! Wait a moment!"

" I need to go back to work."

" One minute."

" I said no."

"Kihyun…"

Kihyun stops in his tracks. He closes his eyes to gather all of the patience he has left for the guy and slowly turns to the drunk.

" One last time: Leave me alone. For good. I don't want to have anything to do with you and that won't change. I do not like you. Not as my friend, not as more, not as someone I barely know. Please understand that."

Chihwan gives a bitter laugh.

" When did you become so arrogant?"

The headache is coming back and Kihyuns last patience is slowly disappearing. " What does it have to do with being arrogant? I told you nicely more than enough times. You didn't listen. You could have stopped and saved yourself a last bit of your pride but you preferred acting like this. Now deal with it."

" You got yourself a boyfriend."

" Bye."

The conversation is over for him and he wants to leave for the back door.

" I said I want to talk!"

Chihwan harshly grabs him by his shoulder and yanks him around with too much force. Kihyun stumbles and his head collides with the brick wall. The contact is pretty hard and he accidentally bites his tongue. In the split of a second he feels the blood gathering in his mouth.

" Great…" he mutters and spits a first flush of blood on the street. It hurts like hell and there is more than enough blood gathering in his mouth to re-enact Hostel but he knows how sensitive the tongue can be and doesn't worry too much about it.

In contrast to Chihwan.

The drunk one pales.

" Oh god…", his glassy eyes widen in fear. " You're bleeding."

" No shit.", Kihyun spits another bit of blood out. " Go! Damn it… you fucked up enough by now!"

" I'm so sorry…" he moves closer.

Kihyun doesn't like the look in his eyes, not at all. He wonders, in a sudden fit of dread,  if he judged the level of his intoxication right. Chihwan is getting too close comfort and slowly Kihyun starts to break out into sweat. He can deal with the verbal stuff, no big deal.

Fists?

Fine.

He will later cry himself out with Minhyuk or Hoseok by his side or simply run away and hide until the danger is over. Maybe even try to fight back and make it a bit more difficutl for him.

But….

The moment Chihwan corners him, when he feels the bricks pressing into his back, a hand dangerously reaching out for his chest the fear starts to bloom inside his stomach and when another hand slides around his neck it turns into full grown panic.

" Get away!" he yells.

But Chihwan is taller then him, muscular…

…drunk.

Too drunk...

Not drunk enough to be an easy target.

" I'm sorry, Kihyun... I always only wanted..."

" Get your hands off! Chihwan! I swear to you! Chihwan!", Kihyun fights against his hands but it seems futile and when the hand wanders down his torso his yells turn into desperate pleads " Stop it! Please!"

" I wanted to be with you..."

He feels his lips touching his neck, trashes desperately against his grip...

Chihwans hands disappear as fast as they started to touch his body. Kihyun looses all the strength in his legs and slowly sinks down to the ground only then realising that blood kept dripping out of his mouth.

" You filthy piece of shit!"

Jooheon…?

" What you think you're doing?! Hh?!"

The sound of a fist meeting flesh, a body that falls to the ground.

Kihyun wipes over his bloody mouth, his hand shaking uncontrollably.

" Hyung!"

Jooheon hurries over to him and crouches down next to him. " I heard you when I passed by! What did that bastard do to you?!" his hand hovers in the air, as if he is too worried to touch Kihyun.

" He shoved me into the wall and I bit my tongue. It looks worse than it is. Don't mention it."

"Don't mention… don't mention it?! Hyung! There is blood all over you! This bastard! I'm going to--"

"Jooheon!", Kihyun grabs him by his waist. " Don't. He is drunk."

"That is no fucking excuse!"

" I know. Still… can you just help me to get inside. I feel too weak."

Jooheon throws another gaze at Chihwan, who got back on his feet and slowly staggers away as if he already forgot.

" Jooheon. Please, let him go and help me up." Kihyun begs.

" Okay... come."

Kihyun wasn't exaggerating. His legs tremble like crazy and he is not sure if he would have gotten back on his feet without Jooheons help. The younger supports him on his way inside and helps him to sit down on one of the benches in the empty staff room.

" I'm calling the others!"

"Jooheon! Wai--"

Kihyun slightly curses when the other is through the door already. He should have cleaned himself up at least. If they see him like that the chaos will be perfect.

" Holy shit!"

Hoseok is the first one coming through the door. He stops the moment he sees Kihyun in his current state.

" Kihyun!"

Kihyun tries to muster a smile. " It isn't as bad as it--"

"Did you look at yourself?! Holy shit, you're bloody all over!"

" What the flying fuck happened?!"

Kihyun winces when Minhyuks ear piecing yell reaches his ear. Hoseok meanwhile sank to his knee in front of him, turning Kihyuns head left and right by his chin.

" I just bit my tongue."

" How?"

" I… got shoved into a wall…"

" By whom?"

The whole group gathers around him.

Well, the whole group except Changkyun and Kihyun is happy about the fact that at least the youngest doesn't see him like that.

But… it really doesn't seem to be Kihyuns day because only moments later said one hurries inside.

" What's the matter?", he sees Kihyun and his eyes widen. " Hyung!"

Kihyun groans and hides his face behind his hands. Now that he has time to think about it his body starts to ache in the most ridiculous  areas.

And…

He pauses, choking on nothing when the spot where Chihwans lips touched him earlier seems to start burning like crazy. Kihyun swallow heavily, his hand wandering over his neck to touch... no, to cover the spot.

He doesn't want them… Hoseok… to see it.

" Kihyun. What happened?" Hoseok asks softly when Kihyuns distress finally finds its way to the surface.

Hyungwon gave him a wet tissue and he gently begins to wipe away the already partly dried blood. Kihyuns tongue is still bleeding but not as heavy as before.

" I can tell you what happened!", Jooheon shouts out, his temper still way too high for him to calm down. " Some bastard was all over him when I found them! Didn't listen to him even when he begged him to stop! I don't even know what would have happened hadn't I shown up!"

It is out and everyone turns quiet.

Kihyun knows he shouldn't feel humiliated in front of them, but he does.

Hell… he feels so fucking dirty and wasn't even raped.

Just someone touching him somewhere he didn't want him to but… it feels horrible.

He starts rubbing the spot on his neck, looking at anything but not them.

" Show me, Kihyun."

Hoseoks voice is still gentle.

But Kihyun  picked it out. There is something hidden in between his words, something he has never heard before and something he doesn't want to get to be there. It is foreign and strange and… scary... Just like the thing he saw in his eyes the last time they met Chihwan.

Hoseok doesn't wait for him to move. His gentle fingers pull Kihyuns hands away, show the mark to the whole world.

He brushes his fingers over it.

" Who?"

Still the soft voice, that caring gaze, the adoration, the… love?

Kihyun can see everything in his eyes. His eyes that have been always so easy to read.

Now, once again there is something different in them and it freaks Kihyun out in a way he didn't know it could. He wants to hug Hoseok, wants to hold him close and forget that today he learned that there I something about his boyfriend… something that seems dark and scary and dangerous.

He is not scared of Hoseok though. How could he when those gentle fingers could never hurt him?

He worries over him, over his wellbeing, his safety.

Because Hoseok, this person in front of him that is more to him than Kihyun ever felt like deserving… to imagine that the one that lights up his life has  a darkness inside that he doesn't know about.

It makes him sick.

" Chihwan."

He hears his own voice, not sure why he even told him.

Jooheon already hurt him. He will surely not come back. He was drunk. He will be sorry in the morning, his old annoying self. Maybe he will stay away from now on. He scared Kihyun, but it is fine. Just fine as long as Hoseok stays with him and looses that… sensation in his eyes.

But Hoseok becomes awfully quiet. He slowly gets up, hands in his pockets as he turns to the backdoor.

" Jooheon?"

The younger seems to straighten under his gaze.

" He's still outside?"

" I don't think he'd come far even if I hadn't kicked him. Too drunk."

" Okay.", his gaze wanders over to Hyunwoo. " You take care of it for a moment, hyung?"

The older nods.

Kihyun grows more frightened by the second. They all seem to know something. Only Minhyuk looks as lost at him, his eyes wandering from one to another.

" What--"

"I'll be back soon." Hoseok smiles at him but it is not his smile. The one only Kihyun gets. It looks wrong, hollow and cold and he thinks he might start to cry soon because he doesn't know what is going on anymore.

" Hoseok..."

He feels Hyunwoos strong arm around his shoulder, he keeps him from following Hoseok.

" You need to rest." he smiles softly at him.

Kihyun doesn't notice.

" Where is he going?"

No one answers.

His gaze follows Hoseoks retreating back until the other is through the door.

"Hoseok!"

The door closes and Kihyun hasn't felt that alone in a long, long time.


	12. Chapter 12

 

 

" I swear, Kihyun. If you're not going to eat right this instant I will shove that sandwich down your throat. It will be disgusting but I don't care." Minhyuk leans back in his chair, close to a mental breakdown but Kihyun still doesn't want to comply. He keeps his eyes on the window front, waiting for Hoseok to come back.

" I'm not hungry."

"You need to eat something before taking your pills."

"I'll take them later."

"You should take them on time!"

"I'll take them when Hoseok is back."

He crosses his arms in front of his chest and the conversation is over for him.

Not so much for Minhyuk.

" You're acting like a spoiled brat!"

Kihyun knows but he couldn't care any less at the moment.

They closed the shop a bit earlier today because no one is in the right condition to work, Kihyun the least.

Another gaze at the clock. He is worried sick.

Hoseok has left half an hour ago to who knows where and everyone, except him and Minhyuk, seem to have a clue about what is going on.

He scoffs internally.

As if he doesn't notice the gazes they share when they feel unwatched. They do not understand the emotional chaos Kihyun experiences. They understand something he doesn't yet. They know what that shift in Hoseok eyes was that freaked Kihyun out so much on top of everything else that happened to him the past hour.

" I didn't imagine the change he went through, did I?" he asks into the room.

The hushed conversations stop.

Kihyun leans back into his chair. " Why do you look like I asked something horrible? It's that bad?"

"No!", Jooheon breaks out. " Not at all! Hyung can explain later!"

Yes

Later.

Later.

Later.

Everything later.

Minhyuk coughs slightly. " If I'm allowed to give my input."

"As if you'd stop."

"Yeah. You're right.", he pokes Kihyuns forehead." I think they're acting like that less because of Hoseok and more because you look like the walking dead. Which is true, in my opinion. Maybe you'd get some colour back if you'd just take those damn pills."

" Thanks, Minhyuk."

Kihyun is too exhausted to start any bickering. He feels tired, almost lethargic, so much that even his thinking slowed down. He slowly turns his gaze back to the window, not able to make anything out in the night.

" Kihyun. Please eat something. Hoseok will chop off my head when he comes back."

Minhyuk once more pushes the plate closer to him but Kihyun still refuses. He doesn't trust his stomach at the moment.

" I'm angry at him."

Words like that shouldn't be this tiredly spoken, but after everything that happened today it is all the energy he can muster.

Yes.

He is angry.

Because Chihwan thought it would be okay to harass him that way. He is angry, because everyone seems to know something he doesn't. He is angry because he is worried sick about Hoseok. And he is furious because he left him here so easily even though his mere presence would have made everything so much easier to handle.

No one disagrees.

Maybe they are trying to understand him

So angry…

… and so worried.

" Are we going to ignore the fact my boyfriend left without a word and no one questions it as if it is the most normal thing in the world?"

" Hyung.", Jooheon starts. " It really is fine. Hoseok hyung… he's talking things out with the guy. That's how he handles those things. Always has."

" So you want to tell me he went out, followed Chihwan to God knows where to talk things out? Because he always handled things like that?"

The younger nods.

" And now you want me to calm the fuck down?", Kihyun chuckles bitterly. " Well, it didn't work."

He nervously starts to bite his cheek and grimaces when pain pierces through his tongue.

"What do you mean by that? He always has handled things that way? Is talking your latest euphemism for something you don't want to share with me?"

Hyunwoo and Jooheon share a quick gaze and Kihyun almost laughs out loud in all of his distress.

" I swear to you, if  you keep doing that I --"

Hyunwoo puts a hand on his shoulder. " He's alright."

And Kihyun believes his every word.

Still, he can't get rid of his fear.

" He is hiding something though."

" Kihyun...", Hyunwoo starts with is comfortable, slow voice. " In the past, Hoseok had a lot of responsibility on his shoulders and he needed some way to cope with it. I'm not going to go into detail because that is what he should do. What I can tell you is, that he is doing nothing dangerous at the moment. And later when he is back, you should ask him about Wonho."

"Wonho?" Minhyuk repeats before Kihyun can say anything.

" Ask Hoseok. He will tell you."

The topic seems to be through for Hyunwoo but for Kihyun… he swallows deeply, not able to get rid of the knot in his throat. Of course it is a relief when Hyunwoo tells him everything is okay, that he just has to wait. But still, he saw something in Hoseoks eyes that won't be easily explained with mere responsibilities he had or has. The urge to have Hoseok beside him grows almost unbearable and Kihyun gets up from his seat, determined, even though his legs are still a bit shaky.

" I'm going to look for him."

"I don't think this is a good idea."

Minhyuk is by his side and supports him but Kihyun has already decided.

" I want to look for him."

" Can you just wait?" Minhyuk sends a helpless look to Jooheon.

" I don't want to. If Hoseok can do whatever he wants I can do, too."

This sounded a bit harsher than he intended to but deep inside, that is just how he feels.

Yes….

Why should he wait and do what Hoseok has told him to when the other is doing whatever pleases him?

There, the anger is back and he doesn't really care anymore about pushing Jooheon a bit too harshly out of his way.

He makes a mental note to apologise later.

" Kihyun…"

He is back out in the cold of the night, making his way down the street, past the alley where everything started just a while ago.

He hears footsteps behind him. Jooheon reaches him when stops at the next intersection. He turns his gaze left, then right and then decides to follow the road down to the subway station.

" He might be on his way back to the coffee shop."

Kihyun keeps walking.

" Hyung! Did you try to call him?"

He throws a gaze into another alley.

Nothing.

" This is futile..."

"Jooheon!", Kihyun snaps at him. " I know this is futile! But tonight so many things happened and I can't get them into order! My fucking head feels like exploding so please, let me at least do this futile thing and maybe calm down, okay!?"

" I'm sorry…"

Kihyun stops on his tracks.

" For what?"

" Everything that happened tonight… you must be really stressed out. I'm really sorry... for everything."

Kihyun breaths in deeply,  tilts his head back as he feels tears gathering in the corner of his eyes, triggered by Jooheons honest feelings.  


 

 

OOO

 

 

For around five seconds Kihyun feels relived when he sees Hoseoks figure behind the windows of the coffee shop. So relieved that that his knees buckle and the tears threaten to fall again. With all his might he wipes them away and stomps over to the door only to pull it open with as much force as he can muster.

Everyone spins around, startled by the sudden noise and Hoseoks eyes widen when he sees Kihyun. He moves a step closer. " Where the hell did you go!?"

The anger gives him energy and he kicks the closest chair out of his way.

" You think this is funny?!"

It is eerily quiet.

" I'm going to wring your neck if I get my hands on you!"

"Kihyun…"

" Did you think one second before you left?! Hhh ?! Do you know how fucking worried I was?!"

His blood pressure goes crazy and with that he looses his last bit of pride.

The next thing he knows is sitting on the ground, Hoseok supporting him by his shoulders.

" Are you okay?" he demands to know, voice laced with worry. Kihyun shakes his head to get rid of the dizziness.

" You're the worst!" he yells when he can think again and starts to hit Hoseoks chest. Even on his good days he wouldn't have been able to hurt him a lot. Today it must feel like a small breeze  to his boyfriend but even those half heartedly punches rob Kihyun of the last bit of energy he has left. He doesn't stop though. Only when Hoseok grabs him by the wrists he pauses.

"Stop it..."

Kihyun breathes heavily. His gaze takes in his surroundings. Everyone left, he is alone with Hoseok.

" What is wrong?" Hoseok asks, still holding Kihyuns hands in a tight grip.

Kihyun glares at him but behind his anger and boiling frustrating he feels something welling up

Something he doesn't need at the moment and can't really handle, but when did his tears ever ask him for his approval to fall?

So Kihyun starts to randomly cry again. In front of Hoseok who never knows what to do when he does.

" What the hell is wrong Kihyun?! Are you hurting somewhere?! God… please…", Hoseok tries to stop the tears, wipes over his cheeks but to no avail. " Baby… what's wrong?"

Kihyun hits him once more with his now free hands. " Did you even fucking think when you left me alone earlier?! Did it even occur to you that I might have needed you?!" he yells between two sobs.

Hoseoks features reflect confusion, then slowly, something like knowing steals itself in.

" That's why you're so upset?"

"Why?! I need a bigger reason to be?! Do you even know how fucking worried I was?! Go away!"

" Why would I do t--"

"Leave! Go away!"-

" Kihyun… calm down… why are y--"

"I love you! I fucking love you and you decide to wander off at night to God knows where and don't even talk to me about it! Do you even know how scared I… was…"

His yells grow quiet and the last word is only a whisper. Kihyun pauses, hand already lifted to hit him once more. Now it only sinks back to his side.

He has never told him before. It was… clear to him that he loved Hoseok.

Or so he thought…

But know that it is out for the first time, now that the words linger between them and can't be taken back reality hits him.

It is love.

He loves Shin Hoseok.

With that thought in mind he bends forward until his forehead touches Hoseoks chest. He closes his eyes and tries to gather his breathing. He yelled way too much due to his temper going crazy.

" I'm sorry." he mutters.

Hoseok is way too quiet and for an agonising moment he gets so scared that it was too fast, too early, too deep… too much of something Hoseok doesn't feel for him.

An unnecessary fear.

Hoseok leans down and presses a kiss to his hair. " Why do you act like you said something horrible?"

" Because… I don't know if I did."

" Can you look at me?"

Kihyun frantically shakes his head, forehead still pressed to Hoseoks chest.

" I don't think I can face you that soon."

Hoseok chuckles gently, one hand slowly starts to run through his hair.

" I'll wait.", he presses another kiss to Kihyuns head and lingers there, close to his ear. " At the risk of not talking to you for the next week."

His fingers gently run over Kihyuns neck.

" I love you, Kihyun."

Kihyuns eyes widen.

" I'm glad you finally said it because I always knew but didn't want to scare you away… but now.", he circles his arms around Kihyuns frame. " I love you. A lot. And I'm so sorry for upsetting you like this. I didn't think."

"I noticed." Kihyun mumbles, overwhelmed by his feelings.

Hoseok loves him

He said it.

He loves him.

" You love me." Kihyun states.

"Oh Kihyun...", Hoseoks sighs. " What did you expect to hear?"

" I don't know... I...", Kihyun huddles closer against him. " I'm so sorry for yelling at you."

" It's alright.", he runs his fingers through Kihyuns hair.

" It's not."

" It is.", for a moment longer he keeps Kihyun close to himself before he slowly releases him. " Let's get you back home and talk there."

 

 

 

 OOO

 

 

They went back to Kihyuns empty apartment. Minhyuk must have left with the others.

Kihyun still feels strange when he exits the shower. Clean, finally rid of the bloody shirt, finally having taken his pills, but still altogether strange. It makes him feel sick to know that there is something between him and Hoseok.

Everyone has their ups and downs, he knows.

But… those are the others.

Not them.

Hoseok can't be distant. The mere thought feels like a small pierce right through his chest.

It is late already but he takes his time with getting dressed, slips into his too wide shirt and baggy pants. When he leaves the bathroom his hair is still wet though. In the end he was too lazy to dry it. Hoseok waits for him in the living room. He sits on the couch, too upright to be comfortable. Kihyun stays in the doorframe, undecided, not knowing if he is allowed to come over. Maybe  Hoseok is mad at him by now. It wouldn't be a surprise.

Hoseok looks up when he notices him. " Feeling better?"

" Clean yes. But better…", Kihyun runs his fingers through his wet hair. " I feel strange."

"Why?"

" Because I'm not sure if we are still having a fight or not."

" I think we're not fighting anymore."

"Really?

" To be honest.", Hoseok reaches out for him with one hand. " After today the only thing I want is you close to me. Fighting or not."

Kihyun takes an undecided step inside and stops. " I can come over?"

"Please come."

"But…"

"Kihyun.", Hoseok almost sounds desperate. " Just come here. Please."

Kihyun wants to do nothing more than that. He has to stop himself from running over but still crosses the small room faster than usual. He ends up in his boyfriends lap, sideways, Hoseoks arm tightly around him, and when the other takes the blanket that lies on the sofa rest and wraps it around them both he is close to feeling perfectly fine.

" Are you okay now?" Hoseok pressed as kiss to his forehead.

Kihyun shrugs as he plays with Hoseoks fingers. " There is not a lot to say anymore since I literally threw everything at you."

"I made you angry a lot."

Kihyun nuzzles closer to him, intertwining their fingers. " As I told you. I was upset after Chihwan... you know..."

Hoseoks tightens his embrace. Consciously or unconsciously, Kihyun doesn't know. But it doesn't matter to him because he feels safe.

" I was upset and really confused. But… you just left when I really needed you and that was a whole lot worse. And…" he stops.

Hoseok waits for a moment but then gently pokes his side. " And?"

Kihyun gathers all of his courage. He sits up a bit straighter so he can see Hoseoks face. He wonders if his eyes have always been this bloodshed.

" There was something different in your eyes I have never seen before. And that together with you just leaving and everyone acting like they knew something. I got so worried about it... and then angry."

They share a gaze but Kihyun is sure that Hoseok is far away with his thoughts. Then, with an almost not noticeable motion, he is back.

A deep breath before he starts talking.

" I'm sorry. I really am sorry that I made you feel this way.", a touch of his warm smile as he caresses Kihyuns cheek. " I think you deserve an explanation."

He gently circles his arm around the others neck and pulls him back into his chest. Maybe this time he is the one who has problems with looking at Kihyun.

"You know that a while ago all of us were doing more or less illegal business?"

"How could I forget."

" Then you also must remember me telling you that we quit because it became too dangerous for us."

His fingers slowly run over Kihyuns shoulder.

" Hyunwoo is older than me, but still I was some kind of leader to our group. People looked for me when they wanted to talk, when they wanted to discuss deliveries. But you do know me. I get overexcited, over emotional. I cry when the dogs in movies die...nothing those people respect or take serious. But you don't survive in this business if you don't have the right reputation. "

Kihyun hangs on his every word.

" But I kind of noticed how well I could act like someone they would respect. So… how do I explain.", for a moment he searches for the right words. " I created an alter ego that came out when I needed respect…protection…all those things Hoseok couldn't offer."

"An alter ego?"

Hoseok leans a bit closer. " Did you ever hear the others talk about Wonho?"

" Wonho?", Kihyun remembers Hyunwoos words. " Hyunwoo hyung told me to ask you about that name."

"Yes. That is how I was known by everyone. My … second identity to keep myself and everyone safe."

Kihyuns thoughts whirl around in his head.

" What does this have to do with tonight?"

"You see, Wonho is someone I created to survive, you could say that in many ways he is the exact opposite of me. He is still me, of course, so I must have that in me... It's complicated. Over the years I became better and better in playing him until I turned into quiet the ice block as soon as we had a job going on or something remotely threatening came up."

"That sounds scary."

" Changkyun once told me he thinks Wonho is scary. I think he was the happiest after we finally quit since that also meant I wouldn't have to be Wonho again. But…"

Kihyun slightly straightens himself. " But?"

Hoseoks face turns more serious when he faces Kihyun, if that is even possible. He reaches out for him and cups his face with one hand. How fast the emotions in his eyes change. Just a moment ago, he seemed to be okay but now almost scared.

" Wonho was there to protect the people around me. I thought I didn't need him anymore but today… when this…", he clenches his teeth. " When he did to you what he did… I got so terribly angry at him and I lost it. That part took over me before I could even realize it did. As Wonho, I feel like I can protect the ones I love. People listen to him, people respect him. I just have to use words and they're gone."

" So...you only talked to Chihwan?"

" Of course. What did you think I would do? "

" I wasn't sure for a moment."

" I don't think he will bother you ever again.", Hoseok averts his gaze. " This sounds… crazy… I know… I don't want you to be scared of me. It is not like I'm schizophrenic or sick in any way. It was only a way to protect us I got used to way too much over the years."

" Well… if Beyoncé can have Sasha Fierce on stage, I think you can have Wonho without feeling ashamed."

One moment he was so serious, but now Hoseok can only blink at Kihyun. " Did you just compare my situation to Beyoncé?"

"Shouldn't I have?"

Hoseok stares at him, blinks a few times more. Slowly a smile forms on his lips, turns brighter and brighter until he finally smiles they way Kihyun knows... and loves.

" I imagined a lot of things, but Beyoncé."

Kihyun didn't intend to make fun of him. Not at all. He listened to every of Hoseoks words.

He is so thankful and proud that he told him.

He understood.

And he can relate.

" I have this really aggressive part in me."

It makes Hoseok sit up. " What do you mean?"

"  A few years ago I got so angry at the doorkeeper for not letting me through that I saw red and hit him with a bottle. Sometimes I beat up people just because they looked at me the wrong way, and today my temper almost went through with me. What I want to say is.", he uses his hands to emphasise his words. " I know those... second personalities. Mine I had from the very day I was born. You made yours, or maybe you had in you all the time and sometimes it comes out. But the thing is: We not always like them, sometimes they are plainly horrible but they are there and we can only try to get rid of them as much as possible and that itself is already a great thing to do. I know I might not make sense at the moment but... please just know I can understand and that I'm not scared of you. Why would I be?"

He takes Hoseoks hand into his, holds it tightly to his chest.

" You are the most caring and loving person I ever met. And you will never be able to change that. I was scared and because I couldn't understand what happened. But now that you explained I can and it is fine."

" Wow... I...", Hoseok snuffles, his eyes dangerously red. " That wasn't what I expected. So you do really understand?"

" Yes. Which doesn't mean that I like Wonho a lot. He is wandering off way too much." Kihyun tries to brighten the mood.

Hoseoks chuckles. " It will be fine as long as you are okay."

" Don't bring him out for me."

" If it's not you, then who?"

"I'm not that important."

" Kihyun…"

Time seems to stop as Hoseok leans in and kisses him for what feels like the first time in years. Softly, but with a longing that Kihyun has never experienced before. They stay close as they part, Hoseoks forehead touching Kihyuns.

" Do you even understand in the slightest how important you are to me?", his crooked smile. " You're everything to me. Don't you understand by now? I love you."

He loves me, Kihyun remembers with the impact of a truck that runs into a brick wall. He has never said it before and now he is doing it so casually and he feels so stupid because his heart is spilling again for this man in front of him, so much, too much too handle, and he will never understand how he can be so ridiculously  in love with this guy and still be sane.  
Kihyun hugs him, so tight that he fears the other will choke but no way he will allow the other to see his blushing cheeks, the tears of happiness gathering in the corner of his eyes, his quivering lips.

He loves me.

I love him.

Hoseok understands him because he does most of the times, as if Kihyun is an open book to him. He doesn't pressure him to release him, to answer anything.

Kihyun hears his quiet laughter.

"How do you do this… No.  Forget about it…", Hoseok  gentle fingers run through his hair" You really manage to make me fall more for you than I already did. Which is practically impossible."

Kihyun keeps hugging him.

" I love you, Kihyun. I really do."

Kihyun keeps his eyes closed with all his might,  worried about what he will do as soon as he opens them because he has never felt such a happiness in his life,

"No mistake.", Hoseok hums happily and hugs him tightly. " I really do."

 

 

 

 

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

 

 

Kihyun fell asleep in Hoseoks arms but his sleep is impermanent when after what feels like barely ten minutes some cruel devil turns on the light.

" And as you can see, my friends, they're in bed and together and everything is fine."

"Minhyuk!" Kihyun groans and hides his face in the pillow.

" Oh, sorry. Did we wake you up?"

He doesn't sound sorry at all.

"What do you want?!" Kihyun asks, his voice muffled by the pillow. Next to him, Hoseok starts to stir.

" Well… from left to right: Changkyun was scared about a possible break up and the involving question of where he should live then, Hyungwon and Jooheon where afraid that Hoseok messed up too much, Hyunwoo was a bit nervous because none of you answered his texts and I'm here to check if your kidney is fine."

"You do know this was rhetorical."

Kihyun slowly sits up and blinks into the light.

And, indeed, there a five pairs of eyes staring back at him.

" Hyung?", Changkyun hides slightly behind Minhyuks back. " Are you two still fighting?"

" You do realise I'm in his bed and not on the couch?" Hoseok slings one arm around Kihyuns shoulder and hangs there like a wet bag.

" I told you, guys.", Minhyuk beams at the others. " I was worried first but after Hyunwoo enlightened me about Wo-- Hoseoks situation I was sure Kihyun would never break up with him out of such a small reason. It's not like he will ever find someone better either way."

"Minyhuk!" Kihyun yells.

" What? Look at you all puffy in your face."

"If we close our eyes for a moment they might disappear and never come back." Kihyun whispers over to Hoseok but said blonde falls back onto the pillow without a word and fast asleep again. Kihyun envies him to no end, but now that he is awake he can as well just get up for a bit longer.

" Did you eat?"

" Now this is what I wanted to hear. Shoo shoo, my children.", he pushes Hyungwon and Jooheon out the door. " Mom will make us a midnight snack"

"Lee Minhyuk!!!"

 

OOO

 

 

It isn't too bad Kihyun figures out as he stands in the kitchen and mixes together whatever he can find in the fridge. Sure, it is late, almost early and he is tired as hell but he can sleep in either way in the morning and after he realised then neither him nor Hoseok wrote the others even a small message to clear things up he feels kind of bad for worrying them. Cooking for twenty minutes therefore seems to be fine.

Minhyuk comes into the kitchen when he just fired up the pan. His back hugs are different than Hoseoks. Less protective, less longing and more of the used-to kind. Warm, familiar, comfortable. They shared many over the years.

" You doing okay?" Minhyuk asks, the playfulness gone from his voice.

" Yes. As good as it can be tonight. You?"

" I'll be my usual self after a bit of sleep.", he rests his chin on Kihyuns head. " I was really worried about you today."

Kihyun doesn't respond but Minhyuk has known him long enough by now to know he is listening.

" Chihwan went way too far this time and I'll make sure he'll pay for a long time."

"That includes?"

" Ordering 20 pizzas and let them get delivered to  his house."

Kihyun chuckles and puts a few onions to the noodles. Minhyuk releases him and leans against the counter next to him.

" But seriously.", he runs a finger over the spot on Kihyuns neck. " This has gone way too far and I hope you won't have a trauma."

"I think it'll be fine."

" You sure?"

 " I guess."

" I heard about Hoseok."

Kihyun pauses for a moment and looks at him. " How?"

"Hyunwoo told me about… his little problem after we had waited a while for you. If you ask me… I think it is okay. As long as this won't harm you."

" As if he'd ever harm me."

" True."

"We talked things out. He was honestly sorry for acting so cold."

" You were cold, too."

Kihyun grimaces at the memory and Minhyuk lightly laughs. " I'm happy you have someone that can protect you."

"I can protect myself."

"Leave the emancipation home for once, Kihyun."

" This is not a matter o--"

Minhyuk hugs and stops him midsentence. " Yes. Bla bla bla. I don't care.", he pats Kihyuns back. " I'm just happy you're okay and still with Hoseok."

"Minhyuk?" Kihyun mumbles quietly into his shoulder.

" What?"

"He said… he loves me…"

" HE WHAT?! YOU ONLY TELL ME NOW?!"

Minhyuks earpiercing echoes through the apartment and Hoseok is wide awake again.

 

 

OOO

 

 

 

Some time later.

Kihyun hums while arranging the clothes he got out of the hamper into a coloured and white pile.

Two things are wrong in this picture: firstly, it is not his apartment, but Hoseoks and secondly, he is strictly forbidden of doing any house chores for them, since Hoseok is the strong conviction that it is not his boyfriends task to do their laundry.

But Kihyun simply couldn't help it. So he took the chance as soon as Hoseok went out to buy some groceries.

He pulls another white dress shirt out of a hamper. It must be Changkyuns. He started his classes around two months ago and for that occasion they went out and bought him a few of those. Kihyun smiles when he pulls it out of the pile. He is really proud of Changkyun and he looks so handsome in the shirt.

Wait…

Kihyun pauses.

Something on the collar caught his eyes.

He leans closer.

Yes.

Red.

Already fading red.

His eyes widen in recognition.

Lipstick.

" HYUNGWON!" he yells through the apartment. It only takes seconds for the younger to pull open his door. Fascinating if you take in his usual laziness.

" What's wrong?! Why are you screaming?!"

" Look at this!!"

Kihyun holds the shirt out for him. Hyungwon rolls his eyes. " Hyung… please. I told you we will do i--"

"No! Look!"

With two steps he is over and shoves it into Hyungwons face.

" Lipstick! On Changkyuns collar!"

" What?!"

He pulls it out of Kihyuns eyes and inspects the spot. He slowly lifts his gaze afterwards, eyes wide.

" It is…"

Kihyun has to support himself on Hyungwon. " Oh god… our baby…."

"Why is he having lipstick on his collar?!"

Kihyun groans. " What if his professor sexually harasses him?"

Hyungwon takes in a sharp breath of air. " You don't think…"

"Look at him.", Kihyun pats his own cheeks with his hands. " His squishy cheeks, and the naive eyes. Who wouldn't fall for him?"

"Maybe there is another explanation…"

"What?!"

" Maybe…", Hyungwon is trying to come up with something. " What if he got harassed by a drunk person on his way home?"

Kihyun gasps. " No!"

"Maybe!"

" Kihyun. Why are you doing the laundry again?" An exasperated Hoseok comes into the room.

Kihyun pulls the shirt away form Hyungwon.

"Hoseok! It's bad?"

" What is bad?"

He doesn't know what is happening to him when not only a shirt but an upset Kihyun get shoved into his arms.

" There's lipstick on Changkyuns shirt?"

"Lipstick?", Hoseok takes a closer look, inspecting the spot. " Well... looks like it."

Hyungwon and Kihyun stare at him, waiting for any kind of reaction but nothing happens.

" You don't have to say anything?"

Hoseok loosens his collar, getting uncomfortable under their stares. " What… exactly do you want me to say?"

"He could be harassed by a professor!"

"Or by a drunk on the street!"

"Maybe… he went out on a date and it went well?"

Silence in the room.

Kihyun slowly turns to the next wall only to put his forehead against it. " My baby…"

" Kihyun?"

" On a date…"

" Kihyun… he is 21 years old."

"Go away… you do not care..."

" Have you stayed too long inside? Is it the detergent? Hyungwon? Why did you freeze? Come on guys! What's wrong?!"

 

 

OOO

 

 

" Mt tummy hurts."

"Hm.."

"I feel like throwing up."

"Hm."

"I'm so cold my whole body is shaking."

"Hm."

" I'm going to leave you for my boss."

"Hm."

"Kihyun!", Hoseok whines and wiggles on the sofa like a stuffed caterpillar. " I want attention. Give! It! To! Me!"

" Ha?", Kihyun looks up from where he is sitting on the floor. " What did you say?"

Hoseok reaches out for him, a huge pout on his lips. " Attention. Please."

" Yes?"

" Come here!" Hoseok tries to reach him, almost falling from the couch in the process.

" Sorry…"

Kihyun moves over to him until he is sitting in front of the couch and Hoseok can comfortably hug him from behind.

" What did you want to say?"

" Nothing.", an appeased Hoseok answers. " I just wanted you closer."

" It's uncomfortable like that."

" You can always come up here."

His trademark wink.

Kihyun moves onto the couch and snuggles under Hoseoks preheated blanket.

" What makes you stare at the door like a hypnotised rabbit?"

Hoseok slides his hands under Kihyuns shirt until they rest on his back.

" I'm waiting for Changkyun to come back home."

Hoseok chuckles and kisses the tip of his nose. " Still the lipstick."

Kihyun glares at.

" Yes. Still. When I asked him last week he told me he doesn't know about it. But now that I paid more attention to him the past days, he's coming home awfully late."

" He's an adult."

" Still, he worries me."

" Maybe he really has someone and doesn't want us to know because he is shy."

Kihyun plays with one of the buttons on Hoseoks shirt. " He's the youngest. I feel worried about him."

"And that's great. But I promise you he can look after himself."

"He's afraid in the dark…"

" I'm afraid in the dark. And I can still manage."

Kihyun can't help but to smile at his boyfriend.

Hoseok coos. " Ah… so cute."

He hugs Kihyun tightly.

" I love you, Changkyuns mom."

For the first part, Kihyun blushes, for the second part he manages to pinch Hoseoks nipple.

 

 

OOO

 

 

Trust is good, but control is better and after a third time he tried to reach Changkyun over his phone and had to wait until late at night to get an answer Kihyun is done.

So one day, he checks out Changkyuns  timetable, collars Minhyuk who slept in until afternoon and makes his way over to the university.

" Can you tell me again why I have to do this?" Minhyuk complains as he trots down the street following a determined Kihyun.

" Because you are my friend and love me."

"Don't you have that boyfriend of yours that loves you a lot?"

" He wouldn't have let me go. He thinks I overreact."

"Wise man…" Minhyuk grumbles.

They find a hiding spot close to the entrance of the building Changkyun has classes in and wait there. Kihyun checks his watch for the nth time. " He must come out any minute."

" You really want to go through with your stalking?"

"It is not stalking. Changkyun is acting weird lately, I have a strange feeling in my gut and I'm worried."

" You are just worried because you know their background story and think he might be doing something stupid."

Kihyun looks at him in astonishment and Minhyuk shrugs. " I've know you for a long time now."

It is ten minutes after when they see Changkyun leaving the building together with his new friend, Kanghyung.

" He's still hanging out with him..."

" They're friends."

"Get down!" Kihyun pulls Minhyuk further away from the street as they come dangerously close to being caught.

The two boys casually chat as they walk down the street and then turn left, not the way Changkyun should take to go home.

" Fishy…" Kihyun mumbles, eyes narrowed.

" Not really. They're just hanging out after classes."

" It is late."

"It is barely 6."

"Can you just be on my side today!"

" If you're side wouldn't include running around outside I'd be in. It's cold.", he pokes Kihyuns arm.  " How can you survive in that thin jacket of yours?"

" Purpose keeps me warm. Let's follow him quickly. The sooner we see he's doing well the sooner we can calm down and get home."

" You can calm down and I get home."

Nevertheless he follows Kihyun down the road, enough space between them and their unsuspecting… victims.

More then once Minhyuk bows to passerby's that give them strange looks, trying to explain why they are hiding between trashcans and behind cars but Kihyun is too busy to even notice that.

" Where the hell are they going?" he mutters when they find themselves in a party area.

Minhyuk keeps rubbing his arms to get a bit warmer. " Maybe they want to grab a drink before going home."

" There are enough bars close to university.", Kihyun gazes around. " This area seems kind of familiar. Isn't it where Hongbin used to work?"

"Oh… damn. Kihyun. I really don't care. Give the boy some air to breath."

" I told you I have a strange feeling in my sto--" Kihyun pauses with a gasps and grabs Minhyuks wrist.

" Holy shit… Minhyuk…"

" What!?" Minhyuk nags back, having reached the limit of his patience.

" Look… they're entering a building."

" Thank God."

"No!", Kihyun shakes his arm. " Look!"

Minhyuk does and his eyes widen.

 

 

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

 

 

 

Kihyuns head hurts.

Seriously hurts and he wants to do nothing more than to hide under a blanket and forget his headache and the fact that Changkyun just went into that building.

" Please tell me this is not where Hongbin worked."

Minhyuk still isn't able to close his mouth. " This is definitely where he worked."

"Then please tell me there is a dentist in the same building."

" As far as I know…"

" Don't." Kihyun lifts his hand and successfully keeps Minhyuk from saying it out loud. He leans against a nearby fence, keeping his gaze on the building across the street.

" Don't tell me he is doing escort?"

"Well… he could be a customer."

"No way. He's not a lonely rich grandma with too many cats. Oh shit, Minhyuk.", Kihyun hangs his hand. " What do we do now? My baby..."

Minhyuk shrugs, once in his life time lost for words. " Can we even do anything?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well… he's legal."

"I'm not letting him do that kind of work no matter what the reason it is. No way. You remember Hongbins stories. He almost cried when he was finally able to leave. Remember Four finger Jessy!"

Minhyuk shivers. " Don't remind me of her."

" I'm going in!" Kihyun states but he isn't able to even set a foot on the street before Minhyuk holds him back by his collar.

" You can't just go in."

"Why can't I?"

Minhyuk keeps him in place with two hands on his shoulders. " First of all, we don't even know if he is working there for real."

"He just went in!"

" He could  still be a customer..."

" Excuse me?! Didn't we just establish th--"

"I know.  Calm down. Still. Second of all, he is an adult. We cannot just storm into his workplace."

" We need to save him!"

" We don't know that."

Kihyun gasps and decides to walk a few steps up and down. He ruffles a hand through his hair, thinking for a second. " Why are you the one keeping calm?"

" Your  motherly instincts which I don't have kick in."

"What would you suggest?"

" Going home?"

"Going home?!" Kihyun repeats a bit too loudly and agitated.

" Kihyun, listen. We cannot go inside and you are freezing. I can see so don't try to hide it. We should talk to him in a quiet atmosphere. Not here."

The words slowly sink in and Kihyun knows that Minhyuk is right. Still, he doesn't like the thought of just leaving.

" You think it's fine?"

"Another day won't hurt."

And after a bit more of discussing they decide to leave.  


 

 

OOO  


 

 

 

Hoseok already told him a million times that he doesn't have to call or text before he is coming over, but Kihyun keeps doing so and almost drives Hoseok into oblivion. He just feels… like an intruder if he comes over without notice beforehand even though Hoseok assures him that he would happily have him around 24/7. Of course, Hoseok can show up at his home without further notice.

But the other way around...

No way.

Minhyuk says he has a stick up his ass.

Hoseok says one day he will change his mind.

Kihyun keeps doing his thing.

Still, Hoseoks smile can't be brighter as he later opens the door for the two boys and pulls Kihyun in a tight hug.

" Kihyun~ I missed you."

He takes a step back and eyes him." Why are you freezing? Don't you have a warmer jacket ?"

" Yes. Hello, too." Minhyuk playfully sulks. Hoseok pats his shoulder with a laugh when he releases Kihyun.

"Sorry Minhyuk."

"I'm fine. I know in your lala Kihyun country there is no space for me.", he walks inside and leaves his shoes next to the entrance.  " Hyunwoo! Attention!"

Kihyun shakes his head as Minhyuk jogs into the living room.

Hoseok pulls him inside and closes the door. He's already in his chill out attire.

" Don't you have work tomorrow work?"

"Yes.", Kihyun pulls off his shoes. " But I wanted to see you."

Hoseok happily kisses him when he turns back to him. Kihyun already feels a lot calmer after being next to him.

" Hoseok..." Kihyun starts slowly.

" Yes?"

" There is something I..."

He pauses.

Hoseok looks so relaxed and so happy to see his boyfriend that from one moment to another Kihyun decides that he won't tell him today bout what he found out this afternoon. Maybe he will talk to him after speaking to Changkyun. The younger hates it when the others mother him too much... maybe he will be angry at Kihyun if he doesn't give him the chance to explain things first.

" Yes?" Hoseok keeps waiting for him to continue but Kihyun just pats his arm with a smile.

"Nothing."

It will be fine.

He will talk to Changkyun later and the bring Hoseok into the loop.

" What have you been up to?" he asks instead. Hoseok takes his hand and guides him through the small hallway to the living room.

" Soju."

"Soju?"

"Hyung!" Jooheon greets him as they walk inside, a bottle in his hand.

" Soju." Hoseok repeats.

" I wanted to try the blueberry kind for a long while now.", Jooheon eagerly explains. " Hyungwon brought a few bottles today. Samples."

The tall one on the couch, sandwiched between Minhyuk and Hyungwon lifts his hand in defence when Kihyun looks at him. " Don't kill me. They asked me to."

Kihyun chuckles. " It's okay. You can drink."

"But…", Hoseok eyes him from the side. " You can't."

"Yes. Medicine and alcohol don't go well together."

" I feel bad when you can't join in."

Kihyun takes his hand in his. " I'm fine. Just drink. I don't like Soju either way."

They eye him for a bit longer until he takes the matter into his own hands and opens the first bottle.

" But not too much. It's a weekday."

"Of course not!" Jooheon agrees with his dimples showing.  


 

 

OOO  


 

 

 

Of course they drink too much.

Close to eleven, Kihyun is the only sober one in the room.

Hoseoks only turns more adorable when he is drunk Kihyun finds out soon. After approximately four shots lightweight Hoseok is far down the road and his frequently encountered infatuation with everything that has to do with Kihyun grows only the more.

" That mole.", he lulls and pokes Kihyun temple with his finger. " It's cute."

Kihyun chuckles when his boyfriend hiccups.

" It's just a mole."

"Everything about you is cute." Hoseok leans over until his for head rests against Kihyuns shoulder.

" Do you want to go to bed?" Kihyun asks and runs his finger through Hoseoks soft hair.

" No.", the other whines without lifting his head. " I want to spend more time with you."

"I can sleep over."

"Awake.", Hoseok possessively circles is arms around Kihyuns waist. " Dream Kihyun is half as great as real Kihyun."

For the millionth time, Kihyuns heart spills with love for his boyfriend. How in God's name he deserved this beautiful being, he still doesn't understand. He leans closer until his cheek rests against Hoseoks hair.

" I love you, drunkard. " he whispers, so only the blonde can hear. Hoseok sits upright, the biggest smile on his face, eyes half closed.

" Ahh… seriously.", Kihyun laughs and pats his cheek. " You need to sleep or you can't work tomorrow."

" I'm jealous." drunk Minhyuk calls over from the couch where he is resting his head in Hyunwoos lap. Kihyun isn't too sure about the drunkenness level of the oldest but it seemed like he was humming theopening of Digimon earlier so he might be doing pretty well.

" You're jealous?!", a suddenly wide awake Hoseok exclaims. " I am! You're so close to my Kihyun!"

He protectively pulls Kihyun closer, a wobbly matter since he doesn't really notice what he is doing.

" Yes. I'll always be the closest. Deal with it."

"Minhyuk. Be nice."Kihyun deadpans.

" Okay…", his friend more or less agrees. " I.… like you more than the others though, Hoseok. I really do."

Hoseoks eyes widen. " The others?"

Kihyun face palms.

" Do you remember… hmmm", Minhyuk furrows his brows. " What was his name?"

" I don't think you--"

" Jihoon."

Hoseoks eyes widen. " Jihoon?"

"Six pack Ji Ji." Minhyuk giggles on the couch and Kihyun wonders how long it takes to choke him with a pillow.

" He was hot… but dumb as a piece of bread."

Hoseok looks as if his soul just left his body. Even his lower lip quivers.

" Hoseok…", Kihyun says. " This is no reason to freak out."

"I'm not."

"That's good."

Hoseok doesn't look like it and Kihyun can't help but too laugh. He pulls Hoseok in for a hug. " Didn't we establish I'm the one who has to be jealous?"

Hoseok sniffs loudly. " Don't leave me for Sixpack Ji Ji."

"God, Hoseok. How much did you drink?"

"Promise me."

Grimly, he lifts his finger and he looks so adorable that Kihyun can't help but to link their pinkies.  " Not for Ji Ji or for anyone else."

" Hyung! No matter how hot Ji Ji is, I'm on your side!" Jooheon yells over from where he is sitting with Hyungwon,  glass long gone and drinking out of the bottle. Hyungwon fell asleep a while ago, and when

Kihyun looks at him for a moment, he finds himself wishing for all of them to fall asleep.

Preferably fast.  


 

 

OOO  


 

 

It never occurred to Kihyun that the clock in the living room is terrible annoying. Only now that he lies there in the dark, a sleeping Hoseok by his side under the blanket on the floor he realises how loud the ticking noise is.

Not that he could sleep anyway.

Changkyun is still not home and it is close to one in the morning.

Absentmindedly Kihyun runs his fingers through Hoseoks hair. Now that Minhyuk is also asleep, he has to take things into his own hands. But… how should he start things? Or would it be better to wait until morning to discuss things with the youngest?

He sighs deeply and wipes over his eyes. He is so tired but he wants to at least know that Changkyun is back home, safe and sound.  

Jooheons mobile goes off on the table.

He grumbles in his sleep and turns away. The blanket that Kihyun tucked him into slips from his shoulders and exposes skin. It feels colder only by looking at him. Kihyun is sure by now that not even an earthquake would wake the younger.

None of them.

They will be knocked out until the morning.

The ringing stops only to continue a few seconds after.

It happens two more times before Kihyun decides that it might be urgent.

He carefully pushes Hoseoks arm away from his stomach and moves out of the comfortable blanket. The ringing stops again when he reaches it. For a moment he stares at the dark screen and once again someone calls.

Hyorin.

Kihyun furrows his brows. Not a name he ever heard around the boys.

" Jooheon…" he pokes the youngers side.

No reaction.

" Jooheon. Someone keeps calling you... It seems to be urgent."

Still dead.

Kihyun considers ignoring the caller for a moment but then decides against it and answers.

" Hello?"

"Jooheon! Why didn't you answer?" A hectic female voice answers.

" Ehm. I'm sorry but this is not Jooheon."

Silence on the other end before the woman speaks up again.

" Who is there?" she asks carefully."

"I'm Kihyun.", he rubs the back of his neck, unsure of what to say. " I'm sorry. Jooheon drank a bit too much and he's asleep like a rock. I normally don't do this but since you've called a lot of times I thought it must be urgent."

" Kihyun? Jooheon talked about you."

The sound of cars. She seems to be outside.

"Can I help you out with something?"

"Well…"

She sounds unwell, almost scared.

" Jooheon helped me out… a lot already. And he said I could contact him when there is a problem.", she stops for a moment. " Actually… it's late and I don't have anywhere to go…"

" You're outside alone?"

"Yes… my landlord threw me out. I...", she takes a deep breath as if to suppress tears. " I don't even know why I'm telling you this. You don't know me."

" Jooheon is my friend." he casts a gaze at the sleeping pile of people in the living room. Hyungwon stirs in his sleep and Kihyun walks further away in order not to disturb them.

" Where are you now?"

"Close to where Jooheon lives."

"Do you want me to come inside?"

An awkward silence before she answers. " I don't think Hoseok or Hyunwoo would be too thrilled about it."

Yes.

There was something. So she was the one the boys were fighting about a while ago. Now Kihyun regrets that he wasn't more nosy and tried to figure out more about it.

" Still. If you say you have nowhere to go… how about meeting outside? Maybe I can help you out?"

" You don't have to--"

"You wouldn't have called if it wasn't urgent, would you?"

Her silence is answer enough and a minute later Kihyun is in the elevator on his way down.  


 

 

OOO  


 

 

To: Changkyun  
  
Are you coming home soon?  


 

Kihyun shoves his mobile back into his pocket and fastly walks down the road to where the girl waits. Seems like he has to postpone his talk with Changkyun. A few minutes later he sees someone in the light of a street lamp.

" Hyorin?" He asks as he comes closer and realises in surprise that he is standing in front of the girl he talked to on the bench next to the subway station.

She seems to notice as well.

" Hello, Kihyun."

She tries to smile but even the night can't hide the dark circles under her eyes.

" Thanks for coming out, especially since you don't know me."

"It's dark, late and cold. I would be a horrible person if I wouldn't."

He is not too sure what to do now, just knows that she looks horribly pale and too thin.

" You said your landlord threw you out?"

She nods, gaze to the ground. " I wasn't able to… pay the rent the third time in a row."

Kihyun feels so sorry for her.

" Jooheon. He…", she laughs awkwardly. " I'm actually really embarrassed about it but some times I'm not able to buy food…He does for me."

" Are you two dating?"

She hurriedly shakes her head. " No, no. It's more like… a brother and sister relationship. I was… with them when we were still… doing business. Jooheon said you know about it."

" Yes. Hoseok told me."

" You're dating him."

Something flickers in her eyes and Kihyun doesn't like it at all. She seems to have noticed and smiles in apology. " I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"It's… a habit. I dated him a while ago until it didn't work out anymore."

It doesn't feel too great to have this beautiful woman in front of him, talking about having dated his equally handsome boyfriend.

No.

It doesn't feel great at all.

But Kihyun sees himself on the more rational side of things. Well, most of the times if it doesn't include Changkyuns love life and dirty shoes on his floor. He knows that Hoseok is with him now, and his boyfriend has all of his trust.

So. Yes.

Even though it stings a tiny bit it is not a reason to freak out.

" Please don't take it the wrong way. I'm not trying anything… it has been years..." she says, uncertainty in her voice.

Kihyun smiles. " I'm okay. We all have a past and it's not like I'm going to chop off your head for being my boyfriends ex - girlfriend. Even though I'd be happier if you were not that pretty."

She seems to relax after hearing his friendly spoken words.

" Now that we have established that.", Kihyun takes his mobile out and checks the time. " We need to get you out of the cold. It's pretty late."

" It really is okay--"

" Since a few people wouldn't be too happy when you come to the apartment - ", he makes a mental note to ask Hoseok about what the hell happened between them " --do you want to come to my home?"

She looks undecided.

He awkwardly rubs the back of his neck. " I know we have never met before and it might be a bit scary to go home with me. But you shouldn't be outside at the moment and I can't think of a better solution right now so… you don't have to be scared of me. Really."

"I'm not scared of you. Jooheon told me enough things about you, so it feels like I already have known you for years."

"He talks about?"

"Totally smitten by you. He says Hoseok is never allowed to leave you."

" That sounds awfully like him.", Kihyun gently pushes her in direction of the subway station. " Let's get you out of the cold. It's late."

 

 

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

 

 

" Kihyun." Hoseok mutters, followed by a loud yawn.

It is currently around 7 in the morning, not a time for Hoseok to be able to fully function.

" Why do I wake up to your message telling me that you went home last night?"

Kihyun fills a glass with water. " Urgent business. You were dead so I didn't want to wake you."

"I see. But… what business at night?"

"Is Changkyun home?" Kihyun ignores his question and pulls Minhyuks cornflakes out of the shelf. He isn't too sure what Hyorin likes for breakfast but is satisfied with what he prepared by now.

" I saw his hair sticking out from under the blanket when I checked earlier.", he yawns once more. " But seriously, Kihyun. Why are you running around at night?"

Kihyun grimaces.

The time has come.

" Have you talked to Jooheon by the way?"

" About what? We talk a lot."

" Your fight."

Hoseok snuffles. The noise of running water. " He promised not to get too involved and I promised not to freak out if they see each other from time to time."

Yes.

He will definitely explode.

" You have to promise me to stay calm."

"Is it your kidney?" Hoseok asks alarmed.

"No, no. It's fine. Just…", he is trying to find the right words. " I know you don't like this topic so promise me to keep it down because I'm tired and I can't deal with this before work."

He is not telling him that his head has been hurting all day and that he feels the dull pain in his legs he is already used to.

Water retention.

Stupid kidneys.

No way he will tell him about it.

So unattractive.

Hoseok sighs deeply. " You do know you're making me nervous every time you start like this?"

"I'm trying my best not to."

" So, what is it?"

" Did you promise already?"

" I can't promise for anything. But I will try."

Kihyun plays with the spoon in his hand.

" I might have made things look worse than they actually are. Last night, Jooheons phone wouldn't stop ringing. I answered it and the end of the story is this girl named Hyorin spent the night at our apartment beca--"

"You what?!"

Of course he wouldn't be able to finish his sentence.

" Hoseok. Let me speak f--"

" You're home?!"

" Yes. B--"

And Hoseok is gone from the line.

Kihyun sends a glance to the ceiling, trying to figure out what he did wrong in his past life to earn this fate. With slow steps he then wanders to his room where he let Hyorin sleep the night. He used Minhyuks bed since he wasn't sure if his friend would want as stranger in his.

Hyunwoo yes.

But not a stranger.

Kihyun knocks softly and when there is no answer he slowly peeks inside. Hyorin is still asleep on the bed.

" Hyorin?"

"Yes?" she answers sleep deprived.

" I'm sorry for waking you this early. I need to go to work later and prepared breakfast for you. But you maybe want to wait inside of here for around 30 minutes."

She slowly sits up and blinks at him. " 30 minutes?"

"Yes… It takes around 20 minutes to get here and I plan in 10 more to calm Hoseok down.", he smiles apologetically. " Just slowly wash up and get dressed."

He closes the door without further explanation and makes his way back to the kitchen where he washes a few dishes, treading the moment Hoseok reaches his door. And, really, around 20  minutes later he hears footsteps and… different voices.

He curses under his breath and makes his way over to the door when someone puts the door code in. Kihyun needs to take a deep breath when not only Hoseok but literally all of them stream into the apartment.

" Stop yelling at me, hyung!" Jooheon exclaims and Hoseok looks furious enough to jump at him right this moment.

"If you'd listen to me once I wouldn't have to yell at you!"

"You don't have anything to say!", Minhyuk joins them. " It's my best friend and my house!"

" It's my boyfriend!"

" Can someone finally explain wh--"

Minhyuk pinches Changkyuns ear. " You should come home earlier and not in the middle of the night!"

"But--"

"Can you all be quiet now?!" Hoseok yells over the ruckus.

Jooheon glares at him. " You started it!"

"YOU didn't stop!"

" What the hell is going on?!"

" All of you shut up this fucking second or so God help me you'll be shitting my shoes for the next two weeks!"

It is completely quiet in a second, six pairs of eyes directed at a furious Kihyun.

" First of all: What are you doing with your dirty shoes in MY hallway?!"

He shushes them back outside.

" Second of all: Where the hell do you think you are?! Hh?! It's 7 in the morning! Our neighbours are sleeping!"

"But…"

Hoseok starts but one glare and he shuts his mouth in an instant.

" You!", Kihyun points finger at him. "Stop yelling at them! You're an adult so act like it! There is no reason to freak out like this!"

" Yes! Tell him hyung!" Jooheon cheers for him but Kihyun without hesitation flips his forehead. " You, mister, should be quiet! Where did your great speech about caring more about your hyung go, hh?! This wouldn't have happened if you had started to communicate once!"

Jooheon ducks his head as fast as he can.

" Woah… Kiyhun…" Minhyuk mutters in the background, a bright smile on his face but that is when Kihyun already kicks his shin with a bit more force than necessary. "Let me guess! You didn't try to calm them down at least once?! Is it fun seeing them like this?!"

Minhyuk rubs his shin, mumbling something under his breath but Kihyun already turned his attention to Changkyun.

" And you!"

"What… what did I do?!"

Kihyun plants himself in front of the younger " If I ever notice you coming back home this late again  without telling us be prepared! Got it?! And while we're at it: Tomorrow during your lunch break you're going to meet me! Dare not to show up and you'll regret it!"

Kihyun takes a deep breath and turns to Hyunwoo and Hyungwon in the background.

" Both of you--"

They duck their heads.

"You're…", he nods and crosses his arms in front of his chest. " You're doing well. I have nothing to say to you."

He takes a step back to take a look at the bunch of crestfallen puppies.

" Oh boys."

He feels so bad all of sudden when he sees the dark circles under their eyes. He reaches out and pokes the area under Hoseok eyes.

" Why did you rush here like that? And all of you on top of that?"

"Hyung… your mood swings are scary." Jooheon cautiously says, seemingly ready for another attack.

" Come in since you're already here. I'll make you coffee or tea.", he walks back inside before he turns back to them for a moment. " You're friend is inside my room if you want to talk to her."

Jooheon darts over to Kihyuns room and disappears inside while Hoseok follows Kihyun into the kitchen. He stays in the door frame while Kihyun fills water into a water heater.

" I'm sorry Kihyun."

"It's fine. You survived my outbreak."

Hoseok doesn't seem to be calmed by that. " I am sorry, but still. Don't do this anymore."

Kihyun stops between counter and table. " It was just a coincidence. I didn't want to leave her outside and all of you were asleep. She said she knows you and--"

" Kihyun.", Hoseok takes him by the shoulders. " I will listen to your explanation once more but that won't change the fact that I don't want you anywhere close to someone from our past. Never. Can you

understand that?"

" Why?"

Hoseok is searching for the right words, Kihyun can see it when his mouth opens a few times just to get closed again. Finally Hoseok loosens his grip on his shoulders.

" I'm not saying that Hyorin is any kind of danger to you or us, but people around her are and I don't know how close she is to them nowadays. So please. I know you don't like this and you hate when I ask those things of you, but please keep away from her. Jooheon told me he'd only meet her once in a while to give her food if necessary… but… I can't have you close to her. So please listen once."

In a matter of seconds, Kihyun decides that, yes, this time he will because Hoseok looks so serious and worried about the subject that he can't help but feel bad about putting him into this emotional roller coaster.

Kihyun circles his arms around Hoseoks waist and rest his chin on his boyfriends shoulder, gaze on the wall behind them.

" I will. I'm sorry for worrying you like that all the time."

"Ha…", Hoseok exhales and hugs him back. " You can't even imagine."

He detaches himself from Kihyun only to cup his face and to press a soft kiss to his lips.

" I love you."

Kihyun is relieved when Hoseok is smiling again.

" Me too."

Hoseok hugs him once more.

" Kihyun?"

"Hmm?"

"Will you make me your caramel coffee now? I think I need a shot of it to get back to my normal heart rate."  


 

 

OOO  


 

 

 

Awkward is too less of a word to describe the atmosphere in the living room where everyone, also Hyorin, gathered. Kihyun handed a cup of tea or coffee to all of them and now he is standing in front of the mess, trying to figure out how to even things out.

" Kihyun helped me out a lot last night.", Hyorin starts. " My landlord threw me out and I had nowhere to go."

"I couldn't believe you still had contact with us, noona." Changkyun says.

Hoseok scoffs on his seat on the couch. " Ask Jooheon about it."

" Hoseok." , Kihyuns voice is a peal of bells but everyone can hear the underlying threat. " Be nice."

_'Shut up or I'll shove that coffee along with the cup down your throat.'  
_

" You have every right to be mad at me, Hoseok.", Hyorin now directly talks to him. " I know I stayed with the wrong people after all of you left but I quit all connections with them. Still it is not easy for me to start anew and that is why Jooheon is helping me out."

" Just leave the town."

"You know it's not that easy. That business was the only thing I knew."

" She's right, hyung.", Jooheon jumps in. " She can't just leave. There is Bora. And you remember how difficult it was for us. Shouldn't you be a bit more considerate since you were dating on--"

His eyes grow wide like saucers, just like everyone else's, including Hoseoks.

" Jooheon!" he yells, almost on his feet.

Kihyun coughs slightly when he feels Hyungwons and Changkyuns gazes on him.

"I do know that the two of you were dating."

Silence.

Until Hoseok falls back into his seat with a loud whine. " Oh God…"

The temperatures grow icy when Minhyuk glares at Hyorin in a sudden fit of protectiveness over his best friend. " Dare to make any move and I'll--"

" And we just forget about the topic and move on." Kihyun claps his hands and everyone follows after a few more - hostile, confused, annoyed- gazes are shared.

" Anyways.", Hyorin says carefully after she takes a sip of coffee. " I have nothing to do with Taesan anymore."

Kihyun pricks up his ears. " Who is Taesan?"

Hoseok doesn't look like he wants them to know. It is Hyunwoo, that answers. " Our former boss."

" Biggest asshole ever." Jooheon adds.

Changkyun nods heavily. " Never want to see him again."

" He's the reason why I wanted to keep her away from you.", Hoseok says, features darkening visibly. " There isn't any problem since he let us leave without making too much of a fuss but I still prefer him far away."

" Taesan more than once talked about wanting you back."

Kihyun thought it wouldn't be possible for the atmosphere to grow any more hostile.

" Hoseok." he quietly says when his boyfriend clutches the armrest until it looks painful. His fingers loosen when Kihyun places a hand on Hoseoks, but his whole posture still shows his tension.

When everyone keeps quiet, the confused gazes of the younger ones wandering between Hyunwoo and Hoseok, it is Kihyun that speaks on.

" What do you mean by wanting them back? Didn't Hoseok just say he let them leave?"

" They were his best workers."

" Shut up, Hyorin."

Kihyun knows that at the moment there is no way in which he can calm Hoseok down.

Hyorin seems to finally have noticed what kind of reaction her words caused, for a moment too long she looks at Changkyun who grew quiet pale around his nose.

She slightly slumps down in her chair. " I'm sorry... I didn't mean to scare you."

" That didn't work." Hoseok responds. There is still hostility in his voice but Kihyun can hear something else. Something like.... understanding?

" What I meant to say is...", it appears like she has troubling with finding the right words.

" I don't have anything to do with him anymore. And I didn't mean to get back in your group. I know I gambled that away by staying with him for far too long. I only want to live a normal life. I saw Jooheon, how happy he is and I envy him. I envy all of you because it is so difficult to me. I've never done anything else than being with Taesan."

To Kihyun it looks like she will cry soon but she keeps it in.  

Kihyun can't fully name what feeling it is that lingers in the room by now.

Maybe... something like shared fear of that guy everyone seems to be so afraid of. Unconsciously he takes Hoseoks hand again he released a while ago.

His boyfriend looks at their hands, then at him. For a moment he is only looking at Kihyun, then finally, a hardly noticeable smile Kihyun answers with his own. Hoseoks gaze is apologetically and Kihyun understands. He still doesn't want Hyorin around them, doesn't want them to get too close and even though Kihyun can't really understand that fact, he will try to trust him with that. Hoseok will help her out the best he can, he will let Jooheon see her from time to time but he won't let her in to protect them.

Kihyuns chest aches for her, he has questions over questions that have to wait, but he will try.

 

 

 

OOO  


 

"Thank you."

Kihyun is waiting next to Hyorin as the girl packs her belongings back into her bag.

" You can stay here longer though. They still haven't said anything but it seems like Hoseoks calmed down at least. Another day won't hurt." he says but she waves his comment aside.

" I shouldn't. He is still not okay with me being here. I can see it. Now that Jooheon said he knows somewhere I can go to it is not necessary anymore."

Kihyun hands her wallet over from where it lay on the pillow.

" Hoseok…", she starts when she takes it. " He cares a lot about you. More than he could have ever cared about me."

Kihyun is lost for words for a moment. That was put of the blue for him.

She smiles at him. " If Hoseok loves it's with his everything. You're lucky. And he… he is lucky as well. I wish you all the best. And I'm sorry for causing so much trouble. I won't bother you from now on."

She leaves  for the door. When her hand touches the knob Kihyun wakes up out of his trance.

" Hyorin! One second.", he takes a piece of paper and a pencil from his desk and jots down his number. " Here."

"Why?"

" I know Hoseok still doesn't want you around. But... call me if there is an emergency. Or you need someone to talk to. Okay?"

Her stunned gaze wanders to the piece of paper in Kihyuns hands he still holds out to her. She only slowly takes it, but then holds it tightly to her chest.

" Yes.", a smile on her lips."  Hoseok is lucky."


	16. Chapter 16

 

 

 

From: Hoseok

 

Can you open the door or does it hurt too much ? ㅠㅠ

 

 

 

Kihyun looks at the message in confusion.

Still, he gets up from where he took a nap on the couch and slowly waddles over to the door, carefully so his already hurting legs won't get worse.

As soon as Hyorin left and he finally got everyone to leave for work and classes, Kihyun called his boss and told him he wouldn't be able to come to work today. The pain in his head didn't get better and the dull pain in his legs only grew worse. The past hours he spent on the couch, feet propped up and a wet cloth on his forehead.

" Hey." Hoseok says when Kihyun opens the door.

Kihyun eyes him from head to toe. " Did we plan something?"

" Minhyuk told me to look after you. Here."

He takes his phone out and shows a message to Kihyun.

 

 

 

From: Minhyuk

 

Stupid brat is in pain and won't tell us 눈눈… go there after work!!! And don't believe his lies about feeling well!!!!

 

 

Kihyun sighs deeply.

Minhyuk always knows.

" I didn't know what exactly is wrong so I brought tea." Hoseok lifts the bag in his hand and suddenly Kihyun is happy that he came over.

Not that he wasn't before.

But… it is still difficult for him to admit that his body won't work the way he wants it.

" What's wrong?" Hoseok asks gently, caressing his cheek when he notices the frustration on Kihyuns face.

" Come in.", Kihyun pulls him inside without answering his question and closes the door after him. " I'm not letting you stay out there in the cold."

" You look pale." Hoseok worries when he pulls off his shoes.

" It's just…" Kihyun hems and haws and plays with his shirt.

" What?"

"Water… retention."

" I couldn't understand."

"I got water in my legs which is unattractive as fuck and that's why I didn't want to tell you.", Kihyun presses out and averts his gaze. " It hurts a lot."

Hoseoks features only soften more. " Idiot. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because of the unattractive as fuck part."

"Come.", it is Hoseok that guides him back to the living room. " I don't know a lot about it. How can we make it better?"

" Prop up my feet… massage them. Just waiting. I don't want to take the medication. I already take too much of it."

"You had your shot and the pills?"

Kihyun nods as he sits back on his previous seat on the couch.

" Come. Your feet."

" I feel stupid."

Hoseok doesn't listen to his complaining. He pushes another pillow under Kihyuns feet and takes a seat on a chair he carried over from the small kitchen.

" Would it help if I massaged them?"

" Sometimes it does."

"Okay, let me try. ", Hoseoks warm hands feel comfortable on Kihyuns skin the instant he touches him. " Too hard?"

"It's okay." Kihyun mutters and closes his eyes for a few minutes. He has been up until late last night and got up early because of the Hyorin situation  and now the tiredness comes over him all at once.

" Still okay?" Hoseok asks after a while.

" Hmm."

" See. I'm great at everything." his boyfriend jokes and Kihyun can only agree.

" You are."

" Tell me about those things, Kihyun. There is nothing to be embarrassed about." Hoseok starts when his hands slowly wanders over his left calf.

" Maybe."

"You're feeling worse lately?"

Kihyun isn't really sure. To be honest, he has a strange feeling in his gut when sometimes he feels more tired than ever, when his legs start to hurt more often or when he looks just too pale even for his condition.

But telling Hoseok has time.

Maybe until after another appointment at the hospital.

" Tell me about Taesan."

" Why are you bringing him up now?"

" Because he seems to be important."

" He is not.", Hoseok moves over to his other leg. " Not anymore."

" Did he treat you badly?"

For a moment Hoseok works in silence, then he stops his movement, one warm hand on Kihyuns knee. " It was his aura."

" His aura?"

" Yes... he could scare people shitless with one glance.", he doesn't blink anymore, as if he is lost in his thoughts. " He was a rational thinker though. Maybe that made him this scary."

" Frightening enough that you don't want Hyorin around because she was close to him?"

Hoseok only nods and Kihyun understands that he should stop now. It must have been difficult for Hoseok to even tell him this.

" Thanks for telling me this.", he squeezes Hoseoks hand. " Now you're with me and don't have to be worried anymore."

For that, Hoseok gives him his brightest smile.

 

 

 

 

OOO

 

 

 

 

When Kihyun enters a campus he feels out of place.

Almost like an alien between all the soon- to-be doctors, engineers and diplomats.

Almost ashamed because he only finished High school and never went to a college.

Almost.

Because in the end he is proud of what he has achieved until today and because Minhyuk persuaded him with difficulties that intelligence has nothing to do with degrees.

Still, he is happy to have found a nice empty bench in a quiet area of the campus where he can wait for Changkyun until the lecture of the younger is over and finally have the long dreaded conversation with him.

Kihyun leans against the backrest and looks into the grey sky.

The last few weeks have been quiet hectic for him.

Kihyuns life hadn't been the epitome of boring from the beginning and Hoseok stumbling into it didn't help at all.

He wouldn't trade it for anything though.

It is a different kind of trouble Hoseok... no... all of them brought into his life

Hyunwoo, who will be Minhyuks end. Jooheon who wants to be so strong all the time and nevertheless needs someone to look after and to care about him. Hyungwon, who shares so many feelings with Kihyun, the one he feels so close to sometimes and Changkyun, who wrapped him around his finger in the matter of seconds and most probably will always be his baby, no matter how old he gets.

Minhyuk.

Who has always been by his side, no matter what. Who will always be there.

For whom he will always be there no matter what.

And Hoseok.

Kihyun smiles to himself.

He doesn't even have to start to think about him.

Incredible Hoseok.

His Hoseok.

Love…

"Have you waited for long?"

Kihyun lifts his head when Changkyun calls his name. He waits, until the younger jogged over to him, slightly out of breath with a heavy bag on his shoulder.

" A few minutes.", he peeks inside the bag. " Lots of classes today?"

"Yeah. Kind of." Changkyun  takes a seat next to him on the bench.

" Sorry for calling you here like that."

"You would do me a huge favour if you explained to me what the reasons for this is. I was wondering since you yelled at me yesterday morning." Changkyun looks fairly nervous. Kihyun leans in until his nose almost touches Changkyuns.

" I'm not going to kill you if that I'd what you're afraid of."

"Since I don't know what I did wrong…"

"You think you did something wrong?"

Changkyun grimaces and Kihyun chuckles.

" Hyung..."

" I'm sorry. I'll stop."

He pushes his cold hands into the pockets of his jacket.

" I'm not going to beat around the bush."

" Now I know what Hoseok means when he's talking about you and starting explanations."

" Yes. He has a trauma or so he told me.", Kihyun meets his gaze. " Changkyun. Be honest: are you working at that club in Sinsa?"

It is almost too easy for Kihyun to read everything in his face. First he pales, only the smallest bit, before his eyes widen in understanding. He looks to the ground, his gaze wandering fast to the wood of the bench.

Kihyun waits, already knowing that he hit the bullseye.

" How…", Changkyun swallows. " How do you know?"

"I saw you entering with Kanghyun."

"I see…"he mutters quietly, hands between his knees.

" How did you end up there?"

Another heavy swallow.

"Hyung… the tuition… the books. It is more than I thought and I couldn't keep my other job because of classes."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I…", he still doesn't look into Kihyuns eyes. " I didn't want to burden anyone else. They have enough work and I have always been the one to give the least. I don't even have to go to college. It's because I want

to. How can I ask for more money?"

"But this kind of work?"

"It is alright, hyung. It's... they pay me well. "

Kihyun sadly examines him. " I know about the work. A friend of mine did exactly the same."

" Then you it out of firsthand!"

" Yes. And then you end up with a perverted one and the customer ends up wanting more."

"What?"

" What if your boss says you have to go down all the way?"

" Why would my boss tell me that?"

 Kihyun scoffs. " I know your boss, Changkyun. I know he can be quiet friendly but money turns the nicest into big assholes. And I don't want you to be the victim of that."

No one talks for quiet a while.

Kihyun because he wants to give the other the chance to sort out his thoughts. Changkyun because… Kihyun isn't too sure. Maybe because he is embarrassed. Maybe because he is going to break out into a fit of 'I'm an adult you can't tell me anything'.

Kihyun waits for whatever will come out.

He is surprised when Changkyun gets up and takes his bag. He nods down the road to the end of campus. " Do you want to grab something to drink? I think I need coffee."

Kihyun shrugs. "Sure."

He is surprised when Changkyun links their arms as they leave the campus. " Hyung?"

"Yes?"

"Is it wrong for me to feel slightly happy because you're looking out for me like that?"

Kihyun furrows his brow, not really getting the younger. " Of course you can feel happy, even though I don't quiet get the context."

Changkyun smiles at nothing and squeezes Kihyuns arm. " It means… I'm happy you're with us."

" You've had Hoseok all along."

"It's different…", they stop at the traffic light. " Hoseok Hyung. He is more of an older brother, a really emotional dad. Did you know that he carried me out of a bar fight and that's how I ended up with him?"

"He what?"

" Hyungwon and I left home pretty early. He has like five brothers and sisters and his father was so overwhelmed that he probably didn't notice until now that he is gone. I'm the usual abused kid that ends up in bad circles."

Kihyun feels pain by his words but Changkyun smiles it away. " It doesn't mean I have a life long trauma. It is fine. And in the bar fight I ended up through a misunderstanding. And then I was there, with Hyungwon, this crazily good looking guy named Hoseok, and his two friends. Two word Hyunwoo and  dimple Jooheon. Do you know that Jooheon still has contact to home?"

"He never talks about it."

"His parents seem pretty well of. But divorced and both having one new partner after the other. He hates it. Still has his brother but I think you know that his has his fingers in quiet the bad stuff. Jooheon cares about him but they are not too close."

"Why are you telling me this?"

They crossed the street and walk down an alley. Changkyun seems to know where to get the good coffee.

Kihyun feels bad listening to Changkyuns words. He should have talked to them more often, should have listened to their stories.

 Just being there for them.

He feels selfish.

They are always there for him.

" You look really down all of sudden." Changkyun asks in worry.

" I… didn't know about all of this. And I feel bad because I haven't asked earlier. I should have been there for all of you."

Changkyun softly elbows him. " This is why all of us love you."

Kihyun almost stumbles. " What?"

" What I wanted to say…", he blushes a tiny bit, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. "Now I feel embarrassed. But…. The difference between you and Hoseok. And I don't mean this in a negative way and please don't take it the wrong way. But sometimes… your warmth. It feels like the warmth of a mother. To us. And that is why I'm a tiny bit happy you came today, even though I'm deadly embarrassed."

" Changkyun…"

Kihyun can't say much.

He is speechless.

Because here, this adorable, squishy being is telling him the most cheesiest thing and he can't help but want to do one thing.

He hugs Changkyun tightly in the middle of the street.

" Hyung!"

"My poor baby."

"Hyung… people…"

"I don't care."

"What if someone sees us?!"

"They would understand.", he gently pats Changkyuns back, smiling at the wall behind them. " I'm glad you feel like this around me. I really am."

They stay like this for a while longer until Changkyun wiggles himself out of the hug.

He coughs slightly. " Yes…"

"Awkward?" Kihyun laughs and ruffles through his hair.

" Scared Hoseok Hyung will chop my head off."

" I hope he doesn't see me as a mother."

Changkyun bites his lips in order not to laugh.

" Nope. I can assure you that.", he points down the alley. " The coffee shop is right over there."

" You do know I haven't forgotten about our actual talk." Kihyun reminds him as they walk down the road.

" I didn't mean to ignore it."

" You're not going to stop."

" Hyung... I think there is some kind of misunderstanding. I'm not an escort."

"I know... and... WHAT?!"

Kihyun gapes at him and Changkyun laughs out loud. " I'm the barkeeper. Kanghyun is the escort."

" But... the lipstick..."

" I don't know what you're talking about but there a few customers can't hold there alcohol well and apparently think I'm cute."

Kihyun stops in the middle of the street. " I didn't think of that..."

Changkyun darts a glance at him. " Does anyone know?"

" Why?"

"Because if the others find out they won't discuss things calmly like you do and I frankly don't want that at the moment."

Kihyuns thought wander off and,yes, he doesn't even have to try to imagine the situation. Not after the Hyorin incident.

" Only Minhyuk. I didn't want to worry anyone else before talking to you."

" Thanks for that, hyung."

They walk into another street.

" Can you nevertheless think about quitting? For my salvation? I will not force you because I know how much you hate being treated as the baby."

"Would you feel okay if I told you I will?"

" I'd definitely feel better. I'd feel the best if you quit though. "

" I will think about it."

" Then I'm better."

Kihyun takes his hand for a moment and squeezes it.

It wasn't a lie. He really is feeling better now that he knows it isn't the work he expected him to do and that he will think about quitting. Changkyun isn't stupid and will to the right thing. And if not... there is still time to intervene.

" So... Kanghyun brought you there?"

Changkyun nods and enters the coffee shop they just reached and doesn't notice anymore how Kihyuns aura turns dark.

When he can finally tell Hoseok about this he will have to listen to Kihyuns 'I told Kanghyun was bad news' for the rest of the year.

 

 

 

 

 

OOO  


 

 

Some weeks later

 

 

 

'I strongly suggest well start dialysis soon.'

A never know frustration overcomes Kihyun when he leaves the hospital in the evening.

He stops right in front of the electrical door, not far enough for it to close again and he earns the first annoyed gazes by the nurses inside but he can't bring himself to move away.

He listens to his inner self.

He has been scared about this day for so long and when he came to the hospital for an unscheduled visit that afternoon he already knew, deep inside, that something was wrong.

How you realise that it is something else, not a cold that is raging through your body.

But where is it…

Where is the fear he had feared the most all the time?

It is there.

He can feel it.

But most of all it is the already mentioned frustration that has bothered him since he has left the doctors office.

He did everything they wanted. He took his medication, eat that stupid broccoli Minhyuk always made him eat. No Alcohol.

And still it didn't work out?

His kidneys had to get worse?

Kihyun takes a deep breath.  
  
He finally starts to walk away from the door, hands deep in his pockets.

His thoughts are racing.

He needs to contact the insurance. How much of the therapy costs does he have to cover himself? Is it even considered by the insurance? Will his savings be enough?

How often does he have to go there and how long? Will he even be able to keep his job at the bookstore?

Will his health decline more?

He shudders at the thought of his blood leaving his body just to be pushed back later.

Why didn't he stay longer with the doctor and asked all of that questions?

Kihyun scoffs into the dark.

Of course he knows why.

He didn't have the words because even though he feels frustrated and angry and scared… it made him speechless. As if he never tried to prepare himself for this moment at all. As if it was out of the blue and the only thing he could do was leaving the office.

Minhyuk has been right all this time.

You can not predict the future.

Kihyun sits down on a nearby bench. He doesn't want to see anyone at the moment, needs to calm his thoughts before he can confront anyone. Not that anyone knows about his hospital visit today.

But as much as he wants to be alone he wants to hear Hoseoks voice as well.

So he calls him without much of a thought.

" Kihyunie~~~"

Kihyun sadly smiles at nothing. Sometimes he wonders when it will stop. Hoseoks excitement about any call, as if it is the greatest thing that happened to him on that day.

Kihyun hopes never.

" What are you doing?"

"I just took a shower. And now I want to watch a movie."

"What movie?"

It's nice to just listen to his unimportant talk.

" Minhyuk came over and brought this alien movie. But now he is with Jooheon. Something about planning my birthday present. Can you imagine? Just one week left." he chuckles.

" I know what you get." Kihyun slightly teases him.

" Tell me."

"Nope. Minhyuk will lynch me."

"Then don't.", he seems to have opened the fridge. " Where are you?"

" Still at work. Went out for a few minutes before I have to get back into this hellhole."

Lying is pretty easy for him when he doesn't want to upset Hoseok.

He knows that it will come out sooner or later. But sometimes Kihyun needs to think about his problem first.

Alone.

Getting to know it.

Becoming closer.

Figuring things out without other people's input.

Maybe he just wants to protect them from the news a tiny bit longer.

" I'm having a bad day, Hoseok." he mutters into the speaker.

"You sound like it. Something you want to talk about?"

" Just… one of those days."

It's pretty much the truth without all the details.

" So there is no one I can mess up for you?"

"Nope."

"Then…", Hoseok hums lightly. " You come over here and we'll watch the movie together. How does it sound?"

" Do I get your blanket?"

Hoseok has this fluffy thing in his bed he is really protective of.

" Of course. Everything for my love."

" You cheesy thing."

Who always knows just the right things to say, unconsciously or not.

" Love you, Hoseok."

It became easier for him to say.

" Me, too.", Hoseok answers, his voice gentle and warm. " When do you think you can be here?"

"I don't. It won't be too late. Watch the movie without me. Just make sure to protect the blanket."

"I will, babe."

"Okay. Bye then."

 

 

 

 


	17. Chapter 17

 

 

 

One hours turns into two and then into three.

Kihyun left the bench for a nearby coffee  shop where he - due to his lack of paper- ended up frantically filling out tissues with numbers , trying to get an overview of his finances in his agitated state.  
Around 11 he is positive that it will be a financial disaster. And he is sure he has pretty much a million other things to worry about at the moment that are so much more important than his finances, but money is easier to worry about than the fear of failing kidneys. He can ask people for money, he can't get himself a new kidney that easily and that is scaring the shit out of him.

Only close to 12 he realises that he abandoned his phone quiet a while ago.

He grimaces when he checks it.

Various calls and texts from different people over the past hours.  
  
From: Hoseok  
(8:44pm)  
It takes much longer? Should I come and get you with the car?  
  
Missed call: Hoseok  
(9:11pm)  
  
From: Hoseok  
(9:47pm)  
Why aren't you answering? ㅠㅠ Your boss will keep you there for much longer?  
  
From: Minhyuk  
(10:01pm)  
Answer your fucking messages!!!!!!! Why are you even working today??????  
  
Missed call: Minhyuk  
(10:26pm)  
  
From: Jooheon  
(10:37pm)  
Hyung. Everyone is getting worried.  
  
From: Jooheon  
(10:42pm)  
Still worried  
  
From: Jooheon  
(10:50pm)  
More worried  
  
Missed call: Hoseok  
(10:55pm)  
  
Missed call: Hoseok  
(11:02pm)  
  
Missed call: Hoseok  
(11:10pm)  
  
From: Minhyuk  
(11:22pm)  
  
What Minhyuk had to tell him forty minutes ago Kihyun doesn't find out anymore because there the next call comes in.

He answers, feeling more than abashed.

" Hey…"

" Thank God...I was getting worried over here.", Minhyuk sighs into the speaker. " Care to explain why we couldn't reach you for hours? HOURS!"

" I'm sorry...I was busy."

"With what?"

"Stuff."

"Kihyun…" he threatens lowly. Kihyun rubs over his dry eyes. " I know Minhyuk. I'm sorry. Okay? Are you still at Hoseoks?"

"Yes. I need to tell them to stay inside."

" Inside?"

" We wanted to look for you after you decided your stuff was more important than a small message. He's fine!" The last part he yells over to someone.

" I'm sorry, Minhyuk."

"Yeah. Whatever."

He doesn't sound too pleased, almost pissed off.

" Can I… come over?"

"Do what you want. I don't feel like talking at the moment."

And he hangs up.

 

 

  
  
OOO

 

 

 

Kihyun never felt that jittery while standing in front of their door.

Not even on their first visit when he still wasn't with Hoseok.

He slowly types in the code and quietly opens the door. He leaves his shoes in the hallway and slowly walks to the living room where three people wait for him.

Kihyun averts his gaze when even Hoseok doesn't smile at him.

" You came." Minhyuk snaps at him from the couch, arms crossed in front of his chest.

" Yeah…", he swallows heavily. " I'm sorry."

" Your boss. He told us you weren't at work today." Hoseok says and Kihyun knows he is angry.

It's alright though.

There is a high chance he would be angry too.

Well… he was angry when Hoseok left him without a word that night when Chihwan went rampage.  It is only right for him to endure his anger.

" I lied."

"That much we figured out."

Jooheons gaze wanders between Hoseok and Kihyun.

" Care to explain? It is the least you can do after worrying us like that." Minhyuk says.

Kihyun feels like shit.

Because he acted like a spoiled brat.

Because he worried them.

Because he is scared they hate him now.

Because Hoseok hasn't smiled even once.

Because Minhyuk keeps his distance to him.

Because he has no money.

And because he hasn't figured anything out.

"Great…" he mumbles when he feels the tears.

When did he become such a cry baby?

He wipes over his eyes with his sleeve but to not avail.  

" No need to cry, Kihyun."

Minhyuks voice grow a whole lot softer by now but it doesn't help at all to stop Kihyuns tear now that they started to flow.

" I sat in a coffee shop and tried to figure out how to pay for therapy because I forgot to ask the doctor. I forgot to ask about anything and--", he pulls out the tissues he carelessly pushed into his pocket and half of it falls to the ground. "--shit"

He crouches down to gather them.

" This is all I could come up with but it won't be enough and I definitely need to quit one of my jobs but I'm not sure which one... and... I should have asked her."

He pauses, only half of the tissues in his hands.

" I should have asked her... I only could think of counting..."

 

OOO

 

 

 

Kihyun really seems to have no clue about how beautiful he is to Hoseok or how much he really loves the guy, Hoseok decides when he sick of worry hears Minhyuk telling them that Kihyun is fine and on his way to them.

How freaking much he loves Kihyun and he simply forgets to tell him that he is fine.

Hoseok is furious.

And even though he wants nothing more than to hug Kihyun when he comes in because his heart always has and will skip when he sees him he stays on the couch.

" I sat in a coffee shop..."

He pulls tissues out of his pockets and they fall too the ground.

Why are his hands shaking like this? And has Kihyun always been this tiny and small, so pale?

Did they do this to him?

His Kihyun… he would have discussed things with them, like the responsible person he is. Always talking things out and finding a solution for everything so everyone feels okay.

Now he only wants to grab his tissues... what are those even… and then just stays there, on the ground.

Crying.

And that is something Hoseok can't and will never be able to deal with. No matter how much he has fucked up, Hoseok won't leave him alone to cry.

" Stop crying, Kihyun." he gets up from the couch and walks over to him.

" I'm so sorry for lying."

"I know.", Hoseok sits down next to him and wipes away a few tears that soon get replaced by others. " Just tell me the reason. Let's talk things out like we always do."

"Are you mad at me?"

"I was."

Kihyun only cries the more.

" Kihyun…", Hoseok tries to sooth him, his chest aching for his boyfriend.

" I was at the hospital."

" What?"

" She said... my kidney function grew worse. So much that I need dialysis from now on..."

Hoseok didn't expect that.

Not at all.

Kihyun was doing well. They looked out for him more than enough. He took his medication on time.

" She said… what?"

" I need to start dialysis soon. And I don't know what the insurance covers and I won't be able to keep both of my jobs and I don't want my blood to be pumped into me again and what if I need a transplant. Will my savings be enough... Does it hurt…"

"Kihyun. Kihyun, hey."

He almost hyperventilates and Hoseok cups his face to calm him down. " We'll figure it out, okay. No reason to cry."

"I'm not crying because of that."

"Why then?"

Kihyun sobs once more and leans his forehead against Hoseoks shoulder. " Because all of you are mad at me and that is so scary to me at the moment because right now being lonely is the last thing I want to be. I didn't mean to… I was only counting and forgot the time…"

Oh God… how much he loves Kihyun.

 

 

OOO

 

 

 

Kihyun is fast asleep when Hoseok peeks inside his bedroom once again.  
He must have been so tired and fell asleep as soon as his head touched the pillow. Hoseok observes his breathing for a moment before he goes back to Jooheon and Minhyuk in the living room, both of them waiting in silence and lost in their own thoughts.

Hoseok heavily falls into the armchair, for a moment to overwhelmed to speak.

Minhyuk is the first to act.

" This is the shittiest situation ever."

"Yeah… it is." Jooheon agrees, nothing left of his usual energetic self.

" I'm so much in love with this guy it is getting ridiculous." Hoseok says, feeling as if he found out the answer to everything.

Minhyuk faces. " That is nice to know but... Why saying this now?"

"Because…", Hoseoks bends forward and supports his elbows on his legs. " Because... fuck… I don't even know what to say anymore. Because… I will do anything I can to make it easier for him."

Minhyuk smiles warmly at him. " Thanks."  
"This was the last time he got desperate like that.", Hoseok is back on his feet, not able to sit calmly. " I hate seeing him cry like that... It almost physically hurts."

"I feel bad that we stressed him out like that." Jooheon says quietly.

" It was right of us.", Minhyuk disagrees. " Any other day he would have been fine with it. He did make a mistake, but no one could know the reason for it."

Jooheon plays with his fingers. " Yes… normally he is more collected."

"He feels a lot of pressure.", Minhyuk runs a hand through his blonde hair. " I need to call his doctor tomorrow and talk things through with her. After that let's have a chat with everyone."

Hoseok starts biting his lip.  He got rid of the habit a while ago but he feels so nervous inside that he can't help it.

" Minhyuk?" he asks into the silence.

The other looks at him and signals him to talk.

" I'm scared I'm going to loose him… to that…", a too deep bite and he tastes a bit of blood in his mouth. " Really scared all of sudden."

Minhyuks face is blank for a moment.

Then he leans his head against the wall. " Please. Dialysis isn't the end of the world. Yoo Kihyun will nag at us for many many more years. Promised."

And Hoseok really wants to believe him.

He really wants to believe him after he build a bed for Minhyuk on the couch and after he got into his sleeping attire.

After he brushed his teeth and carefully went to bed next to Kihyun in order not to wake him up.

After he pulled out his mobile and researched Kihyuns sickness like he did so many times before.

After he found hopeful stories about people living fairly well with the disease and others, that went through hell and back.

Hoseok shuts his phone off and turns to the side. Kihyun is still fast asleep. Until today Hoseok can't understand how he falls asleep on his back.  He is a total stomach sleeper.

One of Kihyuns hand peeks out of the blanket and Hoseok takes it. He places gentle kisses on his knuckles.

" Be healthy.", he whispers into the dark. " I don't know what to do without you."

He really doesn't know.

Maybe, if one day Kihyun shouldn't be by his side anymore he would be able to live.

Technically everybody is able to live, even without their loved ones.

But… he wouldn't do it happily.

He simply wouldn't want to because Kihyun had such an impact on him and plays such a huge part in his life by now that he doesn't even want to imagine living it without him.

The smallest things.

Like this small mole under his eye.

How his lips slightly part in his sleep.

His hate for shoes in the hallway.

How nagging is the air that he breaths.

When he is acting so rational one moment and in the next is a crying mess.

Him making caramel coffee for Hoseok. With extra caramel.

How he cannot count without using his fingers.

His shy I love you's.

How he looks out for his friends.

How he tries to act cool and ends up as the cutest fail.

His pointless over thinking.

Him… being Kihyun.

Hoseok circles his arms around Kihyuns waist and pulls him into his chest, finally trying to close his eyes and to fall asleep. In his sleep Kihyun snuggles closer to him and Hoseok once again feels the almost unbearable urge to protect him.

No.

It's not an option for things to go badly.

Not at all.

 

 

OOO

 

 

 

Kihyun wakes up to gentle fingers that run through his hair.

He slowly opens his eyes and blinks into the light.

" Good morning."

Hoseok smiles down at Kihyun from where he is sitting on the bed next to him.

Kihyun needs a few more moments to wake his mind up. He keeps blinking at his boyfriend until the other chuckles.

" Banana?"

Kihyun nods, even though he is not really getting want he wants. Hoseok reaches out for a plate on the nightstand where he put a few fruits. He peels the banana and pokes Kihyun lips with it.

" Ahh."

Kihyun takes a small bite and chews slowly.

Memories from last night slowly come up. He groans in distress.

" I messed up yesterday."

"A bit."

Kihyun turns sideways, moves closer until his forehead touches Hoseoks thigh. " I'm sorry."

"You're forgiven, Kihyun. Promise me not to do it again and we're good."

"I won't. I really am so sorry."

"Kihyun.", Hoseok pokes his cheek. " Stop apologizing. Fights happen. It's over."

"Okay."

"Take another bite."

Kihyun slowly sits up and takes the banana from Hoseok. As he chews it he can feel Hoseoks gaze on him. The other reaches out and pushes the hair out of his face.

" I feel bad for not realising how pale you got."

"I've always been pale."

"You must have felt worse lately.", Hoseok says, his voice turning serious. " Why didn't you tell me?"

Kihyun finished half of the banana. " It wasn't like I felt too much worse. Just... enough to make me feel nervous. That is why I wanted to wait until visiting the doctor… why do you look so sad all of sudden?"

Hoseok looks at the blanket. " I feel bad that you had to go there alone."

"No, no! Please no! I'm the one to blame! Hoseok…", Kihyun puts the banana on the plate and reaches for his hand. " I'm sorry for not telling you."

"It felt terrible."

" It felt terrible?"

Hoseok hugs him tightly, as good as he can with blankets and pillows in the way. " Fighting with you is the apocalypse for me.", he kisses Kihyun cheek. " Let me hug you a lot today."

"As much as you want."

"Now you said it and can't take it back.", Hoseok takes the half eaten banana from the plate and gives it back to him.

" Finish this. And the get ready."

"For what?"

"Appointment at the hospital."

"What appointment? "

"Minhyuk called your doc this morning. She made some time for us.", Hoseok softly pokes the area where he assumes Kihyun right kidney is located. " We need to get that thing into working again."

 

 

 

 

OOO

 

 

 

 

Kihyun needs more time to get ready this morning. He feels a bit dizzy when he tries to stand up and subtly sinks back down on the mattress. But why is he even trying? Of course Hoseok saw and before he can try a second attempt he needs to empty a cup of water.

It is working well after that.

He manages to get dressed and washed up pretty fast and soon finds himself at the table in front of healthy cornflakes - without sugar of course.

" Kihyun.", Minhyuk whines and refuse to stop hugging him sideways. "I'm so sorry for making you cry."

"I told you I was wrong."

"But you didn't feel well."

"Minhyuk…"

There, his friends mood takes a turn and Kihyun gets slapped over the head. " And why the hell didn't you tell me?! Hhh?! You must have noticed something is going on!"

" My stomach felt upset a lot more of times and the dizziness got worse but I didn't want to worry you."

"Phh.", Minhyuk scoffs and shares as gaze with Hoseok. " Not worrying us."

The other nods. " I don't know in which parallel universe he lives in."

"Kihyun. Just suck it up. Got it? You will not escape us."

Kihyun doesn't feel like he has a lot to say in that matter so he just keeps quiet. Minhyuk went back to cooing over him either way so no need to push it.

 

OOO

 

The same frustration that overwhelmed Kihyun the evening before hits him during the appointment with his doctor. It is a whole lot better though because he has Hoseok and Minhyuk with him and they keep the fear at bay and talk to the doctor about the things Kihyun simply forgets because his head is a mess.

He feels their gazes piercing his back when they leave the hospital. He keeps walking though, thoughts running like crazy.

Three times a week at least, up to five hours and afterwards he might be too tired to function well. That means that he most probably can't keep working at the bookstore. The coffee shop offers better working hours, flexible. He definitely needs to call the insurance company today. And he should check how much there is on his bank account.  Should he already worry about a donor? He is not at high risk, so he will do well with dialysis for a longer time. Maybe he could--

" Kihyun."

It is Hoseok that embraces him from behind, puts his chin on his shoulder. He holds him tightly, his arms fitting perfectly around him.

" Stop it."

" What?"

" Minhyuk has called your name for the past minute. You're overthinking again."

" But there ar--"

Hoseok turns him around so he can look at him. He takes his time with tightening the scarf around Kihyuns neck and smoothes a hair strand that slightly sticks out.

" There are people that will help you with this." he says with his warm smile.

Minhyuk reaches them and pokes his forehead with his finger as he passes them. " Seriously. You think you have to do this alone? I'm offended, best friend."

Kihyun follows him with his gaze when he takes the car key out of Hoseoks pocket and leaves them for the car.

" I'm... scared..." he slowly says, eyes still on anything but Hoseok.

" Me too.", Hoseok puts an arm around Kihyun and draws him to his side. " How about being scared together?"

Kihyun lifts his gaze, mouth slightly agape because he wants to say something, hell, there are millions of things he wants to get out but nothing passes his lips.

" You'll be fine, Kihyun. I will stick with you no matter what, okay?"

And Kihyun nods, believing his every word and realizing that he has never been more in love than in this moment where he expected to feel anything but that enormous love for Hoseok.

 

 

 

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

Kihyun is a nervous wreck on his first day of dialysis. He gets the weighing procedure before the actually therapy over pretty well but when he gets told to stay in the waiting area for a moment longer his hands become clammy.

" Jooheon."

He turns to the younger with a more than serious expression. Hoseok and Minhyuk wanted to be there with him no matter what but since they both had work and classes and Jooheon was free all day it would have been stupid for them to accompany Kihyun instead of the redhead.

" Can you please tell them that throughout the whole procedure I have been a real man? I don't think I can be but I'd appreciate the lie."

"I got your back, hyung."

"Oh God…", Kihyun slumps down in his chair. " I love my blood where it is. Right in my body, freely flowing."

"You'll feel better afterwards."

"I feel worse than ever right now. And you--", for a moment Kihyun takes Jooheons hand in his "-- you're shaking more than I am."

" I don't."

"You do! You can't be nervous! We can't be both!"

" Don't worry. Were going to rock this.", Jooheon takes his bag from where he put it on the ground. " I'm prepared. A few books and mangas, music, my tablet. No matter how long it takes you won't get bored."

Kihyun leans his head against Jooheons shoulder and sniffs dramatically. " Thanks, Jooheon."

"No problem, hyung."

"Yoo Kihyun."

The nurse calls into the room and Kihyun slowly moves over to his place of execution.  


 

 

OOO  


 

 

Hours later and Kihyun has survived his first round.

" That's it." The nurse explains with a smile as she takes the needle out of Kihyuns arm.

" Really?"

"You look surprised."

"Yes…", he rubs over the spot where the needle pierced through his skin. " I thought it would be… more uncomfortable."

" Even the food was great." Jooheon says happily.

" I'm glad your first experience was a good one."

" If it's like that all the time I can pull through it.", Kihyun swings his legs out of the bed. " I feel great."

" You still should take it slow--"

" It's fine."

Kihyun is too fast for his nurse. One second on his feet and he feels how all of his blood bids goodbye and flows into his legs and within the next two seconds he blacks out and greets the floor.  


 

 

 

 

OOO  


 

 

 

" I was totally freaking out, Minhyuk. But the nurse just waved it off as something that happens all the time."

Kihyun slowly finds back to reality.

" Yes. First I wasn't too sure. But it's like during a flight: if the stewardess doesn't panic you can chill."

He blinks into the neon lights above his head, feeling nausea in his stomach.

" He just woke up. Wait a second.", Jooheons face appears in his field of view, mobile in his hand. " You okay there?"

" What happened?"

"Your just had your first dialysis. You can't just jump back on your feet like that and expect everything to work well."

"Oh…" Kihyun says slowly.

" He looks okay, hyung.", Jooheon is back on the phone. " Pale and a bit disoriented but he seems to be fine so far."

"I feel sick."

"He feels sick."

Kihyun grabs Jooheons sleeve with shaky fingers.

" Jooheon. I'm sorry. I don't think I can take the subway back home."

" No problem, hyung. Someone will come and get us."

" We can take a taxi."

"No. You're not getting into that unhygienic thing right now.", he is back at the phone. " Can you be there in 20? Okay. We'll be out."

The nurse comes and checks over Kihyun once again before he is good to go. This time, he takes his time, slowly sits up and waits for a moment before he gets back on his feet.

" You really scared me there. You fell like a potato sack."

"Sorry.", Kihyun groans and supports himself on Jooheons arm. " I take it back. It is a terrible thing and I feel like shit."

"You will get used to it." The nurse says with a smile and after greeting her they slowly leave the ward.

" Do you want me to carry you?"

"No, no. It's fine. We just need to walk slow." Kihyun grabs the handrail with all his might whilst he makes his way down the stairs, Jooheons hand on his back.

" You did well."

Kihyun is not too sure about it but frankly spoken the only thing he cares about at the moment is getting down the stairs and outside the hospital.

He manages somehow.

" They are waiting over there. I can see the car."

Relief washes over Kihyun as he follows Jooheons pointed finger. Two blonde shocks of hair. Of course they would be the ones to come.

" Hey.", Jooheon calls over. " You came here fast."

Hoseok approaches them and takes Kihyuns hands in his.  

" You don't look too well."

Kihyun walks into his arms and leans into his chest with all of his weight. " I feel like shit."

"Doctor Park said it could be like that until your body gets used to it." Minhyuk interjects, studying Kihyuns face. " You look horrible."

"Didn't I mention I feel like shit?" Kihyun whines and buries his face deeper in Hoseoks chest.

" He hurt nothing when he fell?" Hoseok asks Jooheon, worry audible in his voice.

" They checked everything."

"Poor Kihyunie.", Minhyuk ruffles a hand through Kihyuns hair. " Come on. Let's get him back home. I'll drive."

" Let's go."

Kihyun keeps his arms around Hoseoks torso as they walk over to the car.

" Can I sleep over tonight?"

Hoseok chuckles lightly as he helps him to enter the backseat. " I thought that was already settled."

He gets into the car himself and Kihyun is back to hugging him in a second. His stomach is still in a turmoil and he is so terribly tired. It is nice to know that they will bring him inside safely.

" How did it go?"

Jooheon answers for Kihyun. " Everything went fine. It was so strange when his blood went through the machine."

"Did it hurt?" Hoseok rights Kihyun for a second so he can pull the seat belt around him.

Kihyun shakes his head, leaning back into him when it is done. " I just got dizzy."

"That wasn't just dizzy.", Jooheon throws in from the front seat when Minhyuk starts the engine. " You're lights went out like bam."

"Ahh… the mere image.", Hoseok groans and kisses his hair. " Be careful."

"Sorry.", Kihyun yawns, eyes already closed. " I'm really sorry for all the trouble. Really am." He wipes over his eyes.

" So cute." Hoseok cooes over him.

" Not."

"Sleep."

"No…" he whines quietly, earning himself another cooing and a warm cheek on his head.

" You're going to be grumpy today?"

Kihyun heavily nods, face still hidden in his chest. " The needle she put in was bigger than the cucumber I cut for dinner yesterday."

" Really?"

" Yes. And then they flushed all of my blood out of me and I got so scared. What if it won't get back inside, I thought."

He hears Minhyuks quiet chuckles from the driver seat. " You drunk, Hyun?"

Kihyun whines loudly. " Don't make fun of me! I was hardcore today! Tell them Jooheon!"

He tries to get up too fast but Hoseok keeps him back with gentle force.

Jooheon turns back to them. " You have been a real man today, hyung. My new role model. Everyone should shiver when they see you."

Kihyun falls back against Hoseok, heavily pouting with half closed lids.  " Everyone is making fun of me."

Jooheon laughs gently. " No. Seriously. You were great today."

Kihyun nods in approval, almost fully asleep already.

" I was."

Hoseok kisses his head once again. " We're all proud of you, Kihyun. And I hope you will feel better soon."

Kihyun drifts in and out of sleep. The next thing he notices is him sitting on a chair.  
  
" Kihyun. A few bites."

A spoon gets softly pushed against his lips.

" Tired…"

His eyes close again and his head lolls to the side. A hand keeps him from gliding from his chair.

"Good catch, Hyungwon."

"Let him sleep, hyung."

Hoseok tries to get the rice into Kihyuns mouth another time. " I know. But Doc said he needs to eat afterwards. Baby, come on. You can do it."

"You're way too gentle."

Kihyun blinks when he feels Minhyuks cold hand on his shoulder.

" Kihyun. Eat. Or you know what will happen."

He manages to open his mouth and even grabs the spoon.

Minhyuk pats his hair. " He remembers New Year 2013. Good to know for future use."

Even chewing is too exhausting. In the haziness of his mind Kihyun hopes that it won't be like that all the time.

"It won't be like that all the time?" Hoseok asks in worry, as if he just read Kihyuns thoughts.

Minhyuk shake his head. " Don't think so. I guess his body is just getting used to it. It must be quiet the exhaustion for him. Right, Kihyun?"

He pats Kihyuns cheek and the latter leans into the touch. " Hyuk… I'm so tired."

"I know."

"Make it go away."

" Tomorrow it'll be better."

"Really?"

" You need to sleep."

" Oh gosh, he really is cute like that." Jooheon says from where he stands in the door frame.

The warm gazes they throw at him, Kihyun doesn't notice. He manages to eat another spoonful of rice and someone takes the spoon out of his hand before it falls to the ground.

" Come. Let's get you ready for bed."

" I'll sleep here."

" Yes... No way"

Someone heaves him up from his chair.

" You're really strong, Hoseok."

" It's Hyunwoo."

" Hh.", Kihyun says in surprise. " Have you been there all the time?"

Hyunwoo only quietly chuckles as he helps Kihyun over to the bathroom.

" Put him on the edge of the bathtub. Thanks.... Kihyun? Hey..."

" I'm awake."

" You're not.", a gentle hand pats his cheek. " Come on, time to brush your teeth."

Hoseok puts the toothbrush in Kihyuns hands and closes his fingers around it. It takes a few attempts but then Kihyun manages to brush his teeth, at least provisional.

" I brought your shirt."

" Let me sleep like this."

" Lift your arms."

" Yes..."

" You didn't.", a deep sigh and gentle fingers that stroke through his hair. " It's horrible to see you this exhausted."

"Hmmm..."

That is it. Kihyuns last bit of energy is gone. It gets cold when Hoseok helps him out of his shirt but then he is already fast asleep, too tired to even dream.

The positive thing for him: He feels better the next day.

The negative one: Minhyuk filmed him and sent copies to everyone.

 

 

OOO

 

 

 

 

Some time later

 

 

 

"Minhyuk?"

Kihyun whispers in a hushed voice when he peeks into his friends room at 2 in the morning, like so many times before.

And like so many times before, Minhyuk is not amused.

At all.

" What?!" he groans and presses a pillow on his face.

"Are you sleeping?"

"You serious?"

Said pillow flies and hits the wall next to the intruders head.

Kihyun pouts. "I can't sleep."

"Are you hurting somewhere, is it an existential crisis or some other problem that needs immediate care?"

"No, but--"

"Out!"

" Minhyuk…"

" Let me sleep. It was a long day."

Kihyun scoffs. " You're just moody because Hyunwoo didn't want to share a bed."

Minhyuk sits up in his bed, a dangerous glow in his eyes. " I'm not."

"You definitely are."

" He doesn't know yet."

"What?"

" That he wants to share a bed with me."

Kihyun can't help but to laugh at Minhyuks pout. Another pillow flies.

" Moody~~"

Next thing that hits the wall is a comb and Kihyun rapidly leaves the room.

" Okay, okay. I'm out." he mutters and continues his way through the dark apartment.

He really can't seem to fall asleep today out of the mere reason that Hoseok is out with Changkyun, Hyungwon and Jooheon and can't sleep next to him. How much he got used to him already...

Kihyun hates pubs with hot passion and happily declined the offer to join them. And it wasn't like he had the time either way. Dialyses that afternoon took longer than expected and it was already close to eight when they left the hospital earlier today. His current hospital accompany, Hyunwoo is fast asleep on the sleeping couch in the living room. Kihyun felt bad for him for having to stay in the hospital for that long and since he hasn't been too tired after dialysis for a long time Kihyun made dinner for him. Afterwards it was too late for Hyunwoo to go back home. Minhyuk was more than delighted to have him stay over.

Kihyuns face lights up when he stares at the sleeping figure on the couch. Maybe he can still be saved.

" Hyung." He comes closer and pokes the others upper arm, amazed at how squishy they are to the touch.

Hyunwoo groans quietly.

" Are you awake?"

Minhyuk would have killed him by now but Hyunwoo just blinks into the semi darkness.

" Is something the matter?"

"I can't sleep."

That doesn't seem like enough of an explanation for the older.

" Can I join you for a moment?"

He still blinks.

Kihyun shushes him to the left so there is enough space to join him under the warm blanket.

" Better." Kihyun sighs in satisfaction.

The blinking keeps going on. Hyunwoos gaze wanders to the gap between them, slowly back to Kihyuns face and when he seems to have made up his mind he rests one arm behind his head and looks at the dark ceiling like Kihyun does.

" The couch is comfortable enough?" Kihyun asks.

Hyunwoo nods.

" Am I annoying you too much?"

"Is that what Minhyuk talked about?"

"Well… depends on what he said."

"Your insomnia that keeps him awake."

Kihyun scoffs. "He loves it."

"He is not…", Hyunwoo nods slowly. "... reluctant of having you in his bed."

" I can't sleep because Hoseok isn't there. It's cold without him." Kihyun says.

He chuckles after his words sank in. " Pathetic, isn't it?"

"No."

" Okay. If you say so.", Kihyun pulls the blanket higher until he is covered to his chin. " Since we're already here. Is there something on your mind?"

For the next minute it is quiet and Kihyun starts to wonder if his Hyung fell asleep again but obviously Hyunwoo just needed time to think. He likes to do that before talking.

" Changkyun."

Kihyun looks at him. " What's wrong with him?"

"Where he is working right now."

Kihyun is flabbergasted." You know about it?"

"Hyungwon got suspicious and followed him in secret."

"Ahhh."

Yes. That makes sense. Of course he would.

" You knew?" Hyunwoo asks.

Kihyun nods. " Yes. I actually talked to him already but decided that quitting is his own decision to make. Of course I will interfere again if something happens."

"Yes. Hoseok and Hyungwon got really worried about him but I told them to stay calm first."

" So he wouldn't feel embarrassed?"

"Yes. He feels babied a lot even though he is a grown up."

Kihyun sighs. " The perks of being the youngest."

" Hoseok and Hyungwon. They try to get him to quit today."

"But... you do know he isn't an escort?"

"Why would he be an escort? He is a barkeeper."

Kihyun wrinkles his nose. " Feels like I was the only one who got it wrong... well, at least everyone is worrying about our baby. I'm okay with that."

" Hoseok worries that people will recognize him and bring Taesan to the scene."

"Oh."

Kihyun grows silent when he hears the name and they keep quiet for the next moments.

" That guy seems to be horrible."

" Hoseok asked us not to talk to you about him."

Kihyun lifts his brow. " Why would he?"

" I can only repeat it: He worries."

" I don't want him to though..."

" He's is a lot better since he is with you."

Hyunwoo smiles at him and looks more than ever like a cute rabbit. Jooheon once said that Hyunwoo doesn't talk a lot, but when he is saying something it is most of the times important , well thought through or simply the truth, so one should always listen. Kihyun will try to follow his advice.

" Are you sleepy now?" Hyunwoo asks.

" More than earlier but still not enough."

He winces when next to his head Hyunwoos mobile starts to vibrate. Kihyun reaches over. He can barely touch the device with the tip of his fingers but with a tiny bit of struggling he manages to grab it from the table and to hand it over to Hyunwoo. The bright light of the screen hurts his eyes.  
Hyunwoo puts the speaker on so he can listen.

" Are you still out?" He asks without greeting. It is loud in the background but Hoseoks voice can be heard clearly and Kihyun smiles brightly. He even moves closer to be able to listen better.

" Yeah.", Hoseok sounds tired. " I gave him enough shots by now but he still doesn't want to quit. He needs more."

"He's a good drinker."

"He is. You're in bed already?"

" I am."

" Hoseok!" Kihyun chirps happily.

It is quiet for a moment.

" Do I want to know why Hyunwoo is in bed and you are next to him?" he deadpans.

Kihyun cocks his elbow up and rests his head in his palm." I couldn't sleep. And Minhyuk was a little sadist tonight who wouldn't let me into his bed. Hyunwoo was my only escape."

"I can deal with Hyunwoo in your bed."

" You never told me how squishy his arms are."

" Don't test me, Kihyun." he says in a serious tone but all of them know he is just joking.

" Hoseok.", Kihyun pulls Hyunwoos arm over so he is closer to the speaker. " I know about Changkyuns workplace."

"You knew?"

"Yes. I followed him."

Hoseok sighs deeply." I wonder what yours and Hyungwons problem is."

"We worry."

" You stalk."

" Because we worry."

Hyunwoos eyes disappears when his smile brightens but Kihyun is too busy to fully realise it.

" Talk to him like an adult."

"I'm not sure I can if he keeps acting like that."

"Tell him about your worries.", Kihyun takes the mobile out of Hyunwoos hand. " It helped with Jooheon."

" Hyung! Come over!" said ones voice hurts in Kihyuns ear.

" One second, Jooheon.", Hoseok calls back and is back on the speaker. " Why are they always listening to you and I get the grumpy part?"

"Don't know."

"All of the boys have a soft spot for you."

" They do?"

He gazes at Hyunwoo and the older nods in agreement.

" Hyunwoo says it is true."

Hoseok groans. " The younger ones. Hyunwoo… is too well build to have a soft spot. Can you go back to your bed?"

"It's empty."

"It should be when I'm not there."

Jooheon calls his name once more.

" I need to hang up. I think that were enough shots for Jooheon."

" Make sure to bring them home safely."

"I will. Promise."

How much he loves Hoseoks soft voice and how it sounds through the speaker. Honey on toast.

" Go to sleep now. In your bed preferably."

" Okay. Don't stay out too long."

"Hmm. Bye."

Kihyun hangs up and puts the mobile back on the table before he snuggles into the blanket again.

" Soo…"

"Yes?"

"What you think about Minhyuk?"

Hyunwoo chokes on his own spit.  


 

 

 

 

OOO  


 

 

 

Kihyun focuses his target on the couch.

He slowly sneaks up to him, his feet make no noise on the ground.

Only two more steps and…

" Hey boyfriend." Hoseok says without looking away from the game he kept playing on his phone for the past 30 minutes.

" You heard me?"

"You're quiet tiny but you need to practise the sneaking, babe."

Kihyun jumps onto the couch and Hoseok lifts his arm without stopping his game, so Kihyun can comfortably snuggle to his side.

" What are you playing?"

"Candy crush."

" Isn't that out already?"

"I still like it."

When Hoseok concentrates on something, he bites his tongue and Kihyun thinks that is the cutest thing ever. It is warm in Hoseoks embrace. He slings an arm around his torso.

" Aren't I the cuddly one?" Hoseok asks without looking away from his phone.

" I missed you."

"You've been hanging around the apartment all day long."

" I missed you a lot."

Hoseok chuckles and closes the game on his phone. He puts it next to him on the couch and embraces Kihyun with both arms.

" Is something the matter?"

"No."

"So yes."

"Maybe."

He almost sighs in content when Hoseok slowly runs his finger through his hair.

" I was wondering if you're doing okay?"

" Why all of sudden?"

"Because… Hyunwoo said you worry a lot."

Hoseok pinches his nose. " Maybe that's an important part of my character."

" Get rid of it."

"Nah. I'm good."

"Really?"

Hoseok thinks for a moment before he responds again. " Lately… there are quiet a few things that came up"

"That are?"

"Hmm… Jooheon and the Hyorin story. Changkyuns new work. Which he still didn't quit and I'm loosing my patience here. And of course I'm worried about you."

"I'm doing well."

Hoseok kisses him gently and affectionately looks at him. "Still."

Kihyun bites his lips, not liking the answer at all. " I don't really know what to do about your other worries but you can delete me from your list. I'm doing well."

"Kihyun…", Hoseok sighs." I'm not going to stop until you're perfectly fine. Okay?"

" Then I will be."

" Good."

An idea pops up in Kihyuns head when Hoseok turns the TV on and while his boyfriend laughs about the comedy show on air he weasels out Hoseoks embrace.

" Where are you going?"

"Calling my boss."  


 

 

 

 

 

 


	19. Chapter 19

  
  
When Kihyun happily jumps back into the living room, Jooheon and Changkyun, still groggy from last night's trip have joined Hoseok in front of the TV, blankets and pillows all around them, water and painkillers on the table.

" We're going on a trip!"

Jooheon lifts his head to look at him and instantly seems to regret the movement. He groans in pain an sinks back into his pillow. " We do?"

"Yes!", Kihyun exclaims excitedly. " I just called my boss and he's lending us his van so we can all go together."

" Coffee shop boss?", Changkyun asks whilst massaging his temples. " Isn't he a huge dick?"

Kihyun shakes his head. " No. He's still an ass. My former boss from the bookstore. He's so kind-hearted. Even though I had to quit there I just had to cry a bit about my oh so sick kidneys and my sad life with dialysis and he gave it to me with--"

"Kihyun!" Hoseok gasps but Jooheon nods in approval. " I would have done the same."

" It's not like I can get anything else out of it so let me play the pitiful invalid once.", Kihyun takes a seat on the couch. " What do you think about it? Tomorrow is Sunday. We can go to the beach."

Jooheon nods heavily, his headache almost forgotten." Yeah! Let's go!"

"I'm not too sure.", Hoseok seems undecided. " Are you well enough for a trip?"

" I'm not planning to run a marathon."

" Still-"

" Let's go without him, hyung."

" Of course I'm going with you!" Hoseok crosses his arms on front of his chest and pouts slightly, looking adorable as always.

Changkyun joins the conversation. " A day out of Seoul could be good for all of us."

Hoseok gives him the look but refrains from giving any remark when he catches Kihyuns pleading look.

" So it's set?"

"We need to ask the others first but I guess yes."  


 

 

OOO  


 

 

 

It is early in the morning, and in difference to every other Sunday Hoseoks apartment bustles. Minhyuk and Kihyun slept over tonight.

" Insulin?"

"Yes."

"Blood pressure pills?"

"Yes."

"Emergency pass?"

"Yes."

Minhyuk nods in approval. " Did you bring your scarf?"

"It's almost april." Kihyun whines but Minhyuk stays strict. " I don't care. It could still be cold at the beach and you can't catch a cold."

Kihyun mutters something under his breath and walks into the hallway to get his shoes. He runs into Hyungwon.

" Hyung?"

"Hm?"

"Do you have your insulin?"

"Yes."

"Ans the blood pressure pills."

"Also."

"Your emergency pass?"

Kihyun sighs but keeps any comment inside because he knows they mean well. " Everything packed."

Hyungwon nods. " Good. Take a scarf with you. You can't catch a cold."

Kihyun gladly notices how excited the boy looks. He wonders when the last time was they went on a trip. He himself can't remember his last one. Hoseok currently puts on his shoes with a still sleepy Hyunwoo next to him.

" Kihyun. Did you pack yo--"

"Insulin, blood pressure pills, emergency pass and a scarf?"

Hoseok smiles knowingly and Kihyun runs his finger through his blonde hair before he joins them in putting on their shoes.  


 

 

OOO  


 

 

 

"Okay. Tell me once again why HE is driving instead of me?"

Minhyuk turns in the front seat to throw an exaggerated look into the behind of the car.

" I drive perfectly fine!" Jooheon objects and Minhyuk scoffs. " You can barely reach the pedal with your seat that far behind and why do you wear glasses? The sun is not even shining. You think this is American hustle life?"

"Be nice, Minhyuk." Kihyun intervenes from where he is sitting between Hoseok and Hyunwoo.

" No! Go tell him hyung!" Changkyun drowns him out from his seat in the last row. He seems to have more experience with Joohoens driving style.

" I'm keeping an eye on you.", Minhyuk motions with two fingers at him. " Try to speed and you sat there for the longest time."

"You're mean."

Minhyuk shows his tongue but still affectionately ruffles his hand through Jooheons hair before the younger starts the car.

" You've got some colour back in your face." Hoseok pokes Kihyuns cheek.

" I'm excited."

Changkyuns head appears between their seats. "Woah, he's right hyung."

Kihyun smacks his forehead. " Seatbelt!"

Changkyun mutters something under his breath but still does as he was told.

It is quiet the comfortable trip for everyone. Minhyuk threatens to kill Jooheon only once when the younger - in his opinion- breaks too late in front of a red traffic light.  
Kihyun juts ignores their rants. He is too busy playing travel games with Hoseok and every time a yellow car passes by the first one to see it is allowed to pinch the others nose. Hyunwoo happily looks out of the window, music in his ears while Hyungwon takes a nap in the back.

Hoseok has his first existential crisis of the day when Minhyuk turns on the music after Changkyun asked him to and they start to sing along. Apparently he didn't know that Kihyun could sing pretty well.

" I feel like the worst boyfriend ever." he fusses.

" It's just singing."

"But you're doing it fucking great and I didn't know!"

Kihyun laughs and pats his cheeks. " I forgive you."

"Your favourite colour is blue, isn't it?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"I need to make sure not everything I know about you is a lie."

"You know me well, trust me." Kihyun assures and pats his cheek.

It doesn't take too long for them to reach the beach. Just the right distance to have a short nap but not to feel bored.

" Annndddd… we're there."

Jooheon parks the car and pulls Kihyun out of his light slumber. He stretches himself with a yawn and tries to orient himself with his still hazy senses.

" I can sea the beach!", Changkyun calls from the backseat. " Hyung! We need to get out!"

Hyunwoo opens the side door and climbs outside.

" Let's go."

Hoseok gently pushes Kihyun to the door.  He prepares himself for the cold but when he is outside he realises that it is quiet nice. Sure, the light wind is still cold but with their jackets on and in the sunlight it feels comfortably warm.

" Do you smell the salt?" Minhyuk asks into the crowd and takes in a deep breath.

Hyungwon wrinkles his nose. " It's smells like dead fish."

"You smell like dead fish."

Hyungwon gives him the look and Jooheon precautionally takes a step back.

" I'm hungry.", Minhyuk emphasises with a hand on his stomach. " Let's go over to the promenade and eat something."

"I want c--"

Minhyuk glares at Kihyun.

"No."

Hoseok looks from one to another. " What no?"

"Kihyun has this strange addiction of eating chicken at the beach."

" Hyung…" Changkyun looks almost disgusted but Kihyun only shrugs. " It tastes good."

" I want fish!" Jooheon exclaims.

Hyungwon elbows his side. "Kalguksu."

Changkyun rolls his eyes. "Eat kalguksu in Seoul."

" What if I want kalguksu at the beach?"

Minhyuk butts in.

" Guys. Listen to this.", he eagerly looks at each one of them. . " Steak."

"Fish!"

" Chicken!"

"Kalguksu…"

" Everything except chicken and kalguksu!"

They end up eating pizza, because Hoseok and Hyunwoo decided they gathered enough attention at the parking spot. And even though there is the occasional whining and Kihyun even thought about bringing up the kidney free pass for a second because he isn't that much into pizza, but in the end all of them are happily eating.  They leave the restaurant around noon and take a stroll down the promenade. There are a lot of shops and the younger can barely contain themselves as they run from one window to another. Kihyun first trito keep up with them but soon he is out of breath and waits for Hoseok to reach him. He holds out his hand, Hoseok takes it and pulls him with him.

" That sucks." Kihyun mutters.

Hoseok squeezes his hand. " Give your body a break."

" I feel like the grandpa of the group."

"You'll forever be the mother."

Kihyun furrows his brows but can't glare too long at the other when his boyfriend smiles like that.

" You're doing okay?" Hyunwoo asks from the side.

Kihyun nods.

Yes, aside from his short breath he is feeling okay.

" The air is nice. And the sun.

They walk along the whole Promenade. There are stairs down to the beach and they finally end up in the sand.  
Kihyun prepared blankets and sandwiches for the others which Hyunwoo carried in a bag and when everyone is running around and while Jooheon tries to throw Minhyuk in the ocean he prepares a seating area for them. He turns his back to them when it is time for another shot and when he is finished just stays on the blanket and enjoys the sight of Hoseok barely escaping a wave when Hyunwoo found it funny to push him.

Yes, it definitely feels great being here.

He chuckles when Changkyun falls face first into the sand. .

Almost like a parent watching the children.

He really wants to join them but he can't.

His features darken only the slightest, a sad feeling tugging on the corners of his smile. The walk alone was enough exercise for him. He doesn't think he can manage to play around with them like that and the feeling sucks... a lot.

" Not that face."

He didn't see that Hoseok jogged over and only notices the others presence when he already sits on the blanket next to him.

" What are you talking about?"

" I might didn't know that you're a great singer but--", Hoseok affectionately pokes the tip of his nose. " -- I can see when you're not feeling well. And now you look quiet sentimental and I don't like that."

" I wasn't sentimental."

"You were."

"Okay. I was.", Kihyuns Hand runs through the sand. " I wanted to play with all of you but I can't run around without collapsing. It sucked for a second."

"It does."

They stay like that next to each other, both lost in their thoughts as they look out at the ocean.

" You can be sad and annoyed and pity yourself from time to time. That is perfectly okay. I don't want you to be strong all day."

Kihyun  glances up.

" But never forget that you're doing so well and that so many people care about you and that things don't look too bad."

" You turn more and more into my therapist."

Hoseok looks at him sideways and smiles before he leans in for a short peck.

"I love you."

Sometimes words aren't enough for Kihyun. For telling Hoseok how much he really means to him they will never be enough either way. So he leans against him, takes in the warmth of his body and decides that, yes, today really is okay.

 

 

 

 

OOO

 

 

 

 

 

Kihyun can't help but feel watched the following weeks. It started with a strange feeling as soon as he leaves the house. He felt stupid to look over his shoulder all the time so he just let it go but soon the occasional feeling becomes more and more frequent until he truly believes there is something wrong with his head.

" I feel like someone is stalking me." he tells Minhyuk on their way to the hospital on one of his dialysis days.

" How come?"

"I have the feeling someone is watching me. And that has been happening for days now."

Minhyuk furrows his brow and takes a look at their surroundings.

" Now, too?"

"I don't know. You're here, I'm distracted."

"I think it's your imagination."

"But it feels so real."

Minhyuk pats his shoulder. " Who would want to stalk you?"

"Yeah, you're rig-- Minhyuk!", he jogs after his friend who kept walking as he stopped in his tracks. " Take this serious!"

Minhyuk slings an arm around Kihyuns shoulder. "Hyun. I promise you if there is someone following you I will kick whoever is doing it into oblivion. But seriously, who would want to stalk you? You did nothing wrong."

Kihyun chews on his lip. " Maybe you're right…"

"Of course I am. And now hurry up or well be too late."

They get there just in time. Kihyun gets the weighing process over like always and soon he is connected to the machine again. The new round of  barely started when Kihyun already pulls out a folder.

Minhyuk eye it. " What's that?"

" Bills. We need to check our expenses."

"Here?"

" I will be in this bed for the next hours, so yes."

Minhyuk throws a longing gaze to the manga in his bag. " But you promised we would start reading it."

" That was before I realised one month is already over and we need to get an overview."

Minhyuk eventually agrees and they make a table out of all their income and their expenses, including the parts of Kihyuns therapy costs that aren't covered by his insurance. The result doesn't look as bad as Kihyun thought but still makes him quit restless.

" It's good, Kihyun. Were able to pay everything even though you could only keep one job."

Kihyun doesn't feel great at all. " But we can't save anything."

" Saving isn't the most important at the moment. At least we can cover the rent and the therapy."

Kihyun rubs his forehead and almost accidentally rips out the needle in his arm. " Only the smallest thing has to come up and we're ruined. What if we need to get some repairs?"

" We'll figure it out."

"We need to buy new things from time to time."

"Kihyun.", Minhyuk emphasizes. " I promise you we will figure it out. Calm down."

"This sucks." Kihyun falls back into his pillow and stares at the ceiling. " I can't come up with any solution. I don't have the time to work another job. And even if I had... I'm not sure my body could take it at the moment."

Minhyuk coughs slightly and has all of his attention. Kihyun peeks at him. " What was that cough?"

"What cough?"

"That cough.", Kihyun supports himself on his elbows. " What are you hiding?"

" Me? Nothing."

" Lee Minhyuk." Kihyun threatens.

Minhyuk hems and haws for a bit before he comes out with it. " I had a longer conversation with Hoseok about the financial situation. In secret because we both know you hate it when he tries to help out."

"And?"

" Well… he kind of had an idea that didn't sound too bad actually."

"That would be?"

Minhyuk carefully eyes him. " How about moving in with them?"

This is not what Kihyun expected.

" Like… both of us living with them?"

Encouraged by his calm reaction Minhyuk continues.

" See.", he explains. " Both of us more or less spent a lot of time there. There is enough space since you of course will sleep in Hoseoks room and I can either way sleep on the couch or in Hyunwoos room. If he'd finally realize but that is a story for another day. We can still pay rent but a lot less."

" This sounds like it is already decided."

Minhyuk shakes his head. " No. But Hoseok loves the idea and it would also be an relief for me. We wouldn't have to worry too much.  And it wouldn't forever. I graduate soon and when I have a proper job I will earn more and we can discuss things again. What do think?"

" I...", Kihyun responds slowly. "... will think about it later."

 

 

 

 

 

  
OOO

 

 

 

 

There isn't too much time for Kihyun to think about it right after his dialysis. He is tired after the session and falls asleep as soon as his head touches the pillow. The next morning, he has an early shift in the coffee shop and even though it is not even eleven yet the room is full of people.

On top of that, the fact that Chihwan shows up in the entrance when he is just cleaning the windows isn't helping his thinking process.

Not at all.

Kihyun stops deadly in his tracks. He hasn't seen the guy since that one night he decided it would be a good idea to throw Kihyun into the wall and Kihyun would have happily lived without meeting him ever again.

" What do you want?" he asks hostile. He is not scared, not anymore. There are so many people around and the anger he all of sudden feels gives him the necessary strength to stand his ground.

" I have something to tell you."

There isn't a lot of Chihwans usual confidence left. He seems nervous, almost a tiny bit scared as his eyes wander around the shop.

" Is he here?"

"You mean my boyfriend?"

Chihwan nods timidly.

" I don't know why I should tell you. Now leave. I don't want you here."

"Kihyun. Please. I know I messed up and I wouldn't be here if it wasn't urgent."

His hand reaches out for Kihyun but he stops his movement the last second. Kihyun grabs the broom he leaned against the window earlier. He gazes through the shop. Minhyuk is still in the staff room. Hopefully he won't come out that soon or all hell will break loose.

" I'm not here to do anything to you." Chihwan had noticed his gaze.

" I'm sorry if I get a tiny bit uncomfortable around you."

"Your… boyfriend made clear what's going to happen to me if I get too close once again."

" Then why did you show up?"

"To make up for it."

The uncomfortable feeling gets worse by the second.

" There are people looking… for your boyfriend."

Kihyun pricks up his ears. " What do you mean?"

Chihwan takes a look around and comes a small step closer, his voice almost a whisper when he keeps talking. " Like I said. People are looking for them around the area. They look like bad business."

" Why would--"

"I don't know. But I came here to tell you. Kihyun. Those guys you keep hanging around lately… they're bad news."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I want to tell you that your so called boyfriend is dangerous. You need to keep away from him."

Something snaps in Kihyuns head and with all the strength he can muster he lunges out and smacks his broom right into Chihwans private parts. Said one exhales a painful groan, a few people from tables close by look up bit Kihyuns petite figure and his cute smile let them loose attention soon. Chihwan hunches over, hands holding his dick when Kihyuns puts the vroom next to him like Tritons trident.

" Listen, fuckface. My boyfriend never once did anything remotely dangerous to me. He never harmed me in any way and there is no one I feel more save and secure with. And now you, who went as far as harassing me in a back alley, is showing up here, trying to tell me I should be scared of the person that I trust most?"

Chihwan glares at him. " I'm trying to make things up to you!"

"The only thing you're doing is making your way out of here!", Kihyun takes a step closer and Chihwan flinches. " Preferably now."

"I warned you, Kihyun."

"Fuck off."

A last glance and Chihwan disappears through the door.

Kihyun exhales the breath that he has been holding in for far too long. His legs feel shaky and he needs to take a seat at a nearby table.

" I just saw something hilarious."

He lifts his gaze when Minhyuk joins him at the table.

" I just thought I saw Chihwan leaving this shop.", he laughs out loud. " I must get old."

Kihyun gives him a look and the laughter gets stuck in Minhyuks throat.

 

 

 

 

  
OOO  


 

 

 

 

They are over for dinner at Hoseoks apartment.

Kihyun has been quiet all day long, lost in his thoughts, trying to bring them in some kind of order. Chihwans words shook him up more than he thought. He noticed a bit later, during his break when he just couldn't get rid of thoughts about the meeting. He fob off Minhyuk with some stupid explanation, but of course the blonde ddidn't believe him. It is only a matter of time until Minhyuk runs out of patience and will demand the truth.

It is not like Kihyun really things about Chihwan stating that Hoseok is dangerous.

He slowly pushes another spoon of rice into his mouth, his gaze on his boyfriend who just let a piece of carrot fall under the table and keeps whining for Jooheon to pick it up for . He chews slowly and swallows the bite.

No.

That isn't the thing that makes him restless. He meant it when he said that there is no one he feels safer with. Hoseoks love is pure and real, he would never deliberately do something to hurt Kihyun in any way. It is a calming thing to know.

Still.

Who the hell is looking for them? And can he even trust Chihwan? He looked as if he was seriously shaken up, not as if he was telling a lie.

Kihyun scoffs.

Does he really try to find excuses for the asshole?

But… what if he was right…

What if someone is looking for them? It sounds like bad news and Kihyun can't help but to feel worried.

He shouldn't have thrown Chihwan out like that. First questions, then broom into the nuts.

He sighs in regret, and slumps down slightly. He might would have gotten answers and all of the thinking he is doing at the moment wouldn't have been necessary at all.

There is no helping it.

"Hoseok."

On the spur of the moment he puts his spoon aside. Hoseok pauses, cheeks full of food, waiting for Kihyun to continue.

" Chihwan showed up in the shop today."

Hoseok chokes on a noodle and desperately starts to cough. Hyunwoo pats his back.

" He what?!" Hoseok finally presses out, tears in his eyes from coughing too much.

" Something about people looking for you and if that is the truth it finally would make sense that I feel watched."

" You do what?!"

He chokes again.

Minhyuk jumps to his feet. " That's what he said?! I knew you were lying!"

" He also told me to stay away from you since apparently you're dangerous."

Hoseoks eyes widen only the more.

" I smacked him with my broom for that and told him to get lost."

Hoseok manages to swallow down the rest of his food. Kihyun is worried about Jooheons chopsticks. The younger holds them quiet… tightly.

" I'm going to kill him."

"I'll gladly support you!" Minhyuk yells.

Hoseok doesn't say anything but the glimmer in his eyes shows that he most probably won't stop neither Jooheon nor Minhyuk.

" Did I… upset you now?" Kihyun asks carefully. He really had hoped it wouldn't turn out like this but his friends temper never seem to disappoint.

" Hyungwon.", Hoseok says lowly. " Bring the Soju. I need a shot."  


 

 

 

 

OOO  


 

 

 

" That's it, Kihyun. I'm not letting you out anymore."

Kihyun lifts an eyebrow. " I don't think that is the solution."

" I don't care.", Hoseok shifts another shot.. " It's like problems are looking for you."

"Could somebody support me here?" Kihyun asks into the crowd.

" Well… he is right." Jooheon says slowly.

" I'm going to kick everyone who mentions to lock me in." Kihyun threatens dryly and it seems to work.

At least a bit.

Hoseok still looks like he wants to try.

" So, you're telling me just showed up to tell you that people are looking for us?"

"That's what he said.", Kihyun rubs his neck. " But I'm not too sure if we can trust him."

"We can't trust him a all!", Minhyuk states. " And that's why you shouldn't worry about it. That asshole only wants your attention."

"He's right, hyung. Who would be looking for us? And why? The only one I can think about is Taesan but there is no reason for him. He let us leave." Jooheon says facing Hoseok.

The older wipes over his eyes in deep distress. "  I just know this is upsetting me a whole lot. Kihyun. You're sure about feeling watched outside?"

Kihyun draws invisible lines on the table with his finger. " Now that were talking about it like this… I'm not too convinced anymore."

" No matter if there is someone watching you or not. The thing we can be sure about is that Chihwan showed up where Kihyun works and I'm going to kick his ass for that.", Minhyuk says grimly. " Who's in?"

Everyone.

But Kihyun isn't paying too much attention anymore since he noticed how Hyungwon whispers to Hoseok and Hyunwoo on the other end of the table.

 

 

 

 

OOO  


 

 

 

 

After taking a shower and getting dressed for the night, Kihyun sits down on Hoseoks bed, towel still on his head.

" What did Hyungwon tell you earlier?"

"What do you mean?"

Hoseok starts pulling out the piercings in his ear.

" Earlier at the table."

"That…" he responds slowly. He pulls the last piercing out and leaves all of them on his desk.

" He wondered if Changkyun plays a part in this."

"How come?"

"Scoot over."

Kihyun does as he was asked, Hoseok sits down and gently starts to dry Kihyuns hair with the towel.

" We believe that someone from old businesses saw him working in the bar and tries to find us now. I told him this could possible happen. He thought changing hair colours was enough to hide us."

"Hair colours?" Kihyun asks in sudden curiosity.

Hoseok takes his mobile from the nightstand and looks threw a few folders until he finds what he was looking for.

" Here."

Kihyun smiles brightly when he looks at the group photo of them.

" You look great with dark hair."

"I always do."

Kihyun elbows him gently and looks at the other faces. " Changkyun was blonde. I like it better now."

Hoseok slings an arm around his shoulder and leans into Kihyun until his boyfriend looked at all the pictures.

Kihyun feels his gaze on him. " What's wrong?"

Hoseok hugs him with a deep sigh. " I love you. And the mere thought of someone following you around out there makes me feel sick."

"Shouldn't I be worried sick about you?"

"I'm used to it. But you… are an outsider.", Hoseok kisses him gently. " I feel like everything and everyone is trying to take you away from me."

" No one is."

"It feels like it.", Hoseok is back to hugging him. " Changkyun needs to quit that job as soon as possible. Hyungwon might be talking to him at the moment."

" Hmm." Kihyun hums, for the moment content in his boyfriends arms.

" Minhyuk said he mentioned a few things to you." Hoseok says all of sudden.

"For example?" Kihyun slowly runs his fingers over Hoseoks back.

" Both of you moving in with us."

He stops the motion.

" He did."

"What do you think about it?"

Kihyun softly pushes him back so there is a bit of distance between them.

" I'd love to move in."

Hoseok furrows his brow. " That doesn't sound like you're finished."

Kihyun tries to find the right words to express his feelings about the situation.

"I'd really love to move in but... I'm worried about the reasons behind it."

"The reasons behind it?"

" I…" Kihyun is still embarrassed to talk about his feelings a lot of times. Hoseok is handling it so much better.

" I … want you to... want me to move in because... you want to wake up next to me every morning. And eat together and.. spend more time with each other. If the reason is that I worry you too much… then I don't want to."

He would love nothing more than moving in.

How couldn't he?

It is about living together with Hoseok they are talking about.

But still… It saddens him to see how much the other worries about him and he is scared that soon their relationship will consist of nothing but it.

" I hate how uneasy I make you feel all the time. I can do nothing against it. I'd rather… make you feel happy."

"But you do.", Hoseok slings his arms around Kihyun and pulls him down on the bed with him, a stupid grin on his face. " Seriously. Do you even know how much more happy I am since having you by my side?"

Kihyun plays with the hem of Hoseoks shirt. " You always seem so upset."

"I will always be if it concerns you. Wouldn't you be?"

"Of course I would be."

" Would feel unhappy the same time?"

"No... the reason for being worried about you is because I love you."

Hoseok chuckles . " I would want you to move in even if you were the healthiest billionaire out there. Of course, helping you out is great but… you really think I only do this out of pity and worry? There is nothing that would make me more happy than having you here and that is the main reason for asking you."

Kihyun feels embarrassed all of sudden for having misinterpreted things so much and hides his face in Hoseoks chest.

" You're… the best thing that could have happened to me." he mumbles, meaning every word of it and still trying to fight the blush on his cheeks.

" And you just killed me."Hoseok kisses the still wet top of his hair.

"Still.", his voice becomes serious. " I know I can get overboard but please be careful, Kihyun. Promise me."

" I promise."

But sadly, sometimes the world doesn't care for promises.

 

 


	20. Chapter 20

 

 

The next days become… let's call it quiet hectic for Kihyun. Everyone seems to be a tiny bit on the edge and especially Hoseok is hovering over him like he could disappear any second. He actually wouldn't care that much about it because it is kind of cute and endearing but in the end he would love if all of them could calm down a little. He is almost happy that he needs to go to dialysis because he will have a few hours of silence and no one will call to inquire him about his whereabouts because he will be save and sound in his hospital bed.

He checks his watch once again. A few minutes after two. Jooheon should have been around for the past twenty minutes now. Hyunwoo brought Kihyun to the hospital but had to leave for work.

Kihyun shrugs to himself. He can get through it alone by now as long as someone is there afterwards to help him get home.

" Can you not hurry up?" The girl in the seat next to him says into her phone, her voice close to breaking.

" I know you're busy but….…..… yes. Please hurry." She hangs up and looks so much like someone has died that Kihyun can't help but to address her.

" You seem to like hospitals as much as me."

She looks young, most probably hasn't turned 18 yet. Nervously she kneads her hands. " My brother wanted to accompany me but now something keeps him at work. Today I'm getting my results."

" What results, if I may ask."

She grimaces. " Diabetes."

"Ah. I see. Same problem as me."

"You're here because of diabetes?"

Her eyes go round and Kihyun decided not to tell her that his diabetes fucked up his body quiet a lot and that this is the reason he is here today.

" Yes."

Her gaze wanders to the door of the doctors office. " I'm a bit scared."

"Why?"

"I hate needles... and I heard people have to adjust a lot. It must be difficult."

Kihyun shakes his head slowly. " I had the same thoughts in the beginning."

" How long has it been?"

"Hmm… More than ten years."

She looks at him so awestruck that he can't help but to chuckle.

" It really isn't that horrible. Of course, you need to overcome your fear of the needle first and in the beginning it sucks to quit a few things but if you really have diabetes you will feel a lot better after you get your medication."

She eyes him suspiciously. " You're not lying?"

He smiles and shakes his head. " Really. Living with it isn't that bad."

She nods slowly. " Okay."

"Still nervous?"

" A bit. But you said it'll be okay so…"

 She reaches out for him. " I'm Lee Jin. Jin. Just on syllable."

"Yoo Kihyun. Kihyun. Two."

She sits on her hands and swings her legs through the air.." Are you also waiting for the doctor, Kihyun? A routine check up?"

"Yes."

A small lie for her benefit.

" I really hope he'll tell me everything is okay."

"Yoo Kihyun." The nurse calls into the waiting room. Kihyun gets up and friendly pats her shoulder. " No matter what comes out. It will be fine. Trust me."

"Okay."

She waves to him and he leaves after the nurse.  


 

 

 

 

OOO  


 

 

 

" Kihyun… hey…"

Someone softly touches him by the shoulder. He blinks into the light, having dozed off while the machine slowly does its work.

" Hoseok..."

" Hey." he bends down with a smile and kisses him gently before he sits in down and starts to run his fingers through Kihyuns hair.

" Sleepy?"

Kihyun wipes over his eyes. " There was nothing better to do. Don't you have to be at work?"

" Took half the day off and told Jooheon to stay at home."

"You shouldn't have."

Hoseok pokes his cheek.

"I felt like seeing you. So today you're all mine.", he takes Kihyuns hand. " It still feels horrible to see you like this. That machine looks scary as fuck."

"It helps though."

Hoseok eyes the machine that cleans Kihyuns blood. " Still. You are feeling okay?"

" A bit sleepy but all in all I'm good.", he interlaces their fingers. " So… how are you going to entertain me today?"

" I brought my tablet. Downloaded that new zombie movie you wanted to watch so badly."

" Really?"

" Of course.", Hoseok pats his own shoulder. "Because I'm an awesome boyfriend."

Kihyun beams." You're the best."

Hoseok leans in for another kiss but a clipboard stops him.

" Shin Hoseok." The nurse says in a serious tone but everyone can see the playfulness in her eyes.

Hoseok rubs his hurting head.

" Why…" he whines.

" Do you remember our talk about Kihyuns blood pressure?"

Hoseok plays along. Feigning desperation he hangs his head.

" His blood pressure is going crazy enough on its own, I don't have to stir it on top of that."

She checks Kihyuns charts. " Huge variations."

Kihyuns cheeks redden.

Her eyebrow lifts. " Body contact?"

"Just a small kiss.", with two fingers Hoseok shows how small he thinks. " Miss Lee... I missed him. Have a heart."

"I remember him telling me that you live together. Isn't it enough to see him at home?"

" I had to leave early in the morning."

" Such a long time."

"You don't have a Kihyun so you don't know how it feels."

"Hoseok…", Kihyun groans and hides his embarrassed face under the pillow. Why again is Hoseok loved by all the nurses?  And why do the nurses love teasing Kihyun so much?  Not only them… Hoseok is the actual leader of the squad.

" Ki-hyun-na." Hoseok hums and slightly lifts the pillow to look at Kihyun. His smile widens when he sees the red cheeks.

" Sorry."

"You're not."

" Your adorable blushes though. I need to see them once daily."

"I'm not adorable." Kihyun states as a matter of fact and Hoseok nods with a knowing smile. "Yeah. Sure, babe."

He intertwines their fingers and kisses Kihyuns knuckles before they start the movie.  


 

 

 

OOO  


 

 

 

 

Kihyun leaves the room slowly, gaze on his shoes.

Left foot, right foot, left again.

He can manage.

" Are you okay?" Hoseok follows closely, his and Kihyuns jacket in his arms, gaze on Kihyuns wobbly legs. Kihyun knows he won't fall again with Hoseok by his side, but he doesn't want to take the chance and keeps his pace slow.

" I'm good. I'm still conscious." He tries to joke but Hoseok isn't one for black humour when it comes to Kihyuns health.

" I don't trust you." he says.

Kihyun reaches out for him and waits until Hoseok takes his hand. " Nothing will ever beat my first day here. I'm feeling alright. Really."

"Let's get you home and eat something."

"Sounds good."

He kisses Hoseok with a smile and they continue their way down the hallway, still holding hands. Kihyun has always been envious of Hoseoks hands. So soft compared to his but since he is the one being touched by them it is alright. They pass by the waiting room and Kihyun spots a familiar figure in the corner.

"Hoseok."

"Hm?"

" Can you get me something to drink from the cafeteria?"

"Sure.", Hoseok places their jackets on a nearby chair. " Just water?"

"Yeah. Thank you."

"You'll wait here?"

Kihyun nods and Hoseok leaves him for the cafeteria. He waits until his boyfriend is out of sight and enters the waiting area.

" Jin?" he calls over to the girl who is sitting in the corner, bend over a few flyers in her hand.

" Hey." she says bleakly.

Kihyun takes a seat at the uncomfortable chair.

" Why are you still here?"

She lifts the flyers in her hand and puts them down in her lap. " I'm positive."

Kihyun watches her in pity. " You must feel bad at the moment."

"It feels…", she tries to find the right words and Kihyun gives her the time. "… frustrating. But all in all really overwhelming. The doctor. He didn't have a lot of time for me. He gave me those flyers and said I should read them until my next appointment. But that is all gibberish to me."

Kihyun takes on of the flyers and scans the content before he hands it back to her. " Yeah. I get what you mean."

" Will I ever understand how it works?"

He pats her shoulder. " One day it will be as easy as brushing your teeth. I promise you that."

Jin tries to smile at him but it isn't working quiet that well.

Kihyun elbows her gently. " We're in the same boat now."

"Seems like it."

" The most important thing now is to find a doctor that you trust."

She clicks her to tongue. " I didn't like him."

" Then don't stay with him. You will spent quiet a lot of time with your doctor so choose someone you trust and feel comfortable with.", he points down the hallway. " My doctors has her office over there. Maybe you could make an appointment with her. She's been treating me for years now and I trust her a lot."

" I don't know anything at the moment. I really just want to go home and sleep."

He pats her back. " You're brother hasn't arrived yet?"

" He'll pick me up later.", she looks more frustrated than ever. " He should have been here."

" You should tell him that. Support is crucial. Without my friends, I wouldn't know what to do a lot of times."

He sees Hoseoks blonde shock of hair from afar and slowly gets up from his seat.

" I'm sorry. I need to go now. My boyfriend is waiting for me."

" Boyfriend?"

"Yes." Kihyun responds slightly abashed and rubs the back of his neck. He stays for a moment longer, undecided if he can just leave her here.

She smiles. " It's okay. My brother will be here soon either way. For real this time."

" You'll be fine. I promise."

" Thanks, Kihyun."

Hoseok tries to catch a glimpse of her when Kihyun comes back to him.

"Who did you talk to?"

Kihyun pulls him down the hallway.

" Diabetis friend."

"Diabetis friend?"

" Just some girl I met in the waiting area. Seems like she got diagnosed today."

Hoseok opens the water bottle he brought and hands it over to Kihyun.

" Thanks.", he drinks a few sips.

" She's handling it well?" Hoseok pushes the bottle into his bag when Kihyun finishes drinking.

" As well as you can handle it.", Kihyun shrugs. " It's not like you can do anything against it. And diabetes isn't the end of the world."

Hoseok slings an arm around his shoulder when they reach the exit. " You had to level up, didn't you?"

Kihyun is amazed. " Slowly you're getting the thing with the black humour."

Hoseok laughs. " I'm trying to do my best. But now, my beloved boyfriend.", they stop in front of the automatic doors. " What will we have for dinner?"

" What do you want to eat?"

" You do know my menu will always be ramyun."

Kihyun nods in approval. " Then ramyun it is."  
  


 

OOO

 

 

 

 

" It is totally unrealistic."

" What is there unrealistic?", Hyungwon almost spits the chip he just ate out again in all of his agitation. " She's in love. Of course she'd forgive him."

" Please."

" You'd forgive Hoseok hyung if he cheated on you."

"First of all.", Kihyun stops the drama they are currently watching. " He wouldn't cheat on me. Second of all I wouldn't be able to forgive him cause he'd never see the light of day again."

Hyungwon nods in approval. " That sounds legit. Still, I think it is pretty normal for people to forgive."

Kihyun scoffs. " You need to stop watching dramas too often."

" I finally have someone that joins me. Of course I won't."

Kihyuns gaze wanders to the window. It is already dark outside.

" Where is everyone?", he wonders. " They should have been back hours ago."

Hyungwon shrugs. " Enjoy the calm for a moment."

" I'm getting worried."

"Then call them."

Kihyun gives him the look. " As if I haven't already tried."

He calls again, first Hoseok, than Hyunwoo, lastly Minhyuk but to no avail and an hour later he is sitting next to the door and puts his shoes on. Quietly so Hyungwon, who went to his room for a second to check something on his laptop won't notice.

He doesn't want to go far. Just around the apartment, walking up and down a few steps so his worried mind starts to calm down.

They really got him with their anxiety.

He scurries outside, bag in his hands, runs over to the elevator and sighs in relief when the doors close before somebody can pull him out again. Jooheon did it two days ago and it hurt his pride in a way he didn't think would be possible.

When he gets out of the elevator he checks his phone for the nth time and curses under his breath, half angry, half worried when there is still no message. At least Minhyuk could text him back. Isn't his mobile glued to his hand normally?

He rubs his stomach that has been hurting a bit all day long in annoyance. Of course everything had to be fucked up today.

Murphys law.

Kihyun paces up and down, decides then, that another small step down the street won't hurt.

Only to the end of the parking lot.

Maybe he can see them already from that spot.

But he can't and doesn't stop there.

He reaches the street, waits there. Then it is the supermarket around the corner, then the park close to the crossroad.

His phone almost fall to the ground when someone calls unexpectedly.

" Hyung." Hyungwon says strictly without as much as a greeting.  

Kihyun kicks a pebble out of his way. " What?"

"Sneaking out behind my back? So not cool."

"I just walked a few steps."

"I can't see you in front of the door though"

"I might or might not be close to the park."

He can almost see how Hyungwon grimaces in great displeasure. " That are not only a few steps and I want to you to come back right this instant. Did you take a look at the time?"

"Yes, mom.", Kihyuns gaze wanders up and down the street but still no sign of them. " A few more minutes."

"I'm coming to get you."

"Don't…" Kihyun whines.

" I give you ten minutes."

" 'kay."

The younger already hung up.

Kihyun sniffles.

Only around the corner. Maybe they just left the subway station. He will only take a look and then go back right away like he promised.

He crosses the street and passes a few alleys until he see she station in front of him. This late, everything seems empty and lifeless.

He wipes over his eyes. He has been feeling a bit drowsy for a while now. Maybe he should sit down for a moment. Maybe he needs another shot of insulin.

He just took a seat on a nearby bench and pulled out his utensils when someone calls him again. He almost slumps down in relief when he sees Hoseoks name on the screen.

" Where the hell have you been?!" he more or less yells into the speaker.

" I'm sorry.", Hoseok does sound sorry and Kihyun calms down a tiny bit. " Some things came up. You called me quiet a lot. You're okay?"

"I got worried…"

Hoseok chuckles quietly. " I told you not to worry about me."

" Where have you been?"

His vision becomes blurred again.

" I met with Changkyun and Jooheon and then Minhyuk called me over to join him an Hyunwoo. Sorry it got so late."

He sounds a bit off, but nothing too much out of the ordinary. Hoseoks is tired an awful lot of times Kihyun found out over the months.

" Are you coming home now?"

" On our way. Hyunwoo is just getting the car."

Kihyun tsks. " I came out for nothing."

"I told you not to go out alone."

"You sound like Hyungwon."

" And I wonder why you didn't listen to him."

Another wave of pain washes over Kihyun, followed by a much worse dizziness than before. He can't help but to slightly moan in pain.

" What's wrong?"

Of course it wouldn't go unnoticed by Hoseok.

" My stomach hurts."

" Your stomach?

Kihyun shakes his head, tries to focus again but his body almost screams for insulin now. He should have taken it way earlier.

" Wait a second…"

"You don't sound too well."

"Need to take a shot.", his fingers already started to shake and it is even difficult to hold the phone. " I need to put you on speaker for a second."

"Where are you?"

"One moment… I need to measure my..."

His fingers shake miserably by now.

" Kihyun?"

The syringe falls out of his hands and to the ground.

" Fuck…" Kihyun mumbles.

" What is it?"

" The syringe…"

" What's with it? Kihyun... you're starting to freak me out. Where are you!?"

All of Hoseoks alarm clocks seem to go off. And Kihyun thinks that maybe, this time it is pretty legit. He makes a huge mistakes  by getting up from where he is sitting. For a moment he wonders why his legs just buckle like that,  then he falls and his head hits the pavement with a dull thud before everything turns eerily quiet.

 

 

 


	21. Chapter 21

 

 

 

Kihyun doesn't need to open his eyes to realize where he is. It is enough to feel the warm blanket on top and the clean sheet under him. It does seem strange to him that those things are the first he notices. Not the tubes, that connect him to the machines, the cold feeling where his skin touches them.

A consistent beeping sound in his ear.

He is not sure if it comes from his right or left, due to the mess his thoughts still are, barely graspable in the fog that clouds his senses.

Too many hospital clichés all at once.

When he opens his eyes, then the neon lights will blind him, too bright for his eyes that have been closed for way too long.

How long?

He doesn't know. Only remembers a short moment of pain and the nothing. For a moment he is afraid. Afraid of opening his eyes and to realize that years have gone by. The cold hands of panic reach out for him as the fog slowly clears. He wants to go back to the sweet silence of the void he just woke up from, doesn't want to hear what happened, doesn't want to see if everything that he imagined and expects is true.

The beeping sound was calming.

Now it grows faster, just like the heartbeat in his chest.

It is still beating and even though it seems to drive the fear through his body, more with every second, it still beats, fast, like it should.

" Kihyun."

Warm fingers touch him, caress his cheek. They are shaking.

Why are they shaking when they bring nothing but comfort to Kihyun? Warm hands, that take the fear away with every touch.

" Kihyun? Can you open your eyes? Are you able to?"

His lids twitch.

He wants to.

Really wants to.

But they are so heavy, as if they didn't want to open themselves to protect him. From the things that are waiting for him.

" Kihyun. Please. Just a moment."

How could he keep his eyes close when there are so many emotions that resonate in the voice?

He tries again.

It hurts because his eyes have been closed for far too long. But still, he manages. His lids only slowly open, but they do, clear the way for the light that pierces into his eyes like a dagger. He moans when the pain rushes through his head, shuts his eyes again.

A warm hand covers his closed lids.

" Slowly, take your time."

The touch disappears. But he still feels it close by. Slowly, he opens his eyes again, takes in the hand hovers close to his face, a protective wall to keep most of the light away from him.

He blinks a few times, the outlines of the hand grow sharper until he can make out the small scar on the thumb.

Hoseok has one there.

Kihyun manages to turn his head.

He is there.

Next to his bed, still slightly bend over him to protect him from the light.

He keeps silent, when Kihyun looks at him, takes in everything. The blood shed eyes and the dark circles under them, that haven't been there before. His lips, normally curled into a smile, now a thing line, chapped, pale.

Kihyun closes his eyes for a moment, so tired and exhausted.

" Kihyun?"

His voice will break, Kihyun can hear it. If he keeps his eyes closed now and falls asleep again, dives back into the darkness, then it will break. And together with it he won't be able to keep the tears back. And who is Kihyun to do that to his most precious person?

It takes all of his strength to opens his eyes again, the more to move his arm that feels so foreign next to him. It feels strange, wrong, as if it doesn't belong to him but it serves its purpose.

Too shortly.

But enough to touch Hoseoks pale cheek briefly. And there is still enough energy left in him to smile softly.

" I'm... awake..."

It would have been so easy for Hoseok to not understand him. His voice sounds raw. He wants to cough, to make it better, but it is too exhausting.

Hoseok watches him, something inscrutable in his features, his lips slightly parted.

Then, he takes Kihyuns hand in his, slumps down until his forehead touches their intertwined fingers and gives vent to his feelings.

No silent crying.

No lonely tear that drops to the ground, soon forgotten.

No crying for those with too much pride.

None of these.

A loud breakdown, sobbing and coughing. Some would say an ugly crying, but it is true, honest. A crying that had been suppressed for far too long and now that it comes out takes the fear with it and makes room for air.

Hoseok cries as if he had had the worlds heaviest load on his shoulders and finally got rid of it.

And Kihyun understands that this is what he needs right now. So he doesn't try to stop him and falls asleep again with a smile.

 

 

 

 

OOO

 

 

 

 

_Hoseok stops in his tracks when he sees them._

_Hyungwon found him first, having run outside after Minhyuk almost hysterically had called him._

_Hoseok will remember this moment for a long long time. That small second that changed everything._

_So short while the same moment it seemed to last for an eternity._

_Minhyuk yells his name and rushes over to the lifeless body on the ground._

_Hoseok will remember everything the others said later. He will remember how he ran over, only stopped right next to the bench Kihyun sat on a moment ago._

_Kihyun, happy, alive, adorable Kihyun, his Kihyun is lying on the ground, paler than every, eyes closed._

_He will remember how his gaze wandered to his chest, checking out if he is still breathing._

_There._

_A slow lifting and lowering._

_He will remember all of that._

_He won't remember how he was able to function, not how he fell to his knees next to him, how his hands were able to shakes Kihyuns seemingly lifeless body._

_" What's wrong with him?" he manages to ask._

_" I... I don't know...I...", Minhyuks gaze frantically wanders around, finds the forgotten syringe on the ground. " No no no!"_

_" What?!"_

_" Did he take his shot?!", Minhyuk almost painfully grabs him by his shoulder. " Did he take it already?! What did he say?!"_

_" I... I'm not sure... he seemed dizzy..."_

_He knows nothing anymore._

_Only feels the coldness of Kihyuns body, his non reacting, the agony, the desperation, the fear that works his way through his body until he is fully engulfed in it._

_" Ambulance!" Minhyuk frantically looks for his phone._

_" I already called."_

_Hoseok forgot about Hyungwon close to them. He looks at him._

_How the younger still knows how to react... how Minhyuk can still yell at everyone... how Hyunwoo can look out for the youngers... he can't understand. The only thing he is able to do is holding on to Kihyuns body, tears flowing down his cheeks._

_" Kihyun... Kihyun....", he hears himself quietly plead. " Open your eyes... please..."_

_His shaking fingers wander over his face, run through his hair._

_But nothing happens._

_Only that horrible coldness and his limb body._

_" Kihyun... come on..."_

_He only starts sobbing harder._

_" Why isn't he responding...", he looks at Minhyuk. " What happens... if he didn't take the shot for too long..."_

_" I don't know what's wrong..."_

_" What happens?!"_

_" I don't know!"_

_Not knowing what will happen might be the worst feeling ever._

 

OOO

 

 

 

 

No one ever had to tell Hoseok.

He always knew he loved Kihyun. He didn't need a wake up call to remind him about it, never, not once. He has told Kihyun everyday, at least once. If not personally then by calling or texting him. No one ever had to tell him that he needs to cherish the ones that he loves, to show them that he does, to always remember that it is the greatest luck for him to have Kihyun.

Then why did it have to happen?

He had wanted to talk to Kihyun after coming back home. About the happenings of the day. That Kihyun had been right about being watched.

That Taesan and his men had been around them.

That the men had showed up that afternoon and he couldn't contact him out of that reason.

It was nothing dangerous. Just his former boss asking him to come back, that things have worked better with them. Even gave them a choice.

But Hoseok didn't want to and even though Taesan told him that he is fine with it, that he doesn't mean any harm to him or anyone around him, that he just wanted to talk, he had felt how every fibre in his body wanted him to get back to Kihyun, to tell him about it and to discuss things.

Maybe talking about leaving the city for a while until things are better. Kihyun has always been able to calm him down.

Hoseok will tell him after he wakes up.

After Hoseok has kissed and hugged and talked to him enough.

After that.

That is what Hoseok imagines while he waits next to his bed. How things would go if Kihyun had woken up a second time, in reality where happy endings exist.

But he doesn't.

He had misinterpreted his symptoms that day, tried to take another shot of insulin too late and fell into a diabetic coma. The ambulance came fast and two days after he woke up, that day when Hoseok felt like it is okay to hope just a tiny bit.

But his kidneys are severely damaged by now. Too much to handle for his already weak body.

Kihyuns name wanders to the top of the donor list but fitting organs are hard to find and Hoseok knows that this one time might have been the last time he had had the chance of talking to Kihyun when the doctors tell them to prepare for the worst.

 

 

 

  



	22. Chapter 22

 

 

 

 

 

It feels like a déjà vu when Kihyun wakes up the next time.

The same smell.

The same itchy feeling.

The beeping sound.

The tubes.

Only the voice that quietly calls him is different.

"--ung. Hyung.", warm fingers ghost over his skin. " Are you awake?"

Kihyun slowly opens his eyes. His gaze wanders around aimlessly, focuses on the face that bends over him. Soon, the features grow sharper.

" Hyung?"

Jooheon appears pale and more frightened than Kihyun has ever seen him before.

" What h--"

He has to cough, the words rub like sandpaper over his dry throat.

" Wait!"

Hastily, Jooheon grabs an cup with a straw from the small table close to the bed and holds it out to Kihyun. He takes a careful sip and the cold water soothes the pain.

" More?"

Kihyun softly shakes his head and sinks back into his pillow.

" How do you feel?"

" Absolutely whacked."

" I'll get the others!"

Jooheon his a pile of nervousness all of sudden when he gets back on his feet and hurries over to the door. He is already half way outside when he turns back to Kihyun.

" Don't fall asleep, hyung!"

"Hmm."

" I'll be back soon!"

He closes the door only to be back a second later.

" I'm serious! You can't fall asleep!"

Kihyun groans as a response and the door closes again. He can't really assess how long Jooheon is gone, but soon, he hears footsteps outside. Someone yanks open the door.

" Kihyun!"

A while wave of Minhyuk pours over him.

" Don't you ever do that again!"

" Hyuk... my arm..."

" Next time I will choke you with my own hands!"

" Hyung! You'll squeeze him to death!" Changkyun takes Minhyuk by his upper arm and pulls him away, only to cling to Kihyun himself.

" Are you feeling okay?"

Kihyun can't understand what is going on. All the more when he sees the suspicious wetness in Minhyuks eyes. His friend rarely cries... why would he start all of sudden...

" What happened?"

Minhyuk takes his hand.

" You...", he pauses and wipes over his eyes, cursing under his breath. " I swore to myself I wouldn't cry.

" Why would you cry?"

" Because...", he still runs his hand over Kihyuns arm. " Just..."

The door opens again and a doctor and a nurse come in. His friends only unwillingly leave his side and let them do their work, checking over the machines and asking Kihyun a few questions.

" Doc.", Minhyuk touches him by the shoulder when he finished writing down some numbers and tells Kihyun that he seems to do well. " I will tell him."

The unfamiliar doctor nods, sends Kihyun another smile and leaves him.

Kihyun starts to wonder how long they have been here for them to be kind of close like that.

" I'm getting nervous over here." Kihyuns gaze wanders through the hospital room after they left, takes a look at everyone in the room and then realizes that two faces are missing.

One belongs to Hyunwoo.

The second.

" Where is Hoseok?", he slowly wants to sit up straight but it is too exhausting and Jooheon won't let him anyway.

" Don't move too much, hyung."

" Where are Hyunwoo and Hoseok?", Kihyun asks once again with as much forces as he can muster. " Hoseok... he was here when I woke up earlier."

His gaze wanders over his body under the blanket, a few tubes still connected to him.

" Why am I here... what..."

Silence.

They exchange gazes Kihyun read.

" Okay. Enough. Tell me what is going on."

" Kihyun...", Minhyuk starts hesitantly. " You waking up... it has been almost two weeks since then."

Kihyun freezes.

Once seconds he  feels way too hot under the blanket, then an icy coldness seems to run through his body.

" Hyung." Changkyun touches him by the shoulder, worry written all over his face.

" Two... weeks?"

Minhyuk nods.

" Why the hell would I be out of it for two whole weeks?"

" Promise me to stay calm when I tell you. You just underwent surgery."

Kihyun is sure that his heart stopped for a second but since he is still connected to a heart machine and it indicates nothing he might have got it wrong.

He realized the moment he woke up that something wasn't right. Of course it wasn't because he is in a freaking hospital.

" Surgery?"

Hyungwon takes his cold hand in his, pleading eyes directed at him. " Please stay calm, hyung. We waited for a long time for you to wake up."

" Maybe we should wait for the doctor." Jooheon suggests.

" No.", Kihyun counters. " I want to know what is going on."

He coughs again when the words almost get stuck in his throat again.

Minhyuk once again takes the water from the table. " Drink more water."

Kihyun does as he was told. Had his throat ever been this dry? When he is finished Minhyuk hands the water to Hyungwon and takes a seat next to Kihyun on the bed.

" You... went into a diabetic coma after some complications.", he starts." You woke up, but ...your kidneys failed at such a fast rate that you needed a transplant."

" You are kidding me..."

" I wished I was." Minhyuk says so seriously and with so many emotions in his eyes that Kihyun believes every word in an instant

" There wasn't... a donator...and... fuck... of course all of us would have given you one... two for all I care. But we didn't fit.", he swallows heavily. " Your body slowly started to shut off. The doctors told us to... prepare for the worst."

" The worst?", Kihyun almost laughs out loud. " You trying to tell me I almost died?"

Sometimes no answer is the best answer, like in this moment.

" You are serious..."

Kihyun wipes over his face with both hands, tries to get his racing thoughts into order. When he opens his eyes again he pleadingly looks at the others, feeling like crying all of sudden.

" Where is Hoseok`?"

The only person that could calm him now.

Jooheon averts his gaze.

Changkyun looks to the ground.

Hyungwon bites his bottom lip.

It is Minhyuk, that squeezes his hand. " It is too much at once, isn't it?"

" You are scaring me... I want Hoseok to come here."

" He...can't at the moment."

" Why? I want him to be here. Where is he?"

Minhyuk seems desperate when the beeping sound turns faster. He cups Kihyuns face in an attempt to calm him down. " Can't we talk about that later? You just woke up."

" Minhyuk... please. You are scaring the shit out of me. Where is he? Where did he go? Why--"

" Hoseok hyung.", Hyungwon moves closer to his bed. " He is alright. But... he is with Taesan."

" With Taesan? Why... why would he be? What are you saying?"

" When you... didn't wake anymore... hyung... he was more than desperate. I have never seen him like that. Taesan, he has his hands in everything. Organ trade, too. So hyung went back to him. Taesan offered him a deal. A new kidney for you and... and for that hyung would return to him. So he left together with Hyunwoo hyung without telling us beforehand."

 

 

 

 

 

OOO

 

 

 

The hours after that won't pass.

Kihyun is strangely calm, almost lethargic. He lies in his bed and stares at the ceiling. He notices how the others keep watching him, takes the pills he has to, answers the questions of the doctors and endures the check ups without complaining.

He has to be silent now. Has to try to think about all the fucked up news and to bring his thoughts into order. Has to keep the fear and the worry and the feeling of guilt at bay.

Of course he is happy that he has survived, that he has new kidneys because due to the words of the doctors he was so close to be gone forever, just like that.

But to him, Hoseok and Hyunwoo are more important at the moment. He didn't know that he was dying. He felt nothing. He wasn't scared and if it would have been too late he would have just left without even noticing.

He is happy, but it doesn't have the highest significance at the moment.

In fact, the worry pains him a lot more. He remembers how Hoseok kept talking about Taesan. He knew how much he hated the thought of getting back there. What, if something happens?

Once again, his boyfriend saves him.

Once again, his body must fuck things up for them and he feels so guilty for that.

It almost physically hurts.

" Hey...", Minhyuk says softly when a lonely tear runs down Kihyuns cheek. " It was stupid of him. And dangerous. I understand. But... you were asleep. You were dying. You can't even imagine how desperate he was."

Kihyun inhales deeply. " Please don't  think that I'm not thankful to be alive. But... I'm scared."

" He'll be fine.", Jooheon reassures. " They'll be back."

" Can I see him shortly at least?"

" They think it is better to stay away from now. Until Taesan keeps his guard down."

" Call them?"

" Only when they do first."

So it keeps hurting.

 

 

 OOO

 

 

 Later in the evening, Kihyun falls asleep and only the opening of the door wakes him a bit later.

" I told you I'm almost there............... yes................... no...................... I can't run in a hospital, god damn."

Kihyun turns to Jooheon who enters the room.

" Two seconds."

He takes the mobile away from his ear, a warm smile on his lips.

" You think you are able to take a call?"

Kihyuns heartbeat fastens.

" Hoseok?" he asks, his voice only a hopeful whispering.

Jooheon nods.

Kihyun tries to sit up, but it is still hard for him and Jooheon moves over to help him.

" Here."

He gives him the phone and after once more checking over Kihyun leaves the room.

The mobile almost falls out of his hand when Kihyun presses it to his ear way too fast.

" Hoseok?"

Silence at the other end of the line.

" Hoseok, you are there?"

Slow breaths.

" Say something.", Kihyun pleads. " Are you okay? Is something wrong? Hoseok?"

" I thought..."

Kihyuns breaths gets stuck in his throat when he finally talks. With wide eyes he stares at the wall, doesn't take in the too big closet and the sink. He spend the last weeks in a coma. He didn't even realize that much time has gone by and still, when he hears Hoseoks voice it feels like his whole body noticed all this time that he wasn't by his side.

" I thought I wouldn't be able to talk to you anymore.", a barely audible chuckle, a realisation. " You're awake."

Kihyun swallows heavily, his bottom lip quivers.

" How are you?" he manages to ask.

" Better than I have been for a long time."

Why does he have to be that far away?

" Why did you do that?" Kihyun whispers.

He can understand.

And he can't.

He would have done the same for Hoseok. Hoseok should have never done this for him.

" Because I could. And because I realized something.", Hoseoks answers after a moment, his voice more gentle than ever. " I realized that it was possible to function without you. I slept, I ate. Automatically, it worked. In a matter of functioning I would have been able to live without you but... it didn't matter anymore because... the thought of being without you took my breath and my chest felt like it was ripped apart. I ate because they forced me and even though I slept... only a few hours at a time when my body was too tired to stay awake any longer."

The urge to be with him is growing to almost unbearable and Kihyun doesn't know how to handle it anymore. His takes one of the pillows in his arms, presses it to his chest like his life depends on it.

" Yes. Living without you is possible. It's just not... living anymore. So the decision was quiet easy for me and I would do it again. I would have given you both of my kidneys. Every organ in my body."

He is saying it with a smile, Kihyun can feel it. And that almost rips him apart like Hoseok described it a moment ago, because how can Hoseok still love him like that  when the only thing he brings him is chaos.

" I feel so guilty.

" Don't."

" How couldn't I?"

" Don't.", Hoseok says gently. " You should have felt guilty for dying on me but you didn't. And I'm happy."

" Really?"

" Kihyun... don't cry. I'm trying to be strong over here."

" It won't stop."

Kihyun tries so hard to keep the tears at bay. He manages not to break out into loud sobbing, but can't stop the tears from falling onto his blanket.

" I love you, Hoseok. And I miss you."

A few sniffs on the other end of the line, Hoseoks quite chuckle. " I'm done... I thought I could keep it together."

" You're the biggest cry baby among us."

" Says the one who started it."

Kihyun smiles under tears.

This is, how things should be between them.

Nothing else.

Never.

" Don't do that ever again, Kihyun. Okay? I really thought I'd go crazy." Hoseoks says after a moment both need to catch themselves again.

" How will things be from now on?" Kihyun asks instead of responding. He promised him so often, he won't do it again.

" You will get healthy again. And I will try to contact you when I'm sure there is no one around. I don't want Taesan to think I'm not keeping my part of the contract. And as soon as my work here is done I will be back."

" Where are you?"

" Don't ask. It is better you don't know."

" When will that work be over?"

Hoseok is quiet for a moment too long. " I don't know."

Panic flares up in Kihyuns chest. " You _will_ be back?"

" You think I could stay away from you?"

" Is it dangerous?" He can't stop the questions from leaving his lips.

" No. Taesan is... calm at the moment. We were his best workers. He's glad to have us back so he treats us alright."

Kihyun didn't want to ask because he fears what the answer will be.

" Those kidneys..."

" Don't.", Hoseok stops him midsentence. " Just know that Taesan has connections and no one got killed."

" But--"

" Don't."

" Where are you?"

" Kihyun...", Hoseoks sighs. " Please. I can't tell you. To be honest, I shouldn't even call you right now. Just stay calm."

" How do you want me to keep it together when I don't know where you are? Is Hyunwoo okay?"

 " He is. Wonho will protect us both."

" You know I'm not his biggest fan."

" Still, he needs to be here right now."

His voice grows only warmer when he keeps talking. " I'm sorry I can't tell you anything. It is part of the deal. But... I love you. And I miss you so badly. So please promise me to get healthy again and I'll be back soon."

" Can't you just leave?"

" You know I won't do anything to hurt the deal. I'm not putting you in any kind of danger."

Just the thing Kihyun didn't want to hear.

" Is there nothing I can do?" Kihyun tries.

" Don't interfere in any way. That would help me the most.", for a moment he is gone from the phone. " Kihyun..."

Kihyun grabs the phone tighter. " Sounds like you have to leave."

" Yes. I'm sorry. I don't want to but people are close by."

" Will you call again?"

" Of course."

" When?"

" I can't tell you.", he responds sadly. " Be careful, Kihyun. Only do that for me. I can not bear loosing you or seeing you like that again. I love you. I will call you and I will be back. Trust me with that."

" I trust you... I don't trust the others."

" You only need believe in me. There is nothing that will keep me away from you."

 

 OOO

 

 

Hoseok ends the call with much difficulty, but he manages to.

He looks at the receiver in the phone booth for a moment longer. His fingers wander to his face. He can feel the smile, at the same time notices the traces of tears on his face.

All of sudden, everything makes sense again.

He is doing the thing he hates so much for someone.

Kihyun is awake.

He will be fine.

Finally, it feels like the air reaches his lungs again, the chains that seemed to restrain his breathing are finally gone.

His smile grows wider, the tears are almost forgotten.

He misses Kihyun only more after talking to him, the pain like a cut right through him. But the missing isn't futile anymore.

Kihyun is waiting for him.

And he will do everything possible to get back to him.

Slowly, he opens the door and walks out into the night.

Hyunwoo waits next to the booth and pulls Hoseoks hood over his head. It had started to rain.

" He is okay?"

" Hmm.", Hoseok hums back. " We can go back."

" Is it better now?"

Hoseok smiles, nods slowly. " Better than I could have ever hoped for."

He pushes his hands into his pockets and softly bumps his shoulder into Hyunwoos.

" Let's go."


	23. Chapter 23

 

 

 

 

" Minhyuk."

" No!"

"  I haven't said anything yet."

" You want to tell me it is getting too hot and to move my ass out of your bed but I'm not going.", Minhyuk, who lies next to him and hugs him around the waits only tightens his grip and slings his leg over Kihyuns on top of that. " You can't force me to! I need Kihyun time! Those were horrible weeks and your are responsible for it! So now deal with me staying in your bed until... let's say Halloween."

Kihyun pats his head. " I wanted you to hand me the remote."

" Get it yourself. I'm busy." He nuzzles closer into Kihyun and closes his eyes in satisfaction.

The last weeks had an impact on everyone, Kihyun thinks.

He is taking his recovery pretty serious. The daily meals are a war to get the biggest amount of vitamines into him, he takes his pills perfectly on time and always laps every other bath robe wearer during his walks in the hallway. They wanted to force him to keep it down, but some time even the nurses started to notice that he would never ever overdo it.

He promised Hoseok to be okay and he won't break that no matter what. It is the only thing he can do for him at the moment.

Despite all of his motivation, he can't stop the situation from getting to him. The thoughts, and with them the worry and the fear hit him when there is nothing for him to do, which happens way too often in the hospital. The he finds himself in his bed, under the blanket, biting his nails while waiting for a call that never comes the right moment. Hoseok does call him, but mostly during the strangest times and the calls are always short.

He never tells Kihyun about his whereabouts.

At night, he often can't sleep because of the worry or nightmares that wake him at the break of dawn.

After he told them, his friends issue a sleep over time.

Changkyun goes to the extent of sleeping in Kihyuns bed and not in the empty one next to him. He told Kihyun he is doing it so the older won't feel lonely and while Kihyun is so thankful for it, deep inside he knows that the younger needs the contact more than him.

All of the three younger once became quiet clingy, more than they have been before.

Jooheon calls him several times a day, sometimes only to tell him a good morning, what he already did two times before. He is not coping well with the situation, mostly with not having a lot of contact to Hyunwoo. In an emotional moment he confessed to Kihyun, that he almost felt betrayed when those two left without telling him beforehand.

Kihyun wouldn't have expected anything differently. Hoseok didn't want them close to Taesan ever again.

Hyungwon became his personal nutritionist. When Kihyun naps - which happens quiet often - he sits next to his bed and pores over books, learning as much as he can about kidney transplants and the time after. The nurses are starting to get scared of him because he is starting to supervise them during Kihyuns check ups.

" Did you see the light?"

Minhyuks sudden question pulls Kihyun out of his thoughts.

" What?"

" I was wondering if you saw the light. You know: Come to me, I'm waiting. That thing."

" I thought I merely slept for around an hour and it were two weeks, so no. I haven't seen anything."

Minhyuk pouts slightly. He changes his position so he can comfortably rest his head on Kihyuns chest.

" Good thing you haven't. I was scared shitless."

He tells Kihyun at least once a day and Kihyun bestows it on him, again and again. Minhyuk seems in terrible need of telling him and Kihyun will forever feel bad about having scared him like that. He sometimes tries to imagine being in Minhyuks shoes and... shivers run throughout his whole body. Never does he want to experience that.

" I'm sorry.", Kihyun softly pats his cheek. " I will make up for it for the rest of my life."

Minhyuk lifts his head and looks at him with big eyes. " A long life?"

" Until you get tired of me."

" That will never happen."

He tightens his grip around Kihyuns waits, careful with the scar on his lower abdomen.

For a moment they are quiet and enjoy each others presence.

Kihyuns thoughts wander again.

" It feels strange."

" What feels strange?"

" The fact that Hoseok and Hyunwoo aren't here because they made a deal to save my life. I can't wrap my mind around that no matter how hard I try."

" Hhh...", Minhyuk agrees. " Reminds me of that bad mafia movie. Remember the one we watched in class once?"

Kihyun feels bad but still chuckles quietly. " How could I forget that piece of crap?"

" We should watch it soon."

" Never."

He sighs deeply, changes his position to rest more comfortably. " The worst thing is that I can't do anything. That scares me the most."

" Hoseok said it will be fine. Why would he lie?"

" You know he has that terrible habit of keeping everything only slightly dangerous away from me."

" He loves you."

" I love him. I don't want him to be in danger as much as he does and still he is not here at the moment."

The position seems to get uncomfortable for Minhyuk. He sits up and crosses his legs. He only just fits next to Kihyun.

" He shouldn't have gotten you that kidney?"

" I wonder about that."

Minhyuk scoffs and gently smacks his forehead. " I don't want to hear about that."

" No, really.", Kihyun massages the slightly hurting spot. " Of course I'm happy I didn't die. I have a new kidney and diabetes is the only thing I have to be cautious about in future. I most probably will live a happy and quiet healthy life if I follow the rules but... I guess a heart is still more important than a kidney and... yes... my heart wandered off to somewhere else."

He can see the sympathy in Minhyuks eyes.

" It's difficult, I know but...", he starts. " Being away doing potentional dangerous work is still a lot better than being dead."

" I know."

" See", Minhyuk says with a smile. " We just have to wait."

" Of course I will wait. But in worry and fear."

Minhyuk nods. " As long as you do wait."

" It's difficult though."

Minhyuk seems to remember something an sighs way too deeply. " Look at me."

Kihyun lifts an eyebrow in question.

" At least you know your man will come back to you. I haven't yet managed to get into Hyunwoos pants a now he's gone and surely meets those sexy gangsters princesses. You should stop moping around and pity this poor soul that is your best friend."

For this, a laughing Kihyun throws a pillow right into his face.

 

 

 

 

 

OOO

 

 

 

 

 

" What is it with you and carrying me around?"

Kihyun deadpans as he finds himself on Jooheons back on their way to their apartment after he finally go discharged.

Jooheon has his hands securely around Kihyuns thighs. " I think I get why Hoseok hyung likes to do it. You're as light as a feather."

" We need to feed him more. He is too thin." Minhyuk states from where he walks behind them.

" I found this new book in the store."

Hyungwon and Minhyuk start to discuss in the background and Kihyun resign himself to his fate that awaits him the next weeks.

He thinks about the apartment when they enter the elevator. It has been weeks since he has been inside. And it will be the first time being there without Hoseok.

" It will be empty without them." he mutters and tightens his grip around Jooheons neck.

" Don't worry, hyung. It won't be forever."

He got used to the situation, as much as someone can get used to it. It helps that Hoseok calls a lot. Even though sometimes their talks don't end well.

 

_" Why can't you just leave?" Kihyun asks him the week before._

_Hoseok sighs deeply into the speaker. " Kihyun. Not again."_

_" Why?"_

_" Because I made a deal with Taesan and he is taking that pretty seriously. What do you think will happen if I just show up where you are?"_

_Kihyuns face falls. " You keep telling me you'll be back but you still aren't."_

_" I promised you."_

_" And I told you I trust you, but not him."_

_" Can't we talk about something else?"_

_" But that is the most important topic at the moment. I can't tell you about anything else knowing you're in danger."_

_" Let's not fight." Hoseok tries to sooth him._

_" We're not fighting. We're discussing things." Kihyun states but Hoseok just scoffs._

_" You sound like you'll explode soon."_

_" Because you need to take this serious."_

_" Of course I do!"_

_That second, something in Kihyun snaps. When he remembers later, he is sure the worry was just too overwhelming._

_" If you just had let thinks take their course you wouldn't be in that situation right now."_

_" That was most fucked up thing you ever said."_

_And then Hoseok is gone from the other end of the line._

_His sudden anger disappears in a matter of second. He just stares at the mobile in his hands. Hoseok is calling him from a public phone booth. Kihyun doesn't have a number. He can't call back..._

_His eyes widen only the more when realisation hits him._

_He can't call back._

_If anything happens to Hoseok._

_Than that was their last call._

_He can't call back._

_He almost slumps down on the bed when a few agonizing seconds later someone calls him._

_He needs two tries to answer it._

_" I'm sorry!" They yell into the speaker in unison._

_Kihyun pauses, blinks in confusion. " Why would you be sorry?"_

_" Because I hang up on you." Hoseok whines quietly. " I regretted it the second after."_

_" I shouldn't have said that. I'm so sorry." Kihyun apologizes, finding his breath again._

_" It is okay... just... let's not fight, okay?"_

_" Okay."_

 

 

 

" Hyung. Hey."

Changkyuns voice pulls him out of his thoughts.

" We're there."

Yes.

Kihyun got used to the situation.

Still, when he is in their room a moment later, sees one of Hoseoks forgotten shirts that hangs over the chair, notices his smell everywhere, that is when he all of sudden truly realizes how long he hasn't been with him anymore. How much he misses him by his side.

" Shitty kidney....", he furiously eyes his stomach. " You old stupid thing. Do you even realize how much you fucked up?"

" Who are you talking to?" Minhyuk asks from behind.

" My old kidney. That stupid thing is responsible for all of this."

Kihyun moves over to Minhyuk in a sudden need of contact. He hugs him tightly.

" I miss both of them."

Minhyuk draws circles on his back and leaves him be for as longs as he needs to hug him.

 

 

 

 

OOO

 

 

 

 

It is two days later and everyone is gathering in the living room around a phone.

It should be a happy moment, but it almost breaks Kihyuns heart.

" Hyung.", Jooheon says happily. " I got a B+."

" Really? Well done."

" I learned how to make chocolate cake." Changkyun butts in and Hyunwoo sounds truly surprised and proud. Jooheon glares at Changkyun for stealing his attention and the younger sticks out his tongue.

Kihyun feels horrible.

He takes a pillow and hugs it tightly to his chest. How much they seem to miss their hyung and how much they really need him. Like kids, they gather around the phone, fighting for his attention and Kihyun can't help but to feel miserable because he is the reason they can't be with them.

Someone pokes his side. He lifts his gaze, meets Hyungwons. The other looks at him in sympathy. As if he understood what is going on in his head.

" Guys.", Kihyun says quietly. " Would you mind if I talked to hyung for a second?"

They share a gaze but then Jooheon hands him the phone.

Kihyun takes it with a smile. " Just for a second. I want to ask about Hoseok. You know how he never tells me anything. Do you mind?"

He motions for the door and gets up when they shake their heads.

He leaves for his room and quietly closes the door, only to lean against it.

" Hey."

" Kihyun?"

Kihyun looks at his feet. " Hoseok... is he close by?"

" Checking the outside."

" Can he hear us?"

" No."

Kihyun wanders over and takes a seat on the bed. " I want to talk to you for a second. Without him knowing."

" Sure."

" Will you be honest with me?"

A pause."

" About what?"

" Hoseok. He doesn't tell me a lot."

" I know."

" He tries to.... keep everything from us. And the others seem to believe his every word. That you'll be back soon. A few jobs, and you're done, that Taesan will let you leave one day, that there is a way. But... it isn't that easy, is it?"

For a moment he expects Hyunwoo to talk around the topic, like Hoseok does.

But no.

" I don't think Taesan will keep his word. I strongly believe that this won't be over in just a few weeks or months."

A heavy frustration covers Kihyun while he takes in his words.

" There is nothing you can do?"

" It's not like we aren't planning things on our own."

" But?"

" Kihyun, listen. You almost dying, it did something to Hoseok. Half a year before, he wouldn't have put up with the situation that easily. But now... it is like the only thing in his head is keeping you save no matter what. It is difficult for me to even start talking about the topic."

Another blow to Kihyuns stomach.

" I haven't felt this bad for a long time. I'm so sorry..."

He knows that Hyunwoo is smiling. " I came here on my own free will."

" Still..."

" Kihyun. He wanted us back from the beginning. It would have happened another way if you hadn't ended up in hospital before.", he pauses for a second. " Hoseok. He is coming back."

" Thanks for being honest with me."

It is only a second.

A long second, in which Kihyun thinks it would be better for him if he ended things with Hoseok.

In order for Hoseok to put focus on himself and his well being.

In order for all of them to be free.

A short, horrible second, destroyed by one word of Hoseok.

" Hello?"

" Hey." Kihyun says, realising that the second is over, and that, no, there is no way he will leave him. How could he when Hoseoks sounds so much more happy just by hearing his voice?

" Kihyun!", he says, the happiness audible in his voice. " I thought he was talking to Minhyuk."

" It was me. Talking about Minhyuk."

Forgive me the small lie, he thinks.

" Good I'm here now instead of boring teddy bear.", Hoseok chuckles before he continues with a slight whine. " I miss you."

" Me, too."

" How is it back home?"

" Good. But its not the same without you."

His gaze wanders through the room.

No forgotten cups in the room Hoseok only puts into the dishwasher when Kihyun starts to threaten him with draconic punishments.

Not his favourite pair of shoes next to the door.

Not the obligatory bag of chips next to the bed, which is always only empty halfway.

Kihyun doesn't want to get dramatic now so he swallows down the tears and the sadness, just like Hoseok is doing because there is no way he can be as happy as he is acting in this situation.

" Are you doing well?" Kihyun asks him.

" Now I'm okay."

" Really?"

" Really.", Hoseok answers, voice gentle. " It means a lot to me, even though I can just hear your voice."

" I'm glad I can at least do that for you.", Kihyun gets up from the bed. " When will you be back?"

Always the same question.

" Soon."

Always the same answer.

This time, Kihyun is fed up with it.

" Do you want to talk to the others? I think they are only waiting for me to give them the phone back."

" Sure. But you'll stay around?"

" Of course."

Kihyun stays on the couch when they are back to gathering around the phone.

He needs his space for a moment.

Yes.

He is finally fed up with it.

Today it is finally the time to step in.


	24. Chapter 24

Kihyun can do it, he is pretty sure of that.  
It is a piece of cake.  
Waiting until everyone is asleep, then quietly crawling out of bed, clothes already on. A few steps down the hallway, out the door, and then a short sprint to the elevator.  
It will be easy.  
As easy as getting in contact with Jihoon. He was surprised, that the old mobile number still worked, and only the more astonished that his call wasn't rejected just like that after all those years.  
He manages to get out the door without making any noises. Just a few more steps through the dark - he didn't turn the lights on - and he can disappear into the safety of the elevator.  
A few more steps...  
Almost...  
The lights are suddenly on, blinding him for a few seconds before he freezes halfway between the door and his safe haven.  
" Told you he is planning something."  
Kihyun doesn't dare to turn around.  
Minhyuks voice sounds friendly, way too friendly and he knows when he faces him he is in for the scolding of a lifetime.  
" I can explain." he presses out and it takes all of his courage to look at the gathering behind him. He forces his lips into his most innocent smile but there, Jooheon and Changkyun are already by his side and more or less carry him back inside, giving him the feeling of outmost humiliation. They don't even have to try that hard to lift him a few centimetres from the ground.  
" Let me down.", Kihyun whines. " I can walk."  
" Couch." Minhyuk commands and soon he finds himself between the soft pillows.  
" Blanket."  
Another order and Hyungwon covers him with the warm blanket they always use when they watch TV in the evening.  
" I said I can explain."  
" Aha." Minhyuk lifts his eyebrow, arms crossed in front of his chest.  
Kihyun swallows heavily and tries to use the puppy eyes to save his neck but it is futile.  
" Where the hell did you want to go to in the middle of the night?"  
" Only to the--"  
" Kihyun.", Minhyuk interrupts him. " Are you really trying to lie to me right now? I've know you way too long to fall for that bullshit. You've acted strangely all day long and you're going to tell us why."  
" But--"  
" No."  
" I--"  
" Nope."  
" Min--"  
" Yoo Kihyun!"  
Use of his full name.  
Kihyun knows that he is done for good. How could he possibly believe that he would be able to fool Minhyuk even for a second? That guy has a fucking trouble radar when it his about trouble concerning him. These days only the more because they think Kihyun is made of glass.  
Kihyun accepts his fate and decides there is no use in lying.  
He hangs his head, contritely.  
" I made plans with someone."  
" Plans with someone?" Changkyun repeats in confusion.  
" Yeah.", Kihyun carefully eyes Minhyuk. " I... made plans with Jihoon."  
" YOU WHAT?!"  
Jooheon winces when Minhyuks pterodactyl cry echoes through the apartment.  
" Hyuk..."  
" What the fucking hell, Kihyun?! Hoseok hasn't been away for even a month!"  
" I think you're getting it the wro--"  
" Oh God, no!", he throws his arms in the air, starts to pace up and down. " Don't! Can't you just... use your hand like in the good old days?! If you leave Hoseok I have to leave Hyunwoo and he is way to good to be left behind for breadbrain Ji Ji!"  
Kihyun doesn't know if he should laugh or cry at the look of utter betrayal and confusion on Changkyuns face. He decides to suppress the snickers that threaten to come out because the boy looks seriously out of it and even Hyungwons eyes widened.  
" If you'd calm down for a second I could explain to you that I have no intention of doing anything of that kind with Jihoon. I'm almost offended you're even thinking about that."  
Jooheon joins the conversation. " Could someone explain what is going on? Who is Jihoon?"  
Minhyuk, long since dramatically leaning against the wall answers for Kihyun. " Jihoon. Sixpack Ji Ji. Ex-boyfriend. Satans spawn."  
" Minhuyk... it has been years and we weren't dating that seriously.", Kihyun objects. " Can you stop making things up and listen to me? And Changkyun. Come. Sit next to me. You look like passing out soon."  
The younger hurries over, takes a seat next to him and Kihyun covers him with half of his blanket before he slings an arm around his shoulders.  
" You do know that Minhyuk tends to overreact?"  
" You're not leaving hyung?"  
" No.", Kihyun pinches his cheek. " I'm flattered that worried you that much but I don't intend to, so cheer up."  
" Then why the hell would you call him?" Minhyuk demands to know.  
" Because he knows people."  
" What people?"  
" You do remember that the nightlife was practically his home and that he's been around."  
" Yes. But... I still don't get why."  
Kihyun remembers the phone call with Hyunwoo, how he couldn't handle it anymore not to do anything. Unconsciously, he pulls Changkyun closer to his side.  
" I was hoping that he maybe knows someone. Anyone that could give me some information about Taesan, maybe even someone that could help us getting Hoseok and Hyunwoo out of there. I... simply couldn't wait anymore."  
Hyungwon has been quiet the whole time, lost in deep thoughts. Now he addresses Kihyun directly.  
" What's that guys name?"  
" Jihoon."  
" Full name."  
" Jeong Jihoon."  
Jooheon gasps. " What the fuck?! What the hell do you have to do with Jeong Jihoon?!"  
Kihyun and Minhyuk share a confused gaze at the sudden outburst of the younger.  
But Jooheon isn't the only one. Kihyun feels, how Changkyun stiffened next to him.  
" What's wrong guys?"  
Hyungwon points to his eyebrow. " He got a piercing there?"  
" He had one when I last saw him but why is that important?"  
" Hyung...", Changkyun deadpans. " Where do you meet those guys?"  
" Okay. Your turn to explain."  
Jooheon takes a seat on the couch, leaning against the backrest as he emits a deep sigh.  
" Jeong Jihoon might be Taesans currently biggest enemy on the market."  
Minhyuk breaks out into loud laughter. " Our Ji Ji? I was surprised he managed to finish middle school and now you're telling me he is big in business?"  
Hyungwon shakes his head. " Jooheon is right. Last year, he made some good deals. Gathered people around him and has been bugging Taesan for quiet a while. We met him during some jobs."  
The laughter gets stuck in Minhyuks throat.  
Kihyun has listened to them, his mouth slightly agape. He was hoping that Jihoon could help him out at least the tiniest bit... but this. All of sudden it feels like he can hope again. His gaze wanders to Minhyuk, his friend currently biting his lip in what looks like deep distress.  
" Minhyuk... I want to meet with him. No... I have to. Even if it means climbing out of the window. You know I will."  
Minhyuk ruffles through his blonde hair. He has do dye it soon, the black roots are showing.  
He looks at Kihyun, the fight between his worry and his urge to finally do something to get them back visible in his eyes.  
" This sounds so dumb."  
" Please..."  
" Let's go."  
" What?" Kihyun almost chokes on nothing when Minhyuk just like that gives in.  
" I seriously need a vacation after this. Too many dark secrets.", he motions for the door, takes a few steps and pauses again. " But to be honest, I was waiting for someone to finally act. Preferably not you and not in secret but I knew I couldn't keep you here forever."  
" You always said to trust Hoseok though."  
" Please.", Minhyuk stops in the doorframe. " He would tell you everything to keep you relaxed. He'd call a stomach shot a small scratch. Come on, boys. Where did you want to meet him?"  
" Down the street in the coffee shop."  
" We can't just...", Changkyun grabs Kihyuns wrist. " We can't just meet him. His Jeong Jihoon."  
Minhyuk smiles at him. " First of all he's Ji Ji. Don't worry. I'll protect you."

 

OOO

 

Kihyun is more than aware of the four bodyguards that positioned themselves behind him.  
" You sure he's here?"  
" He texted me earlier."  
" Can we really go inside just like that?" Jooheon loosens his collar in discomfort. They wouldn't let Minhyuk and Kihyun go alone, and Kihyun is pretty sure it is because they feel the need to protect them in Hoseoks and Hyunwoos place but that doesn't mean they are not currently shitting their pants.  
" He's alright. We dated casually and broke up without bad feelings. There is no reason for him to be mad at me or at you."  
Minhyuk pats Jooheons back. " The only thing you need to be careful of is him trying to get into Kihyuns pants. If he tries the slightest move on him he's dead. But apart from that he is quiet alright. When he doesn't talk to much."  
" You think those guys belong to him?" Hyungwon subtly motions to the door of the coffee shop.  
Oh, yes.  
Kihyun almost forgot about the two guys next to the door, the actual reason they haven't yet entered the shop. As soon as they stepped close, they had their glare on them and no one dared to move any further.  
" Let me call him." Kihyun pulls his mobile out of his pocket. It takes only a few seconds for Jihoon to answer.  
" Hey. I'm outside....................... I wanted to but there are two guys at the door. Look like they'll chop off my balls if I get too close............................. They belong to you?............................... Yeah............................Okay."  
He hangs up and turns to his friends. " He'll be out in a second."  
Changkyun swallows heavily. " I think I'll piss my pants."  
" He's alright, I told you."  
" Haven't you heard the stories?"  
Minhyuk grins. " Have you heard the stories? He was scared as fuck when Kihyun had one of his outbursts."  
" Hyung? Outbursts?"  
" Minhyuk.", Kihyun whines. " That is in the past."  
" That smol hyung of yours had that huge anger management problem throughout his life until the end of high school. All the big guys were shivering in fear when he lost his shit. Man, those where glorious times."  
Hyungwon and Changkyun eye Kihyun from head to toe, but Jooheon nods slowly. " I remember Kihyun hyung telling me."  
" Did you have to say that?"  
Minhyuk pulls Kihyun closer. " Payback for trying to steal yourself away in the middle of the night."  
" I get to hear that til the end of time, won't I?"  
" Exactly."  
" Kihyun!"  
There he is.  
Jihoon is still tall, still has those broad shoulders and that ugly eyebrow piercing Kihyun hated with all of his being, and still does, he notices when the other walks over to them.  
But other than that, he feels nothing.  
Years ago, he might have found him attractive and maybe liked him a tiny bit during the times he dated him but all of that is gone. He is a bit happy to see him, because it was the truth when he told the others that they didn't break up hating each other and they really had good times together.  
But that is it.  
Nothing compared to what he has with Hoseok, not the least.  
" Kihyun." he calls once again, his trademark smirk on his face when he reaches them.  
" Hey." Kihyun wants to greet him with a hug but arms around his torso keep him back. He tries not to roll his eyes but fails miserably.  
Minhyuk leans into his back, chin on his shoulder.  
" Hello."  
" You brought Minhyuk.", Jihoon states, but he doesn't sound the least bit pissed off. " When did you get blonde?"  
" When did you get ugly?"  
Jihoon breaks out into loud laughter. " Wow, I missed you, bro."  
" I didn't."  
Kihyun elbows Minhyuk. " Behave!"  
" He--"  
Kihyun ignores him. " Sorry, Jihoon. He is convinced you're still trying to get into my pants."  
Jihoon winks at him. " Who says I'm not?"  
" Okay, okay, okay! Everyone calm the fuck down he is just joking!" 

 

OOO

 

After he managed to calm everyone down, they are finally inside the coffee shop. It is empty  
and Kihyun has the feeling that this is Jihoons doing. Would explain the bouncers in front of the door.  
" Have I met you somewhere before?"  
Jihoon scrutinizes them, pauses when it is Hyungwons turn. His eyes narrow and you can almost hear the wheels working in his head.  
" You worked with computers."  
Hyungwon nods and Jihoons eyes widen when he seems to recognize him.  
" You're Wonhos boys, aren't you? Woah...", he leans back into his chair. " Almost didn't recognize you with the different hairstyle. I--"  
He pauses and looks at Kihyun, dumbfounded.  
" What?"  
" It's Wonho, isn't it? The ominous boyfriend you want me to help out with."  
" Hoseok." Kihyun corrects him, still not fully warm with Wonho.  
" Whatever.", Jihoon supports his elbows on the table, a lot more interest showing in his features that has been there before.  
" How come you're dating a thug?"  
" He's not a thug."  
" Oh boy, working for Taesan me--"  
" One more fucking word and I'll slam your face into the table." Kihyun spits out with so much venom that everyone, except Minhyuk, stare at him in utter disbelief. The latter seems the proudest he has been all day long, almost gleaming.  
Jihoon lifts his hands in defence. " Sorry. Didn't mean it like that. I worked with them. All of them--", he motions at Hyungwon, Jooheon and Changkyun. "-- in the past and I have nothing against them. I kind of liked them, actually. I'm just surprised you're with them now."  
" They quit.", Minhyuk explains. " But that Taehyung--"  
" Taesan." Jooheon corrects him.  
" --Taeyang, he wanted them back to work for him again and used the first opportunity to do so."  
" What opportunity?"  
Kihyuns hand subconsciously wanders to the scar on his stomach, which is still covered by a huge band- aid. Changkyun follows the movement with his gaze. He touches Kihyuns thigh and squeezes it gently.  
" Shortly, I was dying of kidney failure and in exchange for a new organ Hoseok and Hyunwoo went back to him. Now it seems like he won't let them out again."  
" Wow...", Jihoon looks at him in honest sympathy. " Okay... now they have my fullest respect. You're better now?"  
" Physically yes."  
He doesn't have to say more to explain things to him. Jihoon will understand, he isn't a man of many words.  
Kihyun leans a bit closer to him. " That is why I contacted you. I thought you might know someone that could help us out... but then the boys told me you are way more important in the business than I thought. They said you have power."  
" You want me to go against Taesan?"  
Kihyun nods not averting his gaze for even a second.  
Jihoon slowly pulls a ring from his finger and plays with it, Kihyun remembers that habit.  
" He's dangerous."  
" I heard."  
" Got a whole bunch of people and money."  
" You don't?"  
The ring falls to the table and Jihoon stops it before it can fall to the ground. " But on the other hand I got some things he'd love to have."  
Kihyun is so tense, he barely manages to keep himself seated on his chair.  
" And he became way too arrogant lately."  
Jihoon eyes Kihyun for a while, it could be a minute. Kihyun is pretty sure he is not even seeing him though, lost deep in thoughts.  
He is scared all of sudden.  
What if he says no? He never thought about what he will do afterwards? He needs to come up with a back up plan... maybe forcing Hoseok to give him more information. Or Hyunwoo. Yes, Hyunwoo hyung will talk.  
" Are they worth it?"  
Kihyun winces when Jihoon suddenly talks. " What did you say?"  
" Are they worth the trouble?"  
" Worth more than anything I could think of." Kihyun says without having to think once.  
Jihoon smirks. " You've always been on the dramatic side."  
He pushes his chair back and gets up, stretches before he motions to the door.  
" Let's go."  
" Where to?"  
" My house."  
" You mean..."  
Jihoon grins. " Don't we have to forge out some plans?"  
And Kihyun feels like crying once again, because just like that hope isn't just a fantasy anymore.

 

OOO

 

" This is not a house, it's a fucking village." Kihyun says in awe after he got out of Jihoons car and looks at the mansion in front of him. It is located on a huge private property, surrounded by a huge fence and vast green areas  
" It's not that big.", Jihoon says after he exchanged a few words with his driver. " Only a few square metre."  
" Square kilometre." Minhyuk says, totally overwhelmed.  
" Get inside. You must be hungry."  
They walk up the stairs leading to the entrance. One of Jihoons man opens the door for them but Jihoon stops Kihyun before he can enter the house like the others.  
He looks at him in question.  
" What's wrong?"  
This time Jihoon smiles.  
No smirk, no mischief in his eyes.  
He almost looks affectionate.  
" I will always like you, Kihyun."  
" Wha--"  
" No. Wait.", he slings an arm around his shoulder. " I know we will never work out like we didn't in the past as much as I dislike the fact and I'm happy you have someone like Wo-- like Hoseok by your side. But I just wanted to say... you are and will always be important to me, a lot actually, and I will help you. As much as I can. You can trust my word."  
Kihyun is speechless for a moment. Jihoon was never a deep talker, their relationship more on the shallow side if he would have to describe it.  
But it feels good, to hear him saying that.  
Makes the anxiety a little less difficult to handle.  
" I...", he takes Jihoons arm from his shoulder only to squeeze his hand. " Thank you. Really. Thank you so much. That means a lot to me."  
And as fast as the sincerity found its way into Jihoons eyes, it is gone again. As if he just pushed a button.  
" I got into your pants with that?"  
" Not in a hundred years."  
Kihyun smacks the back of his head and Jihoon follows him inside, laughing like a maniac while rubbing the hurting spot.  
Still, Kihyun feels a tiny bit better. Because even though he isn't serious 90 percent of the time, this time Jihoon meant what he said.


	25. Chapter 25

 

 

 

Hoseok is sure that the mental breakdown finally overhauled him.

He had felt his presence all those past days, when falling asleep became harder and harder. When he is not lying there awake for hours the nightmares are what pull him out of his sleep, after what feels like barely a moment of rest.

Nightmares about empty hospital beds and doctors that tell him, way too motionless, that he came too late to save Kihyun.

It helps, when he hears his boyfriends voice before he goes to sleep. Those calls become his life line and his refuge, but still, they are never enough to wipe out the horrible longing he is feeling.

He wants to go home.

Wants to go back so badly that it seems to be eating him up from the inside, but he can't tell anyone. Things are... working out okay at the moment, if they can be okay after all. Everyone is a tiny bit of okay, Kihyun is... better...

He can't tell.

And now he is standing here, frozen, and can't understand how Changkyun can all of sudden cling to him, because Changkyun isn't supposed to be here.

Why is he?

Hyunwoo and him got the new task this morning, after barely coming back from their last job. A delivery, to Jeong Jihoon at that, currently Taesans biggest competition in the field. Taesan inculcated them with doing well, told them that a lot of future business depends on their relationship.

And they did well.

Even though they were more than tired, they drove over, passed the gate and got out of the car in front of a huge mansion. Jihoons men examined them for any kind of weapon. They endure it without any comment, long used to it. It is not like they carry weapons in the first place. Hoseok... Wonho... does things his own way.

There is a strange sensation in his gut when he climbs up the stairs to the entrance. He can't describe the feeling, but his steps grow just a tiny bit faster. He reaches out for the door knob, pushes the heavy wooden door open and finds himself in a huge entrance hall, sees a stair case down the hall which leads to the many rooms on the first floor.

But he can't take in any more of his surroundings.

Only a second after entering, he freezes.

Familiar voices.

Voices, he most probably would recognize anywhere.

" Hyung!"

Someone hurries over to him and he only realises who it is when he already hugs him tightly.

Changkyun.

" Hyung...", he presses out once more and Hoseok can barely understand him.

Not because he hugs him too tightly.

No.

It is the blood that rushes way too loudly in his ears, that drowns all the other noises.

The suitcase with the delivery fell to the ground long ago.

Why is he here... why is Changkyun here... why...?

" Minhyuk?"

Hyunwoos dumbfounded voice next to him.

" Took you long enough to get here.", there, the distinctive blonde appears as if it is the most normal thing in the world. " You went darker."

He ruffles through Hoseoks now black hair as he passes by to reach Hyunwoo. He smiles brightly, endless fondness and relief in his dark eyes.

Yes.

Hoseoks hair is black again.

Why is he thinking about that all of sudden?  

It doesn't matter but his head in a mess.

He almost doesn't register, that Minhyuk pulls Hyunwoo into his embrace, that Changkyun releases him to give Jooheon and Hyungwon the chance to greet Hoseok.

Wait...

Jooheon and Hyungwon?

His eyes widen only the more, wander from one face to another, trying to take in everything.

He had missed them horribly.

" What...",  he flounders, swallows heavily. " What are you doing here?"

" Deep breaths, hyung.", Hyungwon squeezes his shoulder, the brightest smile Hoseok has ever seen on his face. " You look close to passing out."

He feels like it, to be honest.

He doesn't understand anything, his head a big mess of everything and nothing, but his gaze still wanders.

If everyone is here, no matter what the reason, where is Kihyun?

He can't find him.

Everyone is here, why isn't he? Why isn't he...?

He feels the panic rising in his in his stomach, rushing through his whole body until it reaches the tips of his fingers.

Why isn't he...

" Kihyun is upstairs." Jooheon says, having noticed the sudden worse distress in Hoseoks eyes.

" Up..stairs?"

" Yes. Minhyuk forced him to take a rest. Go up the stairs, the first door on your left."

Hoseoks looks at the staircase, follows the stairs with his gaze until he sees the small door in the distance.

He is here?

Only a few metres part them?

A soft push.

" Go."

He is lost.

More lost than he has ever been before but still, his legs start to move.

He will get an explanation later.

Later, when he can think properly again, when his thoughts calm down.

After he saw Kihyun.

The closer he gets to the stairs, the faster grow his steps. He hurries up the stairs, his legs long ago started to feel like jelly, foreign to his body but they keep carrying him and that is what matters.

Yes, he is sure that the mental breakdown has finally gotten to him but cure waits for him, right behind that door.

He doesn't knock.

To hell with every second that keeps him from seeing Kihyun, for the first time in weeks. For a brief moment he wonders how he managed to go for the past days because right now, even a few seconds don't seem to be bearable.

He stumbles into the room, the door clicks shut behind him, the noise startling him.

" Wh--"

It is him.

It is Kihyun and he is close and alive and breathing and...

Kihyun stops in the doorframe which leads into what looks like a bathroom. His hair is still damp, cheeks rosy from the shower he just took. The towel he holds in his hand falls to the ground, his mouth slightly agape, never ending his question.

He became thinner, seems to get lost in his oversized shirt but he is standing, has the colour back to his face, his eyes open wide.

It is the moment Hoseok can't keep it in anymore. Days and weeks of having to be strong, holding everything back over and over again when he wanted to do nothing more than to flee himself back to Kihyun.

And here his boyfriend is, finally, and Hoseoks body won't listen to him anymore.

So he starts to cry where he is standing, painful sobs running through him as all of the pressure that made breathing so difficult finally leaves.

Hoseok is not sure how he found his way over to Kihyun. He manages to pass the distance, more stumbling than walking, but his arms easily find their way around Kihyuns body that has always fit so perfectly into his embrace.

Almost desperately he tries to take in his scent, doesn't know, where he should touch him first, where to hold him.

Kihyuns arms find their way around his body, almost hesitantly, but then his fingers cling to his shirt and he tries to get closer, if even possible.

" Don't cry... I'm going to cry, too.", he whispers, his voice close to breaking.

" I missed you so badly." Hoseok mutters close to his ear, hand on the back of his head. The tears will dry up, some time, but now he can't stop them. He had longed for this moment for far too long.

It feels like an eternity until he got it back together.

He pushes Kihyun away gently, not too far, and cups his face. True to his words, he started to cry.

Not an outburst like Hoseok.

But his eyes are red, his cheeks wet and his bottom lip quivers.

Hoseok softly runs his fingers over his cheeks but to no avail, because the tears keep falling. Kihyun reaches out for his hand.

" I wanted to wait for you downstairs.", he says weakly. " But Minhyuk forced me to sleep."

Hoseok watches Kihyun almost fascinated, barely listens to what he is saying because he is fully content with the fact that he can listen to his voice right next to him, not through the speaker of a phone.

He bends forward when he stops talking for a moment, presses a soft kiss on his forehead, then on his cheek, wanders further until his lips meet Kihyuns and it is in that moment, when realisation hits him fully, that he isn't dreaming, that he is here, that he is kissing Kihyuns lips.

It is only a chaste touch, way too short and over too fast when he pulls away, but it is enough to calm the mess that is his head.

For the first time in a while, a smile plays around his lips.

" I'm not dreaming."

Kihyun shakes his head, having the tears under control. " I wished you would be sleeping, because you frankly look like a panda.", he touches the dark spots under Hoseoks eyes. " But I'm here and you aren't dreaming."

His hands reach Hoseoks hair and Kihyun softly smiles when he touches the black strands.

" It is black."

" I know."

" Your hair is black."

Something flickers in his eyes, and a second later he is back to hugging Hoseok tightly.

" I missed you so much I thought I'd go crazy."

" I love you." Hoseoks mumbles close to his ear, his hand running through Kihyuns hair in a soothing matter.

" Don't ever do that again.", Kihyuns grip tightens. " Don't leave me again. No matter the reason."

" I had to. Or you would have left."

" I thought I'd never get you back."

" I promised."

That is when Hoseok remembers. In all of his anxiety, the distress, the relief, the tears. He forgot about where they are at the moment.

" Kihyun, hey.", he doesn't want to let him go yet, but he has to see his face. Kihyuns tears have dried by now, but his face is still wet and Hoseoks wipes away the remaining traces.

" What are you doing here? What... are all of you doing here?"

Kihyun bites him bottom lip, makes Hoseok more nervous than he already is.

" I'm sorry I couldn't tell you earlier."

But before Hoseok can get more of an answer, someone knocks on the door. By instinct, Hoseok pulls Kihyun closer to him when the door opens.

But it is only Minhyuk who appears in the door frame.

" Sorry to disturb you.", he motions down the hallway. " Jihoon. He wants to talk."

And Hoseok is more confused than he was before.

 

 

 

 

OOO

 

 

 

" There you are."

Jihoon greets them in his way too big office. One after another, they enter the room.

Kihyun can't help but to roll his eyes when he sees the head of a moose, that hangs at the wall. Jihoon has always been... a bit extravagant. Minhyuk calls it embarrassing but Kihyun tries not to be too much of an ass since he is helping them out.

He is not letting go of Hoseoks hand. Not that he could, even if he wanted to. You can't see it, but Hoseok is downright clinging to him.

Jihoons gaze wanders to their hands.

He pouts slightly. " I'm a tiny bit jealous."

" Seriously?", Kihyun deadpans. " I don't want to hear anything, mister."

He feels Hoseoks and Hyunwoos surprised gazes on him.

Jihoon scoffs and smirks before he turns to the others.  

" Now that we all gathered how about discussing some things?" he motions for the couches in front of his desk and everyone, more or less slowly, takes a seat.

Kihyun isn't sure how well Hoseok is handling everything.

He was a mess earlier and even though he is not crying anymore, his eyes are still the tiniest bit red.

It is the purest relief, to have him back by his side, being able to see how he is doing and not having to listen to his lies over the phone.

Hoseok had smiled earlier, when Kihyun also felt nothing but this huge happiness and love.

But now, his heart breaks just the tiniest bit when he notices how uneasy Hoseoks gaze is, more than nervous.

Kihyun remembers his conversation with Hyunwoo, how the older told him that the fear did something to Hoseok.

Kihyun will never stop to make up for it. And if that means to keep holding on to him, then he will do that. Because while he almost physically feels the fear Hoseok is experiencing at the moment  he also notices how his gaze wanders to Kihyun and that there is warmth in his eyes, between all of the things Kihyun never wants him to feel again, a warmth that almost makes Kihyun break out into tears once again.

Still, after all Hoseok loves him.

And now it is Kihyuns turn to look out for him.

They are back together.

Finally.

" So...", Hoseok says slowly and looks at Jihoon, then at Kihyun. " Ex- Boyfriend?"

" Kind of." Kihyun mutters and he wants to kill the other when Jihoon looks way too smug about it.

" Ji...Ji?"

Minhyuk nods heavily and Jihoon groans in his chair. " That we have to talk about again later. I hate that name."

Hoseok motions at everyone. " And we're here because he offered to help us in getting away from Taesan?"

A collective nod.

He is back to staring at Jihoon, his eyes narrowing. " You want to go against Taesan?"

Jihoon claps his hands. " There you are, Wonho! I thought you lost your flow while being out of business!"

Kihyun glares at him. " Hoseok."

" That's clearly Wonho."

" Jihoon..."

He waves Kihyuns threat aside. " It doesn't matter who or what. But I have to admit... it's quiet nice you got some feelings in that body of yours. Kind of freaked me out whenever we met in the past.", he supports his elbows on the table. " But all of that isn't important now. In the end we're all here because we're sick and tired of Taesan."

Kihyun can only agree.

Hoseok keeps quiet and just as Kihyun wants to check if he is okay he is getting up.

Kihyun looks up to him, his hand still holding Hoseoks.

" What are you doing?"

Hoseoks sighs deeply, seems more tired than ever all of sudden.

" Let's get you back home before Taesan notices."

Kihyuns eyes widen. " Why... would we go home?"

" We're not going to take part in that bullshit. None of us. Come.", he tries to pull Kihyun back on his feet. " Taesan hasn't noticed yet. If we go now we can act like nothing has happened."

" No."

Hoseok pauses his movement, and looks at him as if Kihyun just grew another head.

" No?"

Even though he doesn't want to Kihyun releases Hoseoks hand and crosses his arms in front of his chest.

" No one is going anywhere. Or... at least I am not going anywhere."

" Kihyun. Even if I have to carry you ou--"

" Jihoon. Tell your men he can't bring anyone out of this house."

Jihoons smirk only grows wider. " You're the scarier one so whatever you wish for."

Hoseoks gaze wanders dumbfounded between them.

Kihyun looks out of the window, trying to avert his gaze.

The last thing he wants is to fight with him right now, but if Hoseok once again tries to think about everyone else but himself he needs to intervene.

Kihyun can't let them go once more. If they leave now he isn't sure if he will ever see them again.

" Stop acting like that and get up." Hoseok says, distress visible in his voice.

Kihyun feels a body next to him on the couch. He sighs in content when he gets comfortable in his seat.

" Really love this mansion. I'd hate leaving that soon."

Kihyun smiles. Of course Minhyuk got his back.

" I can't leave yet.", Hyungwon says from where he is leaning against the wall. " Haven't used that computer Jihoon bought yet."

" Guys...", Hoseoks gaze wanders from one to another, stops at Jooheon for a moment who heavily and demonstratively falls onto the couch. " Don't do this. You know Taesan. You know what he will do... how could you even agree to this?"

Kihyun peeks at Hyunwoo. The older doesn't look too convinced either, but at least he doesn't seem to want to storm out like Hoseok.

" Looks like you're outvoted." Jihoon says.

It is not cheeky this time, as if the other understood Hoseoks fears. There is even sympathy in his eyes.

" I... need a minute." Hoseoks says weakly.

" Are you okay?" Kihyun asks in worry and wants to hit himself because how could he be?

" Yeah... just..." he nods to the door, walks over and leaves the room without another word.

Kihyun stops Changkyun as the younger wants to follow him.

" I'll go."

Hoseok didn't go far.

Just down the hallway to where light falls in through a huge window.

When Kihyun closes the door he leans against the wall and slowly slides down to sit on the floor.

He noticed Kihyun.

Still, Kihyun walks over only slowly, takes a seat next to him and leans his head against Hoseoks shoulder.

It takes a moment, but then he feels Hoseoks cheek against his hair.

" What did you plan?" he asks quietly.

" Seems like Jihoon got a hold of a delivery for Taesan needs way before it even got to Korea. Taesan doesn't seem to know about it yet. Jihoon wants to trade."

" That's all?"

Kihyun takes his hand.

" He got some people infiltrating Taesans group on top of that. He said he's been planning this for a while now. That it will be only a matter of time until he'll take him out. For us he could speed things up. So... it could be either way."

" I see." the weak response.

" I'm sorry for stressing you out like that."

Hoseok shakes his head. " No... actually... I'm sorry for being like this.", he admits. " What you just told me doesn't sound that bad."

" Don't be sorry."

" No.", he continues slowly. " I know I'm way too careful at them moment. But... I'm so scared. Scared as fuck. I don't want you here... I don't want any of you here but especially you because I thought I lost you. I can't bear knowing you are close to this. I can't think rationally."

And Kihyuns heart successfully breaks again.

" I'm sorry, Hoseok. Because of me you're here. if I hadn't been sic--"

" What if... if it hadn't happened... who cares.", Hoseok gently kisses his temple. " I don't care. You shouldn't care. We're together now. You're getting better. I couldn't ask for more."

Kihyun loves him so much, it starts hurting.

He huddles closer or tries to at least, because it is not possible.

" Jihoon...", he continues. " He promised to help us out no matter what and I trust him."

" He still likes you, I can see."

" I don't have feelings for him anymore."

The first quiet chuckle in a while. " Good to know. It made me a tiny bit uneasy."

" You're the only one for me. You know that." Kihyun quietly mutters.

" I do. It is still nice to hear."

Another kiss to his temple and a moment of silence. Kihyun can feel, how Hoseok relaxes the tiniest bit.

" You think he'd really protect us?"

" He promised. Jihoon keeps his promises. And it seems to me he's got some business with Taesan and just needed an excuse to start shit."

" Yeah. It has been going for quiet some time now."

The edge is gone from his voice and Kihyun knows, that he decided on some things.

" I want to go home, Kihyun. Really badly but I couldn't figure out how. I already thought about leaving the country with all of you but he will find us anywhere. Still... I don't want to go back there. Never again."

Kihyun knows how hurt it must be for Hoseok to tell him that. So he gently brings his hand to his lips and kisses his knuckles softly. " Then you will never have to again. I'll make sure of that."

 

 

 

OOO

 

 

 

 

When they get back in the office a while later, Hoseok starts to listen, asks questions and in the end seems to realize that things are better thought through than he assumed they are.

They will stay in the mansion, since it is the best secured area they could be at. Taesan might start to get suspicious about Hoseoks and Hyunwoos whereabouts when it gets dark. Then, when he will most probably will contact the mansion  Jihoon will get him to come over and do some business.

Kihyun can't say that he is fully convinced by everything, but he is feeling so much better now that Hoseok and Hyunwoo are here and agreed to everything.

Not that he isn't scared of what the next day brings. But Jihoon looks more than relaxed and happy, so he will try to trust him.

Not that this trust keeps him from kicking Jihoon way too hard when he starts to tease Hoseok and tries to tell some past stories of him and Kihyun.

A comfortable silence lingers in the room when it is late evening.

Kihyun currently is playing cards with Minhyuk, Jooheon and Jihoon, while Hyungwon and Changkyun are all over Hoseok and Hyunwoo and try to tell them about everything they missed the past weeks in a matter of minutes.

For the first time Kihyun hears Hoseoks laugh, free of distress and fear. He looks up from the game and smiles at him through the room.

" He agreed way faster than I thought.", Minhyuk says when he pulls another card and puts it in the middle of the table.

" He had to endure a lot." Jooheon has to miss one round and it is Kihyuns turn again. But the latter is distracted by his boyfriend once more.

" He looks so tired. Hyunwoo hyung as well."

" Your turn, hyung." Jooheon nudges him and Kihyun plays a random card without paying too much attention.

" What the hell are you doing?" Jihoon furrows his brow, studying his cards.

" I can't concentrate."

Kihyun puts down his cards with a sigh.

Minhyuk points at the cards in the middle. " We haven't finished yet."

" Ask Changkyun to fill in for me. He likes the game. I got things to do.", he pats Jihoons shoulder as he passes by. " We can use the bedrooms?"

" First floor is all yours."

" Thanks."

" Feeling like coming back to me yet? Me and my big heart?" he winks playfully and Kihyuns smacks his head.

He makes his way over to where Hoseok and Hyunwoo are sitting between Hyungwon and Changkyun.

" Newest gossip is exchanged?"

Hoseok reaches out for him a smile on his lips, and Kihyun takes his hand in his.

" Did you know Hyungwon can talk like a book?  I didn't." Hoseoks gaze is full of affection when he looks at the younger.

Kihyun pokes his cheek. " I did. And you need to sleep."

" I'm not tired."

Kihyun shares a gaze with Changkyun. " He really thinks he's got a saying in that matter. Isn't he funny?"

Changkyun chuckles under his breath and looks out the window, suddenly totally interested in the tree outside  when Hoseok glares at him.

" I'm serious, Hoseok. Both of you look like the walking dead. You better get your asses up while I'm being nice."

There is not a lot to say for Hyunwoo and Hoseok when Kihyun already pulled them to their feet and rushes them out of the office.

Kihyun opens the first door and peeks inside.

Another bedroom.

He peeks at Hyunwoo. " I assume you do not want to share a room with us?"

Hyunwoo shakes his head with a smile. " I'll take another one."

" Don't lock the door."

He looks at Kihyun in question.

" Minhyuk will sneak in later."

Hyunwoo blushes and Hoseok snorts when he follows Kihyun into the room.

They take in the interior.

" Looks like an expensive hotel room if you ask me.", Hoseok rounds the big bed and looks out the window into the dark. " Why did you leave this rich kid again?"

" He wasn't rich three years ago.", Kihyun opens a drawer and pulls out plush handcuffs. " Wow... that is Jihoon for you."

" Seems like he tested all the rooms beforehand.", Hoseok wiggles his eyebrows. " I didn't know you were into handcuffs."

" Those are certainly things I have never used before."

Hoseok pulls off his shoes and falls onto the bed. A satisfied moan leaves his mouth.

" Soft."

" Maybe he has some sleeping clothes ar---"

Kihyun shrieks when Hoseok pulls him down onto the bed.

" No. Just stay here."

" We can't sleep li--"

" No.", Hoseok whines, holding Kihyun on top of him so he can't move away " Later. Maybe. Definitely not now."

So Kihyun stays like this, warm and safe in his embrace.

Often, he thinks of his own heartbeat as annoying when he can feel it in his chest, but not Hoseoks. It is... calming. A steady beat and he has to fight the sleepiness that comes over him way too fast.

" Thank you."

" For what?" Hoseok mutters back, the sleepiness having covered him as well.

" I can never make this up to you.", Kiyhun moves the tiniest bit so he can look at his boyfriend.

" Can I see it? The scar?"

Kihyun sits upright, lifts his shirt so he can see the band aid on his stomach.

" It is healing well."

Hoseoks warm fingers gently touch the area on his upper abdomen.

" You're going to be better from now on?"

" I'm fine. No rejection reaction."

For a long while it is quiet in the room, the only thing he feels the tender touches of Hoseoks fingertips.

Only from time to time he hears Hoseoks steady breathing.

" I will never regret having done this for you.", Hoseok hugs him close when he is done inspecting the scar and presses a kiss to his cheek. " It is the best thing I have ever done. Definitely."

" Still... never leave again."

" I don't think I could leave again."

" Then don't."

" If things work out."

" I will make them."

Hoseok doesn't answer.

Instead, he pulls Kihyun down with him until they lie comfortably next to each other. He covers them with the blanket before he is back to hugging Kihyun close.

" Warm." he mumbles in satisfaction and closes his eyes. The sleeping attire is long forgotten.

Kihyun studies his face. He touches Hoseoks black strands of hair. " You haven't told me why it is black."

" Taesan doesn't like coloured hair. Made me dye it black again."

Kihyun scoffs. " Asshole."

Hoseok opens one eye. " It looks that bad?"

" It's great. You went from greek god to sexy biker. Still... that he is forcing you like that makes me want to wring his neck."

" Don't mention him.", Hoseok closes his eyes again. " Tonight, let's act as if everything is normal."

" I'm in."

" I love you, Kihyun."

Kihyun huddles closer and closes his tired eyes. " Me, too." Soon, they both fall asleep. 

 

 

            And for the night, they manage to be okay but early the next morning, Jooheon wakes them, telling them that Taesan is on his way.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really sorry for the long wait but life came in between and I had to be a responsible adult. Enjoy ~~

As soon as the news about Taesans arrival go around a strange nervousness seems to afflict everyone. Not that it could get more tense than it already is - Kihyun is sure that he will loose his mind soon - but it feels different than before.

Almost like the fear turned into something like relief. There is no place for speculations anymore. Soon they are going to know how things will turn out for them. Gone are those endless hours of making up the worst scenarios in their heads.

Jihoon calls all of them together in his office before he leaves the room to greet Taesan who arrived with a few of his men. There have already been discussions throughout the whole night, he tells Kihyun. When there was no sign of Hoseok and Hyunwoo, Taesan took it onto himself to contact Jihoon.

It really is going to happen now and Kihyun isn't sure if he is ready, if it is even possible for him to be ever.

Not that it would keep him from catching a glimpse of the man.

He almost did it.

Only two more steps and he will reach the banister and will be able to see Taesan down in the hall with Jihoon. The foreign voice already reached his ears but he needs a face to match Taesan with. He finally needs to know who it is they are dealing with.

But before he is even able to touch the banister two arms sling around him from behind and more than easily lift him a few centimetres from the ground to carry him back into the office where he came from.

" Didn't I ask you to stay inside?"

" Hoseok...", Kihyun whines and tries to pry his arms off. " Just one look. Only a second."

But Hoseok ignores his protests and only puts him back down when the door closes behind them.

" He knows enough about you. I'd prefer you wouldn't get any further into this. He doesn't have to know you're here." he says sternly, his hands on Kihyuns shoulders.

" But I need a face."

" Trust me.", Hoseok softly pushes him back onto the couch. " You don't need it."

Everyone, apart from Minhyuk, nods in agreement. The blonde shares Kihyuns curiosity but he hasn't tried to sneak out like Kihyun even once. Hyunwoos shoulder seems to be way too comfortable.

" He wouldn't have seen me." Kihyun mumbles.

" I'm sorry.",  Hoseok sits down next to him, his hand reaching for Kihyuns. " Please bear with it, okay? I'd appreciate it a lot if you would listen to me this time."

And Kihyun agrees without discussing more, even though there are a million objections on his tongue. How could he when finally there is the faintest smile visible on Hoseoks lips?

Kihyun noticed from the beginning how tense he is even though his boyfriend still tries to hide it.

Hoseok isn't the only one though.

Everyone is one the edge, Kihyun as well. Changkyun winces at the slightest noise, Hyungwon is biting his fingernails in the corner of the room and Jooheon hasn't moved away from Hyunwoo even though he normally scrams as soon as Minhyuk gets too touchy. Not to mention Minhyuk whose legs keeps jiggling nervously.

" You're okay?" Hoseok asks.

Instead of answering, Kihyun snuggles closer into him which is almost impossible since he is already sitting halfway in his lap.

" Don't worry, Hoseok. I got this." he mumbles into the crook of his neck when he finally feels like he is close enough.

Hoseok chuckles quietly, but it is too hollow for Kihyuns liking.

Fake.

For a moment he closes his eyes, only taking in his familiar smell, the feeling of his finger that softly run up and down his spine to comfort him, telling himself over and over again that he is not going to leave again, not going to, not...

Someone knocks on the door and pulls him out of his mantra.

It is one of Jihoons men that peeks inside the room. Kihyun saw them talking to each other earlier.

" Jihoon asks if you want to watch his conversation." the man says politely.

Kihyun furrows at him. " Watch his conversation?"

" Yes.", he motions to the door, expansively. " Please follow me."

 

 

 

 

 

OOO

 

 

" I'm starting to think Jihoon seriously tries to bullshit us. Where the hell did he get this from?"

Minhyuk enters the room, mouth wide agape as he takes in everything.

Kihyun can only agree as he peeks inside just behind his friend.

The only time he saw those kind of things were in one of those bad movies Minhyuk likes to watch on lazy Sundays.

Kihyuns gaze wanders over the interior, a fancy couch with way too many pillows - Jihoons taste is more than visible again - and a bleak wall.

But what really grabs his attention is the huge window on his left side. One would expect to see a pretty scenery outside, a huge tree and the obligatory violets but it only shows another room, a huge table and a few chairs around it.

Changkyun presses a finger against the glass. " Is that one of those one- way mirrors?"

" It was installed for situations like this.", their guide who is waiting in the door frame says.

" Since it is not advisable of you to meet Taesan in person Jihoon wanted you to at least stay here."

Minhyuk leans against the mirror in excitement. " Jihoon seems to enjoy his gangsterlife."

Kihyun moves closer to him and inspects the glass. He doesn't quiet trust the thing. Carefully, he tips against it.

" They really can't see us?" he asks the man who is still waiting next to the door.

" Not at all."

" Can we hear them?"

" If Jihoon wants you to, then yes. He has a small device with him to handle the camera and audio system."

Jooheon falls onto the couch with the biggest sigh Kihyun has heard all day long, which has to mean something.

" I'm not sure if I want to see him."

Jihoons man bows to them. " You're free to stay or leave. Please go back to the office if you should decide against it."

He quietly closes the door and leaves them alone.

For a moment, there is only silence, until Minhyuk plops down next to Jooheon on the couch. " I'm not going to get out of here."

" Me neither." Kihyun crosses his arms in front of his chest, his expression grim. This is his chance and not even Hoseok can bring any counter argument up.

The latter seems to have realized it as he takes a seat on the ground in front of the couch without saying anything.

They don't have to wait for long.

Thank god because conversations got reduced to a minimum in the tense atmosphere and Kihyun can't handle the silence well for too long.

There, the door inside the other room opens.

It is Jihoon, who comes inside first. For a second Kihyun thinks they just shared a gaze but the he realizes that there is no way Jihoon can see them.

His gaze wanders to the guy following him inside.

He expects a lot from what he heard about Taesan.

Something horrible, ugly, dangerous, all the bad things he can imagine in one person.

What he sees almost... confuses him.

No.

Not almost.

It does.

A lot because the man walking inside isn't what he expected.

Not in the least.

He is not even that much taller than Kihyun, no muscles that become apparent under the black suit he is wearing.

Glasses, he is even wearing glasses.

They keep talking as they enter the room, Kihyun can't hear anything, only sees how their mouths are moving. Jihoon offers a chair but Taesan keeps standing, looks around the room as he walks a few steps up and down.

Kihyun takes a moment to look at the others in the room.

They look frightened.

Hoseok is way too pale around his nose and Hyungwon started to bite his nails again.

" That's him?"

It is Minhyuk that breaks the awful silence. He pushes himself up from the couch, brows furrowed as he moves closer to the mirror.

" He's tiny. Not as tiny as Kihyun but look at him."

Kihyun ignores his comment in favour of walking over next to Minhyuk.

The confusion is still there, won't disappear no matter how hard he tries. This is the man everyone is afraid of?

No, not afraid.

Literally petrified.

" He doesn't look scary at all."

Minhyuk nods. " Still trying to figure him out."

Taesan walks up to the mirror just when Kihyun moved the tiniest bit closer. If he would bend over the tiniest bit he could touch the cold surface with the tip of his nose.

He knows Taesan can't see them, but still, a shower runs down his spine when their gazes seem to meet and Kihyun almost wants to drop his gaze.

He doesn't.

That is the moment Taesan starts to smile.

Kihyun retreats from the window, his legs almost buckling from one second to another. The shock went through his body, turned is heartbeat into a hectic rhythm and the butterflies - in the worst way possible - go crazy in his stomach.

In the matter of seconds he understands, really understands what they wanted to tell him all the time and couldn't. Hoseoks constant fear and his urge to protect him. Hyunwoo, who looses his calm as soon as the topic is Taesan. The fearful eyes of Jooheon as soon as someone mentions his name.  

One gaze, one smile of that man and it goes right through Kihyun.

Had he known from the beginning that it is this man that keeps Hoseok and Hyunwoo away from them, he wouldn't have been able to bear the worry.

He would have gone crazy.

Certainly.

100 percent.

" He's..." Minhyuk blindly reaches out for Kihyuns hand and holds it tightly.

"...scary as fuck." Kihyun finishes his sentence and is still not able to put into words what he is feeling.

Scary as fuck isn't anywhere near it.

" He can't see us, can he?" Minhyuk whispers over, doesn't look away as if he was hypnotised.

Taesan turned away from Jihoon a moment ago and keeps talking to the other.  

" Definitely feels like he can." Kihyun swallows heavily. All of sudden his mouth is way too dry.

" Do you remember the day I flirted with the girl in the club?" Minhyuk asks out of the blue.

" They day I found out your bi quiet a lot?"

" Yeah. I flirted with her and then her boyfriend found out, turned into some cheap hulk copy and chased me into the toilet."

" I'm getting there."

" I had to call you to save me and you came but when you saw him in all of his glory you turned around and left me there to die out of the stupid reason that you wanted to keep your face the way it was."

Kihyun loosens his collar that feels way too tight all of sudden. " And?"

" If you had called me and _that_ guy would have been there.... I would have left you behind without thinking for a second."

" Fair enough."

" Are you guys okay?"

They have been in their own little world for a while now. It is Jooheon who reaches out and pokes Minhyuks thigh.

" Enlightment just struck us." Minhyuk says, gaze still on what is going on in the other room.

" Struck us like the stroke I'm soon going to have." Kihyun adds.

He releases Minhyuks hand, reluctantly, but he needs to get away from that damn mirror. He sinks to the ground next to Hoseok, still not too sure about the things that just happened but pretty decided about other things.

" None of you-", he points at everyone in the room. "-- is ever going back to that guy. Only over my dead body."

" Kihyun..."

" Seriously!", Kihyun turns to Hoseok and almost falls into his lap because he is way too agitated. " Couldn't you have told me he is Satans incarnantion?! Literally! Look at that fucking smile!"

" I told you he's n--"

" Yeah! You told me he's dangerous! 2 million times!" Kihyun throws his arms into the air, decides against throwing too much of a fit and stays on the ground.

" Nope. No way... You're not going back there. Even if I have to serve my kidney with broccoli."

" I don't think they cut kidneys back out, hyung.", Hyungwon says from where he is leaning against the door. " But you're right. He has this...aura... you can't notice from the beginning."

Jooheon shudders. " No one expects it and then - bam. It is too late and your facing the depths of hell."

Hoseok supports his elbows on his knees and cups his face in a tired matter. " Anyone knows what they are talking about?"

Changkyun, close to the window, shakes his head. " Doesn't look like a heated discussion."

" Oh god...", Kihyun moans. " Why did I leave Jihoon alone with this thing? He'll fuck up everything without me."

Hyungwon eyes him. " You're shaken by merely looking at him. How could you help him?"

"I would be able to hide it!"

Hyungwon gives him the look and Kihyun slumps down.

" Okay.", he admits. " Maybe I'd piss my pants but I'd still stand my man because no way I'm letting you go back there.", he says determined and turns to Hoseok. " If Jihoon fucks up we're going to leave the country. I don't care where to."

Jooheon thinks for a second. " I heard Europe is nice this time of the year."

Kihyun reaches out for Hoseoks hand and his boyfriend intertwines their fingers. He doesn't look too hopeful but at least he is smiling.

" Europe it is then?" Kihyun squeezes his hand.

" Europe. If everything fails."

And Kihyun wants to believe that everything is that easy.

Minhyuk sighs." If Satan himself wasn't here that would be so romantic. Paris, Hyunwoo?"   
Hyunwoo chokes on his own spit once more.  
And the waiting goes on.

Only this time Kihyun feels that, in all of his determination he lost quiet the bit of hope that things will be easy for them.

 

 

 

 

OOO

 

 

 

 

"He won't cooperate."

" What? He won't cooperate?", Kihyun bangs his fists on the table. " What the fuck did you even discuss for hours?!"

" Hyung..." Changkyun tries to sooth him but Kihyun simply pushes his hands away. .

" Didn't you tell him about the delivery?"

" He is not interested. He wants those two.", Jihoon runs a hand through his short hair, clearly not happy with how things turned out " It's not the end of it. He wants to talk again. Later."

" It is a game for him.", Hoseok says bitterly. " He is never going to give in. That is his way of taking revenge because we left him. He doesn't need the delivery."

" Well, fuck him! You're not going to go back to this bastard! Jihoon!", Kihyun turns back to Jihoon, still seething. " Did you threaten him?"

" Why would I threaten him?"

" Isn't this how things work in this business?! For fucks sake!" Kihyun throws his hands into the air. " It can't be that difficult!"

Hoseok runs a soothing hand over his back. " Don't freak out, Kihyun."

" I'm not freaking out!"

" Bro.", Minhyuk says from his side. "We don't want you to fall back into old patterns. You know your temper."

" I'm no--", Kihyun stops midsentence and massages his temples that slowly start to hurt. " I need some coffee. Preferably fast. Minhyuk. Come and help me."

" Sure. If it keeps you from exploding."

" You good?" Hoseok holds him back for a second before Kihyun can leave the room.

" I just feel like punching someone. Stupid motherfucker of Taesan."

He still manages a smile for Hoseok and kisses his cheek.

" Give me a second and I'll be fine, okay?"

" Okay..."

" Come."

He motions for Minhyuk to follow him outside. The blonde doesn't look too happy but still follows him.

" I'm not really hungry though. That was quiet a lot to take in for a day."

"  Let's just drink so--"

Kihyun fastly closes the door behind them and grasps Minhyuk by his collar.

" Let's hurry." he whispers and pulls his friend down the empty hallway.

" What are you doing?"

" Shut up and follow me."

" Where to?!"

Kihyun pulls him to the backdoor he found yesterday when looking for the kitchen.

" If we hurry up we'll reach them before they can leave the area."

" Who?"

"Taesan."

Minhyuk shrieks and tries to loosen his friends fingers but the fury awakens unexpected forces in Kihyun.  

" Why the hell would we want to do that?! Kihyun! He is scary as fuck! Have you forgotten?!"

" I know. But it is way more scary to loose Hoseok and Hyunwoo so we have to do something!"

" It's Jihoons job."

Kihyun pulls open the door. They end up in the garden behind the house. Only a few steps to their right and they will end up on the road leading to the gate.  

There, the noise of car doors that are being closed.

" Jihoon is caving in. Haven't you noticed?"

" He was doing well."

" He wants to do well but he can't. He isn't into tactics. Come. They started the engines!"

" This is the worst idea you ever had!"

They reach the street just as the cars start to move.

Kihyun releases Minhyuks collar. " Tell the guards to help me out if he should pull some stunt."

" Don't!"

But Minhyuk can't stop him anymore.

He is already on the street.

The cars aren't too fast yet but to Kihyun it is more the obvious where is standing at the moment.

Right in the middle of the street in front of a car that hasn't stopped yet. If Hoseok would see this he would get the stroke Kihyun earlier mentioned.

He wants to close his eyes, expects the impact already but there is nothing.

When he dares to peek at his surroundings he exhales a sigh of relief when he sees the hood of the car a metre away from him.

The relief is only short lived.

Taesans driver is already out of the car and compared to his boss he impersonates Kihyuns image of a gangster way more.

" Are you nuts?!"

" Woah.", Kihyun lifts his hands in defence. " I can explain."

" Get the fuck--"

" Get back into the car."

Kihyuns insides go crazy when he hears Taesans voice way too close for his liking.

But he keeps standing.

The man gets out of the car, stays next to the open door.

" Yoo Kihyun, isn't it?"

Kihyun could puzzle over the fact, that Taesan knows how he looks like way longer, but he is totally busy with not running away in mere dread and to keep his facade up at least the tiniest bit.

" We need to talk." he presses out.   
Taesan smiles. " We have to."  
"Yes.", Kihyun points a finger at him. " And just so you know: I don't know any kind of martial arts and I don't have any weapons. The only drugs deals I ever saw have been in movies! Just talking! Don't dare to pull any stunt! It's not like I could do anything but I'm callingg upon your gangster honour!"  
Taesan looks amused. " Gangster honour?"  
"Yeah! Even you got that… hopefully." Kihyun adds quietly and for the nth time asks himself what the hell he is doing here.   
Hoseok.  
Yes. Hoseok and Hyunwoo.  
He is doing it for them.  
And that should be reason enough to stand his man.  
" Okay. Let's talk.", Taesan points at his car. " In the car?"  
"I'd prefer a walk."  
"Good. Let's take a walk. The grounds seem to be nice."   
Kihyun waits until the man reached him, eyes warily on his hands. But they are loosely pushed into the pockets of his trousers and seem way too tight. There is now way he could hide a weapon inside.

Kihyun throws a last glance at Minhyuk who waits anxiously next to the back door, shows him his thumb and follows Taesan down the street.   
" How is your health?"  
"What?"

Kihyun is too busy with keeping at least a metre of distance between them and would have almost missed his question completely.   
" Your health."  
"I'm… better."   
"You do look better."  
Okay.

He definitely did a background check on him.

They slowly walk down the lane. A narrow path branches off and leads further down into Jihoons property.

Kihyun checks his surroundings once more before he follows Taesan. Jihoons men would still be with him pretty quickly if something happened.   
" So. What is it you wanted to discuss?"   
"The deal."

Taesan smiles in amusement. " Of course it is the deal."   
" I want you to let them go. Hoseok an--."   
" Wonho?"  
"What?" Kihyun looks at him in confusion.  
" Wonho. I don't know what this thing is but… I don't like him as Hoseok. Too weak. Too emotional."  
The first time something cracks in Kihyun.  
" Hoseok--", he repeats with more emphasis. " -- he made this deal without asking me. The kidney was for me. I should have been able to decide for myself. You can't take this as a basis for the deal."  
"Still, you're living with the kidney I got you."  
"True. And I'm more than thankful for that, I really am. But I think you should consider letting them go now.", his heart is beating way too fast in his chest but it has to get out, now or never. " They have been with you for a long time but all things come to an end. It isn't the life they want to live anymore."  
"And I care?"   
Another crack.

" Find someone else who will do a better job."

" Why would I?"

Slowly, something awakens in Kihyuns stomach. He had expected, that next to his fear there is no space left for any other emotion, but he was wrong.

So wrong because the thing that is growing inside of him, that slowly wanders through him and fills him up fully, that thing he knows all too well. He can feel how his blood starts to boil.

He thought he had lost it, but in that moment, he knows that his infamous fury he managed to keep inside for years is that close to breaking out again and he can't say he dislikes that fact.   
"You see.", Taesan pulls a cigarette out of his pocket and pushes it between his lips before he lights it with a match he throws away afterwards. " It was the life they wanted once. And trust me when I say that they were good. Boy, those boys brought me more money than all of my other people together."

" That is the only reason you want them back?"

Taesan blows smoke into the air.

" You decided to fall into a coma. Wonho decided I would be good enough to help him out. I decided it would be only fair I also get something out of it. Don't you think?"

Crack.

Taesan chuckles and looks into the distance as if he just remembered something incredibly funny. " It felt great to have Wonho begging in front of me for that kidney of yours. I could get used to that view."

The final straw.

And in a matter of seconds Kihyun explodes.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry... I have like 80 different versions of this chapter and nothing really was what I wanted and now I finally did it ~

 

Punching Taesan is fairly easy.

Kihyun is not sure if the reason is that the man didn't expect him to lunge at him just like that. On the tinier side, narrow shoulders and still scarred from his kidney failure, enough facts that should keep him from it. 

Maybe no one has ever gone against Taesan and he is used to people crawling in the dirt in front of him. Maybe his arrogance is too big to even expect a punch.

Kihyun still knows how to do it right. When his anger management problems reached  their peak, fights were a weekly thing for him. He is still not sure what triggered him that much those years. Maybe it is something he was born with. Minhyuk said it was the frustration that build up for far too long and that finally needed an outlet.

No matter the reason, Kihyun hated it. Hated how easily he lost control, how his mind shut down and how he turned way too violent. So he started to work on it, let Minhyuk drag him away as soon as he felt the familiar heat rushing through  his veins. It started to work and soon everything felt like a distant memory.

He always knew it laid dormant somewhere inside of him, waiting to break through once again, and today, of all days, it happened.

Of course it would.

The satisfaction in Taesans features was way too overwhelming when he talked about Hoseok begging him. Kihyun can't and won't deal with such a thing, no matter how scared he was minutes ago. Not when Hoseok put everything on the line only for him.

But he should have known from the beginning there is only so much he can do. That his body isn't fully recovered yet and that Taesan has experienced worse fights than this.

But when Kihyun looks at him from the ground where he fell to after Taesan almost knocked him out, when he sees the blood dripping from Taesans split lip where he got him, the blow to his face isn't hurting as bad anymore and he can deal with the wet, warm liquid spilling from his nose. For a short moment he even feels great about it.

Then he realises where he is situated, gazes at the sky above him, feels the soft grass under his back and notices how the fury got knocked out of him with one strong punch, like it hadn't been there from the beginning.

As if his emotions know that there was nothing more for him to do, as if they know that his body can't handle more.

It is better like that, Kihyun thinks. Now, there is space left in his head, not all his thoughts are in the ugly claws of the anger. Space left to enjoy the utter look of disbelief Taesan is wearing, but just like that enough space to regret things.

How much he regrets doing it from one second to another.

He regrets, because under the disbelief, the confusion and the shame, he believes to see the same fury in Taesans eyes that he felt earlier igniting in his own. And Taesan isn't someone that looses control like Kihyun would. His revenge will be calculated and while he can still feel the fear for himself, the fact that he could project his anger on someone else, on Hoseok, panics him way more and chills him downright to his bones.

What the hell did do...

He averts his eyes, looks back into the afternoon sky, the grey clouds perfectly describing what is going on down here and another wave of regret, maybe shame, washes over Kihyun.

What did he do...

He should have never come out, he should have never lost control, he should have never given Taesan a reason to hate them even more. But he did and he is scared that others have to deal with the consequences. So scared suddenly, now that the adrenaline washes out of him.

Taesan isn't satisfied with one punch. He wants more, Kihyun notices when he grimaces in another wave of hurt pride and spiking anger. Kihyun just hopes that he won't go for his side. Hoseok and Hyunwoo took a lot on them to get that kidney for him and he is not sure if it will survive a kick that shortly after surgery.

Kihyun can't say he is scared for his life. For that, his head is starting to hurt too much after the punch, there is still too much adrenaline in his body, and in the end, he deserved everything that is coming for him. He fucked up their plan in the blink of an eye and still can't get his thoughts around how he could manage to so easily.

He isn't scared for his life.

Not yet.

Maybe if Taesan finally draws closer and starts his work. Running won't be an option, he is way too exhausted.

But another time, he is saved the last second.

He already prepares himself for the inenvitable pain when someone appears in his field of view, shields him from Taesans burning gaze. Then another one joins him. A third one.

Jihoons men.

" Sorry Tae, we need him to stay alive a bit longer. Let me get your punching back inside and then we'll discuss things further."

Kihyun blinks into a familiar face.

" Feel like you can walk?"

He automatically shakes his head. His legs feel like pudding.

" For fucks sake..."

Strong arms heave him up from the ground and Kihyun gets shouldered over Jihoons broad shoulder.

It is when they are already halfway over to the house when Taesans angry yelling starts. So angry that the words seem to hit Kihyun like arrows, even though he is metres away. Kihyun wants to shield his ears but his arms just hang there lifelessly.

" Wanna tell me what you were trying to do?" the sing song left Jihoons voice and for a moment Kihyun believes he can hear the criminal in his words.

" I didn't ask for help." he mumbles.

" You couldn't ask for help, asshole. You must have missed it, but Taesan was this close to beating the shit out of you and he would have if Minhyuk hadn't told me about your little stunt. Why the fuck would you leave the goddamn house?"

He kicks open the door with his foot and it closes behind them with a loud thud.

" Care to explain?" 

He climbs the stairs, not the slightes bit out of breath even though Kihyun is hanging over his shoulder. 

What should Kihyun tell him? That the fits he came into contact with in the past are back and drove him over the edge?

" Kihyun. That wasn't a request. You're going to fucking tell me so I can try to fix things or I swear to God-", he opens the door to his office with way too much momentum. " - Taesan kicking your ass into oblivion will be your smallest problem!"

They are met by silence. If Kihyun would have lifted his gaze he would have seen how all eyes are on them, how a jittery Minhyuk jumps on his feet when they enter, how Hoseok stops his interrogation of the blonde about his whereabouts from one second to another.

He is still thrown over Jihoons shoulder, so he can't.

" Take him. For fucks sake I'm so fucking pissed off I can barely look at him." he struts further into the room and for a second Kihyun expects Jihoon to throw him to the ground.

Instead, he unceremoniously shoves him off his shoulder and Kihyun more or less softly falls into Hoseoks lap on the couch. His boyfriend holds him before he can fall onto the ground.

Kihyuns hurting head almost screams out in relief after the change of position, everything else screams at him to get out of the room as soon as possible, away from the worried glances, the questioning looks.

He wants to fight things out only with Jihoon. Jihoon is ugly like him. If Jihoon despised him for how he fucked up things he could easily live without him, even though he is eternally grateful for all the help they received. He doesn't want to tell those important to him. The fact that he lost his composure so easily and made Taesan angry, fucking angry, and the situation so much worse.

" Your nose is bleeding.", Hoseok bends over him, his worried eyes take in all the damage.  " Who did that?"

Soft fingers ghost over the almost dried blood on his face.

Hoseok is captivating, Kihyun notices once again when he looks at him. Beautiful, glowing, almost out of this world in an amount Kihyun often isn't able to comprehend. Even though the worry starts to contort his boyfriends features, there is still something so beautiful about him that Kihyun just keeps staring. Hoseok keeps talking insistently but Kihyun only makes out how his lips move, too lost in his thoughts.

It was wrong of him to do what he did, but so right the same moment. He should have started way earlier to protect him- 

Why isn't he able to do more, why wasn't he able to.

Why is he never able to do more...

" Kihyun!"

He gets shaken by his shoulder and finally he can tear his gaze away from Hoseok.

Minhyuk leans over him. " What the hell did you do?" 

The words get lost again in the chaos that is his mind. His gaze wanders from Minhyuk over to Changkyun, whose chair toppled down when he got onto his feet too fast, Hyunwoo, Hyungwon and Jooheon who had been busy with a card game before Jihoon rushed in.

" I punched Taesan. I lost it." 

The silence grows heavy when his quiet spoken words sink in. 

" I punched him because he deserved it and that is the payback I got." 

It feels worse now that he said it but there had been no reason for him to hide it any longer. If he listened closely, he feels like he can hear Taesans yells outside.

They would have known soon enough without him telling them. 

Kihyuns attention is back on Hoseok. It always is. When they laugh, when one of them says something, when they discuss, randomly when they are in the same room. Hoseoks reaction is what he wants to see, because frankly he can assess him the least. Not anymore after he told Kihyun how scared he really was during the times they were separated. Kihyun is still not sure what it did to him. He only knows how he himself would have reacted. He would have hovered over Hoseok, would have been unecessarily protective, scared by the smallest things.

  
Kihyun knows what he wants to see in Hoseoks face. He wants him to be angry, to yell at him for fucking things up, just how Jihoon started to curse behind his desk before he once again leaves the room to who knows where. The thing he can handle the least will be Hoseoks sheer endless forgiveness. Not today when he wants to make things easier for himself by getting blamed. 

" Why would you do that?" Hoseok asks softly only for him to hear and Kihyuns hopes shatter in the blink of an eye. For a moment, panic seemed to wash over Hoseok, manifested itself in his dark eyes, how his hands gripped around his wrist, almost painfully. 

Then it is gone, replaced by a sad, still warm smile. 

" Did he do something else?" His warm fingers gently turn Kihyuns head from left to right, take in the damage that is done and Kihyun feels all the more like shit.

Maybe he deserves Hoseoks forgiveness 

So it will feel worse. 

" I need to… can I…", he slowly gets up, Hoseoks hand at the small of his back. " I need to go to the bathroom." 

He manages to get up on wobbly legs, meets Minhyuks gaze. 

" Can you tell them I lost it? Why I lost it so they understand?" 

His best friend understands without further explanation.

" Was it worth it?" Minhyuk simply asks, his hand taking Kihyuns for a short moment.

" He deserved it. But now I feel like I deserve way worse." 

He wants to walk to the door on his own and he manages to, slowly but steady. The punch to his head was harder than he thought.

Hoseoks presence is a steady company, silent as he follows him outside. Kihyun can't be mad at him for not leaving him alone. He would have done the same. He would have reacted the same because he knew that Hoseok would have had his reasons. But

this is about him and he can't be treated gently.

Not when he...

He reaches the closest door, finds himself in another one of the countless bedroom and drags himself over to the bathroom, suddenly so tired. He is not sure anymore if it is because of the punch or because he is simply too tired by now.

The blood almost dried under his nose. He takes his time to inspect his face. Under the blood, the area around his nose turns purple only the slightest.

Hoseok waits in the doorframe, eyes not leaving him.

Kihyun supports himself on the sink and finally looks at him. 

" I lost it.", he quietly starts. " I thought I could talk to him. I got angry, because Jihoon couldn't handle him and I thought it would work out. That I could do something to help out. But I mad everything worse."

"Is it true?" 

"That I punched him?"

"Yes."

Kihyun sighs tiredly and throws another gaze into the mirror. 

" I was scared when I talked to him. Really scared. And from one moment to another all of that was gone and I had punched him." 

"Why?" 

Kihyun swallows heavily, his mouth way too dry suddenly. 

" He dared to downgrade you. After all you did for me he dared to...I… I just snapped." 

His fingers clasp the sink tighter,  a futile attempt to keep it together in front of Hoseok. But when he looks at him over there in the doorframe, his worried, still affectionate gaze on him, when Kihyun remembers that he is always there for him, all the time, how protected he feels around him, how he never felt loved better … how fucking much Kihyun loves Hoseok himself, that moment he can't keep it in anymore and he snaps once again, this time more quietly and to himself.

Tears drop into the sink, slightly red when they mix with the blood in his face.

" He dared to talk like that... and I… how could he, Hoseok? Out of his selfish egoism, his stupid pride. How dare he…" 

He brings his arm up to his face to hide the tears in the crook, tries to suppress the shaking of his shoulders and gives up. His legs act on their own as they carry him over to Hoseok. Why the hell did he even fight it, of course this is where he would end up.   
Hoseok already awaits him and embraces him tightly.

" I'm sorry, Hoseok. I'm so sorry. I didn't meant to make it worse. I'm sorry…" he keeps mumbling face pressed into his neck. For now he won't care that he might dirty Hoseoks shirt.

" I'm sorry. Please don't hate me now. I had it under control… I thought I had. I'm so sorry for making things worse…I'm so sorry..." 

Hoseok is everything to him, he has never realised more than in this moment when he should be anywhere but here, comforted in his embrace. He can always come back here and as beautiful ast the thought is, it brings more tears to his eyes. Even now he is still comforted by Hoseok.

" Thanks for fighting that fiercely for me.", Hoseok presses a soft kiss to his hair, his lips linger there for a moment longer, before he presses his cheek to his hair. " But please don't do this anymore. I'm not trusting that kidney of yours yet." 

Kihyun listens attentively while sobbing, tries to find the slightest resentment, anger in his voice but there is nothing and he almost can't bear the relief that washes over him. He huddles only the closer, Hoseok almost stumbles backwards but he doesn't let go as if he knew that is just the thing Kihyun needs now.

" I want to go home… I just want to go home…"

"I know, Kihyun. I know. Stop crying."

Gentle fingers wander through his hair in a soothing manner.

" I"m sorry…"

"It's okay… shhh… it's okay. I love you. It's okay…"

He allows himself to cry a little while longer. It is a relief, when the tears seem to wash away at least a bit of the tension inside of him. After a few minutes it feels like he can breath again. 

" Better?" 

" Better." Kihyun mutters, not daring to move away from him the slightes. 

" Good."

  
Soft force pushes him back until he finds himself seated on the closed toilet lid. 

" Let's get rid of the blood first." 

Hoseok releases him for a moment, rummages through the cabinets until he finds a washing cloth. He wets it before he crouches down in front of Kihyun so he can easily wash away the dried blood. When starts doing so, the cool feeling numbs the slight throbbing in his nose.

Kihyun follows his movement with his gaze. The crying has almost died down by now.

" Your fingers are shaking." he states. 

Hoseok pauses for a second, before he continues his work. " It would be a lie to say I'm perfectly calm inside.", he wipes over Kihyuns skin another time and seems to be satisfied with the results. " Truth be told, a part of me is terrified at the moment." 

"You think Taesan is not taking this well?" 

He puts the cloth aside and kneels down. His warm hands curl around Kihyuns knees. 

" He has done worse to people who did less. I saw it. You shouldn't have done that. For your own sake.", he brushes some hair out of Kihyuns face. " But I'm not letting him get to you. Never." 

Kihyun averts his eye, the feeling of shame tangible again. " Shouldn't I face the consequences?" 

"No. Taesan deserved it. He deserves worse. But it shouldn't have been you doing it. I don't want you to be the one facing consequences."

His soft stroking stops and his finger curl around Kihyuns neck. Comforting, protective.

" Was that the thing you told me about? That night when I explained about Wonho?" 

Kihyun can do nothing but nod as a response. Hoseok sighs. One if those he exhales when he understands things he wished he wouldn't have to. His fingers around Kihyuns neck pull him closer and comes towards him so Kihyun doesn't have to bend down too far for them to touch. It is a soft kiss, only a chaste touching of their lips but there is so much reassurance in it that Kihyun almost breaks out into tears again.

" I think I dislike that side of you as much as you dislike Wonho."

" Only dislike?"

" I'm taking you with all your sides, the good and the bad ones, you know that.", Hoseoks hand never leaves his and the squeeze only tightens under his smile. " Let's work on it in future."

He doesn't believe in his own words.

Kihyun knows Hoseok wants to be strong for him. Normally, he wouldn't even have told Kihyun about his fear. He wants to calm Kihyun down, to make him believe things will be fine but how could he possibly lie to Kihyun when his eyes betray him? When he almost not noticeably flinched a moment ago when there was a sound out in the hallway.

Hoseok is scared, and Kihyun can feel it almost physically.  
" Promise me one thing, Kihyun."

If it means he can help fight Hoseoks fears, he would promise everything.

" If Taesan comes for you-", the squeeze grows tighter, as if Kihyun is his lifeline all of sudden, not the other way around. "- I do not trust Jihoon with this and if he comes for you, you run. Okay? You're not staying because your conscience is telling you to. You try to get out of here."

" Bu--"

" No.", Hoseok interrupts him, the mask finally gone. " No. Please. I can't do this once again. Not when I just got you back. You will look after yourself and you will get out of here, okay? No matter what happens to others."  
" I don't think I can promise that."

" Kihyun. Please..."

I did that to him, Kihyun wonders, when there is nothing hiding the rawness of what Hoseok must have felt during the times Kihyun couldn't be there for him. When the mask finally crumbles, when finally everything Hoseok didn't want him to see comes to the surface. His quickened breathing, the coldness of his hands, how he almost desperately clings to him. Hyunwoo told him that the time they were separated did something to Hoseok, and now it is finally breaking through.  Hoseok is petrified with horror at the mere thought of loosing him again and Kihyun triggered it again. 

He did that to him...

He is on the bathroom floor without thinking, and just like that before he even realised his arm sling around Hoseokd neck an pull him close.

" I love you. I'm so sorry... I'm not leaving you again, I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry..." 

Shaky hands finally embrace him, softly lay on his back.

If it helps Hoseok, he will tell him over and over again. If he needs to hold him like that, he will. He will do everything if it means he will be fine again. As long as he will be okay again nothing matters. 

But the thing wih the universe is, that it seems to love to play those tiny games with you. As if it is its greatest pleasure to see you suffer the worst way possible, just when you think that you will manage to make things alright.  

Kihyun knows that there is no time to promise anymore a few seconds before it starts. As if, at that moment his intuition kicks in and settles down in his chest. 

He pauses, still holding on to Hoseok, when it gets quiet all of sudden. Too quiet. 

But then, a loud bang, followed by loud voices. It is Hoseok that reacts first. 

He pushes Kihyun away, eyes wide open.   
  
" What is that?"  
He swallows heavily,keeps holding on to his shoulder while he keeps turning back to the open bathroom door. 

" Stay here."

"Where are you going?"

"Just checking."

Checking if Taesan broken inside the house?

The unspoken truth lingers between them, but Hoseok doesn't take the time to answer him.

" You stay here." he tells Kihyun with as much emphasys as he can muster and exits the room to hurry over to the door. He is outside in the blink of an eye and of course Kihyun won't listen to him. As soon as Hoseok disappears from his sight the panic reaches out for him, leaves him unable to stay and to hide in the bathroom. 

He is over at the door within a few steps, just when the yells outside grow louder. He bolts out into the hallway the second two bulky men pin Hoseok down to the ground. He spins around, sees how they push Jooheon back into the office down the hallway. 

He can't see any of Jihoons, nor his friend but there is no time to worry about that. 

 " Take him!", another one that just climbed up the stairs yells over the noise. " Leave them others unharmed. For now boss just wants him." 

"No!", Hoseoks cry echoes through the hallway. " Kihyun! Get out of here!" 

He starts to violently trash on the ground, even manages to get one of them off him in his desperate attempts to get over to Kihyun but it is futile as a third one helps to hold him down.

" Stay away from him! Kiyhun! Get out! I told you to fucking get out of here!" 

But even if he wanted to, where should he go? They seem to be everywhere, two of them have cornered him before he can even try to help anyone. 

One of them forcefully takes him by his arm and twists it painfully. Hoseoks trashing only gets more violent. " Get your fucking hands off him!"

" Bring him out. Boss is waiting." 

At the command of what seems like the leader, the man holding on to him pushes Kihyun forward, towards the stairs and he can only comply, because the grip around his arm is strong and his mind shut down, just like that. This must be a dream, this must be a fucking dream... a fucking horrible dream...

" No! Let him go! Kihyun! Get the fuck away from him! KIHYUN!"

Hoseoks desperate yells, soaked with purest, sheer panic,  accompany him down the hallway over to the stairs and only quiet down when the huge entrance door closes behind him. 

 


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm late... I'm sorry...

 

 

_Hoseok follows Changkyun out of the coffee shop. He slowly walks away from the door, the way someone who yet isn't into leaving does. He then pauses as he glances at the barista behind the window another time. Kihyun is already back to wiping  the tables once again, busy even that late at night._

_The apron suits him. It looks cute. His hair... it seems to be soft.. How would it feel if h--_

_An elbow in his side pulls him out of his thoughts._

_Jooheon wriggles his brows at him._

_Hoseok eyes him slowly._

_" What?" he then dwells._

_" Nothing." Jooheon grins way too wide. With a knowing look he winks at Hoseok before he finally follows Changkyun who is already almost invincible in the dark._

_" Hyung." Jooheon deadpans._

_" I know..."_

_" The third bowl in two days."_

_" I know..." Hoseok whines once again when Jooheon starts to pinch the bridge of his nose._

_" Wanna tell me what got you like that?"_

_Hoseok coughs slightly. " Nothing particularly."_

_Jooheon eyes him another second, before he bends down to gather the shards spread all over the kitchen floor. " You know. One could almost think you're not getting the barista out of your head."_

_Hoseoks ear tips betray him right that instant and Jooheon pauses, one shard in his hand._

_" Your ear tips tell me I hit home."_

_" I don't know what you're talking about..."_

_" Hyung...", he says slowly, the shit-eating grin back on his face. " How about having some small chat in the living room?"_

_Hoseok has never left the kitchen that fast in his entire 23 years of existence._

_It is him over there, bickering with some blonde guy Hoseok has never seen before and it would be a lie to say that the view of them being obviously close sits well with him. So he throws all of his fears overboard - because how lucky is he to meet Kihyun in the supermarket just like that -  and makes his way over to them._

_Kihyun winces adorably as he addresses him and Hoseok will forever keep it a secret, that it was the most endearing thing he has seen in a long time._

_" Best friends..." Hoseok mumbles, more to himself and the next thing he notices is a warm hand on his biceps. For a moment, his brain shuts down, his gaze frozen on the fingers touching him and, holy shit, his heart seems to stop for a second, simply because the guy he can't seem to get out of his head saved him from running into the street lamp._

_" Hoseok."_

_It is Hyunwoo that finds him late at night in the living room in front of his laptop._

_" Why aren't you sleeping?"_

_" I have to research things." Hoseok answers without looking up from the screen._

_Hyunwoo furrows his brows in confusion and takes a seat next to him to peek at the screen._

_" Diabetes?"_

_" Yes."_

_" Why?"_

_" Because."_

_" Because?"_

_" Because he is in love with Kihyun from the coffee shop." Jooheon leans into the door frame, already in his sleep attire._

_" I'm not!" Hoseok yells, the blush back on his cheeks._

_" Yeah. He is not love.", Hyungwon tiredly supports himself on Jooheons shoulder. " He's so far down the drain he'll puke rainbows soon."_

_The pillow thrown by Hoseok hits him right into the face._

_He realises the first time that they might be right when he unexpectedly meets Kihyun in the bookstore after his night of researching things._

_It is when he is talking to Kihyun, when the other is obviously nervous, when he way too often runs his hand through his hair in a clear attempt to straighten it._

_When he genuinely smiles at Hoseok, when they have eye contact and Hoseok grows hot all over._

_When it feels like the greatest thing he did all month and he is just helping him with carrying the books._

_Being with Kihyun is easy._

_" Why do you have his phone number and I don't?"_

_" Hyung...", an overwhelmed Changkyun desperately pokes his shoulder in his futile attempts to calm the older. " Are you seriously complaining about that. You kno--"_

_" No! I know nothing! I don't want to know anything!", Hoseok hides himself under another pillow on the couch. " I know! I understand! Leave Hyung out. Live your young romance. I'm fine. No need to consider my feelings. Or my broken heart. No big deal. You got his number. I don't... I'm fine."_

_" Hyung!"_

_Hoseok runs into his room and slams the door shut only to try to pull the necktie from his neck.._

_Why the hell didn't they tell him?_

_He stumbles over his own feet and almost runs face first into his closet._

_Kihyun in his living room._

_Kihyun._

_In his living room._

_The real one, not one of Hoseoks daydreams that haunt him way too often these past days._

_And Hoseok gave the lamest entrance ever, in his worst suit._

_" Shin Hoseok... you're a public embarrassment..."_

_He leans his forehead against the door of his closet and whines quietly._

_" Pathetic."_

_" Leave me alone in my misery."_

_Hyungwon snorts and closes the door behind him._

_" Shin Hoseok, feared by many, fears that tiny human."_

_" I do not fear him.", Hoseok mumbles, forehead still against the closet. " I..."_

_" You like him."_

_Denying is futile by now so Hoseok only shrugs as he turns to the younger, gaze to the ground._

_Hyungwon approaches him and begins to loosen his still tied necktie._

_" I looked like an idiot coming in." Hoseok mumbles._

_" You looked smoking hot, as always.", Hyungwon winks at him as Hoseoks lifts his gaze not really believing his ears. " Didn't get unnoticed by Kihyun."_

_" You mean..."_

_" He was swooning over you like yourself over him. I saw Minhyuk fanning air to him earlier."_

_Hoseoks blushes and he bites his lips to suppress a smile that threatens to light up his features._

_Wait... what..._

_" I'd love to."_

_Hoseoks heart is pounding in his chest when he stares at Kihyun with big eyes._

_He accepted._

_This freaking masterpiece in front of him accepted._

_Kihyun will go on a date with him. He will go out with him._

_The happiness spreads through his chest, wanders into his finger, in his head, everywhere. Slowly, the corners of his lips lift up, until he beams like an idiot, but it doesn't matter. He is the happiest idiot around._

_" I'm so sorry, Hoseok. I actually don't know what to do but I'm happy so I am smiling at you like a maniac and... yes."_

_His heart spills only the more._

_" Be a maniac as much as you want as long as you don't take your yes back."_

_" I don't plan to."_

_Once again they find him in the living room, covered by darkness,  the lamp on the table next to the couch only a small source of light.. He is wearing his thickest hoodie, now that Kihyun and Minhyuk left and there is no need to impress anymore and is deeply lost in his thoughts._

_" What is it with you and sitting here lately?"_

_Jooheon takes the seat next to him, Changkyun on his other side. The younger leans his head against Hoseoks shoulder, like he often does when they watch TV together._

_" You don't look too happy."_

_Hoseoks shoves his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. He sighs deeply._

_" I am. Don't take it wrong. I really am. I mean... he is going on a date with me.", he smiles for a second, before the frown is back. " I can't help but to worry."_

_Jooheon peeks at him. " About what?"_

_" Everything. Too many things.", he shrugs. " I wonder if it is a good idea to get close to him. He seems so fragile."_

_" He's not. He is horribly sassy." Changkyun throws in and another smile steals itself on Hoseoks features._

_" I know. He'd kill me if I'd ever call him fragile. It's not like I can stop worrying though."_

_They sit in silence for a moment._

_Hoseok leans his head against  Changkyuns." All of sudden I have a normal job, a normal life. Normal dates. Where is the snag?"_

_" There isn't always a snag, hyung."_

_Hoseok knows, still he can't ignore it._

_Jooheon pokes his shoulder with his finger. " You're not alone in this."_

_" I know."_

_" You don't."_

_He pokes him more until Hoseok smiles._

_" There we go. You got better things to do. When was the last time you got laid?"_

_" Jooheon!"_

_Hoseok is fatally attracted to him by the time Kihyun starts to finally overcome his shyness and starts to smile without restraint._

_So wide that his eyes disappear._

_His smile is real by now, nothing forced or awkward left, only for Hoseok and he realises with full force how much he really is into Kihyun. How much he loves to have him by his side. How easy it will be to fall deeper than he ever has before._

_He only pulls off his shoes before he walks over to the boys room, jacket still on. Hyungwons bed is closest to the door and that is where he ends up, close to the youngers body, face hidden in the back of  his neck._

_Hyungwon stirs in his sleep. He slightly lifts his head, drowsily blinks into the dark._

_" Let me stay for a second." Hoseok says quietly._

_" What happened?", Hyungwon asks, voice raspy from sleep. " How did the date go?"_

_It must have been the stories he told Kihyun. Of course he wouldn't want to have him next to him. How could Hoseok possibly think he would?_

_Hoseok tries to hide himself just the tiniest bit more under Hyungwons blanket._

_" Just for a second... I'll leave soon...."_

_" Of course, Hoseok..."_

_" What of course?! What Kihyun?! Does something hurt?!"_

_" Of course I say yes."_

_It hits Hoseok like a blow to his stomach. Only this time, afterwards nothing hurts._

_An incredible relief flood through him and he almost topples to his side._

_And then, without knowing how he finally has Kihyun in his arms._

_" First official date night as a team!"_

_Minhyuk throws his hands in the air while screams his lungs out into the night. Changkyun, already halfway drunk hangs at his side, Hyungwon and Jooheon snicker uncontrollably, arms around each other._

_" We do need a team date night?"_

_" Apparently Minhyuk said so."_

_Hoseok tries to stop himself from laughing at Kihyuns pained expression and looses the fight when the others eyebrow start to twitch._

_" What is Jooheon doing with the mailbox?"_

_" Don't worry. Hyunwoo is there."_

_His smile grows only wider when Kihyun sighs deeply, eyes on the mess they call their friends. But then his features soften. He can never stay mad at them._

_Hoseok gently pulls him closer and hugs him._

_He loves touching Kihyun. He loves touching and hugging all of his loved ones, but with Kihyun, it is the tiniest bit better. Warm, comfortable, the thing that speeds up his heart rate, the happiness at how perfectly he fits in his arms._

_His boyfriend....boyfriend._

_First, he was sure that he overwhelmed Kihyun a lot. The other blushed all the time, grew almost too awkward and it seemed difficult for him to show affection. And then, slowly, he started to take Hoseoks hand first, began to lean against him. During movie nights he lies more on Hoseok than on the couch and the kisses they share are not always initiated by Hoseok anymore._

_But no matter how small the gesture, Hoseoks heart spills, so much that it almost hurts._

_" I love you but you are as much of a petty shit I am." Hoseoks averts his gaze at Minhyuks shit eating grin._

_" I don't know what you're talking about."_

_They are the only ones left in the living room as everyone else gathered in the kitchen._

_Minhyuk elbows him when he takes another sip of his coke. " You used the hyung card to get Changkyun changed into the another shirt cause it was the same as Kihyuns."_

_Hoseok blushes madly and Minhyuk breaks out into loud laughter._

_" Oh God, Hoseok. I love you so much. You're the best." he giggles when he wipes away the tears from his eyes._

_Hoseok looks into his glass, way too ashamed to do anything else. " Going out like that everyone would think they are the couple."_

_" Petty and a possessive little shit."_

_" Stop it.", Hoseok whines. " I know I am horrible."_

_Minhyuk pokes his side until he looks at him. " You know, I always hoped that would be the only horrible thing he had to handle in a man.", there is no malice in his gaze, just warmth. " I'm glad it is you. I'm serious here. Kihyun is happy. Even though he still doesn't know where to keep his hands."_

_It is good to hear._

_Hoseok is as unsure as everyone else. A bit of confirmation that Kihyun is truly happy with him always helps._

_" Still..." the shit eating grin is back on Minhyuks face as voices from the kitchen draw closer._

_Hoseok slowly shakes his head. " Don't you dare."_

_"Kihyun! Guess what your hubby did!"_

_" MINHYUK!"_

_He sees Kihyun from afar and gets up from were he waited on a bench. He wants to wave him over but pauses, when all of sudden some guy approaches Kihyun, only to pull him closer with an arm around his shoulders. Kihyun pushes him away, they talk for a second before Kihyun storms off over to him after  the lights turn green._

_Hoseok slowly walks closer, his gaze never leaving the stranger who is still waiting next to the traffic light, eyes on Kihyun._

_When he is close enough Kihyun reaches out for him and takes his hand._

_" Who was that guy?"_

_" No one you need to care about."_

_He wants to leave in way too much of a rush. Hoseok doesn't move from his spot when Kihyun tries to pull him away._

_" Seriously. Who is that guy?"_

_" Just the creeper Minhyuk talked about."_

_The words spike something in Hoseok and worry, the one he tries to keep at bay all the time, slowly rises._

_" He keeps bothering you?"_

_Subtly, he tightens his hold._

_" It's fine. He's just an idiot."_

_Still, Hoseoks gaze doesn't leave Chihwan in the distance. He doesn't like how the other is fixated on their hands._

_" Hoseok.", Kihyuns touch pulls him back. " I promise you I can handle it. He is annoying as fuck but that's it. Alright?"_

_It is not alright. Not in the least._

_Not when Hoseok knows what kind of people Kihyun could meet out there. Not when he knows what people can do to each other._

_He is overdoing things, and he knows._

_He will try to keep it down, if Kihyun wants him to. Hoseok will never tell him how fragile he thinks of him. Kihyun doesn't want to hear and he will respect that._

_" You tell me if he gets too much."_

_" I will."_

_" Stop it, Jooheon." Hoseok opens his jacket way too forceful after they entered the apartment in the evening._

_" Let me explain.", Jooheon closes the door behind them and follows them through the hallway, shoes still on._

_" You shouldn't have done that, Jooheon." Hyunwoo, normally not one for strong expressions, looks way more upset than ever before._

_" Let me explain!"_

_" I do not care. You promised." Hoseok snaps back._

_" I never promised anything like that! We only swore we'd never do business again! She's not with them anymore!"_

_" We're not having this discussion. It's done and you're not seeing her again."_

_" She needs help!"_

_I need you to listen! I need all of you to be save! I'm terrified to see you being pulled back into this! I need it more than she needs your help!_

_He wants to tell him so many things, but he can't. Jooheon is no one who listens when he is upset. Hoseok has to be the responsible one. Always has been and he loves all of them too much to let it slide._

_" I can't just leave her alone!"_

_Hoseok tiredly shakes his head. " Today I'm disappointed in you."_

_A last hurt look, then he vanishes in his room and slams the door shut._

_Hyunwoo and Hoseok exchange a look, after which Hoseok runs a hand through his hair._

_" Later. Okay?"_

_He slowly walks further down the hallway._

_Kihyun is fast asleep on the ground, a pillow and a blanket with him. Hoseok has told him a million times to just use the bed but he will never listen when he is tired._

_With a heavy sigh, he sits down next to his boyfriend, close enough to run his fingers through his hair._

_Will things ever be easy?_

_Kihyun is his better half. Who would have know there is someone out there that could complement him to that amount? So easily, without problems. Without a lot of words._

_" I don't know what is going on-", Kihyun repeats with more emphasis. "- but I do know that you have to talk things out. So if Jooheon comes to you later, please listen to him and try to understand things from his point of view and don't just see what you want to see, okay?"_

_" Okay..." Hoseok mumbles quietly._

_Kihyun pokes his chin. " Okay?"_

_" Okay. I will try."_

_Kihyun smiles at him the way that already became something way more important to Hoseok that he could have imagined in the beginning. His boyfriend puckers his lips in a childish way and he leans down to kiss them._

_I love you._

_It becomes harder keeping it to him but he doesn't want to tell him too soon in order not to scare him away._

_It is in another alley where he finds Chihwan._

_The other has a hard time keeping himself on his feet. The mix of alcohol and whatever Jooheon did to him  seems to work well on him._

_Hoseok doesn't feel the slightest bit of pity when he has to support himself against the wall. There is not a lot of anything that Hoseok feels._

_A horrible silence he knows too well._

_And the knowledge that this man dared to threaten Kihyun. Dared to put him into a situation where he could have ended up way more injured than he already is while himself has been a mere few metres away._

_Kihyun is not someone he can simply do that to and the only thing Hoseok regrets while taking closer steps is that he hasn't intervened earlier._

_Hoseok leaves the office for a moment before he answers the call._

_" Hoseok..." Kihyun whines before he can even greet him._

_Hoseok loosens his necktie slightly and smiles when he walks over to a window._

_" What got into your pants?"_

_" I felt a bit dizzy earlier and made the mistake to tell someone. Now Changkyun - Changkyun!- forced me into bed. I'm currently suffocating under three blankets and I heard Hyungwon is trying to cook which frankly said is terrifying me on a whole new level but I can't do anything since Changkyun just came back and tugged me under another blanket."_

_Hoseok is a tiny bit proud of them._

_" I'm bored.", Kihyuns whining continues. " I feel better. But as soon as I move they seem to notice. They threatened to call Minhyuk. Minhyuk! You do not joke with that matter!"_

_Hoseok tries not to laugh with all of his strength._

_" You're not taking it serious!" Kihyun fake sniffs and Hoseok almost coos in the hallway._

_" I do. Really. Calling Minhyuk. Terrifying. But let them look out for you. They're happy when they can once in a while and I also feel better knowing a while bunch of people takes care of you while I'm at work."_

_" I feel like a burden."_

_" You're not."_

_" Even if you say so, I feel like one."_

_Hoseok is used to those days by now. Days during which Kihyun curses his body and the world and simply feels bad. He would never admit that he enjoys the attention and that he needs the help. Hoseok wished he could do more._

_" I love you, my non-burden." he quietly says and his smile widens when he hears Kihyuns surprised exhale._

_Now, that he can tell him no day goes by in which he doesn't. Even though Kihyun gets used to it only slowly and always blushes the deepest crimson red. Hoseok will never force him to answer, but every time Kihyun does his heart almost jumps out his throat._

_" Me...too..."_

_It is quiet and shy, more a stutter than anything else but it is there and that is more than enough._

_" Kihyun." Hoseok mutters, followed by a yawn._

_He just woke up. He got spared the worst hangover but would love to sleep for another hour or two, maybe twelve. After checking on Changkyun he snuggled back into the blankets on the floor. for another few minutes._

_" Why do I wake up to your message telling me that you went home last night?"_

_" Urgent business. You were dead so I didn't want to wake you."_

_" I see. But... what business at night."_

_" Is Changkyun home?"_

_A sudden change of the topic._

_" I saw his hair sticking out from under the blanket when I checked earlier.", he yawns once more. " But seriously. Why are you running around at night?"_

_His eyes almost shut again._

_" Have you talked to Jooheon?"_

_Something is fishy. He can figure that out, even in his half awake state. With all the self control he can muster he pushes himself up and stumbles to the bathroom._

_" About what? We talk a lot."_

_" Your fight."_

_" He promised not to get too involved and I promised not to freak out if they see each other from time to time."_

_He splashes a bit of water in his face and feels better already._

_" You have to promise to stay calm."_

_Okay._

_The alarm clocks go off._

_" Is it your kidney?" Hoseok asks alarmed._

_" No, no. It's fine. Just... I know you don't like this topic so promise me to keep it down because I'm tired and I can't deal with this before work."_

_" You do know you're making me nervous every time you start like this?"_

_By now, Hoseok is wide awake._

_" I'm trying my best not to."_

_" So, what is it?"_

_" Did you promise already?"_

_" I can't promise for anything. But I will try."_

_He is not sure he can try._

_" I might have made things look worse than they actually are. Last night, Jooheons phone wouldn't stop ringing. I answered it and the end of the story is this girl named Hyorin spend the night at our apartment beca-"_

_" You what?!"_

_His phone almost falls into the sink._

_" Hoseok. Let me speak f-"_

_" You're home?!"_

_" Yes. B-"_

_He hangs up and hurries over in his room, puts on the next best clothes and runs back into the bathroom to wash up fully._

_" Jooheon!"_

_Hyorins appearance scared him more than he can ever tell anyone._

_He doesn't want them to know._

_None of them and at least Kihyun who is already in a lot of pain and doesn't need more stress._

_Hoseoks finger carefully wander over Kihyuns legs. A few minutes ago, he fell asleep, his lips slightly parted._

Now you're with me. You don't have to worry anymore.

_Remembering his words feels warm, a safe haven in this mess. ._

_Maybe one day all of his fear will be washed away._

_Kihyun still hasn't answered his calls and slowly, Hoseok grows restless._

_For the fifth time in the last 20 minutes he takes his phone from the table and checks for messages or calls but nothing._

_" He hasn't answered yet. He should be finished by now."_

_Minhyuk looks at him. " He shouldn't be working today at all. I can't remember him having a shift tonight."_

_Hoseok tries to calm down. He sits back down, tries to follow the movie, but nothing helps._

_Another hour later and he can't keep still anymore._

_" He's not at work.", he swallows heavily, hands running through his already dishevelled hair. " He's not there. Where the hell is he?"_

_" Hyung..." Jooheon tries to calm him down but it is not working._

_" What if he collapsed somewhere? What if no one finds him then?! What if--" he pauses, doesn't even want to think that far._

_What of their past caught up with them?_

_Kihyun falls asleep before Hoseok can finish preparing him for bed. His first dialyse left him with no energy at all._

_Hoseok gently picks him up and carries him into his room where he carefully places him on the bed. He pulls the blanket over him, until he is sure that he won't feel cold._

_For a moment, he takes a seat on the mattress next to him, runs his fingers softly through his hair, curses how pale he is, the dark shadows under his eyes. Hates, that he can't do more and nevertheless feels the endless love for Kihyun the most._

_" Kihyun will tell you that my sandcastle is way prettier than yours."_

_" Please.", Minhyuk scoffs. " He's clearly biased. I demand Hyungwon as the judge."_

_Kihyun plops down in the sand next to them. " Why again did I have to come over?"_

_" Sandcastle Building Competition." Both of them say in unison, deadly serious, and Kihyun can't help but to snort._

_" You serious?"_

_" What else is there to do on the beach?", Minhyuk tugs at his sleeve. " Look at my masterpiece."_

_Hoseok pokes his side. " Mine first!"_

_" Guys... please..."_

_" Kihyun." Minhyuk whines._

_" Just say it." Hoseok repeats._

_" Okay.", Kihyun sighs and examines one sandcastle after the other. " Well, if you ask me like that..."_

_" Yes?" Hoseoks eyes grow wide._

_" Minhyuks might be a tiny bit better built."_

_" Ha!", Minhyuk jumps on his feet, finger pointing at Hoseok. " Suck that up!"_

_Hoseok scoffs and demonstratively shows them his back._

_" Hoseok...", Kihyun can't help but to chuckle. " Yours  is also pretty."_

_" I'm not talking to you. You chose the enemy over me."_

_Another chuckle and a finger that pokes his side. " I just choose his sandcastle over you."_

_" Outrage."_

_" Hoseok. My favourite sandcastle builder." Kihyun coos._

_Hoseok crosses his arms in front of his chest. " No."_

_" Babe... I love you..."_

_Oh great, using his weakness. Hoseok glares at him out of the corner of his eyes._

_" You sneaky thing know I'm weak to that."_

_" I'm weak to you."_

_" Wow. You really know which button to push."_

_And then, the ultimate knockout, his bright smile. Hoseok moans in all of his whipped misery, meanwhile pulling Kihyun to his side. In the end he is simply glad that Kihyun isn't too depressed anymore. " Stop being so fucking cute. I can't stay mad at you."_

_" I'm not cute."_

_He still lets Hoseok kiss him._

_" You are. Don't deny it."_

_" Forever and ever I will."_

_Forever and ever sounds good in a lot of occasions._

_He quietly gets up when Kihyun finally fell asleep and leaves the room. In the room of the boys, the lights are still on._

_" Boys?"_

_He opens the door and finds all of them sitting in their beds._

_" Can't sleep?"_

_Changkyun gets up from his bed when Hoseok closes the door behind him and walks over only to hug Hoseok tightly. He is and will always be the youngest._

_" I've been worried since Kihyun said he feels like he is being watched." he then says, voice muffled."_

_" I know.", Hoseok calmly pats his back. " It's okay."_

_" What will we do?" Hyungwon asks._

_" Nothing."_

_" Nothing?"_

_Hoseok still holds Changkyun. " We're out of business. If it is them there is nothing they can do."_

_His gazes wanders from Changkyun to Hyungwon and Jooheon._

_" Just promise me to be careful, alright?"_

_I love all of you. I don't know what to do if something happens to you._

_" Be careful. Look out for each other. And keep an eye on Minhyuk and Kihyun. They're in this now, as much as we are."_

_According to their determination on their faces, he doesn't have to worry about that._

_He is dying._

_He is dying..._

_Kihyun is dying..._

_" Hoseok... breath..."_

_His stomach is already empty, he hasn't been eating well for days but he doubles over when another wave of nausea hits him with full force. It hurts, when his empty stomach clenches once again, as if it has to make space with full force for the horrifying fear the words of the doctor brought over him._

_" Hoseok. Please..."_

_Hyunwoo followed him into the bathroom, his hand a steady touch on his back, that brings no relief and only reminds him of the fact, that this isn't a bad dream._

_Another sob rips through his body._

_Kihyun is dying._

_He won't wake up again._

_And another time, he throws up._

_It is Jooheon that answers his call. Hoseok clings to the phone, tries to prepare himself for the inevitable in any way, even though there is nothing he can prepare himself for._

_" He's awake."_

_His legs almost give in. Only his hand on the glass front of the phone booth saves him from falling to his knees._

_" Awake?"_

_" Yes.", there is a smile in Jooheons voice. " Awake and going to be better."_

_Tears fall down before he can even try to stop them._

_" Can I...", he swallows heavily. " Can I talk to him?"_

_" Of course."_

_" Today I wanted to walk to the cafeteria."_

_" You aren't allowed to walk there yet."_

_" That is where the problem lies.", Kihyun grumbles. " Halfway down the way - the responsible me was walking slowly of course - Minhyuk and Jooheon got me. Can you even imagine what they dared to do to me?"_

_" You will tell me now."_

_Hoseok leans against the glass front of the phone booth, a content smile on his lips as he listens to Kihyun rambling._

_" Jooheon threw me over his shoulder without a single warning and carried me back to my room while Minhyuk dared to scold me in front of everyone! And the nurses!"_

_" What did the nurses do?"_

_" They cheered them on!"_

_" Tell them they did well."_

_Kihyun intakes sharply and mumbles something._

_" What?"_

_" They... they didn't have to. I would never do something to risk what you gave to me. I promise." he says quietly and Hoseok couldn't be more thankful._

_It is not only Kihyuns life on the line anymore. Hoseok himself would wither down with him if something happened  and Kihyun would be gone for real. He now knows better than anyone else._

_" I love you, Kihyun."_

_He smiles into the dark._

_" Me, too."_

_Again, it is a sleepless night for him. He sits next to the window, gaze out into the dark night._

_He knows that Hyunwoo isn't sleeping as well._

_" I want to go home." he slowly says, gaze still on nothing outside._

_" I know." Hyunwoos quiet words from where he is lying in bed._

_" More than that I whished that everyone would be okay."_

_He can handle it._

_He will handle it._

_This is it._

_This is home, this is happiness and calmness, relief and protection, his safe haven._

_He barely dared to hope that he could see him again, all of them. Too horrible was what had happened the days and weeks prior. Still, today he was able to meet them again. Was able to run a hand through Changkyuns hair, to listen to Hyungwons stories, to see how Minhyuk and Jooheon fought for Hyunwoos attention._

_And now he is able to fall asleep next to Kihyun, as if nothing ever happened._

_As if he didn't have to miss him like crazy for way too long._

_He holds him close, not a centimetre between them. It is warm under the blanket, almost too warm combined with their body heat, but it is perfect._

_He won't let go tonight._

_" Taesan comes for you-", he squeezes Kihyuns hand tighter, as if he is the life line all of sudden. " I do not trust Jihoon with this and if he comes for you, you run. Okay? You're not staying because your conscience is telling you to. You try to get out of here. I can't do this once more. Not when I just got you back. You will look after yourself only and you will get out of here, okay? No matter what happens to others."_

_" I don't think I can promise that."_

_He needs Kihyun to promise him._

_He thinks he does know by now what the man is capable of. He doesn't. Not when he is angry like this._

_Kihyun can't be the receiving end of this._

_If he would just promise to run._

_Why did he let him stay..._

_" Kihyun... please."_

_His voice sounds hollow, even to himself._

_Where does this fear come from? Did he carry it around all this time? If he did, then how? It almost crashes him._

_He doesn't want to go back._

_He doesn't want to go back to the days, when he cried next to Kihyuns bed, not knowing if the nightmare would ever end._

_Never again..._

 

 

 

 

 

 

By now it have been too many days.

Too many days in which they weren't happy.

Why can't they just be happy?

Calm days, in which they fight over food, over Changkyuns marks. Over who will tell Hyungwon that he newest pickup is horrendous. Days on which they laugh about a clueless Hyunwoo when Minhyuk tries to get into his pants once again. Days on which they only have to remember how bad times were then.

Then.

Then in the past.

Not anymore.

But they took him again and this is how the future will look like.

Not the calm days but agony, pain, loneliness.

He is so tired... so horribly tired...

" Get your shit together!"

Hands grab him by his shoulders and shake him violently.

It hurts.

They punched him before they left him on the ground and it is a wonder he is still conscious.

" Get up!"

Jihoon, he then notices. Jihoon with a bloody nose.

Why would he... why....

Why...

Like lighting, the memory rushes through him. He sits up with a start and looks around in a rush.

" How hard was the hit?"

" Hyung..."

Jooheon kneels next to him as well, he can make out the rest of them in the background. They seem to be okay and every other moment the relief would have had him with all its might but... he can't see Kihyun.

" Where's Kihyun?"

" Hyung. First let me take a l--"

" Where is he?!"

" Let him take a fucking look at your head!", Jihoon snarls. " You should have just stopped moving!"

Hoseok fixates on Jihoon. " How long was I out of it?"

" A few minutes. Can yo-"

Hoseok pushes his hand away. " You promised to take care of it! You promised he wouldn't be able to do anything!"

" Shut it, Wonho."

" I only left them here because I trusted you!"

For a second the scowl is gone from Jihoons face, replaced by something deeper, more hurt. Hoseoks word seem to hit him more than he wants to show. Then, the anger is back in his eyes, as if it has been there all the time.

" Your psychotic boss called his whole load of bastards here! You think I believed Kihyun could rile him up enough to loose all of his composure?! He fucking punched him that's all! He didn't kill his first born!"

Hoseok knew it. He knew it all along. Jihoon never knew enough. He had never seen enough. He should have taken them... he should have taken Kihyun just like his feeling had told him to.

Why did he listen to them?

" I need to get him."

He is on his feet before anyone can stop him. His head hurts like hell but it works. He can walk fast enough. Only down the stairs, they will still be down there.

Nothing will be cruel enough to put him through the same horrible experience once again.

He doesn't get far. He can only take a few steps until two arms get a hold of him from behind. Hoseok isn't weak but right now he is no match for Hyunwoo.

" Let go!"

Hoseok tries to release himself with all his might but when Jihoon also gets a grup on him it is futile. Jihoon almost painfully pulls his arm back when he tries to take a hold of anything.

" What do you want to do!"

" I don't know! But-"

Not this.

Not simply looking while they take him away.

Again.

How often will he have to get through this?

" Jihoon! You need to stop them! I swear to you if you don't... I... I..."

" What then?! Jihoon yells over at Minhyuk who is restrained by Jooheon.

" You think I want this?!", he spins back to Hoseok, his face still contorted by anger. " If you both calmed down I could call people!"

All of his strength leaves his body all of sudden.

Hoseok feels small.

So fucking helpless and small, at the mercy of a world that doesn't want to leave Kihyun by his side. And he can do nothing.

" It will be fine." Hyunwoo still holds onto him as Hoseok crumbles down.

Desperately, he looks at the older. " Why is he always being taken from me? What did I do?"

" Nothing."

" He gets taken away again and again. What did I do wrong? Why again?"

Hyunwoo only holds him closer.

It is the only thing he can do. It is not like he has the answer to stop Hoseoks agony.


End file.
